by S. J. Bishop
It had been two weeks since I'd last spoken to her, the day she'd found the murder weapon. I still didn't understand how fibers from my shirt had been found on the gun, but no fingerprints had. I mean, of course there were no fingerprints, it wasn't my gun, but the fibers? How had those gotten there? And the look in Treena's eyes when she'd told me they matched my blood-soaked jersey... I'd never forget that look. In that moment, I knew I'd lost her.
I picked the vodka bottle up and held it in my hands, a familiar friend that had been tucked away for what felt like centuries. In reality, I was six weeks away from getting my one-year sobriety coin. My doorbell rang, and I looked toward it with irritation.
"Jax, it's me!" Caden. Shit.
I jumped out of my chair like he could see me through the walls and searched the room for a hiding place. I finally decided on a four-foot tall fake house plant I had standing in the corner. There was no reason for Caden to look behind it. I opened the door and grinned at Caden to show him I was alright. He smiled and clapped me on the back.
"Hey, man," he said, stepping inside my house and pulling me into a half-hug. "How's it going?" He shrugged his jacket off and tossed it over the back of a chair. A cool breeze swept inside before I could shut the door, and I knew that autumn was officially here.
"Fine," I told him. He eyed me skeptically.
"Really?" he asked, cocking one eyebrow at me. "Fine?"
I nodded, wondering why I was lying to him. I guess I was just tired of people asking me how I was doing all the time. My lawyer, Caden, Coach Allen... they all kept checking in with me like I was a sick patient. It was getting old.
"Well," Caden said, taking a seat, "that's good to hear. I was worried Treena might still be on your mind."
I'd filled him in on me and Treena. It was driving me crazy not being able to talk to her, or to anyone about her. I'd had to tell someone about what had happened between us that night, and Caden was the logical choice. He already knew everything else about me. It was actually one of the great things about being in AA. Everyone in the program had fucked up their lives in some way, so there was no judgment. Even when I'd seen that flash of doubt in Caden's eyes the day I'd posted bail, I don't think it had been judgment that I'd seen, only... confusion. And thankfully, I hadn't seen that look from Caden since. If he'd had any doubts about my innocence, he must have either set them aside or come to terms with them.
"I still think you need to tell Detective Anderson you were with her that night," Caden said, and I sighed.
"I know. You've made that abundantly clear."
"I just don't get why you're even hesitating. If I were you—"
"Well, you're not me," I snapped.
We stared at each other. I could feel my blood rising. It was easy to set me off lately. "Look," Caden finally said, "I told you I'd support whatever decisions you make, and I will. But I have to wonder whether you're holding off on this Treena thing for her sake or yours."
"What do you mean?" I asked, not getting where he was going with this.
"It seems to me like you're hoping if you keep quiet, you'll get her back. But that's fucked up. That's like... bribery or extortion or something. You can't gamble with your life like that."
"That's not it at all," I said, but I couldn't quite bring my eyes to meet Caden's.
"I hope not," he said. "Because if she is really as stand up of a girl as you say she is, then she'd speak up for you."
"It would ruin her career."
"Fuck her career, Jax. This is your goddam life we're talking about!" He rose from his chair. I could see the veins bulging in his neck.
Suddenly, I stood up and grabbed a vase off the mantle. I flung it across the room where it smashed against the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces. It felt good. I grabbed a picture off the wall that I'd never particularly liked and smashed it over my knee. There was a dirty dish I'd left sitting out. I grabbed it off the table, throwing it to the floor. It shattered, spraying me and Caden with minuscule pieces of porcelain.
I was gonna have one hell of a time cleaning this up later, but right now it was worth it. I hadn't realized how much I needed to blow off some steam. I started grabbing anything that wasn't tied down. Books, vases, anything, and smashing the hell out of them. When I had finally spent myself, I turned to Caden, out of breath. His face was pale. He was staring past me. I turned to where he was looking and saw the fake plant I'd hidden my vodka behind. During my outburst, I must have knocked it over. The bottle stood there, showing itself off. It was laughing at me again.
Fuck.
"Caden," I said, "it's not what you think."
"When did you start drinking again?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I haven't. The bottle's not open."
He scoffed and walked over to it, picking it up and examining it. "That doesn't mean anything," he said. "How many other bottles do you have hidden around here?"
"None," I said, anger still boiling inside me. Though I wasn't quite sure who I was angry at anymore—me, Caden, or Treena? "Would you just listen to me? I haven't had a drink. I just... I thought about it. That's all."
"I can't help you if you're not honest with me."
"I'm being fucking honest, Caden. I'm not drinking! Everything's fine! I'm in control."
"Yeah, I can see how in control you are," he said, indicating the wreck I'd created.
"Fuck you, Caden!"
"Fuck you, Jax!"
Before I could think about it, I launched myself at him. My fist collided with his jaw before I even realized that I'd swung it. Caden fell back against the wall, his lip bleeding. I raised my hand to punch him again but Caden just stood there, ready to take it. I hesitated. I could see him fighting his desire to punch me back. Instead of hitting me, he brushed himself off and walked toward the door.
What the fuck did I just do?
Caden wasn't just my sponsor. He was my best friend. The only friend I had lately.
"Caden..." I said.
"When you're done skulking down here at rock bottom, give me a call," he said and left me alone in the mess that was my new life.
22
Treena
"Say that last part again," I told Emily. She'd been hovering at my desk for the last five minutes, filling me in on the details of Penny Ryder's autopsy. The coroner had finally released the full findings.
"Penny Ryder was two months pregnant," Emily repeated.
My jaw dropped open as my mind tried to comprehend this new information. "Is the coroner sure?" I asked. She looked at me like I'd just asked her what color orange juice was.
"Yeah," she spat. "I think he's pretty sure. Unless you think you can do his job better than he can, I'd accept his verdict on this one." She bit her lip, trying to stifle whatever other snide comment was forming at the back of her throat. The buddy-buddy relationship we'd briefly enjoyed my first couple of days here was gone. We weren't enemies, but we weren't exactly friends now either. When it came down to it, we just didn't trust each other. She was fucking Anderson, who continued to watch me like a hawk. And I was pretty sure she still suspected that I'd fucked Jax.
The only thing that kept Emily from spilling the beans on me was that she had no concrete proof. Also, despite the tension between us, we were the only two women in homicide. Which meant we still shared a bond, no matter how thin. I wished I'd felt as passionately about working in the records or traffic divisions as I did homicide. Those were swamped with women. Apparently the police force didn’t have a problem with women doing paperwork, it was just when we went out into the community or worked to solve a crime that feathers were ruffled.
"Anything else?" I asked Emily.
She nodded. "They narrowed the time of death. The coroner is placing it between two and four in the morning."
My brain went into overdrive. Two to four? That meant I was off the hook. I didn't have to say anything to anyone. My alibi was useless to Jax now. A wave of relief washed over me, followed by an almost bigger wav
e of guilt. Am I really doing the right thing by not saying anything? If there was nothing wrong with keeping the relationship I had with Jax a secret, then why did I feel so guilty? Maybe it was because doing what was right for me meant fucking Jax over. But there was nothing I could do! The time of death meant I was useless as an alibi. Just keep telling yourself that, Treena. Maybe one day soon, you'll believe it.
I sighed. The last time I'd seen Jax was when I'd gone by his place to tell him we'd found the murder weapon. He'd pretty much thrown me out of his house when I told him I couldn't tell Anderson or my captain anything about our relationship.
"You promised!" he shouted. "You swore to me that you'd 'fess up after talking to Mason!"
"Jax, I could never have anticipated that we'd find the murder weapon AND link it back to you! The fact is you need me now more than ever. You need someone on the inside to make sure your case is handled properly. To keep you informed. I promise you, when the coroner's report comes back and shows Penny's time of death between midnight and two, I'll tell Anderson and Captain Murphy everything."
"What if the report doesn't come back in my favor?" he'd asked.
"It will," I’d said, biting my lip.
"What if it doesn't, Treena?"
I exhaled. "Then my testimony wouldn't help you anyway."
He'd told me to get the hell out. I didn't exactly blame him.
Frankly, I was surprised he hadn't ratted me out to his lawyer. I'd gone into work every day for the last two weeks expecting Anderson to call me into his office and fire me. Then what would I do? What would Jax do? The evidence against him kept mounting. I was the only one who seemed open to the possibility that he was innocent, and even I wasn't a hundred percent sure, though it killed me to admit it. At least I was still trying to find other suspects. Anderson had all but given up. This new development with Penny's pregnancy would only make things worse.
Anderson came striding up to my desk. He stopped next to Emily, a big smile on his face. "Did Emily tell you the news?" he asked, his voice surprisingly light. Normally he sounded like he was stuck in deep, dark well.
"She was just filling me in," I told him.
"We've got Ryder now. That's for sure."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"This gives us motive," Anderson said.
"I thought you already had motive," I said. Since the investigation had started, he'd been saying that Jax killed Penny because of the divorce. He didn't want to pay her anything. Though I'd hated to admit it, it sounded like a rather strong motive to me.
"Yeah, but his defense attorney was gonna tear that to shreds. Their divorce had been going on for months. Why would Ryder wait until after it was finalized to kill her?" Anderson asked. "He could've killed her at any time."
I was surprised to hear Anderson talk about Jax in what was almost an objective manner. He was actually making sense. My feelings about Jax kept bouncing back and forth. I couldn't seem to get them sorted out. One minute, I was certain of Jax's innocence; the next, I was certain of his guilt.
"When we match his DNA to Penny's baby, we'll have an established motive for his killing her that even Geoffrey Stevens won't be able to shake."
"You think Jax killed Penny because he knocked her up?" Emily asked, sounding doubtful. Anderson shot daggers at her with his eyes. It was the first time I'd seen him look so angry at her. It surprised me. Normally he seemed totally gaga whenever she was around.
"If Ryder got his ex-wife pregnant," Anderson said in short, clipped tones, "he would have had to pay her child support. And he'd be tied to her forever. He could kiss the clean break-up he was after goodbye."
I wasn't at all sure there was anything remotely "clean" about Jax and Penny's break-up, but I held my tongue.
"What makes you so sure Jax is the father?" Emily asked, her eyes flashing with defiance. I felt as if there was some unspoken argument happening between them that I wasn't quite following. Why was Emily goading him on like this? She thought Jax was guilty too, didn't she?
"He obviously still had feelings for her, otherwise he wouldn't have still been screwing her," Anderson said. Emily's eyes narrowed.
"Excuse me," she said. "I have some paperwork I need to file." Her ponytail spun out behind her as she twirled around and walked off.
"I want you to go by Ryder's this morning," he said. "We need a sample of his DNA. Get a kit and take Wilson with you."
"Wilson's out on a call," Douglas said from two desks down. Apparently, he'd been listening to us.
"I'm fine on my own," I told him. I wanted to talk to Jax alone, anyway. This was the perfect excuse. I needed to find a way to make him understand I was still trying to help him. Are you? a little voice inside me questioned. I shook it off.
"Fine," Anderson said. "Just get down there and get his sample."
23
Jax
The doorbell rang. I was getting tired of the sound of it. In the last couple of weeks, nothing good had come from my opening that door. Caden hadn't spoken to me since I'd punched him two days ago. My friends had stopped calling. My life was falling fast, and I was aimed head first at the pavement.
I opened the door. Treena stood there, looking as beautiful as ever.
"Can I come in?" she asked. I sighed and opened the door wider to let her pass. I'd put off telling my lawyer anything about our relationship, hoping that she would come around and confess on her own. If there was one thing AA had taught me, it was to have faith in others. Though, I had to admit, part of me had become concerned that when I named her as my alibi there might be some backlash. What if I told Geoffrey and the police the truth and Treena still denied it? Would they believe me over her? Probably not. Then where would that leave me?
"What do you want?" I asked, keeping my question short and to the point.
"I have some news," she said, stepping inside. I could see her hands trembling, though she was trying hard not to show it.
"What sort of news?" I asked.
"Well... we finally got the coroner's report," she said.
All at once, my heart lightened. The load I'd been carrying with me since Penny's death lifted, and I pulled Treena into my arms. She hesitated, then wrapped her arms around me. It felt good to hold her so close. I'd missed her warmth and scent.
"Um, Jax," she said. I heard the wobble in her voice.
"So it's good news, right? That's why you're here?"
"No," she said. "Jax, I'm sorry, but the coroner's report placed her time of death between two and four. I can't be your alibi."
I stared at her. "Are you kidding me?" I asked. "What the hell are you here for then, Treena?"
"I... Penny was pregnant. I need a sample of your DNA."
I stared at her, my brain turning to mush. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I demanded. "Penny wasn't pregnant."
Treena nodded her head. "She was. Two months." She paused, giving me a chance to say something, but I had nothing left to say.
"Get out," I told her.
She squared her shoulders. I saw a flash of that steel glint in her eyes that I was certain would make her an excellent detective. "I can't," she said. "Not until I get your DNA sample."
"I'm calling my lawyer."
"Fine. Call him. I would too. But whether I get it now or later, it's going to happen."
I hesitated. I knew there was no way Penny was pregnant with my baby. We hadn't slept together in almost nine months. I chuckled, thinking that seemed rather an ironic number just now. Treena was watching me closely.
"Fine," I said. "I'm not the father, so it can only help, right?"
She nodded and pulled a cotton swab from a plastic baggie. "Just open your mouth, please."
I did as instructed, and she moved in close to me, swiping the inside of my cheek before slipping the cotton swab back into a plastic tube. I could feel her breath on my face as she tilted her head back to meet my eyes. "Jax," she said. "I... I'm so sorry. About all of this. You have to believe me."
>
The pull between us was as thick as the tension. It was awful having this mixture of feelings all at once. It made me feel fragmented. I couldn't pull my mind or my body together when I was around her.
"Christ, Treena," I finally said. "Fucking tell them and be done with it."
"There's no reason to tell them," she said desperately.
"Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?"
She shut her eyes, and when she opened them again, they were watery. "I just... can't."
"Did you ever love me?" I asked, grabbing hold of her shoulders. I had to touch her somewhere. Had to feel her pulse beneath my fingertips.
"Yes! God, yes, of course I do! Did! I mean..."
I almost felt bad for her. She was even more mixed up than I was. "Treena..." I watched her chest rise and fall beneath the slick black blazer she was wearing. She was breathing hard. "I'm telling my lawyer tomorrow."
"No!" she cried.
"I don't care what the time of death is. And I'm sorry it's you that I have to involve and not... someone else. But you're my alibi, whether you like it or not." She was shaking her head frantically. "Treena, damn it! The cops can trace my steps from the time I left your apartment to Penny's house. They can look at... at traffic reports and... and shit, I don't know, the weather. They can figure out how long it took me to get there. Maybe someone saw me. You don't know. It could help. Right now it's my only chance and I'm taking it."
I let her go. It broke my heart to see her face crumple like that as she squeezed tears from her eyes.
"You can't!" she cried.
"Treena, this is my life we're talking about. Not your career." I realized that I was echoing the very words Caden had said to me just a few days ago.
"Fine," she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She held her head high. "If the only evidence you have to prove your innocence is me, then I feel bad for you. Because you're gonna need a lot more than a shitty alibi to win your case." She strode across the room and slammed the door behind her on her way out.