Lawson had been good at sweet talk in those days.
Eve was there at the party, of course, and he’d seen that look burning in her eyes. He hadn’t hesitated even for a second when she’d kissed him, and he’d felt that kick of pleasure that he always got whenever she was around him.
Brett had laughed when he’d spotted them in the corner and had yelled out get a room. Unlike Eve’s eyes, Brett’s were already glazed over from the “sweet-talked” beer he’d been drinking most of the night. Lawson and Eve had indeed gotten a room. They’d gone to Brett’s bedroom upstairs, where they’d had sex.
While their friend was dying.
Of course, Lawson didn’t remember any of the dying part. He’d crashed shortly after having sex with Eve and didn’t recall anything until he heard the frantic shouts for someone to call an ambulance.
Later, Lawson would learn that Brett’s blood alcohol level was .30 percent. That would have been way too high even if he hadn’t been underage. And it had apparently been high enough for Brett to slip into a coma.
Lawson hadn’t checked on his friend. Because he’d gone to sleep. But Eve had gone downstairs to get a glass of water, and she’d seen Brett passed out on the sofa. Even in the dream, Lawson knew that hindsight was 20/20, that there had been no logical reason for a seventeen-year-old girl to make sure her friend wasn’t so drunk that it was going to kill him.
However, hindsight didn’t give Lawson any peace.
The nightmares still came. The guilt stayed like a meaty fist clamped around his heart. And it wouldn’t go away, no matter how many years he grieved. Because that night, he’d lost a part of himself. And he’d ultimately lost Eve since that was the last time they were together.
Those were the thoughts that were right at the front of his mind when Lawson finally managed to force himself awake. Even after his eyes opened though, he could still see the images. Still hear the sounds the medics made that night as they tried, and failed, to save Brett’s life. But even that hadn’t been the end of it. Brett had lingered for several days before his family had been forced to accept he was brain-dead and pull the plug on his life support.
No way did he want to go back to sleep with those images still so fresh in his mind. The nightmare would just come again.
In that moment, he hated whiskey, hated himself for needing it. It was a familiar feeling, and Lawson knew the outcome.
He didn’t pour himself a shot.
Because he had a trick to counter the need. He imagined the drink in Brett’s hand. Imagined the kid who was more of a brother than a friend dying because Brett had not only poured the shot but had also drunk it. And the other shots he’d poured, too.
There was no trick, though, to deal with the pain and emotion. Well, no trick that Lawson had found yet, anyway. So, he did what he couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing.
He remembered every detail he could remember. Letting it repeat in his head. Letting the pain that he deserved eat away at him.
* * *
“THE MAILMAN JUST delivered two more gifts,” Cassidy called out.
Eve knew that hearing something like that didn’t usually cause people to groan, but most people didn’t have to deal with Kellan’s steady stream of creepy stuffed toys. The stream had tapered off, however, and since it’d been a month since the green snot blob had arrived, Eve had thought maybe Kellan had forgotten about Aiden. Apparently not though.
She hit the save button on her computer for the spreadsheet that she’d been working on, and while trying to brace herself for whatever levels of depravity she might face, Eve went into the foyer. No visible depravity though. There was a bouquet of flowers and a wrapped gift box on the table. It was much too small to contain the behemoth-sized gifts that Kellan had been sending, but Cassidy was still eyeing it with concern.
The person who wasn’t concerned was Aiden. Cassidy had him on her hip, and the moment he spotted Eve, he grinned and clapped his hands. But it was no longer just a gummy grin. The little speck of white was a tooth that had appeared a couple of days earlier.
All of the parenting books had said that three months old was early for teething, but Aiden had proved the books wrong. He’d also used that tiny tooth to bite the devil out of her when he nursed. And that was the reason Cassidy now had a bottle in her hand. Eve missed nursing him, but she didn’t miss the pain. Besides, she could still hold him close when she gave him the bottle.
Eve went to the flowers first. A dozen red roses. When she pulled out the card, the relief came. Not from Kellan trying to make some attempt to romance her. “It’s from Mrs. Hattersfield. She was my high school drama teacher.”
Cassidy looked over her shoulder and read the card. “‘Here’s hoping you’ll come by the new drama center soon at Wrangler’s Creek High. Welcome home, Eve.’ Ah, that’s nice.”
Yes, it was, but Eve imagined how this would play out. The high school students were about the same age as that ego-bruising Swaron and probably wouldn’t think much of an aging Ulyana.
Eve put aside the card from the flowers and tackled the box next.
“Kellan?” Cassidy asked when Eve opened it.
No, but when she took the contents out of the box, it still caused her to groan. Because it was another pair of binoculars almost identical to the ones Dylan had given her. The very ones that Eve had used when she’d seen a nearly naked Darby in Lawson’s house. After that, Eve had shut the binoculars in a storage closet and vowed never to use them again. No way did she want to see Darby making booty-call trips to see Lawson.
Eve took out the card to see who would be so misguided as to send her another pair. “‘Regina,’” she read aloud.
“Lawson’s mom?” Cassidy asked, leaning in to read the card, as well.
Eve nodded. “‘A little gift to spice up your life,’” Regina had written. “‘Take them to your kitchen window and have a peek.’”
That caused Eve to groan again because she knew what she’d see out that particular window. The Granger house. And she just might get a glimpse of Dylan. While she liked Dylan, she wouldn’t get much of a thrill spying on him.
“Matchmaking,” Cassidy concluded. She gave both the note and the binoculars some stink eye.
Eve had filled Cassidy in on what Lawson had said about his mother, and what had happened with the raincoat episode. Cassidy, being the good friend that she was, had assured her that maybe nothing had happened between Darby and Lawson, that maybe Lawson had sent a nearly naked attractive woman away once he made it back to his house.
Part of Eve had wanted to latch on to that because she was pathetic and delusional. She was still clinging just a little bit to those old fantasies of her being with Lawson. And she was still clinging a lot to the lust she still felt for him. What had helped cool her down some was the fact she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Lawson in the month since that’d happened. Of course, he’d done a great job of avoiding her since she’d moved back to Wrangler’s Creek, so maybe this latest avoidance had nothing to do with Darby.
“Say, when are you going to finish going through the rest of the boxes in the family room?” Cassidy asked, and she headed back in that direction. “Especially the one marked Lawson, etc.”
Eve followed her though it wasn’t necessary for her to see which boxes Cassidy meant. She certainly hadn’t forgotten about them, and while the neat freak in her wanted them cleared up, she hadn’t quite brought herself to go through the last two. Because in addition to Lawson, etc., the other was labeled high school crap. Eve had packed them away years ago—eighteen, to be exact—and while she couldn’t remember everything that was in them, she was certain some of the things were going to trigger a trip down misery lane.
“I can open them for you if you like,” Cassidy volunteered. Then she mumbled some G-rated profanity under her breath. “Okay, I’ve already peeked. I know what’s in them.
”
Eve huffed though she wasn’t really surprised or upset. Cassidy was nosy, but she might have been looking for anything that she felt would be too much for Eve to handle.
“Well?” Eve prompted. “What’s the verdict?”
“You’ll be okay with the high school junk.” Cassidy obviously knew exactly what Eve was talking about. “Yearbooks, drama-club stuff and a plaque for chess-club champion. I didn’t even know you knew how to play chess.”
“I have layers,” Eve grumbled. The studio had known about her being a chess champion, but it hadn’t gone with Ulyana’s kick-ass image, so they’d told her not to mention it. Ditto for her love of gardening. “What about the Lawson box?”
“Possible land mines throughout it. Pictures of you two. You obviously couldn’t keep your hands off him. And vice versa. There’s a junior rodeo buckle. More layers?” Cassidy asked.
“No, it was Lawson’s. He won it after he let a bull sling him around like a rag doll for eight seconds, and then he gave the buckle to me. Possibly while he was mildly concussed and had a dislocated shoulder.”
“Awww, romantic in a cowboy, heavy testosterone kind of way.” Cassidy paused. “There’s also a dress in a plastic bag. Crud,” she quietly added several moments later. “Judging from the look on your face, it’s a land mine, not a layer.”
Yes, to the land mine, but now that Eve knew it was there, she figured she had to face it. She set the binoculars aside, ripped the tape off the box, and the moment she opened it, she saw the dress on top. It was rose pink, strapless, and even though Eve couldn’t actually see it because of the way it was folded, it had a corset back. And she’d intended to use those ties to make sure it gloved her figure—which was more flat than curvy in those days.
Cassidy stared at it when Eve held it up in front of her. No way would it fit now. “Was it for the prom?”
Eve shook her head, but it was a good guess because Cassidy knew that she’d moved from Wrangler’s Creek before the senior prom, so she hadn’t gone to it. “It was for the Sadie Hawkins dance. And yes, we still had them back then.”
“You mean a dance where the girl asked the guy to go with her?”
“That’s the one. I asked Lawson, of course.” In fact, she’d asked him that December, two months prior to the dance. Not that either of them would have gone with anyone else—not at that point in their relationship, anyway.
“I spent every penny of my babysitting savings on this,” Eve added. She ran her thumb over the beading in the bodice. “And for weeks, I dreamed about Lawson dancing with me in that dress.”
“Dancing?” Cassidy questioned. “Lawson had a dancing layer?”
“No. He’d never danced with me before, but it was one of my fantasies. That night, that dress, Lawson, and me telling him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“How sweet. Or not,” Cassidy amended when she looked at her again. The “or not” was probably because Eve’s expression wasn’t that of a gushing sweet teenager who’d been in love.
“I’d never said anything like that,” Eve explained. “Lawson had a problem with the c-word. Not that c-word,” she quickly added. “Commitment. He made sure he worked it into conversations at least once a week that he was never getting married. Or having kids,” Eve added.
Cassidy stared at her. “Shit.”
She didn’t even scold her for cursing because Eve was silently saying the same thing. “Lawson didn’t have a happy childhood, and he thought he’d end up being as lousy of a parent as his own dad.” Eve looked at the dress again. “But that night I was going for it. Heck, I remember thinking that once he knew I wanted to be with him forever, he might tell me he loved me and ask me to marry him.”
Cassidy stared at her. “You were both seventeen and hadn’t even finished high school yet.”
Eve shrugged. “Obviously, I was thinking like a seventeen-year-old.”
But that had changed a few weeks later with Brett’s death, and then she’d left town. There’d been no Sadie Hawkins dance for her. No prom. No graduation. Instead, Eve had gotten her GED and never looked back.
Not until now, anyway.
Since looking back was putting her in a blue mood, Eve stuffed the dress back in the box and nearly told Cassidy to donate it to the town’s resale charity shop. But for now, out of sight, out of mind would work, and she would put the boxes in the attic.
“I’m sorry.” Cassidy gave her arm a pat. Aiden reached out as if he might try to pat her, too, but then he rubbed his eyes and whined a little. “It’s time for his nap,” Cassidy said, glancing at her watch.
Eve was about to volunteer to put him to bed so she could get in some snuggling time with her little guy, but her phone rang before she could reach out for him. When she saw the name on the screen, she knew she needed to answer right away.
“Tessie,” she answered, her breath already racing.
Cassidy smiled, made a toodle-do wave and headed upstairs with the baby, no doubt so that Eve would have some privacy. She might need it, too. The last time Tessie had called her, it hadn’t gone well.
“Thanks for the care package,” Tessie greeted her. Except it wasn’t much of a greeting. Her voice was stiff as if talking to a stranger. But maybe Tessie did feel as if she didn’t really know her own mother. After all, Eve had lied to her for years.
“You’re welcome. I thought you might want some of your favorite snacks for your room now that the new semester’s started.” In fact, Eve had another box ready to go. “How are your classes? Are they hard? And how are you?” Eve clamped her teeth over her bottom lip to stop herself from adding even more questions.
“Everything’s fine.”
It wasn’t, and it crushed Eve’s heart to feel this distance from her daughter. “I was hoping I could bring Aiden to see you.”
“No.” Eve would have felt a little better if Tessie had hesitated at least a second or two. “I’m not ready for that yet.” Now she hesitated. “But keep sending me pictures of him. He’s my brother no matter what happened between us.”
Yes, he was, and Eve supposed she was going to have to be satisfied with that. For now. But it couldn’t stay that way. “Tessie, we eventually need to talk. There are some things I have to tell you.”
“Right. Okay. Right,” she repeated. Now Tessie sounded flustered and annoyed. “Maybe during fall break.”
Since Eve had memorized the school calendar, she knew that was still over a month away, but she latched on to it as a glimmer of hope. And dread. Because she was going to have to tell Tessie about Lawson. That wouldn’t necessarily cause the rift to deepen between Tessie and her, but once Tessie knew, Eve would tell Lawson. A rift might be the least of his reactions.
“Your birthday is before fall break,” Eve reminded her. “There must be something on your wish list that I can send to you.”
“Not really. Just keep a running total of tuition and my expenses so I know how much to pay you back.”
That caused Eve to sigh. She didn’t want her daughter paying her back for college, but Tessie had insisted on it. Plus, it really wasn’t that much since Tessie had a great scholarship that covered a good chunk of it.
“I wanted you to know that I had my stuff shipped from the house in LA to a storage unit here in Austin,” Tessie added a moment later. “I won’t be going back there, so if you want to sell the place, that’s fine with me.”
Eve had been so busy with the baby that she hadn’t thought much about selling the LA house. But she certainly thought about it now. Even though it’d never felt like home, it was where she’d raised Tessie. It was also where Tessie and she had had their falling-out. She had no immediate plans to move back there, either, but she’d considered keeping it just in case.
“Does that mean you’ll be staying in Austin?” Eve asked.
“Probably. I can fin
ish my undergrad here and then go to A&M for Veterinary Medicine.”
So, Tessie was sticking to her plan. Well, her revised plan, anyway. Before the rift between them, Tessie had been considering other schools, but her major had always stayed the same. She’d wanted to be a veterinarian since first grade, when Eve had taken her for riding lessons.
“Who was the cowboy cop who came to the sorority house last month?” Tessie asked.
Eve’s muscles went stiff because she doubted that Clay had gone there. “Do you mean Lawson Granger? If so, he’s not a cop. He’s a rancher. I went to high school with him.”
Because she was talking about him, Eve picked up the new binoculars and went to the window to have a look. Lawson was there all right. With Vita. They were in the yard and appeared to be trying to catch a chicken.
If she hadn’t been chatting with Tessie, that would have definitely held her attention and caused her to break her no-spying rule, but Eve also thought of something else. Something that sent her stomach to her kneecaps.
“Uh, I didn’t realize you’d seen Lawson that day,” Eve commented, and she tried not to sound panicked.
Silence. For a very long time. Oh, no. Had Tessie seen him and then noticed the resemblance between them?
“Why’d he come to Austin?” Tessie finally asked. What she hadn’t done was respond to Eve’s statement.
“He was traveling through on business, and his aunt asked him to check on you. She knew I was worried about you, and Lawson didn’t know I’d be there.” But Eve had certainly known about his visit, and that’s why she’d rushed there.
“So, you didn’t ask him to come?”
God, no. But Eve tamped down her emotions enough to give a hopefully calm answer. “I didn’t.”
“And he didn’t say anything about me?” Tessie quickly added.
Eve had to tamp down even more emotions. Mainly fear. This was what happened when you lived a lie. You were always afraid of being outed, which meant Lawson and Tessie needed to know the truth.
“Lawson was just worried about you,” Eve settled for saying. She took a deep breath, ready to insist that Tessie and she meet so they could talk. However, Tessie spoke before Eve had even finished her breath.
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