“Umm, okay.” Maybe?
She wasn’t sure how she felt about his proclamation. She doubted he knew either, considering the conflicting messages he was sending her.
No future. You aren’t alone. Two very different concepts, and her head was spinning, but one thing stood out. She’d hurt his feelings by not including him, but she’d never have thought Cole would be interested in the little things her doctor discussed with her about the baby.
She thought he’d . . . what? Hand her child support and walk away? Was that the kind of man she believed him to be? And if that was the conclusion he’d drawn, no wonder he was insulted by her assumption.
They finished eating and cleaned up in silence, Cole dealing with a mix of warring feelings. His emotional reaction to her doctor’s appointment caught him off guard. Way off guard. Since when did he want to be involved in things like doctor’s appointments? Where did these protective instincts for Erin even come from?
Yeah, he was the baby’s father, and he’d planned to do right by her and the kid, but even he hadn’t considered what that entailed. Maybe she hadn’t either, which meant he’d overreacted. But when her brother slammed him with what she’d gone through alone, something inside him had shifted, leaving him confused.
His head pounded and he decided he needed to talk to someone who could give him clarity, but who could he turn to? Not her brother, Mike. The man would likely throttle him. There was his stepfather, but he wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him just yet. Or with his mother either. And he sure as hell wouldn’t turn to his father. Cole let out a low laugh, knowing that the shit would hit the fan when his old man found out Erin was pregnant and Cole was responsible. He’d like to put that conversation off as long as possible.
Maybe his cousin Nick. The man was recently married, so he might have more of a handle on something like this than Cole did. He’d get in touch with his cousin soon. Because what Cole was feeling and what he was capable of giving were two different things. So was what Erin deserved. They might be completely compatible people on paper, and when they were together they were explosive, but Cole didn’t know how to live the family life Erin obviously craved. The one she’d grown up experiencing. The one she clearly desired—and he wanted her to have.
Eight
Dr. Reed squirted warm gel on Erin’s skin, then placed the ultrasound wand on her stomach. By now, the procedure was a familiar one, as he searched for the baby’s heartbeat. In a few seconds, the reassuring whooshing sound echoed throughout the room and Erin let herself relax. From the moment the doctor was able to let her hear the heartbeat, she held her breath each time the man did his scan.
“And that is your baby’s heartbeat, Mr. Sanders,” Dr. Reed said to Cole.
He sucked in a sharp, surprised breath and reached for Erin’s hand, squeezing it tight. His excitement was palpable, and she understood the feeling all too well. Unfortunately there were other emotions rushing through her too. Ones that made her feel fragile, raw, and vulnerable. With Cole beside her, Erin felt as exposed as her bare belly, his presence making her wish for things he’d flat-out told her she would never have.
At least, not with him.
Of all the reasons she hadn’t let herself think about including him in her doctor’s appointments, this overwhelming emotional pit in her stomach was the main one. Erin had dreamed of a family in her future, and one night had suddenly changed and complicated everything. She swallowed over the lump in her throat, determined to get through this with her dignity intact, and that meant no crying.
“Erin? Did you hear me?” the middle-aged ob-gyn asked.
Erin smiled at the man. He’d come highly recommended by her regular doctor, and so far Erin was pleased with his practice, his partners, and her choice.
“I’m sorry. Can you say that again?”
He smiled back indulgently. “You’re somewhere else today. I asked if you two would like to know the sex of the baby. You’re at the right time and my view is pretty good, so I’d say I can give you a pretty accurate answer. It’s up to you.”
Erin’s heart skipped a beat. In her excitement, she was about to answer when Cole’s voice stopped her.
“Can we have time to talk?” he asked the doctor, taking her by surprise.
“Of course. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He placed the wand in a holder and draped a paper sheet over Erin’s stomach before leaving them alone.
“This is overwhelming,” he said, taking her by surprise.
And, of course, with his admission, her heart melted. How could she keep him at a distance when they were sharing something so fundamentally important and deep?
“That’s how I felt the first time I heard the heartbeat and saw the baby on the screen.” She met his gaze, startled to find softness where there never had been any before.
“Makes me want to take a second look at myself. And a third and a fourth.”
The surprises kept coming. “Why?” she asked him. “I like what I see. We wouldn’t be in this situation if I didn’t.”
His lips turned down. “Then you see something my old man doesn’t and your brothers sure as hell don’t.”
Anger at Jed surged through her. She definitely wouldn’t be bringing him any more of her mother’s casseroles. As for her brothers, they would come around once they got over the shock of her pregnancy.
“Your father’s a harsh, unforgiving man who obviously wanted a clone of himself. Nothing less would make him happy. That’s not who you are. Your mom wouldn’t have left town with you if she didn’t want better for you both.” He still held her hand and she squeezed tighter.
“My mom’s great,” he agreed.
“And she took you away from Jed, right?” She held her breath, hoping he’d tell her more. That the intimacy of her lying here on an exam table, of seeing the black-and-white sonogram of their baby, would help him want to confide in her.
“I was a handful, make no mistake. The harder Jed pushed at me, the more I rebelled. So when he threatened to send me to military school, going so far as to make the calls and hang the brochures on the refrigerator, I knew something had to give.”
“What happened?”
“Got myself arrested. It was stupid. I was drunk. Me and another guy graffitied a wall downtown.” Cole grinned sheepishly, as if the memory had the power to embarrass him.
Despite the seriousness of the subject, Erin laughed. “What happened?”
“I wasn’t calling my dad.” He let out a harsh laugh. “I called Mom. She came and talked to me through the jail cell bars. She said she’d take me away from here and we’d make a life somewhere else, but only if I swore getting away from Jed would turn me around.”
“Wow.”
He nodded, his expression pensive and pained. “I promised. Hell, I wanted nothing more than to get away from the old man. Imagine my shock when I found out she felt the same. Her sister, my cousin Nick’s mother, gave her start-up money and the name of a friend in New York who’d promised to rent her an apartment. She took a secretarial job at a local PD and met Brody. He’s my stepdad.”
Erin fell a little in love with his mother at that moment, even if she barely remembered her. “Cole?”
“Hmm?”
She knew she was treading in dangerous territory, but the doctor hadn’t returned and she wanted so badly to get inside his head and understand him better. “If your mom was so good to you, why doesn’t her belief in you overshadow your father’s lack of it?”
Cole ran his free hand through his hair and groaned. “There’s only so many times you can hear negative shit before you start believing it yourself. By the time we got out, I’d had sixteen years of disappointing Jed under my belt.”
His words seared through her and she decided to change the subject to a more pleasant one. “Tell me about your stepdad.”
“That’s easy. Brody Williams is a good man. He fell hard for my mother, and she must’ve been miserable long before she left Jed
because she was open to a new relationship pretty fast.”
“Was he a good stepfather?” she asked, hoping Cole had had a positive male role model in his life at some point in time.
He nodded, his facial muscles relaxing with the new topic. “The best. He did everything he could to turn my head around. He got my arrest expunged from my record. If not for him, I wouldn’t have gone to the police academy, that’s for damn sure. I didn’t want anything to do with a legacy that was my father’s.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I wanted Brody to be proud of me.” Cole shrugged his shoulders, indicating it was that simple.
Maybe it was. Erin had certainly always strived to please her parents, though they hadn’t pressured her into her good-girl mode. For her it came naturally.
“Then you need to focus on the things Brody said to and about you, not the things Jed said.”
Cole treated her to a rare smile, and her stomach flipped at the sight.
“You can be damned sure he’ll be my role model for how to be a good parent,” he said, and Erin nodded in understanding.
She hurt for the childhood he’d had and the way his father emotionally abused him. Cole had so many more scars and dark places than Erin had realized, and it made her mad. Unlike Cole, she’d been blessed with a loving family. Sure, they had their share of dysfunction—her mom had been pregnant with Mike, another man’s child, when she’d married Simon Marsden. And just last year, Mike’s real father, Rex Bransom, had surfaced, bringing painful secrets with him. But her family had pulled together and survived because of the love they shared and the solid background her mother, Ella, and her dad, Simon, had given their children.
Erin wanted that same sense of security for her baby, and she just knew Cole felt the same way. He didn’t believe they could provide that environment together because he’d return to undercover work, but so what? Did that mean he couldn’t come back to her when he was finished? If that’s what they both desired? They wouldn’t know unless they tried to make things work between them before the baby was born.
She was scared, she admitted to herself, and suddenly she was ready for her parents to come home so she could confide in her mother. Ella had been through something similar . . . Why hadn’t Erin realized it before now?
The recognition made her smile.
“What are you grinning at?” Cole asked.
“I just realized some things.” Things that helped her look at her situation differently, just as Cole needed to do the same. “Don’t let Jed’s feelings define you as a man or as a parent, Cole. Just be yourself. Our son or daughter will be lucky to have you.” She tightened her hand around his.
His dark eyes heated, and corresponding warmth settled in her chest.
“Speaking of the kid, do we want to know the sex?” he asked her, breaking the silent but charged moment.
“I thought I did, but now . . . I think I’d like to be surprised. You?”
“Whatever you want works fine for me.”
Erin nodded, wishing the rest of her life with him could be as easily decided.
• • •
Cole sensed Erin’s unease when she arrived at work on Monday. Cole didn’t blame her. After all her arguing about the shooting being a fluke, she’d finally been forced to accept that for some unknown reason, a crazy person was after her. Maybe two crazies. Cole hadn’t wrapped his mind around which.
Ballistics should come in today, giving them answers, or at least a lead. In the meantime, he settled into his chair outside her office door, satisfied with knowing he had a firsthand view of whoever went in to see her. Especially when that smarmy boss of hers arrived not too long after she did this morning.
Dressed in a suit and tie, his brown hair expensively cut, the man looked like he’d stepped out of a magazine ad. He was too slick, and Cole had disliked him on sight. Carmichael walked past him without a word, which just made Cole want to give him a hard time—because he could.
Rising, Cole placed his arm across the doorway and cleared his throat.
Carmichael turned. “What’s wrong, Sanders? Need to pat me down before I’m allowed entry?”
“Evan, come on in,” Erin called, interrupting.
Probably on purpose. Cole lifted his arm and Carmichael shot Cole a smug look before stepping inside.
“What can I do for you?” Erin asked, sounding pleased to see him.
Cole insisted she keep her door open, enabling him to hear whatever went on when her boss commanded an audience. In Cole’s opinion, based on Carmichael’s fake charm and the way he constantly self-promoted, the man was the consummate politician, a man wrapped up in appearances only.
“I just wanted to remind you about our date Saturday night.”
Cole stiffened—despite the fact that he had no claim on Erin and made no bones about his lack of intentions regarding marriage and the happily ever after he knew she wanted. And regardless of the fact that his own choices might push Erin into the arms of another man.
One day.
In the very distant future, if ever.
But not this bastard. And not while Erin was sleeping with Cole.
“Oh no,” Erin said, sounding truly upset. A riffling of papers followed. “I completely forgot. And it wasn’t a date date, it was me accompanying you to the annual Bar Association dinner.”
“Call it what you want, I’ve been looking forward to it. And you know it’s important that we’re seen at this, what with me planning to run for state attorney general and you the logical successor to my office.”
“Evan, I never said—”
“Hush,” he said in an affectionate tone that made Cole’s skin crawl.
He itched to storm in there, but knew there was only one way that would end—badly. So he held his anger and frustration in check, bit his tongue, and waited.
“We both know you’re the perfect choice to take my place. Together we’re a power couple in this town, or we could be.”
Damn the man. He obviously viewed Erin and her family connections in this town as the perfect way to take his next career step. They’d be a power couple over Cole’s dead body. She was pregnant with his baby, and he wondered how Mr. Family Values would take that bit of news.
Tell him, Cole thought, with uncharacteristic possessiveness and need.
Erin whispered something Cole couldn’t hear.
“Just think about it. In the meantime, I’ll pick you up around seven. I want to get there in time for cocktails and schmoozing.”
“Umm—”
Cole had had enough. He rose and stood in the doorway, glaring at the other man. “Just how did you factor her bodyguard in to this occasion?”
Evan turned to face Cole. “Frankly, I didn’t. She’ll be perfectly safe with me for the evening.”
Cole raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re trained to protect her?” He folded his arms across his chest.
“Cut it out,” Erin muttered.
“Well?” Cole pushed, determined to verbally shove the other man out the door. “If someone shoots again are you willing to throw yourself in front of a bullet to protect her?”
Evan paled.
“Because I can assure you, I am. Trained, capable, and willing.”
Evan assessed Cole with a different look on his face now. “I still think you belong at this event, Erin. But maybe your . . . bodyguard is right. You need protection I can’t provide.”
And Cole could see what it cost him to admit it. For the first time, he dredged up a modicum of respect for the man.
“Your safety is of paramount importance, but so is your career. Having nothing to do with me, you need to be there this weekend.”
Erin rose to her feet. “I don’t even know if I want your job.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Evan stepped to the desk, ignoring Cole and meeting her gaze. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but remember something for me?”
She glanced up at him, her ha
zel eyes soft as if she sensed he had something important to say. Vulnerable, Erin was even more beautiful.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know what kind of game he’s playing, but trust me, he’s playing one. He’s been gone from here for how many years? And now he’s back, acting possessive and staking a claim, but he’ll be gone again soon. Everyone knows it, including your brothers.”
Erin straightened her shoulders. “Evan, you’re overstepping—”
“Maybe, but I’m not finished. He will leave, or at the very least, leave you.”
Cole had enough. “Do not presume to speak for me,” he said, holding on to his anger for Erin’s sake. If it were up to him he’d take the arrogant SOB down a peg, but she didn’t need added stress.
Evan didn’t react to Cole. “Mark my words, when he’s gone, you’re going to want your career to fall back on. Not to mention your friends, and no matter how I come off, I am that.”
Erin’s eyes glistened and Cole realized the bastard had hit a nerve.
“You’re finished, Carmichael.” Cole started for the man but Evan held up his hands.
“Take it easy. I’m going. And if you really cared about what was best for Erin? You’d do the same thing.” Carmichael stormed out of the room, his shoulder deliberately bumping Cole’s on the way out.
• • •
By the time lunch hour rolled around, Erin still hadn’t processed the scene in her office, and wasn’t sure she wanted to. Both men infuriated her. Good thing she already had lunch plans with Macy, the one person she could really talk to. And since she’d already given Cole her schedule when she came in this morning, there was no reason to speak to him now.
She strode out of her office. “I’m going to lunch,” she told him, and kept on walking.
He rose to his feet and kept pace with her as she made her way to the parking lot. The one good thing about her fit of pique was that she didn’t stop to worry about being scared, just pushed the thought out of her head and headed for the car.
“Are we going to talk?” he asked her.
Perfect Fling Page 10