“You didn’t,” she said quickly. Then she wrinkled her nose up and added, “Well, not intentionally.” She shifted so she was facing me and not the dancefloor. “You weren’t mean, you just didn’t love me. And that’s okay, because I didn’t love you either.”
“Do you love Ryan?” The question didn’t come from jealousy, just…concern. Eleanor might not be my girlfriend, but she was still one of my oldest friends and that Ryan guy really was a little prick.
Her expression fell and she shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Where is he tonight?” I asked.
She shrugged and her small smile was sad. “I don’t know.”
Damn. I was definitely going to have to have a chat with that loser.
As if she could read my mind, Eleanor shook her head. “Don’t get involved. I can handle it.”
I pressed my lips together because I wouldn’t make any promises I couldn’t keep, and if she needed someone to step in and tell him what was what, I’d happily do it.
“Besides,” Eleanor said, nudging me again. “We were talking about you.”
I arched a brow. “We were?”
She grinned and nodded toward the dancefloor where Lola was putting every other dancer to shame with her wicked moves and her easy grace.
“What’s going on?” Eleanor asked. Her eyes were filled with concern and it would have been idiotic to play dumb. She’d been hanging out with us all week, she must have picked up on the fact that something was off. Still, I wasn’t quite sure how she knew or what had happened today that had made Lola act so weird when I’d picked her up.
I scratched at the back of my head. “What, uh…what do you mean?”
Yeah, I’d done it. I’d gone and played dumb.
Eleanor pursed her lips but she didn’t call me on it. Instead she heaved a sigh. “Why does Lola think that you and I could possibly get back together? Why does she think you’re in love with me?”
Oh.
Crap.
Uhhh…
“Did Lola tell you that?” I asked.
Eleanor’s pursed lips hitched to the side. “Not exactly in those terms, but that seemed to be the gist.”
Crap, crap, crappity crap.
I knew I should have said something to Lola earlier, but I’d been such a coward. And an idiot. I’d thought if only we spent more time together she’d come to like me too, but—
“Wait, how exactly did she say it?” I asked.
Eleanor stared at me for a moment and I knew she was debating how much to tell me. No doubt my ex-girlfriend didn’t relish getting involved in my new relationship.
Finally, Eleanor let out a little sigh. “She seemed worried that I might want you back.”
I stared at my ex, uncertain of whether that was a good sign or not. Lola could have been worried because she wanted me for herself—awesome.
Or, she could have been worried that the plan wasn’t working, and she’d been concerned on my behalf.
Not awesome.
There was only one way to know for sure, and that was to ask her. To talk to her. I bit back a groan. A conversation would end this fake relationship one way or the other. I’d either be the luckiest guy alive or the most pathetic.
Eleanor was still waiting for some sort of answer, and I found my gaze drifting from her to Lola.
Lola, who had spotted us talking. The music was winding down and while she still smiled up at her partner, some of her enthusiasm waned noticeably when she glanced in our direction a second time.
Oh hell. I hadn’t meant to make her jealous, but if she was? That had to be a good sign.
“Lucas,” Eleanor prompted. “You like her, right? It’s obvious that you do. So why doesn’t she know it?”
I turned my attention to her. That was an excellent question. There was no more time to sit on the edges of life. There was no more time to wait and see. This was a time for bold action, and that started now. If things were ever going to be real between me and Lola, they needed to be based on truth. This had to be real through and through.
“See, here’s the thing, El,” I started. I drew in a deep breath and let it all out on the exhale. “Lola and I were only pretending to date. That kiss in the hospital had been for your benefit to make you jealous and Lola agreed to keep up the charade in exchange for a dance partner.”
The silence was excruciating as Eleanor stared at me, blinking rapidly as she took it all in. I waited for her to yell at me, or be angry on Lola’s behalf. Instead she just rolled her eyes and laughed. “Oh my God, you are such an idiot.”
“I know,” I said.
She smacked my arm. “Did you really think that would work?”
I shrugged my one good shoulder. “I don’t know, I guess so. Didn’t it?”
She shook her head. “It just made me sad that I was so very forgettable.”
I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “Never forgettable, El. But you were right when you broke up with me. We were always meant to be friends.”
She sighed with that sort of tolerant patience she always reserved for me, her thick-headed moron of an ex-boyfriend. “So, let me get this straight. You fell in love with your fake girlfriend?”
My answer was a grimace.
“And she doesn’t know it,” Eleanor finished.
I shook my head. To hear it said aloud like that made my idiocy that much more apparent. “I messed up, right?”
She nodded and her gaze softened. “You are such an idiot, but I’m really glad you finally found someone who brings out the best in you.”
I didn’t know what to say to that because her words brought a pang of something bittersweet. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and squeezed as her head dropped onto my chest and her arms circled my waist. It was a weird moment of closure. Like we were both admitting that it sucked we couldn’t be that person for each other, but we were glad we finally realized it.
And she was right. Lola was good for me. She lit up my life, she challenged my status quo. Maybe most importantly, she stood up to me and forced me to be better, to be kinder and more patient. To listen more and brag less. To learn more and preach less. To be more and talk less.
Eleanor sighed and I squeezed her shoulders again, dropping another kiss on her head in comfort because I was almost certain she didn’t feel that way about Ryan. It wasn’t jealousy that made me dislike the guy. He truly was a little prick. He might have grown but he was still small.
“You’ll find it too,” I said. Just hopefully not with Ryan. She deserved better.
Eleanor nodded and pulled back to smile up at me. I saw her eyes flicker to the dancefloor and her expression changed. “Uh oh.”
Uh oh was never good, and my gaze followed hers to see Lola watching us, her eyes wide with pain. I saw it from her point of view. The chaste kiss, the intimate one-on-one talk.
After everything we’d been through, she couldn’t possibly think I was still interested in Eleanor. But then again, I’d never told her I wasn’t.
Man, Eleanor was right. I really was an idiot.
My gaze clashed with Lola’s and the hurt there was a punch in the gut. “El, I’ve got to—”
“Go, go!” She was already shooing me away and I ran for the door, watching as Lola made a beeline for it.
It was déjà vu all over again as I chased her through a crowd of people because she didn’t know the truth. That it was never Eleanor.
It was always her.
I caught up with her just outside the door. “Going somewhere?” I said as I came to a sudden stop in front of her, forcing her to stop as well. “Because I could have sworn I was your ride.”
I’d been going for easy breezy to lighten the mood, but my winded voice and the tears that hovered in her eyes really killed the joking mood dead in its tracks.
“Congratulations,” she said, glancing back toward the club where Eleanor was. Where I had been. She wouldn’t meet my gaze. “I guess your
plan worked, huh?”
I watched her for a moment. Oh hell. It was now or never. I’d already messed this up as much as I possibly could. I let out a long exhale and tugged her over toward the brick wall, out of the path and earshot of any dancers passing by. “Not really,” I said.
She frowned up at me, crossing her arms over her chest. “So that wasn’t the two of you making nice back there?”
“We were making nice,” I agreed. “As friends.”
Lola pressed her lips together, her eyes searching mine. “As friends,” she repeated. She didn’t sound like she believed me.
“Yes,” I said, taking a step closer until her skirt brushed against my knees. “As friends. Just friends. Eleanor and I have always been and will always be just friends.”
Lola blinked a few times. “Oh.” She let out a shaky breath and then her gaze met mine once more. Was that relief there mixed in with her obvious concern? “Are you all right?”
I nodded. “Never been better.”
“But you didn’t get Eleanor back,” she pointed out. “So your plan…”
“My plan was idiotic,” I said. “All of it. Trying to make Eleanor jealous was just dumb, but then…” I cleared my throat. “My plan changed last week.”
Lola’s brows drew together in confusion. “It did?”
I nodded. “I’d realized that Eleanor was right to end things, but I thought that I might win something better if we kept this going.”
Lola shook her head. “What do you—”
“You, Lola,” I said before I could chicken out. “I was hoping that if we spent more time together you’d see that we’re good together.”
Her silence was excruciating. Her gaze was focused and filled with confusion. “But—But, you said—”
“I said I didn’t know what I wanted, but that was a lie,” I said. “I knew on New Year’s Eve. I knew when you showed up and the rest of the world ceased to exist.” I shrugged. “Maybe I even knew before that, I don’t know. Maybe there was a part of me that was dying to kiss you the very first time I met you and just needed an excuse.”
As I said it, I felt the truth of it. Had that kiss been for Eleanor’s sake? Yes. But had I also wanted to taste those lips long before Eleanor showed up?
Oh, hell yeah.
And now…well now those lush red lips were puckered up as she searched for words and I couldn’t resist. I wasn’t much for words, but I could show her all the things I couldn’t say.
She tasted sweet, like always, her lips parting for me as I used my free hand to tug her close so I could savor her, cherish her, tell her without words that I adored the hell out of her—weird hair, retro clothes, and all.
She kissed me back and the moment her lips pressed against mine, molding to my touch, I lost my mind. It shut down completely as my body caught fire. This was what I wanted…what I needed. Lola, in my arms. Lola laughing. Lola making me laugh at myself. Lola teasing me and giving as good as she got. Lola kissing me like I was the only person on the planet.
When she tore herself away, I groaned at the loss of her warmth. My first instinct was to reach out to her but she was backing away, her breathing shaky as her dazed eyes met mine.
She needed space. I clenched my hand into a fist at my side, determined to give her what she needed, even if what she needed was to get away from me.
She came to a stop after backpedaling a couple of steps. Her chest rose and fell with her labored breathing and it took everything in me not to stare. She licked her lips and I lost the battle—my eyes locked onto her lips, unable to look away.
“Blake wants me to spearhead the Valentine’s Day dance.” Lola blurted the words out and her outburst had me glancing up from her lips to see her warm, laughter-filled eyes filled with nothing short of panic.
“Okay,” I said slowly. Clearly I was missing something here. Lola’s eyes were darting around and I got the distinct impression that I was dealing with a spooked animal. She’d bolt if I didn’t handle this properly.
Lola’s eyes met mine and widened meaningfully. “She thinks the theme should be ‘old-timey,’” Lola said, using air quotes.
“Okay,” I said again.
Lola shook her head. “She thinks it will be cool. She wants this.” Lola gestured toward the club.
“That’s, uh…that’s great, isn’t it?”
Lola stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “Suddenly swing dancing is cool just because you said so.”
It sounded like an accusation and I gave her a little smile, hoping to dismantle the ticking time bomb that was Lola right now. Something had her freaked and I couldn’t quite place it. “I told you I could make swing dancing cool.”
She scowled at me. “It’s not cool.”
I shrugged my unhurt shoulder. “I told you, I can make anything cool.” I leaned forward. “Even you.”
I was kidding, but it was a mistake. Lola’s breathing grew so rapid I was worried she might hyperventilate. “I’m not cool,” she said. “I’ll never be cool.”
“I know,” I said, holding up my hand in what I hoped was a placating gesture. “I was kidding, Lola. I like you as you are. Exactly as you are.”
She stared at me like she didn’t comprehend. I took a small step forward, afraid of scaring her off. “I like you,” I said again. “I love that you’re different. You’re a breath of fresh air in my life. I like that you know what you like and what you want, and that you don’t care what anyone else thinks about it. I like that you’re real. You’re solid.”
Her gaze met mine and she blinked once. Twice. “Solid?” she echoed. “What does that mean?” She ran a hand over her stomach. “That makes it sound like I’m…chunky, or something.”
I couldn’t help a laugh that escaped and I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I don’t, actually.”
“You know exactly who you are,” I said. Did she really not know how rare that was? How admirable? “You aren't swayed by anyone, and you don't take my crap.”
She blinked rapidly before shaking her head. “I used to think I knew who I was, and what I wanted, and all that. But now?” She pushed her glasses up her nose in a gesture I knew and loved. “I don’t understand any of this. You’re not my type and I’m not yours, we both know that.”
I did know that, at one point in time, and I couldn’t deny it. “Maybe it doesn’t make sense,” I said. “But that doesn’t change the way I feel. It doesn’t change what I want.”
She licked her lips, her gaze meeting mine and the air growing thick between us. “What is it that you want?”
You.
I held back because I didn’t want to scare her. I took a deep breath and a small step toward her. “I want to kiss you without asking for permission.”
Her lips parted.
“I want to kiss you any time I want, without needing an excuse,” I continued.
I heard her soft gasp.
“I want to hang out with you. All the time. As often as possible,” I said. “I want to spend time with you just because, and if I end up in the hospital again I want you there with me to drive me crazy—”
“That’s exactly it,” she said, clearly latching on to the last part. “I drive you crazy. And you make me nuts. You’re supposed to be with someone like Eleanor and I’m supposed to be—”
My growl cut her off, but I couldn’t help it. “Don’t say you should be with someone else. Just, don’t say it.”
She stared at me in shock. “I was going to say alone. I’m always alone.”
My heart ached at the honesty in her voice. “Not anymore.”
We stood there staring at one another and I saw her confusion bright as day. Once again I was making a mess of this. I gave my head a little shake. “I’m sorry. I’ve never been good at this kind of thing.”
“What kind of thing?”
I let out a loud exhale. “The telling someone I love them kind of thing.”
We both stopped talking, I stopped b
reathing, and she seemed to stop functioning altogether. “Telling them what now?” she said, her voice breathy and quiet.
I cleared my throat. Damn it, just once I had to go about this the right way. “I love you.” There. I’d managed to say it simply and without sticking a foot in my mouth.
She blinked and I saw tears fill her eyes. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
Relief rushed through me because I saw it there clear as day in her eyes, in the way she looked at me and in the way she held her breath. I took a step closer. “It might not make sense, but you love me too.”
She let out a shaky breath and a mischievous light illuminated her gaze. “God, you’re so cocky.”
I closed the distance between us and pulled her against me. “But I’m right…aren’t I?”
She tilted her head back so she was looking up at me, her smile growing and her eyes lighting up. “Yeah,” she said softly. “You’re right.”
I leaned down and kissed her, groaning as she went up on tiptoe and threw her arms around my neck to kiss me back with the same intensity and passion that coursed through me and left me wrecked in its wake.
“Say it,” I whispered when she pulled back for air.
She grinned up at me. “I love you, you cocky jerk.”
I smiled. “And I love you, you weirdo.”
She hopped back up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against mine in a crushing, quick kiss. “Now kiss me again and then take me dancing.”
I smiled against her lips. “Yes, ma’am.”
Epilogue
Lola
My mother was too excited by far.
“Your first real dance!” She kept exclaiming this as she fussed with my hair, which was styled in Old Hollywood waves ala Veronica Lake. I wore red lipstick and a vintage dress that was a step up from my daily wear. Basically, I looked like I always did but with just a little more glam.
But my mother was acting like everything was a first. She was highly invested in this night. Her daughter was finally going to a school dance.
“Mom,” I whined. “He’ll be here any minute.”
“Let your mother have her fun.” Grandpa laughed, watching from his seat at the head of the table as though this was all for his amusement.
The Candy Cane Kiss: Briarwood High Series Page 14