by Kit Tunstall
With those thoughts in mind, she pushed back the cover over her body and spent a moment staring at it before she realized someone was in the room with her. She looked up to find Raven seated near the bed. Her gaze softened when she saw Penny beside her. “There’s my baby. How are your babies?” She asked the question of Penny, who wagged her tail.
“Owen says they’re healthy. They’re sleeping in the other room, but we figured Penny would be comforting to you, so she’s spending her time between the outer room and your recovery room.”
Without thought, she held out a hand to her dog, and Penny came immediately toward her. Carrie realized she was extending the left hand, and she held her breath as she waited to see Penny’s reaction. The dog hesitated for just a second, sniffing her, and then her tail resumed wagging forcefully, and she jumped up to put her front paws on the bed and tried to lick Carrie on the face.
She reveled in the dog’s acceptance, wrapping her arm around her and allowing Penny to kiss her. Her face was still slightly tender, but it wasn’t painful to allow the dog to bestow affection, and she needed it as much as Penny did.
“The general will be here momentarily. He overrode Owen and insisted that the computer system in the base notify him as soon as you woke again. It was the only way we could convince him to go rest for a few hours. He hasn’t left your side until three hours ago.”
That warmed Carrie’s heart. “How long have I been out this time?”
“Two days. Owen thought it best to keep you completely sedated until you had finished healing. You’ll have a little bit of tenderness and an adjustment period, but you’re free to leave the medical center as soon as he examines and clears you.”
She was grateful for that consideration, siding silently with Owen. It was better to let her heal when she didn’t have to deal with the realities of the situation. She had enough emotional recovery and acceptance ahead of her that she was relieved to be able to bypass most of the physical discomfort of her new state. As it was, she currently felt exactly as she always had. “Do you have a mirror?”
Raven nodded as she stood up, moving around the bed to retrieve the requested object. She held it out a moment later.
Carrie lifted the mirror to look at her face, surprised to find the color of her skin had faded slightly. It was still blue, but it wasn’t quite as vibrant blue. The veins networking across her face and down her neck weren’t quite as luminescent either. They appeared to have settled in and blended well.
She opened her left eye as wide as she could, confirming for herself that the iris was now brown to match her other eye. Other than her blue skin and new veins, she looked almost the same.
Her nose was too perfect, but she didn’t actually mind that. She hadn’t been fond of her old nose, and rhinoplasty had been something she had considered as a one-day, vague possibility that she doubted she ever would have actually undertaken.
Hesitantly, she pushed the covers away completely and started opening the garment covering her. Raven averted her eyes, and she glanced down at the line bisecting her middle. It wasn’t nearly as obvious today. Both sides had faded and blended into each other in surprising harmony.
She still looked half-and-half, but it wasn’t as unsightly or as unsettling as it had been the other day. Hesitantly, she touched her right side, tracing a network of the luminescent veins moving across her chest and down her stomach. “I don’t remember seeing these the other day.”
“You probably required additional support for your new vascular system. Perhaps Owen upgraded your cardio system and your digestive system too. Whatever changes he made would have been to save your life, I’m sure.”
Carrie nodded, having accepted that. It was still a jarring sight to see how rapidly she had changed, though she was relieved that the changes were integrated with better attention to aesthetic today.
The door opened with a hydraulic hiss, and Davis rushed inside a moment later. Penny had still been leaning against the bed, her paws on top with her head resting on Carrie’s stomach, but she accepted Davis’s usurpation of her spot with what appeared to be doggie graciousness.
Carrie watched her dog pad out of the room, assuming she was going to check on her puppies, before finally bringing herself to look at Davis. At first, she wasn’t certain why she didn’t want to see him looking at her, but as his gaze focused on her left side and move down, she realized why.
She didn’t want him to like her new side better than her old. It wasn’t just about her accepting the changes. She was the primary one who had to conform and adapt to what had become of her body, but these changes could also fundamentally alter her relationship with her mate.
Strangely enough, she wasn’t worried about him being repulsed by the changes so much as she was concerned he would obviously prefer the cybernetic side to the human side. Would he find her lacking now that there was such a visible discrepancy between the two halves of herself, one showing him what she could be if she was fully like him? Would he wish for her to become completely cybernetic?
That seemed like a possibility in light of how Owen had been managed to save her and replace parts of her body that had been irreparably damaged, but that wasn’t something she even wanted to consider. In her heart, she was human and always would be, and she couldn’t imagine giving up that side of herself completely, even to please her mate—especially to please her mate. That sort of request would be the kind of thing that would destroy her soul and break her heart. It would also end the bond between them, and she braced herself to hear it.
He made no mention of her appearance as he bent his head and brushed a kiss against the left side of her face. The cyborg side.
She tried to shove aside the thought, reminding herself he was on the left side of her bed, because Raven was on her right. It didn’t mean he had a preference, or that he was drawn to the cybernetic side of her. She needed to give him time to adjust, and she certainly required the same. She couldn’t afford to dwell on such trivialities under the circumstances.
That didn’t keep her from periodically noticing that Davis remained on her left side even when Raven excused herself a few minutes later. His hands remained on her at all times, always touching one part of her. His right hand was firmly enclosed around her left hand, and his left hand brushed ceaselessly over her body, resting at different spots in different times as he talked to her in a soft and reassuring tone.
Each time he repositioned his hand, it was always to touch a part of her that now had blue skin, luminescent veins, and cybernetic parts. What did it mean? Was she letting her imagination run away with itself, or was he expressing an unconscious preference for the cyborg?
Chapter Nine
Owen had allowed her to leave the medical center that same night, and she had gone straight to Davis’s quarters, where she had remained for the past two days. The only time she left was to take Penny out to use the potty, and she had declined Raven’s assistance to act as her guard.
Was she still in danger from any of the cyborgs who might consider her a target? How could she be when she was technically a cyborg herself now? That didn’t mean she went around with a false sense of safety, and she kept her eyes open, but she saw no one for those two days.
Except Davis, who returned to quarters every night, bringing food to her. He’d been quiet and given her the space she needed for the first day, but he had pushed yesterday for some sort of interaction. She had put him off by saying she was tired, but she doubted he would let her cling to that excuse tonight. She still had no idea what she was going to say to him, and she didn’t know what she wanted from him—comfort or complete isolation.
She was on tenterhooks by the time he came in that evening, bearing the tray she had gotten used to seeing in his hand. She took it from him with a weak smile and started eating, hoping she could avoid conversation by keeping her attention focused on the meal.
Surprisingly, he didn’t try to speak to her as she ate. Instead, he interacted with Penny and
the puppies, who still did mostly nothing but sleep and eat. Their eyes weren’t even open yet, and on their own, they were absolutely adorable. Adding in the combination of Davis crouched on the floor, petting Penny while stroking a random pup, just about broke the cuteness scale. It sent warmth spiraling through her chest, and she set aside her tray to just watch him for a moment.
As soon as he became aware of her gaze on him, he looked up at her. His expression was tinged with confusion, but there was a steely determination in it as well. As he got to his feet, she braced herself to face him when she was still in a confused state herself.
He walked over to her, crouching on the floor by the chair where she sat, bringing them almost level. He took her hand in his, and she winced when it was the cybernetic one. Flinching, she tried to pull away, tugging harder when he wouldn’t allow it. “Let go. Please!”
He let out a broken sigh. “Have I done something? You’ve gone from pulling me closer to pushing me away. At first, I thought it was your injuries and needing healing time, but there’s more to it.”
She bit her lip before looking away from him. “I’m fine. I just don’t feel like…”
“Being touched?” He punctuated the words by lifting her hand and shaking it in a meaningful way. “It’s as though you can’t stand to have me touch you. Is it your new skin? Perhaps your nerve endings aren’t calibrated correctly?”
She stopped trying to tug away her hand, and she also surrendered to the tears burning behind her eyes. She was amazed to feel moisture on her left cheek just the same as her right when the tears started to flow. For some reason, she had envisioned that eye being unable to cry, though she knew it was technically identical, if not superior, to the human eye she’d had.
He looked alarmed by her tears, and he reached out for her without touching. “Are you in pain?”
She shook her head, and her tears flowed more freely when he cupped her cheek. His palm pressed against her human flesh, which should have been reassuring. Instead, it just made her cry harder.
Abruptly, he stood up and lifted her into his arms before she could protest or even think about turning away. Instead of doing so, she curled against him, unable to turn off the voice in her mind that noted he lifted her left side, so that her cybernetic skin pressed against him rather than her human side.
He took her to the bed, but only to sit down, and placed her on his lap, his arm around her as he firmly pressed her face against his shoulder. He didn’t speak as she cried, but he rubbed his hand up and down her back, precisely down the middle, soothing both sides of her.
Finally, when the tears abated, she lifted her head and looked into his gaze. She was embarrassed by her emotional display, but when she would have turned her head away, he cupped her chin to prevent her from doing so.
“Talk to me. Why are you crying?”
“How can you ask that? Look at me. I’m half… I don’t know what the hell I am.”
He frowned at her. “You’re alive, and that’s what’s important.”
Carrie nodded immediately, certain he was right about that aspect. Whatever she was, it was certainly better than being dead. “I don’t dispute that, and I’m happy to be here, but I don’t know what I am now.”
His expression softened slightly. “You’re Carrie Morgan, just the same as you always were. You’re my mate, and the woman with whom I’m falling in love.”
She stilled at the words, eyes widened in shock. “But…”
He arched a dark brow. “But what? Cyborgs can’t love?”
She bit her lip as she shook her head. “No, that’s not what I meant.” But was it? She had spent time with the cyborgs, and she had seen them interact. They had friendships and emotions, and they were fundamentally the same as the humans she had known in her previous life. It shouldn’t be any surprise to find out that they could love too. A sudden fear crossed her mind, making her heart skip a beat. “When did you start falling in love with me?”
Davis appeared puzzled by the question. “I can’t pinpoint an exact time. I felt drawn to you from the moment I saw you, and I thought it was the same for you?”
She nodded, absentmindedly wiping the moisture off her face when she realized it hadn’t completely dried. “But you didn’t say anything until tonight.”
He frowned. “I brought it up once when you first mentioned thinking your purpose here was to end the war, but I’ll concede the discussion quickly changed direction. There hasn’t really been an opportunity to mention it since, has there?”
“Maybe. Or maybe you just didn’t feel it with the same intensity until the last two days.”
He scowled at her. “What are you insinuating? I feel like I’m being accused of something, but I have no idea what the crime might’ve been.”
Carrie immediately softened her tone. “I’m sorry to sound accusatory, but I need to know…” She pulled her hands away from him and bunched them in her lap, unable to keep looking at him for a moment. His hand on her chin had slackened, but after a moment, it tightened to nudge her face up again.
“What do you need to know?”
“Do you like me better now that I’m half-cyborg? Do you prefer that side of me? Because I’m human, I think. I don’t want you to prefer the mechanical side, or pressure me to become fully cybernetic like most of you.”
He looked flummoxed for a moment before he blinked. “I would never pressure you to do such a thing. The reason most of us have fully cybernetic skin these days is strictly a matter of practicality. It heals faster, and most of us have lost our human flesh long ago in various battles.”
“Oh, but—”
He ignored her interruption. “It might surprise you to know when I first volunteered to be a cyborg, I had a cybernetic arm, two cybernetic legs, and a cybernetic exoskeleton implanted over my rib cage after it was irreparably crushed. Otherwise, I was still fully human, and my skin was similar to yours. I had patches of blue that blended with my human skin tone.
“Over the years, I’ve given up all human skin out of necessity, but that doesn’t mean I prefer a cybernetic state. I have no true preference, to be honest. It is what it is, and I’m happy to be alive. That’s the ultimate thing to celebrate about the technology we have. It keeps us alive, even if it slightly alters our appearance.”
“It’s more than slightly though.” She waved a hand down her body. “I look like someone literally sewed two disparate beings together.”
He let out a little sigh. “You look as beautiful as you did before, and I’m certain it will take you time to adjust, but the rest of us have already done so. You’re one of us now, even more so than you were before, but only physically. It’s up to you to fully integrate, and you were well on your way to doing so before the synthetic attacked you. The only person who can change that is you.”
She bit her lip until she tasted blood before abruptly withdrawing. “It’s just so different. What do I do now?”
“You can do the same thing you did before, which was stay on the base and help out around here, or you can join some of the scouting parties, or you could become a scavenger. We always have need for people to seek out supplies, especially terbium.”
She allowed herself to be briefly sidetracked from her identity crisis. “What’s terbium?” Raven had mentioned it once, but she hadn’t bothered to ask about it then. At the time, it hadn’t been relevant to her, but it suddenly seemed like it would be.
“It’s a derivative from bastnäsite or monazite, which we still have to mine. It’s critical for keeping our systems functioning and is a main component in our nutrient fluid. It’s fairly easy to find, but it requires hard work, and extra hands are always appreciated.”
Her eyes widened. “You’d let me go out there with the others to search?”
His mouth tightened. “I won’t like it, but I couldn’t stop you. I wouldn’t if it’s something you wanted to do, even though it’s not safe. It’s not safe for any of us, but that’s the reality. The other real
ity is if we don’t have terbium, we die. So if that’s your calling, Raven can take you out with her on her next mission. If you decide what you want, I’ll try to help you make it happen.”
It was the genuine acceptance in his eyes, along with the calm certainty in his tone, that eased most of her fears. While she was still a bit confused about her identity, and uncertain if she would be able to easily adapt to her new appearance, she was no longer concerned that he preferred the cybernetic side of her. He had accepted her as she was now far more easily than she could do herself.
He grunted when she unexpectedly shifted in his lap and pushed him down on the bed. He seemed surprised, but certainly not unwilling, when her fingers moved over him to strip off his clothing. He leaned back, arms splayed, and opened himself to her. Carrie appreciated the sign of trust, and she allowed herself to be as open with him as he was with her.
The kisses started out slow and gentle, but quickly escalated to needful. Her hand stroked down his body, her mouth soon following the trail her fingers had forged. He let out a harsh sigh when she reached her destination.
She slipped her lips around his shaft, encompassing his erection with her mouth and taking in as much as she could. She teased and stroked him with her lips and tongue, until he was moaning and arching frantically against her. Then she deepened the suction, reveling in the way his body jerked under hers just before he stiffened in her mouth and started coming.
After that, it was a blur of motion entangled limbs as he flipped her over, settled between her splayed thighs, and surged inside her. She discovered she was exactly the same on the inside as she’d always been, and her sheath clung to him tightly, and in a way that left no doubt of her welcome.