by Cora Brent
I swallowed. “Steven, I heard about Beth. I’m more sorry than I can say.”
A miserable sound came from his throat, but after a few deep breaths his voice came out even. “It was stomach cancer. One minute she was fine and healthy and taking Alice’s Girl Scout troop on camping trips to the Hamptons. Then she had a few bad days, so she visited the doctor. Four months later she was just gone.”
For a split second I closed my eyes and saw Beth’s bright smile. I saw her wave and blow me a kiss from her front porch. Then I opened my eyes and saw my cousin staring at me.
“Did you hear about Beth because of that article?” he asked curiously.
I was surprised. “You know about the article?”
“Yeah. A buddy of mine from the old neighborhood had my email address. He sent me a link, saying ‘Hey, aren’t these your little cousins?’ And I was like, ‘Yup, those are my little cousins.’” He frowned. “Everything else aside, that was a hell of a bullshit article.”
“Hatchet job is more like it,” I grumbled. “They didn’t get any of that gossip from us.”
He nodded. “I kind of figured.”
We sat there in silence for a moment. A gust of wind stirred up a wave of crisp leaves. The tree branches hovering over the street shivered. I shivered with them.
“Steven.”
He looked at me when I said his name. I tried to sort through the words I wanted to say and then figured I’d be better off just speaking from the heart.
“You probably don’t want to hear it all these years later, but I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Stevie. At the time I told myself that because you and Beth were separated it wasn’t a betrayal. I was pissed at you for your role in our family’s financial collapse. I was so fucking wrong. I was selfish. I was terrible. But after Beth and I started, things changed, and it was no longer about some sick form of revenge. I cared about her. A lot. When she went back to you, it crushed me, and I’m not telling you that because I’m searching for sympathy. I’m telling you because I thought it would give you some satisfaction to know that I got hurt in the end, just like I deserved to.”
He dropped his arms and leaned back tiredly on the bench. He sighed. “Ten years ago it would have given me satisfaction, Dom. But now I realize there’s already too much hurt in the world. I get no satisfaction from hearing about more.” He coughed and cleared his throat. “I didn’t treat her right. That’s why she kicked me out in the first place. I cheated, I drank too much, I never helped with Maya. It was only after I realized that I might not get her back that I understood what I’d lost. From then on I made it my business to become a better man. I haven’t touched the bottle or placed a bet since. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t furious with her when I found out about you two. Hell, we were angry at each other. But we figured out how to forgive, how to love, how to be a family.” Suddenly his voice got husky. “Beth and I were meant to be, even if we suffered a rocky road along the way. We would have stayed together forever if she hadn’t gotten sick.”
I’d never been a crier. But sitting there on that bench beside my cousin as he talked frankly about forgiveness and heartbreak, a tear traveled down my cheek. And then another one. Steven and Beth had a shaky foundation, but they’d found their love story after all. I only wished they could have enjoyed it longer.
Steven reached into his shirt pocket, withdrew a small pack of tissues, and handed them over. “Allergies,” he explained.
I used two tissues and stuffed them in my pocket, feeling a little embarrassed about sitting outside and weeping like a teenage girl.
“Look, I didn’t have anything do with the restaurant going under,” he said suddenly. “I swear to god, Dominic, that’s not the way it went down. My father had power of attorney over everything, and I was too busy boozing it up and gambling every penny in my own bank account to realize what he was up to. He’d even gotten involved with the mob. The feds determined that I had no part in his schemes, which was a hell of a relief because it meant I didn’t have to join him in prison.”
I tried to think of something diplomatic to say but couldn’t come up with anything beyond a limp, “That’s good.”
Steven seemed to be waiting for me to say more, but I didn’t want to bad-mouth his dead father in front of him, no matter how much the asshole deserved it.
“So how are you, Steven?” I asked him, trying for a friendly tone.
He looked so tired, so worn out. He managed a fleeting smile, though.
“I’m hanging in there. The girls keep me going, and my job’s hours are such that I can be here when they get home from school. They’re still having a hard time with their mother’s death, so I thought moving a few towns over would help. That’s how we ended up here. It doesn’t seem to have made much difference. I just give them everything I can, and I hope it’ll turn out to be enough.” Steven looked pensively off into the distance. “I wish they could’ve known what it was like, though, growing up among family, learning how to roll a perfect pizza crust before you learned how to tie your shoes. I wish they could have what we had, Dom.”
A big yellow school bus stopped at the corner amid squealing brakes and flashing lights. Children poured out the door and scattered in different directions. One of them scattered our way.
My breath caught as I watched the little girl who was the very image of her mother. She scampered across the front lawn, crushing leaves under her sneakers. She stopped in front of Steven.
“Daddy, I made you this in art class,” she said, proudly holding out a watercolor painting of an elaborate butterfly.
Steven accepted the paper with a broad smile. “Thank you, sweetheart. It’s beautiful.”
The girl noticed me. She frowned. “Who’s this?”
Steven glanced at me and then back at her. “Alice, this is my cousin Dominic.”
“You have a cousin?”
“Yup, I have several. Now why don’t you run inside, hang this brand-new artwork on the fridge, and have a snack? I stopped by the baker down the road and picked up cannolis, but you have to save some for your sister too.”
“Oh, yum!” she squealed and darted inside. Then she popped her head back out. “I forgot to say that it was nice to meet you, Dominic.”
I waved. “It was nice to meet you, too, Alice.”
Steven and I were quiet for a few seconds. When he finally spoke, his voice wasn’t bitter.
“She’s not yours, you know,” he said quietly.
“I know.”
He frowned. “You know?”
I nodded. “Beth sent me a letter, explaining. I guess the timeline was close enough that some people had their doubts.”
“What do you mean a letter?” His eyes had narrowed, and I wondered if I should have brought it up.
“I got it about a year after Donna, Gio, and I moved to Arizona. She let me know that your daughter was born ten months after the last time we were together and that Alice was undoubtedly your daughter no matter what the wagging tongues said.”
“Oh.” He looked thoughtful. “Did she say anything else?”
I still had that letter. I kept it in an old cigar box that had belonged to Papa Leo. I hadn’t looked at it in years, but I remembered everything it said.
“She said she loved you,” I told him truthfully. “She said she was happy.”
He looked relieved.
“How’s Gio?” he asked suddenly.
I was glad to switch the topic of conversation to my brother. “He’s great. Married with a baby girl.”
“Happy to hear that.” He smiled. “I always loved Giovanni. He was the most awesome little kid.”
“Well, now he’s the most awesome grown man.”
Steven suddenly looked shy. “I’m proud of you guys, you know. I’m proud of you for finding a way to bring back what our family lost. If only Papa Leo was here to see it.”
I scanned the cloudless sky. “Maybe he does,” I said. “Maybe they all do.”
Steve
n looked up. “Yeah, maybe.” He elbowed me gently and stood up. “Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’ve got a portable brick oven in the backyard. It won’t be the same as eating at Esposito’s, but the pies still come out pretty decent.”
The invitation surprised me. I didn’t even consider turning it down. “I’d like that, Steven. Thank you.”
Steven’s older daughter, Maya, arrived home a short time later. She’d only been three the last time I saw her. She didn’t remember me, which was probably a good thing. The four of us rolled out pizza dough and laughed and ate. Even though I’d never been to this house before, it felt a little like coming home.
My cousin had offered his battered couch as a place for me to crash, but I didn’t want to impose anymore, so I said goodbye and checked into a motel. As I stared at the hotel ceiling, trying to summon sleep, I kept seeing images of the old restaurant and the people who filled it. I knew that from now on I’d be able to remember it all without a trace of bitterness or regret. Donna and Leo Esposito had raised me with love and with optimism. They were now both gone from this earth, but the lessons they’d instilled remained. I wanted to be the best version of myself. Not just to honor their memory, but for me and for the people I loved.
Early the next morning, as the plane lifted its nose and climbed above the old city, I thought only of Melanie. I remembered how she said she’d always wanted to travel to New York. I had to let her know that if she was willing to take a risk and travel with me, then I’d happily take her anywhere. Absolutely fucking anywhere.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
MELANIE
I wasted half the morning categorizing my pen collection.
Dominic was always mystified that I kept so many pens around my desk when most of my work was done on the laptop. When I haughtily informed him that a girl could never have too much of a good thing, he had smirked like I’d just said something dirty.
I was already done with payroll, and I should have been catching up with entering the vendor invoices in the accounting system. Instead I was rolling a pen across my desk over and over again. I’d set my chin on the desk, and was pushing the pen lightly, watching it roll toward the far edge. Just before it fell off, I’d grab it, and feel triumphant for a split second. It was a simpleminded game that a curious toddler might play. At least that’s what Gio probably thought when he walked in the office.
“Having fun?” he asked wryly as he closed the door behind himself.
“Fun?” I snatched the pen just as it was about to topple off the desk. “There is no fun here. This is a den of extreme productivity.”
Gio snickered and pulled a chair up to my desk. He sat down.
“I didn’t even know you were here,” I said, twirling the pen in my fingers.
“Well,” he said, “with Dom gone, I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay.”
“I think we’re okay. The servers seem okay and the cooks seem okay and even the dishwashers seem okay. Really, we’re running like a well-oiled machine.”
Gio was observing me closely. “And you, Melanie?” he asked gently. “Are you okay?”
I smiled rather idiotically. “I’m great, Gio.”
He didn’t smile back. In fact he seemed rather thoughtful, like he had something heavy on his mind. “I know you probably have the impression that I don’t approve of Dominic’s relationship with you,” he said.
I stiffened. By now I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew . . . or something like that. But Gio and I had never talked about it. I racked my brain for some kind of adequate response, but adequate responses were an endangered species at the moment.
Gio tilted his head and studied me. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to say that I don’t disapprove, not at all.”
“Does Dominic have a kid?” I blurted out, then slapped a hand over my mouth like that might yank the question back and return it to the depths of my mind.
Gio was completely taken aback. “Why in the hell would you ask that?”
“I overheard a conversation,” I admitted with a grimace. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you. This is a topic better discussed with Dominic. Can you just forget that my mouth short-circuited a minute ago?”
“Ah, Melanie,” he clucked and shook his head. When his eyes met mine, though, his expression seemed kind.
“No,” he said firmly. “Dominic does not have a kid. That was an unfortunate rumor that I’m sure he’ll tell you more about if you ask him. But the answer to your question is no.”
Relief flooded through me. “Why did he go to New York?” I asked.
Gio looked uncertain all of a sudden. “That’s tougher to answer. I think you’d be better off waiting for him to explain.”
“I’m really tired of waiting for his answers,” I said with some resentment. “It’s probably easier to wrestle enlightenment from the Sphinx.”
Gio snorted and I gasped, realizing that not only was I trash-talking Dominic, but that his brother—my boss no less—was my audience. That had to qualify as an unwise and supremely shitty move.
“He can be a chore,” Gio admitted delicately. Then he snapped his fingers. “I almost forgot what I came in here to tell you. Dominic left you something. He wanted you to see it today, while he’s in New York.”
“Is it a pink slip?”
Gio grinned. “Maybe, but I doubt it. He didn’t clarify. It’s in the bottom drawer of your desk, though.”
There was a sudden sharp knock at the office door, and Patsy’s voice called, “Melanie?”
“Come in,” I hollered.
Patsy burst in looking flustered. “A Canadian tour bus just unloaded in the parking lot. Oh, and Odette quit.”
“What? When did that happen?”
Patsy hesitated. “The tour bus or Odette?”
“Both. Never mind. I’m coming.”
“I’ll go help out in the kitchen,” Gio said mildly. “Canadians tend to really like pizza.”
The dining room had turned into a circus filled with exceedingly polite people. The tour bus had visited the Grand Canyon and Sedona, and now the group was spending the night in Phoenix before heading back up north. I tied my hair back and got busy helping at the hostess desk, serving food, and cashing out very happy customers.
I managed to think about Dominic very little. And then, just as I was seating a young family, it occurred to me that the way I’d been living wasn’t very good for me. I was working too much and playing too hard with a guy who might not be capable of feeling the same way about me that I felt about him.
The happily fed Canadians had just boarded their tour bus, and I was adding some small bills to the cash register, when I saw something that almost made me drop the pile of money.
“Shit,” I gasped.
Jessica, one of the young servers, was on her way to the kitchen, and she heard me. She stopped and looked at me with alarm, then redirected her gaze to what I was staring at as if hypnotized.
“You know them or something?” she asked, squinting at the attractive couple that had just walked in. Patsy grabbed a couple of menus and led them to a small table along the far wall. The woman was pretty in a wholesome soap commercial kind of way. The man who carefully pulled her chair out, then waited until she was settled before he sat down himself, was my ex-husband.
“Melanie.” Jessica was looking at me worriedly. I must have been wearing my shock all over my face. She looked from me to the couple and then back at me. “I’ll go wait on them,” she said. “They haven’t looked over here yet, so you can still escape to the office if you don’t want to run into whoever that is.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s all right. I’ll take their order.”
James and his wife were reading over their menus as I approached. I hadn’t seen him in person for a while, although I knew he’d gotten married again and had a baby. I didn’t resent him for that. We were never going to be one of those former couples who found their way to a comfo
rtable friendship after they split, but despite all our problems, I didn’t wish he’d fall into the nearest open manhole either.
James saw me first. He glanced up from his menu and couldn’t hide his surprise.
“Melanie,” he croaked.
I took a deep breath and smiled. “Hello, James. Welcome to Esposito’s.”
He looked me over with confusion. “Wait, you work here?”
“Yes. I’m the assistant manager. Just thought I’d come over and say hello.” I nodded to the woman who was now gazing at me curiously. “You must be Maris.” I held my hand out. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
She smiled with obvious relief and accepted my handshake. “It’s nice to finally meet you, too, Melanie.” She looked around brightly. “I’ve been looking forward to trying this place. What do you recommend?”
James had been giving me something of a troubled look, but he seemed to relax when his wife and I exchanged pleasantries. We chatted for a few minutes, and I found out they’d left their baby boy with a sitter so they could venture out for a rare date. I suggested the meat lover’s pizza with a side of garlic knots, and they agreed with enthusiasm. Maris told me again that she was glad we’d finally met face-to-face. I’d known James had been seeing her before we were formally separated. I’d been so hurt when I first found out, even though I’d already accepted that our marriage was a lost cause. But now, as I gazed at the two of them with their matching wedding bands and their relaxed smiles, I didn’t feel any pain at all. They were happy. James and I had never been happy.
As I walked back to the kitchen to drop off their order, I felt an odd sense of relief. A little later I was heading to the office to take a quick look at next week’s schedule when James caught up with me in the hallway.
“Melanie.” He touched my elbow and then immediately dropped his hand and took a step back. Whatever he wanted to say seemed to have been forgotten, because he just stood there in silence and frowned at the floor.