“For thinking you’d use me that way.” She took a slow breath and seemed to collect herself. “We were friends. I should’ve believed in that.”
“Believe now,” I said with a smile. “Believe that I want you as much right now as I did that night we kissed.”
The skeptical look on her face was what drove me to do it. I couldn’t stand the idea that she didn’t believe that I wanted her.
So I kissed her.
Sixteen
Tess
This wasn’t supposed to be happening.
None of it.
I wasn’t supposed to find out that my sister had lied to me all those years ago. I wasn’t supposed to feel bad when Clay and I finally had this conversation. This was supposed to be my closure.
It wasn’t supposed to be his mouth on mine, his lips parting mine. My body wasn’t supposed to be burning with the need for more.
But all of it was real. Of that, I had no doubt. Nothing felt more real in this moment than the slide of his tongue over mine, the hard heat of his body leaning into me.
When he broke the kiss, he didn’t pull away. In an echo of our first kiss, he rested his forehead against mine. “Damn, I missed you.”
I closed my eyes as I admitted, “I missed you too.”
“I want you to know, that night,” he said, his breath warm on my face, “I wouldn’t have tried to get you to sleep with me. I planned on taking things slow with you, easing us into things. I just couldn’t stop myself from kissing you.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” I said. “I wouldn’t have wanted Johnny Ashmore to be my first kiss.”
He raised his head. “I was your first kiss?”
I tried not to feel like that fifteen-year-old again as I answered him, “Yes.”
Suddenly, he frowned. “Who’s Johnny Ashmore?”
I ran my fingers through Clay’s hair, something I hadn’t dared to do before. It was as soft as I’d always imagined. “I went on a couple dates with him my senior year, and we kissed a couple times. He wasn’t very good at it. Neither was Park Stateson.” I gave him a partial smile. “But I could just have really high standards.”
He went still, an unidentifiable expression on his face. “If I ask you something really personal, do you promise not to hit me or get pissed at me?”
I knew what was coming, but I went with it. “Go ahead.”
“Who else have you kissed?”
“Just you, Johnny, and Park.” I waited for the next logical question.
“Which one of them was it?” he asked. “I don’t have the right to ask, I know, and feel free to tell me to go to hell–”
“Neither one,” I cut in. “No one, actually.”
“How? I mean, why?” His fingertips traced my features, leaving streaks of fire on my skin. “You’re beautiful and smart and–”
“I just never saw the point,” I said. Heat flooded my cheeks when the smirk on Clay’s face alerted me to the innuendo I’d unintentionally said. “I mean, I never found anyone who made me feel…I never found anyone who could take care of my needs as well as I could.”
He raised an eyebrow, the heat in his eyes warming every inch of me. “Should I take that as a challenge?”
This was my chance to ask him to leave if I didn’t want things to go any further between us tonight. He’d respect my decision, and we could discuss where things stood with us before we moved any further.
Or I could fulfill a lifetime of fantasies and go for it with the one person who’d ever made me want sex.
“Do you think you’re up to the challenge?” I asked. “Because if you are–”
The rest of my sentence died when his mouth slammed down on mine with bruising force. I gasped, and his tongue slipped between my lips. My fingers dug into his shoulders, every cell in my body desperate to get closer to him. His hands dropped to my hips, and he pulled me tight against him.
The noise in my head faded away, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t think.
His tongue stroked mine, drawing it into his mouth, and he tasted like coffee, the bitter dark roast that the two of us had ordered throughout the day to keep ourselves sober. I could taste the alcohol too, just underneath, the earthy hops that had defined the drink he’d chosen.
Suddenly, he straightened, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. I moved my hips, rubbing against him even as he walked us the few steps to the bed. When he set me down, I clung to him, not wanting to lose the connection. He chuckled, nipping at my bottom lip.
“I need to move if I’m going to get rid of those clothes of yours,” he said, his voice husky. “I want to see you.”
“Yes,” I breathed as I loosened my grip. “I want to see you too.”
He moved up onto his knees, and I pushed myself up on my elbows to watch him pull his shirt over his head.
Damn.
We’d spent enough time together growing up that I’d seen him without his shirt before, but he wasn’t seventeen anymore. He’d had an athlete’s build back then, but clearly, joining the FBI had kept him fit. The faint dusting of dark hair on his chest was new to me too, driving home the fact that he wasn’t a teenager anymore.
I was suddenly aware of how little I’d changed since I was fifteen. I’d made my peace with my figure, but I couldn’t help wondering how Rona was built. What the other women he’d been with looked like.
And if he’d be disappointed with me.
“Hey,” Clay said, frowning. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lied, turning my head.
He reached out and caught my chin, waiting patiently until I looked at him. The intensity of his gaze made me shiver, his blue-gray eyes darker than I’d ever seen them.
“If you don’t want to do this, I won’t push you into it,” he said.
“I want to,” I said quickly. Heat flooded my face. “I just don’t want you to…”
I couldn’t say it, but the thing about knowing someone for a decade was that, sometimes, words weren’t needed.
“I meant what I said.” He put his hands on my hips, fingertips teasing bare skin. “You are beautiful, and I want you, Tess. Nothing about you will make me change my mind.”
Without taking his eyes off mine, he pushed up the hem of my shirt to just under my bra. Lowering his head, he kissed my stomach, sending butterflies flying through my entire system. My anxiety went with them, and I raised my arms, asking him without words to do what I didn’t have the courage to do myself.
He undressed me slowly and without a word, pausing every minute or so to kiss a newly exposed inch of skin. With each press of his lips, the fire in me burned a little higher, a little brighter. Only when I was completely naked did he finish undressing himself, dropping his clothes next to mine.
The butterflies returned as he climbed up on the bed, giving me a good look at everything he had to offer, which was quite a bit. Even more so considering our size difference. He leaned over me, his head blocking my view, but the moment he took one of my nipples between his lips, all I could focus on was the wet heat of his mouth.
I moaned as he sucked on the sensitive bit of flesh, worrying at it with his teeth until I squirmed. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and ran them over every bit of skin I could reach, loving how his muscles tightened under my palms. He wrapped his fingers around my hip, squeezing as his teeth and tongue played with my breast. The ache between my thighs grew with each pull of his mouth, and when his hand slid around to that throbbing place, I whimpered.
“Fuck, Tess.” Clay raised his head, his eyes blazing. “Make that sound again.”
“Touch me again,” I countered.
The slow smile that curved his lips was more wicked than anything I’d ever seen on his face before. I gasped as he slid a finger inside me. My own fingers never felt anything like that, and neither did the smooth silicone toy I’d bought a few years ago.
“Come on, Tess, make that sound for me again.” He brushed his thumb over
my clit, and that gave him the results he wanted.
He crooked his finger rubbing against my g-spot, turning my whimpers into cries. The fire in me roared to life, burning through me until I came with an explosion of heat and light. My legs clamped down on Clay’s hand, and my pussy spasmed around his finger even as his thumb continued to stroke my swollen clit until I’d reached as high as I could.
“Please,” I begged, squeezing his hand. “No more.”
He smiled down at me as he removed his hand, and I couldn’t even find it in me to chide him for the self-satisfied expression on his face. He’d earned it.
My arm felt limp, boneless, as I reached up to put my hand on his cheek. The faint stubble I could see in the dim hotel lighting scratched against my skin, reigniting the banked desire deep inside me. We weren’t done yet.
“Do you have a condom?” I asked.
“Are you sure?” He caught my hand and turned his head, placing a kiss right in the center of my palm. “Watching you come…I’d be satisfied if that was all I got to experience tonight.”
“I won’t.” I lightly touched his mouth, still not quite believing that I could take such liberties. “If you don’t have a condom, there are other things I’d like to try.”
His eyes darkened, and he nipped at my finger. “Let me check my wallet. I usually keep a couple in there.”
I didn’t want to think about the other women who’d been able to take advantage of his planning nature, but I couldn’t be anything but thankful when he held up a little square packet. If he wasn’t thinking about anyone other than me right then, I could ignore his past. The only person I never could have gotten over him being with was Brianne, and I believed him when he said they’d never been together.
As he took care of the protection, I went up onto my knees, moving back to give him plenty of room to get on the bed. When he gave me a puzzled look, I patted the mattress next to me.
“On your back,” I said. “Several women I interviewed in college for an article said that being on top is good for couples where the woman is a foot or so shorter than the man and they haven’t had sex before. It lets her control how deep he goes and prevents accidental pain.”
He sat down on the bed, his mouth twisting as if he was trying to hold back a laugh.
“I said I was a virgin,” I pointed out. “I never said I didn’t know what I was doing.”
His laugh broke free, and the sound turned me on almost as much as his body did. He’d always been good-looking, and I’d understood that even before I’d started crushing on him. It had been his laugh, though, that had made me start thinking of him differently. It’d been my favorite sound for the longest time, and I’d believed I’d never hear it again.
He settled back on the pillows and then held out a hand to me. I took it and let him steady me as I moved to straddle his thighs. As impatient as I was to have him inside me, I had to satisfy at least one curiosity.
The latex was smooth under my fingertips, and I wished I’d asked to touch him before he’d put the condom on. I could feel the heat of him, but not what his skin felt like.
Later.
We’d be here for at least a day or two more. I didn’t know what would happen beyond that, but we’d have time to explore each other more thoroughly soon.
Right now, I wrapped my hand around the thick shaft and Clay groaned, his head dropping back to thud against the headboard. It was surprisingly heavy, and I wondered if it would feel the same when he was soft, or if the blood coursing beneath the surface added extra weight? I pushed the question back and stroked him a couple times, loving the way his hands fisted in the sheets and the muscles underneath me bunched as he tensed.
“Tess, please, you’re killing me here.”
It was my turn to laugh, but I did it while moving. His hands moved to my hips, helping me balance as I reached beneath to guide him to my entrance. My orgasm had left me wet and relaxed, but the sheer size difference between the two of us made it a tight fit. I put my hands on his stomach and closed my eyes, putting all my concentration on slowly lowering myself onto him.
He didn’t rush me, his hands remaining a source of strength without trying to direct me. When I finally had him completely inside me, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was full, almost uncomfortably so, but there’d been no pain.
I opened my eyes to find him watching me. Not my breasts. Not the place where we were joined. My face. He watched to see if I was okay, and that confirmed that I’d made the right choice doing this with him. No matter what happened after, the part of us that had always cared about the other was still there.
We took that care with each other as we moved together, easily finding that rhythm we’d always seemed to have. Any worry I might’ve had about this being awkward disappeared. Time hadn’t changed how well we knew each other, how well we understood each other. Even though these weren’t things we’d ever tried before, finding the ways to bring pleasure happened naturally between us as we touched and stroked and teased.
When his expression tightened, and I knew he was close, I took his hand and brought it where I needed it. Together, our fingers found that sensitive bundle of nerves and I showed him how I liked to touch myself, wanting us to come as close together as possible.
We didn’t need to wait long.
I came twice in quick succession, the first triggering his climax and the second making him cry out my name. I collapsed on his chest, too exhausted to even whisper his name, but I knew he’d understand.
He’d always understood me.
Seventeen
Clay
I was aware of a weight on my chest before I was even awake. Memories flashed through my mind as I rose to consciousness.
Soft golden skin that glowed in the dim light.
Curls the color of good coffee.
Small, firm breasts tipped with butterscotch-colored nipples.
Indigo irises that held such heat and desire that I felt my body responding to just the memory.
By the time I opened my eyes, my usual morning erection was excruciatingly hard. The delicate hand on my chest shifted restlessly, as if, even in sleep, Tess couldn’t stop moving. She had always been like that, even as a kid, but not in a hyper sort of way. More like she’d always felt as if she had so much to do, she couldn’t take a moment to rest.
I’d seen her sleep before, but not as an adult, and definitely not naked.
Which she was right now.
I looked down at where her cheek rested on my chest, then lower to the sheet and comforter that one of us had pulled around her shoulders. I couldn’t see much in the way of bare skin, but I could feel it. The heat of her body seemed to increase with my awareness of it. Or maybe it was simply the temperature of my own body rising as my arousal increased. It was impossible not to be turned on when I was lying next to her.
I brushed some hair back from her face, and she didn’t stir. I wondered how well she’d been sleeping these last few days, because I knew I hadn’t exactly been well-rested myself. In fact, right now, I felt better than I had in a while, and I knew it was thanks in large part to her.
She murmured something, her breath sending goosebumps racing across my skin. Almost automatically, my arms tightened around her, and she pressed herself closer against me.
The temptation to wake her with my mouth, take her high until she broke underneath my tongue and lips, then slide into her pussy, feel her clench around me, it was almost overwhelming.
I’d wanted women and had women. Hell, after I’d realized that Tess wasn’t going to call me back then, I’d fucked half the cheerleading squad and almost as many members of the girls’ cross-country team just to try to make myself feel better. It hadn’t worked.
But I’d never wanted anyone the way I wanted her right then.
If it had been merely lust, I might have given in and spent the morning satisfying some creative fantasies, but I’d experienced lust before, and this was different. The things coiling inside my s
tomach were deeper and more real than anything I had a right to feel.
And the more awake I became, the more I realized that these weren’t new feelings. These were emotions I’d tried for so long to pretend I didn’t have because I hadn’t wanted them. When she left that night and essentially disappeared, I’d told myself that the kiss hadn’t meant as much to her as it had to me, that she’d simply been upset, and I’d comforted her.
Now, I knew different. I knew the reason she’d walked away and never looked back. I also knew that if she’d never left, the two of us would’ve gotten together and stayed together. That everything I’d felt for her wasn’t only real but in the present. Nothing had disappeared or faded with time. I’d pushed everything down, but I hadn’t been able to get rid of any of it.
The longer I thought about all of it, the more awake I became, and the brighter the panic inside me grew.
We’d finally had it all out, but that had been our past. It didn’t tell me where we would go from here. It didn’t tell me what she expected or wanted. And I didn’t know what I wanted, not for real. Tess wasn’t some one-night stand or a friend with benefits. She wasn’t Rona.
Fuck.
I needed to go.
I couldn’t be here when she woke up, not when I didn’t have any answers to the questions I knew she’d have. I didn’t have answers for my own questions.
I eased out from under her and the covers at the same time, moving carefully until she was all alone in the bed. She made an annoyed sound but didn’t wake up as she burrowed under the covers. I didn’t take any chances though. I grabbed my clothes, pulling on only my pants before heading back to my room.
I needed to go back to The Black Cat and keep looking for the man with the birthmark. Tess would want to go with me. I didn’t need to wake her up to know that. She’d get dressed and come with me. We’d spend another day at the bar, talking, waiting. And then we’d end up right back here. In bed again.
Finding Brianne: New Pleasures Book 4 Page 8