by Kathy Herman
“Her father’s friend told you it wasn’t her choice to leave Cambridge. Maybe it wasn’t her choice to leave Foggy Ridge either.”
Reza lifted his gaze and looked at Hawk as if that possibility had never occurred to him.
“It’s hard not knowing,” Hawk said, “but I don’t think either of us is ever going to have the answers.”
“You do not seem sad,” Reza said.
“I am, though. More than you can possibly know. I’m just very good at hiding my emotions. I miss her. I suppose, on some level, I always will.”
“What do we do now?” Reza said. “I guess we call the police. And I am going to jail.”
“Not if I don’t press charges,” Hawk said. “What happened tonight was a case of temporary insanity. You will have to answer to the sheriff, who happens to be a good friend of my family. But he’s a reasonable man.”
Reza buried his face in his hands and sobbed. “I am so ashamed. I have never before in my life hurt anyone. Forgive me, Hawk.”
“I forgive you. How about cutting me loose?”
The screen door flew open. “Get down on the floor!” Virgil shouted. “Put your face down, and lock your hands behind your head. Do it!”
Reza obeyed without saying a word.
Billy Gene grabbed Reza’s left arm and pulled it behind him, and then the right, finally putting on the cuffs. He stood him up. “What’s your name?”
“His name is Reza Turan,” Hawk said. “He’s a friend of Kennedy’s. We’ve both had a really bad night.”
“Get him out of here,” Virgil said.
Billy Gene led Reza away, reading him his Miranda rights.
“How did you find me?” Hawk said.
“We got the GPS coordinates for your phone.”
“I didn’t think I had it. It’s not in my pocket.
“We found it on the floor of Reza’s truck.” Virgil cut the rope and freed Hawk, looking closely at his eye. “You’re going to need stitches.” Virgil took a clean handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to Hawk. “Hold this over your eye and apply some pressure. You want to tell me what this was about?”
Hawk shrugged. “Just another piece of the puzzle. He and Kennedy, or I should say Abrisham Kermani, were engaged to be married five years ago. She disappeared without a good-bye. He never believed she left of her own volition.”
Hawk highlighted for Virgil everything that had happened to Reza from the time he got the call that Abrisham was in Foggy Ridge, until tonight when it all came down on Reza and he had a meltdown.
“Put yourself in his shoes,” Hawk said. “After five long years he thought his beloved was waiting for him. That’s all he could think about as he drove from Cambridge. And when finally he got here, the bottom fell out of his dream and she disappeared again. He lost it, Sheriff. But he’s not a criminal.”
“I’ve got half a dozen charges to throw at him that say he is.”
“I’m not going to press charges,” Hawk said. “He’s already spent five years in an emotional prison. I know he won’t get off without probation and/or community service, but putting him behind bars won’t serve anyone.”
“He could’ve killed you.”
“He didn’t.”
“The DA may decide to file charges, Hawk. It’s not entirely up to you.”
“Well, I’d like to talk to the DA.”
“Why do you want to help Reza?” Virgil said. “You don’t even know him.”
“I understand how tortured he feels. He lost Abrisham without a good-bye and with no understanding of why. So did I. Only I believe their love was real and true—the kind that almost never comes around again.”
“She’s dead, Hawk. Doesn’t he deserve to know?”
Hawk sighed. “Probably. But not tonight. Besides, I couldn’t tell him without raising even more questions—and I don’t have any answers.”
The flash of red lights outside caught Hawk’s attention.
“That’s Hobbs,” Virgil said. “He and Billy Gene are going to take Reza down to the jail and process him. I’m going to take you to the ER. Your family’s waiting.”
Hawk glanced outside and saw Reza, his hands bound, being put into the back seat of the deputy’s car.
“You ready?” Virgil said.
“Just a second …” Hawk’s voice cracked, and he turned away and swallowed the emotion, blinking away the tears that threatened his composure. Finally, he said, “Sheriff, I did everything in my power to help Romo catch a despicable man who wanted to kill Kennedy. Can’t you do something to help a broken man who just wanted to love her?”
Chapter 33
Hawk sat on the porch swing, having a cup of coffee and watching the sky turn pink in anticipation of Sunday’s sunrise. His family had gone to bed a couple of hours ago, hoping to get some sleep before they went to late church, after which Riley’s bus would arrive from camp.
Virgil must have filled them in because no one in the family had asked him questions at the ER or on the drive home. Not that there was anything he wanted to talk about. They already knew from Jesse how and why he had left the house with Reza. They could clearly see from Hawk’s cuts and bruises that it had gotten violent.
They would never understand that being with Reza had made him miss Kennedy more than ever. But it had also exposed again the shallow nature of his relationship with her. It wasn’t until after she disappeared that Hawk began to sense that something had changed in him. That the relationship he thought was merely physical had bonded him to Kennedy on an emotional level. He had no frame of reference for it, and he didn’t even know whom to ask.
He breathed in slowly and exhaled. What was going to happen to Reza? Hawk couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t feared for his life when Reza raged out of control. But how much pain can the human heart bear before it erupts? Hawk had played over and over in his mind the picture of Reza standing at his true love’s door, holding red roses and thinking she was going to welcome him after five long years, only to have her dismiss him as the florist and declare her love for another man. And then disappear again.
Hawk blinked the stinging from his eyes and took a sip of lukewarm coffee. He felt so lost. What direction did he have for the future? He had been building on his relationship with Laura Lynn for almost two years. He had money in the bank, ideas for building a house, and now no one to share it with. And no one to blame but himself. He had traded a few weeks of pleasure for a dream. What a fool.
The front door opened and Elliot came outside holding a mug. He breathed in deeply and let it out.
“Why are you up already?” Hawk said.
“Probably for the same reason you are. Do you mind if I sit? If you’d like to be by yourself, I’ll go for a walk.”
“No, I’m fine,” Hawk said. “Come sit.”
Elliot sat on the swing. “Reza really clobbered you.”
Hawk smiled. “Yeah, for a short guy, he packed a wallop.”
“I remember the first time I came home with a face that looks like yours,” Elliot said. “My dad stayed out of it. But Mother lectured me for days on the virtues of not fighting.”
“I’ve already had that lecture,” Hawk said. “I’ve stayed away from it whenever I can.”
Elliot nodded. “I did too. But some big ape on the football team thought I’d make a good punching bag.”
“Did you tell your mother that’s what happened?”
“No. I didn’t want her running to the school, trying to defend me. It would’ve made things worse. I went out for the track team and built up my strength and speed until no one could catch me.” Elliot laughed. “Believe it or not, it worked.”
“Hard to run when you’re tied up,” Hawk said.
Elliot patted his knee. “I know. I felt tied up, until I didn’t.”
“Meaning what?”
“Hawk, I know you relate to Reza’s pain. But you’re not responsible for it. As long as you think you are, you’re going to feel tied up.”
“I know that in my head. But last night, his pain was so real. So personal. I wasn’t even mad when he lashed out. I understood why he did.”
“It’s one thing to understand. It’s another to excuse it. If he gets by with it this time, what happens next time he has a meltdown? He could have killed you.”
“I know,” Hawk said. “A couple of times I thought he might. Maybe I felt I deserved it.”
Elliot took a sip of coffee and seemed to be thinking. “Hawk, did you confess your affair and truly lay it at Jesus’s feet?”
“Of course I did.”
“Then He showed grace by forgiving you, which you didn’t deserve. And mercy, by not giving you hell, which you did deserve. We all deserve it for something. That’s why we need Him.”
Hawk nodded. “Thanks for reminding me. It’s easy to fall into that trap of feeling like we deserve to be punished and forget that He already took our punishment once and for all time.”
Elliot smiled. “Now remember to remember.”
“I will. I really hope the judge shows Reza a little mercy and doesn’t incarcerate him. He’s already been in an emotional prison for five years.”
“We can pray that God will see that true justice is done. How can we ask for more than that?”
“Fair enough. I’m really sorry, Elliot. I didn’t mean to wreck Riley’s homecoming.”
“Are you kidding? After the stress of the past week, all of us can hardly wait for her happy chatter to fill the house!”
Hawk laughed. “Yeah, our pipsqueak is never dull. What are we going to tell her about this week? About my face?”
“We can’t tell her about the FBI operation,” Elliot said.
“And we shouldn’t scare her by telling her a man broke in and tied up Jesse and took me at gunpoint.”
“How about we just tell her that you tried to help a man work through his anger, and you learned what not to do?”
Hawk laughed. “That’ll work.”
That afternoon, while the family was sitting around the kitchen table, eating chocolate-chip cookies and listening to Riley’s wonderful camp adventures, Hawk slipped away to make a phone call.
He sat on the porch steps and keyed in Dennis’s number. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to him since they gave their statements to Sheriff Granger.
“Well, if it isn’t the Hawk Man,” Dennis said. “What’s up?”
“Oh, you know, same old.” You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. “The sheriff finally called to tell us that the FBI didn’t find any evidence of foul play in Brody’s death.”
“That’s what they said.”
“You’re not buying it?” Hawk said.
“They had no reason to lie about it. My aunt and uncle are relieved.”
“I’ll bet,” Hawk said. “It’s been an emotional roller coaster.”
“For sure. I miss Brody. I know he was quirky, but we grew up together. He was the brother I never had. I really thought he’d been murdered. It’s going to take awhile for my emotions to shift gears.”
“But truthfully,” Hawk said, “it’s very feasible that Brody got paranoid after he witnessed the drone attack and imagined he was being followed.”
“I know. I had my doubts at first. I’m moving past it. No one’s bothered me, and I know everything Brody knew. Does the FBI have any leads on Kennedy’s disappearance?”
“That’s part of the reason I called,” Hawk said. “Kennedy didn’t make it. Special Agent Romo told me himself.”
“I’m sorry, man. What happened?”
“That’s classified. I was just told that she’s dead. I knew you’d want to know.”
“How are you handling it?” Dennis said.
Hawk looked up at the hummingbirds dive-bombing the feeder. “Not that well. I only knew her for six weeks, and yet I think about her all the time.”
“You think some of it could be survivor’s guilt?”
“Sure,” Hawk said. “I’ll probably wonder for the rest of my life why I got to live and she didn’t. I hope someday I’ll be able to shake the horrible images I see when I think about her being kidnapped by eight men. But I honestly think there’s more to it than survivor’s guilt. I just have a big hole inside right now.”
“Well, you lost Laura Lynn at the same time. A double whammy.”
“That’s probably it,” Hawk said, knowing it wasn’t. “So are things getting back to normal at the garage?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I still think a lot about the drone attack. It freaks me out that we don’t know who was behind it.”
“I know what you mean,” Hawk said. “If I never hear the word classified again, it’ll be too soon. But some things are just not ours to know. At least we can put aside our suspicions about Brody’s death.”
“Hawk, I’ve never thanked you,” Dennis said.
“For what?”
“For being nice to Brody. You’re about the only one of my peers who accepted him the way he was.”
“I grew up with him too,” Hawk said. “He was different, but he wasn’t hard to like. I never gave it much thought.”
“I did. But I never said thanks, so I’m saying it now. I know Brody was a handful. At least in heaven he’ll be whole …” Dennis’s voice cracked. “Sorry, it’s still so fresh.”
“I guess we’re both grieving for different reasons,” Hawk said. “When my dad was killed, people told me the only way to deal with grief is to walk straight through it, that if you try to sidestep it, it’ll come back with a vengeance somewhere down the road.”
“Oh, great.”
“Seriously, man. Let yourself feel whatever you feel, and don’t worry about it. Thankfully it doesn’t last forever. It really will get better.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Dennis said. “I hope you take your own advice.”
“I will. What choice do I have?”
“Don’t be a stranger, Hawk Man.”
“Never a stranger. Always a friend. We’ll talk again soon.”
Hawk leaned his head back and let the warm sun melt over his face. It felt more like years than days since Romo told him that Kennedy was dead. He knew that never seeing her again, never having the chance to tell her the truth about himself, was just something he would have to live with. But he was unprepared for the insight he’d had this morning after his family left for church.
He had sat for a long time on the porch swing, his mind playing over and over again last night’s dramatic encounter with Reza, in an effort to understand why he felt so compelled to help him. Hawk prayed for wisdom and understanding. It was as though his eyes were opened for the first time, and he had a painful and sobering insight about his affair with Kennedy.
From the beginning, Hawk sensed that Kennedy was much more invested in the relationship than he was. In those intimate moments when Kennedy gave herself to Hawk as if he were all that mattered—unselfishly, unashamedly, as if she were letting go of pent-up feelings for which she had no other means of expression—he had concluded that sadness over losing her parents had filled her heart with emotion. That was true, but not for the reason he had thought.
It was suddenly clear to Hawk that, from somewhere deep in the heart of Kennedy Taylor, Abrisham had been expressing her love for Reza, a love she knew would never be consummated, but a love that kept her from falling into crippling despair at their forced separation. That was why she looked horrified and ashamed when she saw Reza on her doorstep. She had never expected to see him again and didn’t want him to judge what he saw at face value.
Hawk wiped away a tear that trickled down the side of his face. Reza had correctly judged Hawk’s intentions at face value. Lust had been his sol
e motivation. Reza’s intentions toward Abrisham had always been unselfish and honorable. Hawk was ashamed that his had been shallow and self-serving. Even so, that intensely intimate experience had changed Hawk. It had bonded him to Kennedy, and now it was difficult to let her go. At the same time, it was impossible not to feel Reza’s gut-wrenching sorrow as his hopes were dashed a second time.
Lord, I am so sorry. I had no idea how complicated this would be and how much it would hurt.
“There you are,” Jesse said.
Hawk quickly sat up and wiped his eyes. He rose to his feet, then turned around, facing Jesse. “I just got off the phone with Dennis. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him since we gave our statements.”
“Are you okay after last night?” Jesse said.
“I’m getting there. Did the sheriff tell you that Reza and Kennedy were engaged five years ago?”
Jesse nodded. “I guess that’s why he did a number on your face.”
“It’s complicated,” Hawk said. “She disappeared without telling him good-bye, and he always knew she didn’t leave by choice. Then last week, a friend of her father called and told him that Kennedy was here and wanted to see him and explain. Reza came with great hope that they would get back together.”
“And she disappeared again.”
“Right,” Hawk said. “He lost it. He took his anger out on me, but I think his heart was broken.”
“Maybe hers was too,” Jesse said.
“You’re probably right. But you usually are.” Hawk climbed the steps and pinched Jesse’s belly. “Did you leave any cookies for me?”
Jesse laughed. “I can’t be held responsible for what gets eaten if you’re not there to protect your share.”
The front door flew open and Riley appeared on the porch, her dark hair tied back in a ponytail, summer freckles sprinkled sparingly across her nose and cheeks. “Hawk, where have you been?”
“Right here waiting for you.” Hawk bent down and let Riley get on his shoulders, then he stood. “My goodness, you’ve grown in a week. Your head almost touches the ceiling.”
“I think I’m getting long legs, just like Abby.”