by Ye Zhaoyan
"Sister-in-law, you needn't try to deceive me, Xiaoyun's told me, and since he dared to tell me about it, what's the point of trying to cover up for him?" Miss Yu looked at Naixiang's stiff, ridiculous expression, and grew flustered. Even now, she couldn't entirely believe that Xiaoyun had told her the truth, "Xiaoyun wouldn't talk nonsense about such a thing, I know it's hard to believe, but…"
Terrified, Suqin looked at Miss Yu. With things as they stood, what difference did it make if she spoke? She didn't want to keep up the pretense. "Dear sister…" Her eyes turned to Huaifu. She didn't dare continue, since there were things that were obviously inappropriate for Huaifu to hear. Miss Yu saw in her eyes what she was thinking, so she turned and waved Huaifu away, saying, "Hey, go away, this is none of your business."
Huaifu walked off, overcome with a feeling of loss. He was no more than a dog to Miss Yu, you could whistle him over, then chase him off. That was his special place in the Estate, Miss Yu never treated him like a human being, nor did he ever treat himself like a human being. Reaching the door, he took a few more paces, but then couldn't help turning back and standing outside the door to eavesdrop. He already knew enough secrets, but he wanted to know some more. In this Estate, he had already played the part of the eavesdropper countless times, so one more time didn't matter.
Now only Miss Yu and Suqin were left in the Great Hall along with Naixiang, motionless as a wooden sculpture. "All I want to know is the truth of the matter, I want to know, why did Xiaoyun do this to my brother?" It seemed that Miss Yu could no longer tolerate Suqin's silence, "My brother may have had a thousand faults, ten thousand faults, but nothing can justify it. You must tell me, you must tell me, how did this hatred between them come arise?"
Suqin seemed about to speak, but kept her peace in the end.
Miss Yu was obdurate, "I am determined to find out the reason today."
Suqin's pale face blushed red, then blanched again. The terror on her face was finally replaced by despair. With things as they stood, it didn't matter whether she spoke or not. She ground her teeth and shivered, and pointed at Naixiang in his wheelchair, saying recklessly, "If you really want to understand it, sister, I'm afraid you'd better ask your brother. That's right, make no mistake, my brother may be precious enough, but you'd better ask your own precious brother first; can it be you don't know what your brother is?" The floodgates of memory had opened, the past had welled up, and Suqin stared at Naixiang's stiff, ludicrous face, going on in hesitant starts and stops.
Suqin recounted Xiaoyun's history when he had just entered the Estate, recounted those events of which she would rather not have spoken. Since their parents had died when Xiaoyun was only a child, he had lived with Suqin. As a small boy,, he had been clever and endearing, he had thought it looked like fun to vaporise the opium, so he began to pick it up, and before long he had become very good at it. For a time, Naixiang had been very fond of Xiaoyun, and had especially liked him to prepare the opium. So he had begun to order him about like a houseboy. The experience of having been a houseboy had become a lifelong humiliation for Xiaoyun. That was why, in his encounters with Miss Yu, he always had the word houseboy on the tip of his tongue.
By the time Xiaoyun realized that he had become a houseboy and wanted to put an end to it, it was already too late. Naixiang was something like a demon king of the Estate, and he stopped at nothing. If they upset him, he might divorce Suqin; then Xiaoyun and his sister would have suddenly been nobodies, without a penny to their name. Xiaoyun was dependent on the Zhens, and in order to remain on the Estate, he had to submit to Naixiang's despotic power. Miss Yu had long known about her brother's and her father's shameless debauchery, and she had herself personally caught a glimpse of it. But she was completely ignorant of what Naixiang had done to Xiaoyun. She couldn't bring herself to believe that Suqin's words were all true; nor could she disbelieve them.
"Before sleeping with a woman, your brother always had a few puffs of opium. If anyone else vaporized the opium, he felt like it wouldn't be good enough, and so he always wanted Xiaoyun to do it for him. One time, your brother brought a whore he knew back home with him. She was a fat woman, all flesh, and suddenly she said to your brother, 'Hey, Naixiang, the little fellow who vaporizes for you—he's quite a good little looker.' And your brother said, 'Why, did you want to have some fresh meat? I won't stop you if you do…' At that time, Xiaoyun was only a little over fifteen, and before he really understood what was going on, she had him pinned beneath her. He struggled, but your brother, without any hesitation, went right up to him and tore off his pants…"
At this, Miss Yu stared in astonishment. Her gaze shifted to Naixiang, whom she looked at helplessly. His imbecile expression was the same as always, as though the things Suqin said had nothing at all to do with him. Outside the Great Hall, Huaifu had pricked up his ears and was also eavesdropping with great concentration. There were things that Huaifu couldn't possibly understand immediately, since it involved a great many people and things that belonged to the past. It was exhausting to eavesdrop, for he had to work hard to understand what was going on. Suqin was talking in the Great Hall with great excitement. Her voice would rise and fall suddenly; sometimes she seemed to be speaking through clenched teeth, at other times tenderly whispering. As the angry curses and the sorrowful account flowed together, her story sometimes became very fluent, while at other times it came out in stops and starts. She was telling a soul-stirring story, a story of murdering and being murdered. When Suqin was done, the Great Hall fell into an unimaginable silence. Utter quiet, a suffocating silence.
15
Miss Yu could not picture Xiaoyun mixing the poison into the opium. She couldn't picture him tipping some white powder out of the snuff bottle, and under Naixiang's very eyes, calmly mixing the powder into the opium pill. And the arrogant Naixiang had been oblivious to the impending danger, all of his thoughts concentrated on that corpulent whore. Filled with loathing, Xiaoyun had mixed the pill of vengeance, while Naixiang, chuckling, had stretched out his hands to slap the woman on her upraised behind—that was to become Naixiang's last memory. Naixiang put the pipe into his mouth, and began to blow smoke. In the blink of an eye, the fat whore was dressed in nothing more than a red slip. The smoke was curling and a look of bewilderment appeared on Naixiang's face. This time, Xiaoyun had not, as usual, quietly left. He had stood nearby and watched coldly as Naixiang's expression grew stiffer and stiffer. The fat whore stretched out her hands and waved them back and forth in front of Naixiang's face. Realising that he was not pulling her leg, she let loose a hysterical scream. The muscles of Naixiang's face were gradually setting.
Miss Yu seemed to hear once again the piercing shout, ten years in the past, of the fat whore who had claimed Xiaoyun's innocence. The sound had crossed the shackles of time and space and resounded once more in Miss Yu's ears. The events of ten years ago, recounted now, felt like they came from a separate era, and Miss Yu could not concentrate her own thoughts. She couldn't even imagine what Xiaoyun had looked like at the time. But she found that she really had heard that piercing howl.
The Xiaoyun in reality and the Xiaoyun in this history had to be two basically different people. They were two separate people, as different as heaven and earth. A cynical young man, bringing Miss Yu all kinds of information from the outside world, all kinds of new ways of thinking which were incompatible with her world, a man who had brought her so much love. And the other was a villain, a poisoner, a man who wore dark glasses because he didn't dare to look the world in the face, his heart full of shameful secrets, always using his intense self-regard to cover up his intense self-loathing.
Miss Yu discovered that she was incapable of not thinking about Xiaoyun. Xiaoyun was everywhere, like the wind he could get into any nook. It was no easy matter to liberate herself from the trouble Xiaoyun had brought her, and almost without any transition it occurred naturally to Miss Yu to substitute him with some other man. Sexual activity could sometimes dispel annoyanc
e, for women just as for men. Miss Yu held all the power in the Estate, and a woman with power could do anything she liked in the Estate. Having at first casually bestowed her virginity on Huaifu, Liangzhong now suddenly occurred to Miss Yu; why shouldn't she substitute Xiaoyun with a new man? At sunset a few days later, she happened to give Liangzhong an opportunity.
At her invitation, Liangzhong entered her bedroom. In the face of this sudden challenge, Liangzhong didn't seem to feel flustered; on the contrary, as a skilled opportunist, he was happy to swoop in and make a full display of his talents on the person of Miss Yu. It seemed his performance was better than either Xiaoyun or Huaifu, for he was a master of the art of bringing a woman to the very brink. Any kept man needs to be able to do more than whisper sweet nothings in order to move a woman, he must also turn lovemaking into his trump card. "How was it?" After the event, Liangzhong felt excellent, puffed up with his success, asking Miss Yu smugly as he slowly put his clothes on.
"Go away, go away now!" Miss Yu impatiently waved him off, "I don't want to see you now." Liangzhong had only allowed her to feel a brief respite, but the remedy was worse than the disease, it could only bring on more trouble. Now that it was just finished, Miss Yu was sickened by her wantonness. The strongest wish she had was never to see him again.
Liangzhong said ingratiatingly, "I'm going, I'm going, my lady."
"Get out of here, just get out!"
Liangzhong interpreted her driving him away as being motivated by embarrassment. "I'll go, fine, easy now, easy." He tittered, and again wanted to approach and kiss her. It had been so easy to get his hands on his much-dreamt-of Miss Yu. Liangzhong couldn't hide his delight, he was evidently overjoyed. It practically went without saying that once he had got the woman in bed, the day of his marriage into the Estate couldn't be too far off. He was getting carried away with the joy of his great fate.
"Scram!" Miss Yu slapped his face as he leaned in, shouting with uncontrollable fury.
Liangzhong left with a smile. For a time, he had believed that he loved Miss Yu very much. Even when they had been innocent children they had been forcibly brought together by the order of their parents and the words of matchmakers, and then later just as forcibly separated. After a long detour, they had ended up in the same bed—it really was astonishing. Passing through the open courtyard, Liangzhong ran into Huaifu, who was pretending to have only just arrived. Huaifu was obviously aware of the affair between Miss Yu and Liangzhong. He bowed his head, waiting for Liangzhong to pass by, humming his excessively self-satisfied tune. Liangzhong had already gone some distance but now came back triumphantly to Huaifu, saying demonstratively, "Hey, Huaifu, your young lady's about to get engaged to me, did you know that?"
Huaifu looked at him expressionlessly. Liangzhong pocketed the snub and swaggered off. Just like anyone else in the Estate, Liangzhong had no regard for Huaifu. Huaifu shot a poisonous look at Liangzhong's back and slowly turned to walk away to look equally venomously at Miss Yu's room. It was quickly getting dark and Huaifu was once more astonished by Miss Yu's incredible profligacy. But this time was worse than in the past. Miss Yu seemed to have become a woman who couldn't live without men, and Huaifu couldn't understand why this should be case. Why did she have to be so shameless? Miss Yu had always had a peculiar way of looking at all the men who visited the Estate. Even her calligraphy master Kang Tuo, that scrawny, toothless old man—even for him Miss Yu would unveil a certain flighty expression. She looked unabashedly into Kang Tuo's lascivious eyes, like a bitch in heat, teasing him without hiding it in the slightest.
"Wine is the flame that burns the body, lust is the knife which cuts the flesh." Kang Tuo was an old man and it seemed he couldn't bear Miss Yu's courage. He was a famous figure of dissolution in the town, but even he seemed to think that lust for men had driven her crazy, and he was so frightened that he beat a hasty retreat. If women get too bold, the men get scared. "After all, at a certain age men and women should get married, I'm just waiting for you, Miss Yu, to find a man you judge to be suitable, so that I can raise a cup at your wedding," Kang Tuo laughed bitterly and stroked his long white beard, trying to ease the embarrassment, "Can it be that there still isn't any prospect at all of your marrying soon?"
The lustiness that Miss Yu showed on the surface had become the laughingstock of the great Estate. Even people outside the Estate had heard about it. But Miss Yu was by no means the woman people imagined her to be.
16
At the river pier, several strong men, naked to the waist, were loading a boat. What they were loading was a special kind of rice wine, like a red soup, particularly for expectant mothers. Xiaoyun was waiting at the pier, once again wearing dark glasses, a new pair, lifting his head to watch the white sails of boats in the distance. An old suitcase lay at his feet. It was getting dark, and rain was about to fall; Xiaoyun's somber complexion was inscrutable. Ever since he had left the Zhen Estate, Xiaoyun had been hiding in a small inn in the small town. He had led a very shabby existence there, and he spent practically all of his money. So he had decided to once more leave the small town. He had decided to go far away from the town, and never to come back.
Just as Xiaoyun was taking his suitcase and was about to embark on the boat, he heard someone behind him loudly calling, "Master Xiaoyun!" Xiaoyun turned back and saw Huaifu rushing after him, and at the same time he saw Miss Yu standing not far away on a high slope. The sudden appearance of Huaifu and Miss Yu stunned Xiaoyun. He felt the rush of some indescribable feeling.
Miss Yu had turned now into a very innocent girl, standing there timidly, her heart filled with love and regret and hatred all mixing together as she looked at him. Under Miss Yu's clear gaze, he wretchedly averted his eyes. He had not expected this conclusion. Having told her the secret of the poison, he had intended never to see her again. He felt like the poisoning was a river which separated him from Miss Yu; they could only look at each other across the river, they had no choice. Miss Yu had made him relive the dark shadows of the past. Xiaoyun didn't regret having told her this secret, just as he didn't regret having committed the act in the first place. If time were to run backwards, Xiaoyun knew that he would do the same thing again, without hesitation.
Huaifu raced up to him and said, panting, "Master Xiaoyun, where are you going? We've been looking for you for two days, and we almost didn't get here in time; you don't know how hard we've been looking for you." The men who were loading the ship all stopped their work and looked at Huaifu, who was preventing Xiaoyun from boarding. Huaifu flushed a deep red, he stretched out both hands, stopping Xiaoyun.
Xiaoyun, "What do you want from me, you and her?"
Huaifu didn't know how he should answer. For the last two days, in order to determine Xiaoyun's whereabouts, he had scoured every corner of the little town. This was according to Miss Yu's strict orders, to be executed unconditionally and with resolution. In fact, over these two unusual days, Miss Yu had not been able to sit still, had completely lost the presence of mind. She trailed Huaifu down the streets and alleys, but they were rebuffed everywhere.
"But where are you going?" Huaifu asked again.
"It's a big world, I could go anywhere." Xiaoyun said in a leisurely way. He was obviously saying it for Miss Yu's benefit.
"Miss Yu came along especially—to ask you to come back." Huaifu said, turning his head to look at the motionless Miss Yu, "It'd be best if you came back, Master Xiaoyun."
Xiaoyun said noncommittally, "And if I don't?"
Huaifu looked back in some embarrassment at Miss Yu.
Miss Yu walked up to Xiaoyun and stood face to face with him, staring into him with both eyes. She didn't say anything, to say something at a time like this would be superfluous. Her face was scarlet, like a blooming peach blossom. Now everyone was staring at her, but she could only see Xiaoyun.
Xiaoyun said, "There are so many places one can go to in the world, why should I go back with you, go back to that moldy Estate of yours? Why should I go b
ack with you?" Her clear gaze brimmed with tenderness and love, and she saw straight into his heart of hearts. Xiaoyun was looking at Miss Yu too, he was deeply touched by her tenderness, and he felt ripple after ripple of emotion. He had told himself time and gain that he ought to loathe this fine lady before him. He was constantly reminding himself that they were irreconcilably, irrevocably parted. He had injured her deeply, yet it was particularly because of that deep injury that he had to admit how deeply he loved her. It was love that made him hurt her, in the almost cruel game of love, he discovered that he had to surrender. "What does the young lady want me to come back for?" he asked bitterly.
Miss Yu suddenly stretched out her hand, took off Xiaoyun's glasses and threw them casually into the river. The glasses flashed on the surface of the water and quickly sank. With all eyes trained on him, Xiaoyun felt a little embarrassed, a little angered, but mostly helpless. Miss Yu suddenly gave a sorrowful laugh.
The boat's white sail passed them by.
Chapter Five
1
A great despair settled over Huaifu's eyes like a layer of mist. His ears rang with the sound of Miss Yu's voice, now reverberating with surprise, now giggling in laughter. It was a scene from life in the Estate, and now it followed Xiaoyun back into the Estate, once again to be performed under Huaifu's eyes. Xiaoyun was riding his bicycle along the walkway, passing slowly through, circling smoothly and unobstructed around the Estate. Miss Yu sat on the back of the bike, clinging tightly to Xiaoyun's waist, leaning her head against his back. When the bike was riding smoothly, she would strike her fists lightly against his back. Scene after scene of this kind—even closing his eyes, Huaifu could guess what they were up to.