“No she ain’t!” Lauren exclaimed, face twisted in disgust. “She’s just a little psychopath!”
“She’s twelve!” Sophie said again. “Maybe Jess’s right.”
“Dude!” Lauren grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “She’s team Aimee. She’s the enemy!”
“She’s. Twelve!” Sophie stressed. “I don’t think she has a team.”
“I don’t care if she’s five. That kid needs an exorcist!”
Sophie sighed, folding and unfolding the crumpled and used wad of tissue in her hands. “Maybe she’s really right. Maybe I really am wasting my time. What if he really doesn’t ever get over Aimee? She really is gorgeous and Spencer really does still love her. You can really see it.”
“That’s a lot of reallys,” Lauren mumbled.
Jessie frowned at her before turning her blue eyes to Sophie. “I don’t believe that. You’re beautiful on the inside and out. You’re smart and funny and—”
“Have great friends like us!” Lauren piped in, grinning.
Sophie chuckled. “I’ll agree with that last one, but … ” She shook her head. “I think I’m either being really selfish or really stupid letting myself believe he’ll ever pick me. Maybe it would be best if I just ended things now instead of waiting for him to break my heart.” She looked at her friends. “What do you guys think?”
Jessie lovingly smoothed back Sophie’s hair, tucking it behind her ear. “I’m with you no matter what you decide.”
Lauren shrugged. “I vote we go over there and throw holy water in that twerp’s face.” She sighed, rolling her eyes when Sophie laughed and nudged her with an elbow. “Okay, fine. I’m with Jess. I got your back whatever you decide.”
As touched as she was, their answer did nothing to help her decide. She was still completely in the dark about her next course of action. A large part of her was already determined to keep away from Spencer, to avoid the inevitable by saving herself a broken heart in the future, while the other part of her, the part couldn’t seem to shake Spencer Rowth, begged her to just keep trying. It was the part that kept telling her she was as good, if not better than Aimee and could win him if she put her mind to it. But what if it was wrong? What if all her efforts failed? Was she strong enough for that kind of rejection?
Monday was the first day of her new plan to break Spencer’s hold on her. She left her house a full half hour early for school, then spent every class she had with him, scribbling random nonsense in her notebook, pretending not to notice when he entered the room. Or she arrived seconds before the bell so there would be no chance for him to approach her. Then, she was packed and out the door as soon as the bell rang. By third period, she’d become so good at dipping and dodging through the crowds in the hallway, she half convinced herself she was part ninja. But she knew her luck wouldn’t hold up.
At lunch, she sat in the computer lab with Joe and ate. It had been so long since it had been the two of them that it felt nice. Joe was a whole other person when it was just them. He was funny and talkative, which was exactly what she needed.
“So what’s going on with you and Rowth?” he asked, taking a bite of the tuna sandwich she’d brought him.
Sophie sighed, shaking her head. “Don’t want to talk about it.”
“Is it over?”
The bite she’d taken of her sandwich went down in a solid lump. “I don’t know.”
Joe didn’t press her. He didn’t make soothing sounds or pet her hair. He took another large bite of his lunch, shrugged his shoulder and said, “I still say he’s a jerk and you deserve better.”
Sophie couldn’t think of anything to say.
After lunch, she hurried to her next class, relieved it was one of the few she didn’t share with Spencer. By the end of the day, she was exhausted and fully convinced she would not make it as a ninja. But even then, she loitered in the girls’ washroom until everyone in the school was gone before slouching home.
“One day down.” She tossed her backpack down on the floor next to her bed. “Three hundred and sixty-four more to go.”
Her luck somehow held for most of the week. She avoided Spencer like the plague, which meant avoiding the cafeteria, most of the halls and the courtyard, while spending a great deal of time in the computer lab. Joe didn’t seem to mind. Her teachers were getting fed up with her arriving just before the bell and her mother was becoming suspicious of Sophie’s mad dash out of the house in the mornings and late arrivals at night. In all, the effort it took to avoid a single person was a great deal more problematic than it was to just face them.
It was a good and bad thing when her luck ran out on Sunday.
Chapter Eighteen
“Why do you need to go to church early again?” her father asked as he backed out of their driveway.
Because she’d over heard her mother tell Jackie they would drive her and Spencer to church that Sunday and she still hadn’t braced herself for that meet and greet. But she didn’t say as much. Instead, she replied, “I want to help out.” Sophie winced at how easily the lie came to her. The fact that it regarded church only made her all the more sheepish and guilty.
Her father patted her lightly on the knee as he pulled up in front of the church a full hour early. “That’s nice of you,” he said proudly.
It took her nearly biting her tongue off to keep from blurting the truth. She gave him what she hoped was a bright smile before lunging out of the car. Her father backed out and pulled away with a wave. Sophie waved until he was out of sight, then turned and slouched inside.
Father Jacobs was coming down the stairs when she stepped into the sweet scent of lavenders. He looked surprised, but smiled warmly. “Sophia! What brings you so early? Are your parents with you?”
Sophie shook her head. “Dad dropped me off. He went to get Mom.”
“Ah!” he said as if it made perfect sense. “And what brings you?”
To confess! She wanted to cry. To confess what a horrible, lying person I am!
“I came to see if you needed any help setting up.” She almost ducked, half expecting to be struck by a bolt of lightning.
Father Jacobs blinked. “Well, that’s very thoughtful of you! I would love the help.”
There wasn’t much to do, she realized once she’d been given her task, but every task she was given, she threw herself at with a vengeance. She stocked bibles and hymn books into the pew slots, dusted the benches and even swept the floor, and still had forty five minutes to spare. She remained in the basement even as voices slipped through the hardwood. She stayed holed up in the storage room, surrounded by old hymn books, music sheets and other supplies. She stayed there until the first blare of reed pipes filled the building, before creeping upstairs and slipping into the bench next to Joe, keeping her face stubbornly forward, ignoring the eyes of Joe, her parents and Spencer on her.
After the service, Sophie slipped through the crowd and hurried into the basement once more, feeling very much like Quasimodo being banished to the bell tower. She wondered how long she could keep up this nonsense. Already she was fed up with her lack of spine. It would have just been easier to face Spencer and tell him what was up instead of playing this stupid game. She couldn’t just keep running from a guy that she would see every day for who knew how long. Besides, how did this make her better than Aimee? She was lying to him, keeping things from him and she was just being a coward all around.
Disgusted with herself, Sophie threw down a pamphlet and turned towards the door, determined to track down Spencer and tell him exactly … A shadow stepped into her path, blocking the door. A scream filled her lungs, only to rush out in a choked squeak.
“Spencer!” Her hand flew to her pounding chest. “You scared the hell … heck out of me. I was just about to come looking for … ” He stepped into the tiny, cramped space and closed the door behind him. Her heart began hammering for another reason entirely. “What … what are you doing?”
His intense gray eyes surveyed her, ro
oting her in place. “Making sure you can’t take off on me until I’ve had my answers.” He leaned against her only escape route and folded his arms. “Why are you avoiding me?”
“I wasn’t … ” She winced, squeezing her eyes closed. How many lies could she tell in the House of God before she was zapped? Best not to take any more chances. She opened her eyes. “Okay, I was. I’m sorry.”
“Why?” There was a dark calm about him that sent shivers down her spine.
She tried to moisten her lips, only to find that her tongue was as dry as sandpaper. She tried to swallow, with no luck. Every drop of spit in her mouth had traveled down to pool in her palms and under her arm pits. She tried to wipe her hands on her dress.
“Why?” he pressed when she took too long to formulate words.
“Because!” she blurted stupidly, realizing just how lame her logic sounded, even in her own head.
What exactly was she supposed to say? Oh, because I don’t trust you not to break my heart? Or maybe, you’re not making your heart mend fast enough and I want you to fall for me half as hard as I’ve fallen for you? Oh yes, that was bound to get her his affections, giving him an ultimatum in the church closet. What was worse, she’d acted like a complete child about the entire matter instead of facing it like a mature adult. Anything she said at this point would only come out petty.
Her shoulders sagged. “Nothing. Never mind. It’s not important.”
“That’s not going to fly.” He pushed away from the door and reached her in two quick strides, backing her against the shelf. He braced one arm on the shelf next to her head, trapping her completely. “I have a right to know what I did.”
The heat of his body swelled up around her, burning her through her dress. She fought not to shiver as it overwhelmed and took her over. His scent wove through her senses, tempting her to lean in close and breathe him in deeply. She almost closed her eyes before catching herself.
“You didn’t do anything,” she admitted.
“Then what?”
She raised her eyes to his face, confused and flustered by the raw passion and anger behind his eyes. He looked like a man on a mission, one that wasn’t about to back down without a serious fight, which baffled her.
“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Didn’t you want me to leave you alone?”
He jerked back an inch as if her words had the power to strike him. “Is that what you think?”
Sophie shook her head. “I don’t know what to think. You never made it any secret.”
“I thought we were past this,” he murmured so quietly she had to strain to hear him. “I thought I proved that I didn’t really want that.”
She thought of all the times he’d touched her, kissed her, looked at her as if she were the most magical thing in the world and felt tears prickle behind her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He ignored her apology. “But that isn’t why you’ve been running. Why are you pushing me away? Is there … ” He faltered. “Is there someone else?”
Without meaning to, Sophie laughed. “Someone else? How can there be when you’re all I think about?”
Something akin to relief washed over his face, as he dropped his shoulders in a sigh. The fingers on his free hand glided over the skin of her wrist. “Then what? What did I do, Sophie?”
The plea in his tone tore at her heart. It filled her chest with sharp barbs of pain. Her hands were lifting and flattening against his chest before she could stop herself. Her fingers curled into the soft material of his hoodie. “It’s not you. It’s me—”
He jerked away. “Don’t say that!”
She tightened her grip on him. “No! It really is. I’m selfish.”
He stopped trying to get away and focused on her. “What are you talking about?”
She bit her lip, redirecting the stinging in her eyes. “I don’t want you to go back to Aimee.”
Every muscle in his body went rigid. “What … ? Why would you … ? Suzy!”
Unable to meet the power of his gaze, Sophie dropped her eyes to the leering skull challenging her from his hoodie. “I know you still love her and I know I can’t change that, as much as I want to. I also can’t change your mind about me or us, if there is even an us, but … ” She bit down hard on her lip, tasting blood, but the tears refused to remain contained this time. They spilled down her cheeks. “I can’t stand the thought of being with you, only to have you leave me the moment she decides to want you back, which is stupid because you’ve made it clear you don’t even want me, but I want you and I don’t want you to want her, because I’m selfish and—”
His lips tore apart the rest of her words with a vicious kiss. His hard hands closed around her hips and she was lifted, propped against the shelf as he forced his hips between her thighs. Her arms hooped around his neck. Her fingers burrowed into his hair as she let every drop of her pain, want, hunger, desire, and passion pour over him in a flood of ravenous kisses.
“Lock!” he growled against her mouth, tapping her knee.
She did, closing her legs around his waist and locking her ankles at his back.
With a satisfied groan, he deepened the kiss, bruising and claiming her. His fingers worked through her unbound mane, clamping and keeping her captive.
“Not want you?” he hissed, pulling back just enough to nip on her bottom lip with his teeth. “I have never wanted anyone half as much as I want you, Blondie! Suzy means well, but she has no idea what’s going on. You should have come to me instead of listening to her.”
Dizzy and panting, Sophie shook her head. “It wasn’t just her. I just feel like this is doomed to fail. Like I’m Sisyphus.”
Spencer frowned. “Who?”
“Sisyphus,” she repeated. “He was punished by Zeus and had to push a boulder up a mountain, but each time he would get to the top, the boulder would slip and roll back down. I feel like I’m pushing you up this huge mountain and at any moment you’re going to slip and … ” She hung her head. “I’m so stupid.”
“Hey.” He nudged her chin up, giving her no choice but to peer into his eyes. “You’re not stupid. If anything, this is my fault. I haven’t been fair to you since we met and I’m sorry.” He kissed her, slow and sweet, stealing all her senses. “I want you, Sophie.”
“I don’t mean only like this!” She opened her eyes and peered up into his eyes. “I want all of you! I want you to be mine, only mine.”
His face softened. “How could you not see it?”
She couldn’t see anything except how beautiful his mouth was and how much she wanted it back on hers.
“What?”
His thumb traced her bottom lip. “That you’ve had me from the first moment we met.” He kissed her lightly once, twice, slow, sweet pecks. “The second I looked into your eyes … ” More kisses. “I was yours.”
Her doubts were on the tip of her tongue and her tongue was in his mouth, so she ignored her questions as she returned every paralyzing, bone melting kiss. She tangled her fingers into his hair and gripped him close.
“Sophie, are you in—” The door flew open and Joe’s silhouette froze on the threshold, his hazel eyes widening in disbelief as he took in the scene.
“Joe!” She quickly untangled herself from Spencer and straightened her dress. “What are you doing here?”
Joe blinked a few times, shaking his head as if trying to wake himself up from a nightmare. He stumbled out of the room, nearly tripping over his own feet as he turned and fled.
“Joe! Wait!” But he was already disappearing up the stairs. Sophie turned to Spencer. “I have to … ”
He nodded. “I’ll come with you.”
She shook her head. “I should talk to him alone.”
Spencer hesitated, but gave a slight nod. “Can I see you tonight?”
She smiled. “Yes!”
The uncertainty on his face melted into a grin as he touched her cheek. “Later, Blondie.”
With a last
glance at him, Sophie hurried after Joe. He was nowhere in sight by the time she reached the front of the church. But she knew where he would be headed and took off in that direction. Three blocks down, she spotted his hunched back trudging miserably through the light mist.
“Joe!” she called, running to catch up. “Joe, wait!”
He kept walking, head down, hands lost in the pockets of his tattered jeans. She caught up to him, taking a hold of his elbow to stop him.
“Joe, please!” she pleaded, placing herself in his path.
The soft rain glistened in his hair, dampening the wavy strands, plastering them to his shadowed face. “I need to get home,” he mumbled.
“Let me explain!”
“What’s there to explain? I saw you! You can’t deny it.”
She stepped in his way when he tried sidestepping her. “I’m not denying what you saw. I just … ” She trailed off, not exactly sure what she was apologizing for.
“You said it was over.”
“I said I didn’t know!” She inhaled deeply. “I really care about him, Joe.”
Joe staggered back as though she’d struck him. “How can you? You only just met the guy!”
“I’m not saying I love him! I just really like him, a lot.”
His face twisted into one of disbelief. “What’s the difference?”
“Well, if he asks me to marry him, I’ll more than likely say not right now.” It had been meant as a joke, but his face only darkened further.
“Not no.”
Sophie sighed. “Come on, Joe. I know you’re only looking out for me and think Spencer’s not good for me, but—”
“He’s not! He’s a jerk, you said so yourself.”
“He was a jerk,” she corrected. “But there’s a whole explanation behind that.”
Joe sighed, rolling his hazel eyes heavenward. “Every abusive relationship starts off with those exact words.”
Sophie staggered back. “Abusive relationship?”
“A jerk doesn’t just change overnight. He will always be a jerk. Trust me. I’m an expert on abusive assholes.”
Games of Fire Page 21