by S. J. Bishop
Eli paused and looked around. I think he'd been so preoccupied with getting me inside that he hadn't even noticed my actual house. He let out a low whistle. "Wow, this is nice. I mean, like, really nice."
When he looked at me again, I could see a hint of jealousy in his eyes. For some reason, I felt guilty. Eli could have had the same things if he'd stuck with the game. I was certain of it. Life just didn't always work out the way you thought it would.
"Give me a tour," Eli said suddenly.
"Eli," Raina said, "Caden needs to rest. He can't go giving tours right now."
"No, I'm fine," I told her. "Come on." I waved Eli along. Harper started to follow us, but Eli whispered something to her. She nodded and went back to Raina.
Shit.
I had a feeling I knew what this was about. In the study off the main hallway, I started telling Eli all about the antique desk I'd gotten at a steal. He nodded politely and waited for me to finish.
"Alright, cut the bullshit," he said.
I paused. "What do you mean?"
"What's going on between you and my sister?"
Fuck. This was what I'd been afraid of. Even though Raina was an adult now, she would always be Eli's little sister.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Yes, you do. I saw the way she was looking at you. And the way you were looking at her."
I let out a sigh. "Nothing. There's nothing going on."
"You must think I'm an idiot."
"Of course I don't. Look... I'd never do anything to hurt Raina."
Eli searched my face. "You better not. Because if you do, I'll kill you."
"If I did hurt her, I'd deserve it."
Apparently, that had been the right thing to say. He nodded and headed back down the hall. When we got back to the girls, they were huddled together in their own secret discussion.
"Ready?" Eli asked. He turned back to me. "You got everything you need?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You haven't eaten," Raina said.
"I'll throw a frozen dinner in the microwave," I told her.
Raina looked at Eli and bit her bottom lip. "I think I'll stay and cook Caden a proper dinner."
Eli frowned. "How will you get home?"
"No problem. I'll call a cab."
He opened his mouth to protest, but Harper put a restraining arm on his shoulder. "Fine," he said. He shot me a dangerous look. "Text me when you get home," he told Raina and then followed Harper outside.
"You don't have to stay," I told Raina when we were alone.
"I know that. I want to stay."
She kissed me. Every bad thing that had happened to me this evening was forgotten in that kiss. I swallowed it up before taking another.
29
Raina
I made macaroni and cheese. It turned out, I was starving. Caden picked at his, eating just enough not to make me feel bad.
"You want the rest of that?" I asked, pointing to his dish.
He shook his head. "Sorry, I'm just not very hungry."
"That's okay." I grabbed his dish and ate what was left.
"Wow, you're starving," he said.
"Yeah. Got anything else?"
He laughed. "Grab whatever you like. There's some ice cream in the freezer. Rocky Road."
My mouth watered. I grabbed a spoon and a bowl, wondering if my frenzied appetite had anything to do with my pregnancy. Maybe now was a good time to tell Caden. We were alone. We were getting along. Still... he'd just spent three hours at a hospital and fought off a handful of reporters. I wasn't sure that now was the best time to drop a bombshell like that.
"Want any?" I asked as I opened the freezer.
"No thanks."
He was sitting at the table with his back to me. His freezer was huge. His whole fridge was twice the size of mine. A person could have been buried in it. I sifted through the frozen dinners in search of chocolate. I moved some frozen burgers, and my hand stopped. A bottle of vodka lay there. I picked it up. It didn't look like had been opened. I turned and looked at Caden, wanting to say something but not sure if I should. For all I knew, he kept this in the house for guests. Something told me that wasn't it, though.
"Find it?" Caden asked.
I put the bottle back in its place and spun around before he could catch me with it. "Yeah. You know, I'm suddenly not so hungry. What do you say we go lie down?"
He looked at me and grinned.
"Sure. I didn't make my bed this morning. Hope you don't mind."
I blushed. "I didn't mean we were sharing the same bed."
"Oh," he said and immediately started to stumble over his words. "I was kidding. I would never... I mean... I have plenty of guest rooms."
I laughed and threw a napkin at him.
"Kidding," I said. "I'll race you."
I bolted for the stairs and made it to the top a mile ahead of him. When he finally got there, he was holding his head.
"Oh shit. Are you okay?"
I grabbed ahold of him as he wobbled on his feet.
"I'm fine. The doctors said I might be a little dizzy the next couple of days, but there was no concussion."
I helped him back to his room and got him on the bed. I peeled his clothes off first, then mine. "Come here," he murmured.
I crawled over to him, pressing my body against his. He wrapped his arms around me. His eyes were still closed. "I don't want to fall asleep yet," he said. "It seems like wasting an opportunity."
"I'll still be here in the morning," I told him. The bottle of vodka was weighing on my mind. I kissed his lips and paused before asking, "Caden, I found something in your freezer."
His eyes shot open, and he looked at me. "Fuck. I forgot that was there."
"I'm not making judgements," I said quickly. "I just want to know that you're alright."
He turned on his side to look me in the eye. "I've just been having a rough time lately," he said. "I’ve... thought about taking a drink. But I haven't. And I won't. You can go down there right now and throw that bottle away if you want."
"I don't think it's up to me to do that."
My heart was pounding. I believed him, but at the same time, the fact that he was admitting to the alcohol freaked me out. If he was already under so my pressure that he was thinking of drinking, what would he do when I told him I was pregnant?
"Caden, is it all just work stuff? Is it the burglary? What's eating you up?"
"I was hoping you would," he said and kissed me. When his lips met mine, I lost myself in their fire. I kissed him back, swirling my tongue together with his in a slow, languid dance.
Caden's hands moved over my ass, grabbing me and pressing me closer to him. I pressed my hips against his and reached down to stroke his balls. He let out a low groan that didn't sound good.
"Ugh."
I stopped and pulled away. "Oh God, did I hurt you?"
"No," he said, shaking his head, but his face was red.
"I'm sorry."
"No, I just... I must've pulled a few muscles tonight."
I gave him a minute to recover. The color returned to his face. He opened his arms wide for me.
"Oh no," I told him. "Uh-uh. No hanky-panky."
"Hanky-panky?" he laughed. "What are you, a hundred?"
"No, but for tonight, let's pretend like we both are. You need to rest." I snuggled against him, laying my head lightly on his shoulder. His hand reached around to grab my breast, and I swatted it away.
"There's plenty of time for that," I told him. "Go to sleep."
He finally complied, and fifteen minutes later, we were both out. I awoke sometime during the night with the urge to pee. I went into his bathroom, trying to hurry so that I could get back into bed. It felt cold without him next to me.
I used the last bit of toilet paper and went in search of some more. There was none under the sink, but there was a closet next to the door. I opened it and started sifting through his things, looking for a roll.
"A
ha!" I said triumphantly, spotting a half a dozen rolls in the back. I pulled one out and saw something behind it that caught my eye. It looked like money. I stared at it a minute, realizing that the way the toilet paper rolls were lined up in the closet, they formed a sort of wall. I began pulling them out one at a time. Behind the wall was a stack of money. I didn't know how much, but it looked like there were a half dozen rows of hundred dollar bills stacked a foot high. My heart thumped in my chest.
I put the toilet paper back in place and climbed into bed. I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
30
Caden
I woke up and reached for Raina's soft body, wanting to pull her close. She wasn't there. I opened my eyes and saw her sitting in a chair, watching me.
"Good morning," she said.
"Morning." There was something strange about the way she was looking at me. "Been up long?" I asked her.
"Yes."
"Oh." I looked at the clock. It was seven. "You could have woken me."
"No, I wanted to let you sleep. You needed some rest."
Slowly, she got out of the chair and walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed. She was fully dressed and had obviously been up for hours. I saw a cup of coffee on the side table next to where she'd been sitting. She kissed me. It was light and pleasant, but there was something behind it that bothered me. Like she was holding back.
You're being paranoid. You've probably got morning breath.
"I'm gonna grab a shower," I told her. "Wanna join me?"
"No thanks."
I hesitated. "Need to get to the station?"
"No. I'm off today." She sat back in the chair and waited.
"Is something wrong?" I asked her.
She scrunched her face.
"Depends on how you define wrong, I suppose."
"It's too early to be so cryptic. If you've got something to say, just say it." She was clearly more upset about finding that vodka last night than she'd let on at the time. Fuck. How could I have let her go in the freezer like that? I wasn't thinking straight.
"Go take your shower," she said. "I'll make us some breakfast."
She went out of the room, and I stood there staring after her like an idiot. I finally got moving and got in the shower, hoping the hot water would clear my head. Maybe I was overreacting. Overthinking things.
Yes, she'd probably been weirded out by the vodka, but she was worried, not mad. That was understandable. I would go downstairs and throw it away. Let her see that I'd meant what I said last night. I had no intention of taking a drink. It had been a momentary lapse in judgment. Nothing more.
I towel dried my hair and dressed quickly. I could smell bacon and eggs in the frying pan. Fresh coffee was brewing.
"Smells delicious," I told her. "Thanks." I kissed her cheek. She wrapped her arms around my neck, catching me off guard.
"I care about you. A lot. You know that, right?"
"I do now," I told her, kissing her tenderly. Her lips were soft and moist and tasted like homespun sugar. "I care about you, too. In fact, I'm gonna fix this right now so we can have a nice day together."
I walked over to the freezer, pulled out the vodka, unscrewed the cap, and let it all wash down the drain.
"There," I told her. "Now you don't have to keep worrying about it."
"Actually, I'd kind of forgotten about it."
I frowned. "You forgot about it? Then why are you acting so weird this morning?"
"Am I acting weird?"
"A little."
She set two plates on the table. "Are you in some kind of trouble?"
I felt a cold sweat break out across my forehead. Sometimes I forgot Raina was a cop. She probably had some sort of sixth sense about these things.
"No," I lied.
"Caden..." She bit her lip. "Are you having money problems?"
I laughed. "Money problems? Don't you read the papers? Do you know how much I make?"
"Yes, I do." She licked her lips. "I found the money."
My heart came to a thudding stop. "What money?" I asked, my throat dry.
"Last night, I used the last of the toilet paper in your bathroom. When I went looking for more, I found a pile of money hiding in your bathroom closet."
She was looking at me with her arms folded across her chest. Her head was tilted to one side. It was the perfect combination of a classic cop and girlfriend look.
"I... uh... it's for emergencies." I heard myself lying to her and knew she couldn't possibly buy that.
"Caden," she said, getting angry now. "Tell me what the fuck is going on or I'm leaving. Right now. And I'm not coming back."
My fists formed into balls at my side. I slammed one of them into the wall, leaving a hole and making Raina jump.
"I'm sorry," I told her.
"Caden, for God's sake, what is it?"
I let out a long sigh. "When I was in college, I did some stupid stuff." She nodded, not interrupting. "I drank. A lot. But that wasn't all I did. My roommate was into heavier stuff. I... experimented."
"You mean you did drugs?" Raina asked. I nodded. "A lot of people do. You mean like weed?" I nodded. "Ecstasy?" I nodded. She was looking more and more worried. "Cocaine?"
"Once," I told her. "It fucked me up. It scared me. I never tried it again."
"Good," she said. "What does this have to do with the money I found?"
I took a sip of coffee, trying to wet my throat. "That's not everything. My freshman year, I was under a lot of pressure. I was at a party one night. Someone gave me some stuff."
"What kind stuff? Just tell me already."
"Steroids." The word hung heavy in the air. "I only did it a few times before I got my head screwed on straight. I didn't want to build a career off that shit, so I stopped. I haven't touched it since."
Raina's face turned a shade paler. Her silence was worse than anything.
"I was dumb. I made a mistake. There's pictures. Of me snorting coke. Of me drinking. Of me popping pills."
"The steroids?" she asked, her voice cracking.
"There's one photo... I think the second or third time I tried it, someone told me it worked better if you injected it."
"Caden! What the fuck?!"
"There's a picture. I was probably so messed up that I didn't even know anyone snapped it. I have no idea where he found it."
"Where who found it?"
"The burglar. I call him Mr. Asshole. He's been blackmailing me since the first break-in. Took the fifty thousand I had in my safe and left a copy of the photos for me. I've been making regular drops; otherwise, he says he'll send those photos to the press."
"Caden... this is bad."
"I know. I fucked up. The past always comes back to bite you in the ass. With me, it took an extra-large chunk."
31
Raina
I was trying to wrap my head around everything Caden had just said. The world around me was spinning way too fast, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to hang on.
"It was my freshman year. I didn't know what I was doing."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you didn't know what steroids were? Because that's ridiculous."
"No, of course I knew what they were." Caden was red-faced, and his brow had crinkled tightly together. He looked cute when he was mad, but I pushed that thought aside. "I don't need you to judge me on this. I made a mistake."
"Yeah, a big fucking mistake. If anyone ever found out about this, you could lose your contract."
"No shit, Raina."
I wasn't entirely sure why I was so mad; I only knew that anger was boiling inside me like a tea kettle. It wasn't just that I was a cop and Caden was talking to me about drugs. Hell, I wasn't a prude. I'd smoked a little weed in high school. But steroids... it was like my image of him had just been completely shattered.
"I need your help," Caden said. His eyes were pleading with me to understand. I could tell he wanted me to reach out and hold him. Tell him that all of this was
one huge mistake and it would all be okay. But I couldn't do that.
A tiny voice crept up in my mind, asking me if maybe I hadn't been holding Caden up on a pedestal all these years. I knew about his drinking—anyone who followed sports knew about that. I knew about the women. I knew about his temper. Yet still, I'd continued to think of him as some kind of conquering warrior.
Ever since Caden had saved me from Steven Kendricks when I was nine, I'd thought of him in a different light. I'd never again seen him as Caden, my older brother's cute friend. I'd seen him as Caden, my hero. And now that hero was crashing. Fast.
The voice in my head insisted on asking questions I didn't want to answer. Is it really fair to hold anyone up to impossible standards?
I told the voice that I only held people up to the same standards I set for myself. The voice remained silent on this issue. I had the feeling it was trying to tell me something.
"What about the blackmailer?" I asked, the cop in me taking over for the angry girlfriend. I was glad to set aside the anger and focus on something else. Questions and answers. These were the things I needed to make sense of all this.
"I told you everything I know," Caden said.
"So, the first night I was here—after the first break-in—you're telling me that he did get into your safe after all?"
Caden nodded.
"And the last time we were here, when you're alarm went off and you told us it was just your cat? Was that him again?"
"Yes."
"Christ, Caden, why didn't you just tell me that to begin with?"
"Because I didn't want you looking at me the way you are now!"
I felt the backlash of my judgement in his eyes. They were alive with all of the anger he'd been reigning in. It came spilling out of him now. He picked up a coffee mug and threw it across the room. Next was a plate. After that came the whole damned table. It was the same tiny round table we'd shared dinner at once not so long ago. He swung it over his head in a wild arc that landed against the wall. One of the legs broke off and sank to the floor. Caden stood breathless, looking for more things to bust up.