With Cole.
And who knew where he’d disappeared to, but she had heard the alarm beeps, informing her he’d opened one of the exit doors and gone outside.
She was surprised a few minutes later when her mother walked into the kitchen with bags of groceries in her hands. “Mom! I can’t believe you’re here.” Erin hugged her mother, so happy to see her.
Ella put the supermarket bags on the counter and turned to Erin. “Give your mother a hug.” She held out her arms, and just like when she was little, in Erin went.
Her mother’s familiar scent wrapped around her, easing the ache in her chest “So?” Erin asked. “How’d you know?”
“Sam called and told me what happened. He said Cole asked him to have me run a few errands and come by, so here I am.”
Erin looked over her shoulder, but saw no sign of Cole. “Where is he?”
“Bringing all your new clothes in from the car, I’d imagine.”
“What?”
Her mother’s attractive face wrinkled in confusion. “He didn’t tell you? Cole asked Sam to have me go to the store where we went maternity shopping and replace everything that was destroyed,” her mom said, a diplomatic description if Erin had ever heard one. “He said to buy whatever we chose that day, and whatever else I found that you’d like.” With a twinkle in her eye, one that indicated how pleased Ella was with Cole’s behavior, she turned away and began unpacking the groceries.
Erin stood stunned, unable to process what she’d heard. “Cole said that?”
Her mother nodded. “And he took the bill from me when I pulled in. He’s paying for it all. Now close your mouth, you’re catching flies.”
Erin lowered herself into the nearest chair, needing to think about Cole’s actions. On the one hand, they made sense. It was obvious she had nothing to wear—right now she was in a pair of her biggest drawstring sweats and one of his old T-shirts, which he’d left out for her on the bed. But the easiest thing would have been to have her mother pick up a couple of items until Erin could shop for herself again.
But to replace everything? And add more? And pay for it all himself?
“Guilt,” Erin said out loud. “He feels responsible that my life has been turned upside down and my clothes ruined, probably by some psycho stalker, and he blames himself.”
“Maybe.” Ella’s eyes narrowed at Erin’s conclusion. “Or maybe he wants to take care of you and this is the way he thought to do it.”
Erin wrinkled her nose at the notion. “Doubtful.”
“Oh ye of little faith. Even your brother seemed impressed,” her mother said.
“Sam?”
“Yep. He said he doubted he would have done something that thoughtful. Then Mike said—”
Erin jumped up from her seat. “I don’t want to hear Mike’s negative comments.” She stuck her hand in the nearest bag and began helping her mother put away the groceries.
“You’ll want to hear this,” Ella said. “Mike actually told Sam that no man would think that way unless he cared about the woman in question.”
Erin froze in the process of putting eggs in the refrigerator and turned to her mom. “Mike took Cole’s side? He said he thinks Cole cares about me . . . that way?” Shock and disbelief reverberated through her.
Erin knew Mike paid lip service to cutting Cole slack, but she didn’t believe her protective older brother would actually do it.
Ella nodded. “Of course, then Mike ribbed Sam about his single status and ended by informing him that only when Sam fell that hard would he understand.”
“I think I might faint,” Erin muttered.
Her mother chuckled, shutting the fridge door behind Erin. “Over which part? Mike taking Cole’s side? Or the possibility that he might be right and that man might really be falling for you?”
Erin closed her eyes, wishing with everything in her that Mike had a point, that Cole could care about her—as deeply as Mike loved Cara.
“I know how I feel, what I want—and sometimes I think I’m on the verge of breaking through to him. But then something clicks in his male brain and he withdraws. It’s like he’s feeling too much and it scares him.”
“Maybe that’s true. Remember, he doesn’t have two parents who are still together like yours are. By the time his mother married her second husband, Cole was older. Cynical. With his negative views about himself already formed by Jed. You know how young and impressionable children can be damaged by bad parenting.”
“Cole said the same thing to me once. When I asked him why his stepfather’s positive views of him didn’t override his father’s negative ones.”
There’s only so many times you can hear negative shit before you start believing it yourself. By the time we got out, I’d had sixteen years of disappointing Jed under my belt.
She shivered at the memory. “Every time he pushes me away, I promise myself I won’t react. But it hurts, and I push back.” This time, she had done worse than that.
Unless and until you’re ready to commit to an us, don’t you dare ask me to call it anything else. Because you’re right about one thing. The way you’re behaving right now? I do deserve better.
She’d reacted with hurt and anger, hormones and frustration, and by doing so she’d validated his worst fears about himself. She rubbed her hands over her eyes.
“You’re human, Erin. You can’t blame yourself for acting like it.”
She forced a smile for her mother’s sake. “You’re the best, you know that?”
“So are you, honey. And so is that man of yours.”
Erin nodded in agreement. She knew that. Now. “I just wish he believed it too.”
Her mother patted her shoulder. “If anyone can show him the error of his ways, it’s you.”
Erin shook her head, not as certain as her mother in her abilities. Sure, it was easy to see things clearly when not overwhelmed with him. By him.
Now to somehow remember that when dealing with the hardheaded but warm-blooded man she desperately wanted for herself.
• • •
Cole stared at the ceiling in the bedroom, wondering how his life went from the solitary living being undercover entailed, to . . . this completely complicated fuckup. Didn’t matter, anyway. One thing he knew for sure—this ended. Now.
Erin’s outburst merely cemented what he should have known all along. She wasn’t cut out for his kind of life or affair. Every time he was with her, he gave her false hope, only to pull it away again when he withdrew. No more.
The way you’re behaving right now? I do deserve better.
And he intended to make sure she got it, by getting her through this stalker mess with what was left of her emotions and pride intact, then walking away. Just like he should have done all along.
Cole’s cell phone rang, interrupting him from his painful thoughts. “Sanders,” he said, happy to talk to someone, anyone, to take him out of his own head.
“It’s Rockford.”
“What do you have for me?” Cole asked, eager for any news that would end Erin’s nightmare faster.
“When do I get you back?” the other man asked.
Cole wasn’t in the mood for games. “Never, if I don’t get some answers.”
Rockford cursed.
Cole braced his free hand beneath his head. “Not joking.”
“I can’t believe you’re threatening to sacrifice everything for a piece of ass.”
Cole clenched his jaw tight and he actually thought he might burst a blood vessel. “Talk about her like that again, and I’ll offer my services to the federal government instead.”
His boss let out a low groan. “She’s not just your baby’s mother.” Another round of cursing commenced. “And I’ll be losing you anyway.”
“No, you won’t. Give me what I need and I’ll be back before you know it.”
He could hear the sound of shuffling papers in the background. “Victoria Maroni went AWOL on Witness Protection after she testified.”
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Cole bolted upright in bed. But instead of swearing up a storm or going crazy, everything inside him went silent, much as it did when he was undercover and things were about to come to a head. “The Feds didn’t follow up on her?”
“Why should they? She did her job, testified, and the guy was convicted. They won’t spend man power or money to keep track. She’s not their problem anymore.”
But she was his, and Cole had just gotten proof that Victoria had dropped off the grid.
He ran a hand through his hair. The crazy woman could be anywhere, including Serendipity. But how the hell could she have been in such a small town all this time and not have drawn attention to herself? Unless she just came and went, slipping in and out unnoticed.
“You there?” Rockford asked into the silence.
“I’ve got to follow up on something. I’ll be in touch.”
“Hey! I got you your information. You owe me—”
“Talk to you later,” Cole said, disconnecting the call. He immediately dialed Mike. “Pull photos of Victoria Maroni. Show them to John Brass, see if she’s the brunette who hired him.” Cole felt certain she was behind the shooting and was now stalking Erin, but he wanted to build an airtight case.
“Who was that?” Erin asked, joining him in the bedroom.
“Where’s your mom?”
“She left.” Erin pointed to the phone, indicating she expected an answer.
“That was Mike.” He explained everything he’d learned up to that point.
“So basically all we have now is confirmation.”
He nodded.
“That and a buck fifty will get me a bus ticket.” She began pacing back and forth on the plush cream carpet.
“But now we have a face. Your brothers know who to look out for. It’s a small town and if they show her photograph often enough, someone’s bound to have seen her.”
Erin paused. “Okay, I’ll think positive,” she said, correctly interpreting his unspoken message.
“Good.”
“Cole?”
“Yes?” he asked.
She stepped to the bed, settling next to him. His T-shirt was huge on her leaner frame, but he liked her in his clothing. It was a damn fine view, especially since he wouldn’t be seeing her undressed anymore.
“My mother told me about the clothes you had her buy.”
“They’re hanging in your closet. I brought a few shopping bags of things in too.” He hadn’t wanted to go through the more personal items.
“I’m . . . well, thank you. It was beyond sweet of you to have her replace everything and—”
“You lost everything. It was the least I could do.” He really didn’t want her making him out to be some sort of nice-guy hero. Just because he replaced her clothes didn’t mean he could give her what she expressly said she wanted.
His head pounding, he rose to his feet.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
This was it. “Moving my stuff into another room.”
Erin reared back as if he’d slapped her. Exactly how he’d felt on hearing her words, knowing that each time he indulged in her sweetness, he was hurting her more and more. Yet he wasn’t doing this for payback. He really was trying to be a decent guy. Sleeping with her when she wanted more? That would be more cruel than pulling back now.
She folded her arms across her chest. “That night at Joe’s, you agreed. Whatever it is, for as long as it lasts. Isn’t that what we said?” Her voice quivered, but she kept it together.
“That was before I realized how much I’m hurting you. I’m in, we sleep together, you hope for more, I pull away . . . it’s a vicious cycle. You deserve better. At least now we both agree on that.”
She looked down, ran her tongue over her lips, clearly collecting her thoughts before speaking. Finally she raised her head and looked at him head-on. “You know I said that out of frustration. I’m pregnant and hormonal. This whole enforced confinement thing is getting to me and it hasn’t even started yet. Don’t use my stupid words, said in the heat of the moment, as any kind of agreement. I told you all along, you’re not the man Jed says you are.”
“But I told you all along, I’m not the man for you. As soon as this stalker situation ends and you’re safe, I’m expected back in Manhattan. They’ll brief me and send me back undercover for who knows how long. I can’t call. Text. Check in at all. It’s not any kind of life you’d want.”
“Says you.” Anger shimmered in her eyes, which narrowed.
“Someone has to be rational.”
“And you telling me what I can or can’t handle, or better yet, what I do or don’t want in my life, that’s rational?”
“Yes.”
She blew out a long, clearly pissed-off breath. He waited for the explosion he felt sure was coming. Instead she turned and in silence started for the door.
“Where are you going?”
She swung back around. “I don’t know. But I have thirty-five hundred square feet to find a place far away from you.” With that, she walked out.
And Cole’s headache turned into a full-blown pounding in his temples.
• • •
Cole didn’t know how much more of this he could take. Two days had passed since he moved out of the master bedroom. By dinnertime on Monday, Erin had gotten over her fit of anger, but as the next couple days passed, Cole realized she’d changed the rules between them drastically.
Whereas she’d been letting him cook for them both when they were at her house, insisting she clean up in exchange, now she was taking care of herself. She beat him to the kitchen for every meal, heating up her mother’s food, adding a premade salad for dinner, also courtesy of her mother, and leaving him to figure out his own breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Of course, he was free to join her, she’d told him, and to eat whatever she was having if he wasn’t in the mood to cook. But she wasn’t doing anything for him.
She handled her own laundry but didn’t touch his. Straightened up the master bedroom and bathroom, along with anything she used in the kitchen, but left him to clean up after himself. She was perfectly pleasant and completely aloof, treating him like . . . she’d treat any bodyguard who’d been hired for the job.
No, he realized. Knowing Erin, she’d be nicer to someone hired to watch over her than she was to him. In fact, he felt sure she’d offer to heat up a second slice of lasagna along with her own, or pour a salad into an extra bowl.
He’d thought she wasn’t angry at him anymore, and maybe she wasn’t—but she clearly had an agenda. One he’d yet to figure out. All he knew was that they were in the same house, living even more separate lives than before they’d started sleeping together again.
She was back in independent Erin mode, and as much as he respected it, he hated it at the same time.
He stalked to the sliding glass doors of the kitchen and looked out, only to see her sitting in a lounge chair, a glass of water on the table, along with an e-reader of some sort beside it. She talked on her cell phone, waving an animated hand in the air.
But what struck him hardest was the bathing suit she’d chosen. Alone and away from friends, family, and prying eyes, Erin had chosen a purple bikini. A two-piece number that left nothing to the imagination.
The all-purple top exposed her now even more generous cleavage, while the bottom was the same color, cut high on the thigh, but a white band cut across her belly, and she’d rolled it down lower than necessary, enabling her to tan. He took in her generous curves and her softly rounded stomach and ground his teeth so hard, he wondered if he’d crack a molar.
Torturing himself wasn’t his style, and he’d just turned away when the doorbell rang.
Grateful for any reprieve, he went downstairs to answer it, surprised to see Mike and Cara waiting on the front porch.
He let the couple inside. “What’s up?” Cole asked, hoping like hell he wasn’t in for any kind of brotherly lecture.
“Cara wanted to see how Erin was doing and I
figured I’d tag along.”
“Erin’s out back. I’m sure she’ll be happy to have company.” Since she wasn’t including him in her daily interactions and plans.
“Let’s all go out back. It’s nice out.”
“This way.” Cole led them to the kitchen and the sliding doors, taking them out back.
Erin didn’t seem all that surprised to see them, and when Cara stripped off her top, revealing a bikini that Mike couldn’t stop ogling, Cole wondered if Erin hadn’t invited the couple over without his knowledge.
At this point, nothing Erin did should surprise him. Acting like the host of the house, he offered everyone a drink, brought sodas out back, and finally got himself settled in a chair next to Mike.
“You look like hell,” Mike said, stretching his legs out in front of him.
“Thanks. Aren’t you two supposed to be at work?”
Mike grinned. “It’s Cara’s day off and I’m the boss.”
“Any news?” Cole wanted Victoria caught already.
Mike shook his head. “Positive ID on Victoria Maroni as the one who paid Brass to shoot Erin, but that’s all. In the meantime, I’ve got people watching Erin’s house and your apartment. We’ve both got people in Manhattan covering Maroni’s favorite places before she went into Witsec. And we’re discreetly showing her picture around Serendipity at places like the supermarket or Joe’s. Nothing.”
Cole exhaled low and hard. “I’m losing it,” he muttered.
“I noticed there’s been no looks between you two, no little touches, what gives?” Mike eyed him warily.
Cole didn’t have much to lose by telling the truth. “You’ll be happy to know I’ve come to my senses. I’m giving Erin space until this is over and I’m gone.”
Mike raised an eyebrow. “You are one stupid fuck. Almost as dumb as I was,” he said, laughing.
“What’s so funny over there?” Cara called out.
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