by Ye Zhaoyan
As Suqin spoke, the confusion in Huaifu's mind suddenly resolved into a clue. Again his train of thought led him to Naixiang, the living corpse. If Naixiang were to fight back, what would be the result? Until now, everything that had happened was inextricably linked to Naixiang, he was in one way the bearer of responsibility for all these crimes, and at the same time he was the real victim of the Estate. Everyone had deceived him, everyone ignored his existence, ignored the strengths inherent in being a living corpse. Huaifu suddenly showed a curious tranquility, because Naixiang's stiff and rigid face had given him a very important realization. He felt that he had suddenly seen through something. "She'll marry whomever she wants to. What can Master Xiaoyun do about it?"
Xiaoyun is capable of anything when provoked—that's his character. His relations with my dear sister-in-law have gone far enough; I'm sure you know that as well as I do, for theirs is no ordinary relation. Just think, now that your dear cousin has chosen Zha Liangzhong, Xiaoyun may—he might do anything." Real concern now showed on Suqin's face. "He's always been stubborn as a mule; if he's really pushed to it…" Huaifu continued to stare at Naixiang's rigid, ridiculous expression, he was waiting for the peculiar gleam he had once seen in his eyes. Huaifu was imagining what kind of decision he would make if he were Naixiang. There was no hint of any change on Naixiang's face, and his eyes looked woodenly at a random place. "You asked me here so you could tell me that?" Huaifu discovered that he had found the only correct answer in Naixiang's expression. Coming at the subject obliquely, he said, "So what if Master Xiaoyun is stubborn? You think he'd dare do to her what he did to her brother, my cousin?"
Suqin's expression suddenly changed, she blanched, and her face became frightful. Seeing how his words had frightened her, Huaifu felt a mischievous pleasure. He realized that it was his turn now to toy with people. Ever since he had come into the Zhen Estate, Huaifu was always being toyed with. Nobody thought him of any account, everyone treated him like Miss Yu's houseboy, either ignoring him or talking to him any which way. Huaifu knew that although Suqin was excessively jealous of Miss Yu's marriage, in her heart of hearts she still wished for Liangzhong to marry into the Zhen Estate. In fact, as soon as Liangzhong and Miss Yu were married, Suqin and Liangzhong's illicit assignations would doubtless become much more convenient. Seeing that he had scared Suqin practically out of her wits, Huaifu said to her, without mincing his words, "I guess what you're afraid of, dear sister-in-law, isn't that Master Xiaoyun does anything to Miss Yu, but that Master Xiaoyun makes known what goes on between you and Zha Liangzhong."
"What about me and Zha Liangzhong?" Suqin stuttered.
Huaifu remained silent, feeling every kind of bittersweet emotion, but he had already decided on his next move. It would be a very vicious move, and he felt certain that it was a move that Naixiang had secretly conveyed to him. He laughed bitterly and said, "Sister-in-law, in this Estate, nothing stays secret long. Supposing Miss Yu found out—what then?"
7
Xiaoyun entered Huaifu's room. It was empty, without a soul. Examples of Miss Yu's calligraphy were pinned up everywhere, rustling in the breeze. A newspaper was on the desk, open to the page with the report of Miss Yu's engagement. Xiaoyun didn't know where Huaifu had gotten the newspaper from; he shot a glance at the newspaper and, furious, sat down to wait for Huaifu. The encounter with Liangzhong on the street a few days earlier again emerged before his mind's eye. As soon as he thought of Liangzhong's self-satisfied mug on that occasion, Xiaoyun felt that he would explode with fury.
Xiaoyun was now not only driven to distraction by his jealousy at Miss Yu's engagement to somebody else, he was also furious because of Miss Yu's unchasteness. Suqin advised Xiaoyun to leave the Estate on the quiet before Miss Yu's announcement of her engagement. Miss Yu wasn't a chaste woman to begin with, it was doubtful whether she was suited to be anyone's wife in the first place. It's a big world, and since Xiaoyun no longer wanted to stay in this corrupt Estate, why shouldn't he leave and go knock about again. Why should he have to live off the Estate, why should he refuse to leave? "Listen to your sister. Don't take it to heart, you're a big boy, you can take it, and you can let it go. Why get hung up on it, you're a man. In a matter like that, it's always the man who's has the best of the bargain." More than once Suqin had thus advised him, she had spoken eloquently, trying to find some way of dragging Xiaoyun out of the depths of his despair. "Xiaoyun, think of it way: the man who marries her now, is marrying a woman you've had your way with, so you have no reason to be angry. Quite the opposite, would you be willing to marry a woman that Liangzhong has already slept with? Really, when you think of it this way, what is there left to be angry about?"
Suqin's words could not be called unreasonable, and Xiaoyun repeatedly asked himself if he had really wanted to marry Miss Yu. Actually, Xiaoyun now deeply regretted that he had let Miss Yu drag him back to the Estate once more. Why had he come back with Miss Yu, just so that she could make fun of him again, so that she could toy with him again? It had always been a mistake to believe that Miss Yu could really love him. The amorous games in the Estate had always been slated to end in a cruel, tragic ending. Everything had been deeply problematic from the beginning. Evidently, he had been badly hurt; he felt now that he had been toyed with and cheated.
Huaifu appeared like a ghost behind Xiaoyun. He hadn't thought Xiaoyun would come. As the day of engagement approached, Huaifu became increasingly certain that he must not lose this opportunity. He felt that Naixiang was constantly communicating with him telepathically, grimly directing him to do this or that. He felt that he was acting in a correct and worthwhile manner. Xiaoyun was still sitting there, in a daze, while Huaifu coldly scrutinized his reaction. Just like Xiaoyun had realized that he had been toyed with and deceived, Huaifu felt that he had been beaten off like a dog, and he was now fully prepared to strike back.
Huaifu stood silently behind Xiaoyun this whole time. The room was very quiet, and the only sound was the fluttering of paper. All of a sudden, Xiaoyun began to turn around, and saw Huaifu standing behind him. Huaifu immediately put on his act of honest cluelessness, fearfully nodding at him, "Master Xiaoyun, what brings you here?" Xiaoyun stood up from the stool where he had been sitting. Standing, Huaifu was much the taller and much the stronger, but he was accustomed to assuming a low voice and a subservient attitude. The two rivals in love had nothing to say to each other, they only looked at each other, each making his own calculations. Xiaoyun didn't move, and forced light-heartedness to replace the pained look on his face. He asked Huaifu casually, "Hey, about your young lady—when is her big day with the eminent Mr. Zha, then?"
Huaifu answered respectfully, "Why ask me about a thing like that, Master Xiaoyun?"
Xiaoyun said, "If not you, then whom should I ask?"
Huaifu said, "What's the point of asking me?"
Xiaoyun sneered, "Of course there's a point of asking you, you follow Miss Yu around everywhere, how could you fail to know?"
Huaifu pondered this for a moment, then said, "I understand, Master Xiaoyun. You mean that I'm like a dog, always following my cousin about. You're quite right, I'm nothing but a dog. Not like you, Master Xiaoyun, who can even afford to lose your temper with her."
Xiaoyun was gripped by a sudden sympathy for Huaifu, he felt that he really was an unfortunate soul. As a man, Xiaoyun could never really understand why Huaifu should put up with the way Miss Yu tormented him. Why didn't he have any self-regard? Miss Yu had dressed Huaifu down more than once before Xiaoyun, and frequently got angry without any reason at all. Huaifu was a straightforward character, and Xiaoyun felt that she shouldn't treat him so harshly. "That's not what I meant. For your young lady, all men are dogs." Xiaoyun said with bitterness.
Huaifu took up the comment, and said unhurriedly, "If you've really understood that, then good. In any event, with her, there's no use in taking anything to heart, whether big or small. You know all about my cousin's bad temper, but one mustn't take it ser
iously. In her eyes, what are men? She really does think of them like dogs, you can tease them a little, today you're the favorite and she sleeps with you, and tomorrow it's another and she'll sleep with him instead. And there's no way of telling who'll become the favorite. You and I are different, Master Xiaoyun, you can go, you don't need to sit around the Estate and sulk, the sky is high and a bird may fly away. You've seen the world, not like me, I have a dog's fate, and I'm perfectly prepared to rot away in this Estate.
"That would be letting her off too easily, to just go away like that." Xiaoyun ground his teeth, saying grimly, "If she toys with me, let me tell you, I will not spare her."
"Master Xiaoyun, you mustn't talk like that." Huaifu feigned great anxiety, although his words doubtless only further inflamed Xiaoyun, for Huaifu now knew how best to provoke him. Ever since he had entered the Great Estate, Huaifu had never spoken this much, he had never had such an easy tongue. Xiaoyun, in a state of mental distraction, was already on the edge of explosion as Huaifu slowly continued, "That's what your sister is worried about as well, but you mustn't do anything rash. I know that your pride can't swallow the insult, but since we've come this far there's no need to speak in anger. To tell the truth, sometimes I'd like nothing better than to put a knife in my cousin, too, but I could never do it—alas, in her eyes, we're nothing but two dogs. We treat her well, but she will always treat us like dogs, ordering us around like her houseboys."
"I'm neither a dog nor a houseboy." Xiaoyun shouted, in agony.
Huaifu's words had produced the foreseen effect, there were things that did not need to be said twice.
Xiaoyun's face was gloomy. He suddenly turned around, intending to march out, when Huaifu stopped him with a shout and said, with the air of conveying a great secret, "Xiaoyun, do you know why my cousin was so anxious to get engaged?"
Xiaoyun waited for the next thing Huaifu would say.
After a moment, Huaifu said, "She's expecting!"
8
The last downpour of summer was falling, with rumbling thunder and streaks of lightning. It was dusk, but so dark and gloomy that it could have been night already. Miss Yu was copying Ode to the Stone Gates and had just arrived at the word "destiny" . In Ode to the Stone Gates, this character's vertical stroke was worth careful consideration. She wrote the character several times after another, always dissatisfied with the last stroke. A clap of thunder outside badly startled Miss Yu. Following the thunder, Xiaoyun entered in a state of great agitation, appearing with the suddenness of a ghost in front of Miss Yu. Just as the last echo of the thunderclap was disappearing, he asked Miss Yu coldly, "Tomorrow is the happy day, isn't it? So I've come today to offer you my congratulations."
Miss Yu did not know that Xiaoyun had been standing beneath the Mystery Chambers for a long time. She seemed completely unaware that Xiaoyun had already turned into a man thirsty for revenge and catharsis, a man who had been twisted; a destructive, morbid youth. She did not know that a kind of hatred, long suppressed, was welling up from the depths of Xiaoyun's soul. She did not know that she was playing with fire, that to continue on this way was an unpardonable mistake. A great danger was approaching Miss Yu, but she was totally unaware of it. Miss Yu pretended that she had not heard Xiaoyun, a smile flitted across her face, and she continued to immerse herself in the calligraphy. The rain pattered down, and a feeling of overflowing joy was in Miss Yu's heart. For her, the game was now entering its most entertaining phase.
Xiaoyun had been further aggravated by Miss Yu's attitude, and was looking at her in anger. Miss Yu took a peek at his expression, and then could not help putting down her brush and asking laughingly, "Since I shall be announcing my engagement tomorrow, why didn't you wait until tomorrow to offer me your congratulations?" Xiaoyun said, "Why should I wait until tomorrow? I'm an impatient man, and I couldn't wait." Miss Yu said, smugly, "I've been waiting for days for you to come fight with me. Since you're an impatient man, why wait until today to come? Don't you know that I've been waiting for you for days? Where did you go off to?"
"You were waiting for me?"
"Who should I be waiting for?"
"How should I know? A woman as romantic as yourself falls in love with every man she meets. You could wait for anyone, and since tomorrow is the day of your engagement, how can anyone tell whom you might be waiting for?" Xiaoyun's face was as red as though he had been slapped, and he went on mercilessly, "On a night like tonight, can it be that you were in the mood to wait for me? Were you thinking of me? Did you want to get me in bed one more time?"
Miss Yu did not at all want to argue with Xiaoyun, but they seemed destined to fight every time that they met. She really could not countenance Xiaoyun's biting accusations. Lightning flashed, and the rain fell in torrents. Miss Yu said coldly, "I'll think about whoever I want to, and I'll go to bed with whomever I want, and I'm afraid no one can do a thing about it." Xiaoyun's expression was almost one of horror, he ground his teeth, and his eyes fixed on the tray with the opium things on the opium bed's little table. Miss Yu's words were even more startling for him than the thunderclap. He murmured, "Do you remember what you said once? You said—you said that you would make me hate you, hate you all my life…Let me tell you, now that you've achieved this goal—but no, you will never achieve this goal, why should I hate you all my life?"
Unconsciously, Xiaoyun had put his hand in his pocket, and taken out a snuff bottle. Thereupon, he was startled by his own action, and wanted to put the snuff bottle back again, but then he reconsidered, and decided he might as well let Miss Yu see it. "Do you know what this is? Have a good look. This is the poison I used on your brother. You won't believe me, but I've carried this poison with me for many years, I've always kept it on my body." He slowly twisted open the lid and tipped some powder into his palm. "I just need to mix this stuff into the opium pill—"
Miss Yu grabbed the snuff box, examined it indifferently, and also tipped some of the powder into her palm, holding it under her nose to sniff it. A look of great malice shot through Xiaoyun's eyes. He looked at Miss Yu, grabbed her hand, and snatched the snuff box back again. Miss Yu said, "Why did you want me to look at this? Were you really trying to frighten me?" She really couldn't believe that Xiaoyun would do something to harm her. "A person won't do the same stupid thing twice. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't dare. Besides, if you really were going to poison me, I'm not afraid. Why not? Because you like me, you love me, and I like you too, I love you. Nobody will harm the one he loves, nor can anyone be harmed by the one she loves."
Miss Yu's words only pained Xiaoyun more deeply. In torment, he said, "Even now, you can say that? You still say that you like me, that you love me? Even now, you still want to play the I-love-you-you-love-me game?" His fingers were trembling, and he tipped some of the white powder into the opium box, using the needle to mix it. As he mixed it, he said, almost as though he were talking in his sleep, "So you're still lying to me, still toying with me. Why are you Zhens all like this?" He seemed to have turned into a fifteen-year-old youth again. The fat prostitute was ogling him once more.
At a loss, Miss Yu looked at Xiaoyun, beginning to realize that perhaps she had taken her joke too far. Xiaoyun was like a man in a dream, living a delusion, "You all treat me like a houseboy. Not in your dreams! As for me, never again will I be someone's houseboy, never again!" And as he spoke, he took up a bit of the now fully mixed opium paste on his needle, and placed it over the lamp to vaporize it. His hands were shaking like a man with malaria, "Even now, you dare to say that you like me, that you love me!"
"But I really do love you." Miss Yu looked with passion at Xiaoyun's hand, watching his hands tremble as he vaporized the opium. She didn't know how she could make Xiaoyun come to his senses, how to make him realize that she loved him. His pain filled Miss Yu with a feeling that could not be put into words. "Xiaoyun, I love you." she said, with great tenderness.
"You love me?"
"I love you?"
"You lov
e me," said Xiaoyun, not believing her, shaking his head back and forth.
Miss Yu began to be frightened, and looked at Xiaoyun foolishly. She really was afraid now. She looked at Xiaoyun and said, helplessly, "If I told you that tomorrow I was announcing my engagement, and it was to you, what would you think?"
"What would I think? Put yourself in my shoes, what I would think? Do you think that would make me happy? Flattered, moved to tears? I should have figured out long ago that a woman like you is never true of heart. Even if we were to be married, you would never really like me. You think I don't know that your sudden rush to get married is because you already have a bun in the oven, because you need somebody to stand husband for you, to hide your shame?"
Miss Yu couldn't believe that Xiaoyun would think such a thing. She couldn't believe that Xiaoyun would hold such an opinion of her. "You needn't imagine everyone is such a fool. I'm afraid you don't know yourself whose seed you're carrying." Xiaoyun said, extremely harshly, "Why did you have to be so shameless!" Xiaoyun's pained accusations put Miss Yu to utter shame. It had never occurred to her to use marriage as a way to hide her shame, and it had never occurred to her that the child she was carrying might be anybody else's. Since she loved Xiaoyun so much, the child was doubtless the manifestation of their love for each other.
Xiaoyun was like a man possessed, molding the opium pill over the opium lamp. The opium was already ready, and was hissing above the lamp. Miss Yu felt that her heart was about to break, and she didn't know how she ought to express her feelings to Xiaoyun. "I like you so much. You really don't understand? Xiaoyun, tell me, how can I make you believe that I do like you, with all my heart?"