God, if there was a way…but she knew there wasn’t. He was gone. Tears blurred, and she realized she was clutching Ian’s hand, as if she could bring him back to life with her touch.
Gideon grabbed her arm. “Save him, like you saved me. Give him that white light shit that you did.”
“I can’t. He’s not Order of the Blade! You guys kicked him out and now I can’t help him!”
Gideon blanched, and the other Order of the Blade members charged down the stairs. Kane let out a shout and teleported himself right beside Ian. “Shit, we have to heal him!”
But unlike last time, when his team could help him, this was different. “He’s dead,” she whispered. “There’s nothing left to save.”
Kane turned his head. “Then you’re the only thing that can help him.”
“He’s not Order—”
“Who the fuck cares? Just do it.” Kane’s eyes glittered. “I’m married to an angel, and I know damn well that you can break the rules if you want to badly enough.”
“I do want to! I love him!”
“Then save him!” Kane commanded. “Now!”
Alice looked down at Ian, knowing that it wasn’t anything like how it had been with Gideon when she’d saved him out of instinct and duty. It wasn’t Chloe, who was just a person to her. This was Ian, the man who had saved her so many times, pushed her past her limits, and made her laugh when she had no reason to. He’d awakened her emotions, and he’d given her the ability to feel and connect in a way she never had before. The man who’d given up what mattered most to him, just so he could give her love.
She didn’t want to save him because it was her duty.
She wanted to save him because she loved him—
Oh, God. Did she really love him? That was the ultimate betrayal of her duty as an angel of life. The ultimate failure. Had she really crossed that line?
But as she gazed down at Ian, the pain in her heart was so deep, so intense, and so agonizingly terrible, that she knew the answer was yes. And she didn’t want it any other way.
Kane’s flail pressed against her neck. “Save him,” he said, his eyes darkening with a fury that made her skin crawl. “I won’t lose two of my teammates. Get him back for us. Now!” His eyes were blazing with such torment and hell that her skin went cold.
Something was seriously dangerous inside him. Slowly, Alice reached out and touched his face. His skin was cold and hard, almost brittle. “You need help,” she said.
Surprise flickered in Kane’s dark eyes, and for a split second, she saw the desperate humanity within them. A vulnerability he kept hidden deep inside, from others but also from himself. “I know,” he said softly, in a voice so low she felt his words more than heard them. “Sarah keeps me in control. I need to get back to her. But right now, Ian needs help.”
“Save him like you saved me,” Gideon said. “I can feel the white light pouring out of you. It’s still in there. Use it on Ian. Now.”
“The white light is for the Order—” But as she protested, she realized there had been times when she’d used white light on someone other than the Order: herself.
Every time she died, just at that moment when the demons had taken her beyond what she could endure, a white light had come for her. It had always started as a glow, but it eventually took the shape of a woman before plunging into her and taking her back to the physical world. She’d always thought it was something external coming to rescue her, but now, for the first time, she realized that she’d been wrong.
That light was inside her. It was her own powers, coming to save her when she was at her most desperate, when she was so desolate that she called it even without meaning to. She wasn’t Order, but she used the white light on herself. Could she call it for Ian, for the man who was such a part of her that his brands were on her arms?
Sudden, fierce resolution flowed through her. Determination. No fear. For the first time in her life, she felt no fear or insecurity, just the same intense focus that she’d seen in Ian every time he’d prepared for battle. “Come on, Ian.” She slid her hands under his head and bent her head to his. Just as you offered me your healing and your strength to save my life all those times, I offer you mine.
Then she pressed her lips to his cold ones and offered him everything she had, just as he had offered it to her so many times. She opened her heart to him. She let him feel her love for him. She showed him her terror at what would become of her for saving him, and at the same time, let warm reassurance flow through her that it was the right choice. That she would do it a thousand times.
His lips didn’t respond, and his soul was gone…no…no…wait! She could feel him! Distant. Not in his body, but hovering close, connected by mere threads, still trying to hang on and resist the demons. There was still a chance!
Ian. Come back to me. Alice continued to kiss him, trying desperately to erase a lifetime of protective shields around her emotions. She let herself feel the agony of a future without Ian. She allowed herself to experience the anguish of what his death would feel like. She let the trauma of it all fill her, until the grief and desperation were so strong that they tore at her heart. She welcomed all the pain and let it fill her.
She opened herself to Ian’s suffering, and nearly staggered at the feeling of how fiercely he was fighting to live. She brought that will to live into her, and she absorbed it as her own until her lungs began to labor under the effort of taking one more breath, as if she were the one who was dying.
She let his death fill her, merging them until she felt her soul join him in death. Further and further she fell into the crevasse, winding her soul around his, until his last breath tried to steal hers, until death was their only future. No! I’m not ready to die! Just as she had all those times while in demon hands, Alice lunged for the one thing that would save her: the white light.
She screamed to the heavens, calling for her life, for help, and for salvation. She turned her existence and Ian’s over to a power far greater than she. And as she did so, she reached the end of her capacity and her lifeline. Immediately, that familiar white light formed in her mind, coming to save both her and the man so connected to her that they were one.
As she and Ian fought together for breath, the white glow began to spin, faster and faster. It took the shape of an orb, stretching longer and longer, and then suddenly morphed into the form of a woman. And for the first time in her life, Alice saw that it was herself. She screamed for help, and the white light transformed into a glowing sphere and plunged right through both of their hearts.
She gasped and her body bowed in unison with Ian’s, and their screams joined in agonizing relief as their spirits returned to their bodies.
Alice. Ian’s arms went around her, catching her as she collapsed onto him. His pride filled her, a sense of pride so beautiful that she wanted to cry. I knew you had it in you.
“Way to go!” Kane thumped her shoulder, and she was vaguely aware of the rest of the team’s cheers of triumph.
All she could focus on was Ian. I lo— But before she could get the words out, her thigh began to burn. Alice yelped and grabbed for the front of her shorts. Smoke was rising from them, and a charred black hole was in her front pocket. She cupped her hand beneath the hole as the pearl rolled free and landed in her palm.
It was no longer the inactive swirl of reds and oranges. Now, it was glowing with a blazing white light, so bright that she had to shield her eyes. Ian sat up, bracing himself on his elbows, his eyes clear and focused as if he hadn’t been a whisper from death. “What’s that?”
She held it up. “The pearl of Lycanth. It’s activated now.”
Ian looked at her, and his eyes were grim with comprehension. “Saving me damned you, didn’t it? The pearl is on overdrive trying to protect you.”
She nodded and closed her fist around it. “Without it, I’d already be in the ocean.”
“And when you have to give it back when we return—” He didn’t finish the sentence. They
both knew what would happen.
Alice shrugged. “You don’t need to go back. I’ll go—”
“Fuck that. We’re going back, and we’re going to face the deal we made. If you’re going to wind up living a mermaid’s life, I’ll buy some scuba gear and rule the underworld with you.”
“But what about the Order? You can’t be in the Order if you’re stuck under water.”
Ian took her hands and met her gaze with unflinching intensity. “The bastards don’t appreciate me. Why would I trade what I have with you to run around with a bunch of guys who sweat too much?”
Tears burned in Alice’s eyes and she saw the depth of sadness in Ian’s face at the idea of walking away from the Order. “No,” she said, “Don’t do that for me—”
He put his index finger across her lips, silencing her. “I love you, Alice. There’s no other life for me besides the one I share with you. I’m sure there are sharks and shit down there that I can protect the girls against. Because those women need protection, don’t they?”
Alice nodded. “They do—”
“So, I’m the man to do it.” He winked at her, and behind the sadness at leaving his friends, she saw an inner peace, a man who had found his calling. “You really mean that, don’t you?”
“Of course.” He kissed her hard. “I gave my life for you, sweetheart. Giving up oxygen and poker with the guys is a no-brainer.”
Alice laughed, suddenly feeling giddy. And to think this was the man she’d thought could never put her first. She felt light and glorious, a woman finally alive. “I love you, Ian.”
“I love you, too.” He kissed her for a long moment, then raised her arm to press his lips to her marks. He stopped suddenly and grinned at her brands. “Now, that’s what it’s supposed to look like.”
She followed his gaze and smiled at the thin, silver lines. She pressed her hand to them, and found they were cool to the touch. “It’s over.”
“Yeah, it is.” He grinned. “The demons no longer have any claim on you. They got me, and that satisfied the bargain.”
“But you came back, like I did.” She looked at him. “So, they’ll come back again, won’t they? The deal isn’t done.”
“I think it is. Unlike you, I was actually dead for a minute. The deal was complete. They got their angel soul; they just couldn’t hang onto it.” He framed her face with his hands. “Don’t you get it sweetheart? They won’t be stalking you anymore. No more dying. We’ve got a whole life ahead of us.”
Hope began to hammer in her heart, hope for all the things she’d craved for so long, but had no chance of having. “What about the bond? Don’t you need to go rogue since we bonded?”
He paused for a moment, then shrugged. “I feel fine. My guess is that I died too quickly to go rogue, but since I died, that fate is taken care of as well.”
“Or it could still come after you,” Gideon said, clamping his hand down on Ian’s shoulder. “Welcome to the unstable world of being fully-bonded and always looking over your shoulder to see if fate’s going to grab you by the ass.”
Ian grinned, and slung his arm around Alice. “I’ve been stalked by magical shit my whole life. Keeps life interesting.” He kissed the top of her head, his eyes growing serious. “Hey, Alice?”
She smiled at him. “Yes?”
“Since the new trend appears to be that we marry our soul mates, I’d hate to be out of the club. Will you marry me? And…” He cleared his throat. “I’d be a good dad,” he said, not quite able to keep the thickness out of his voice.
She grinned, the most incredible emotions filling her up. “I will,” she whispered. “I really will. And you will be an amazing father, one that will make yours proud.” A flicker of sadness drifted through her heart. “But I don’t know how to be a good mom.”
“I’ll help you.” He laid his hand over her heart. “All you need is in here. I believe in you, and I’ll help you find your way.”
Alice put her hand over his, and she knew he was right. She might be a guardian angel, but she’d just found the guardian angel who was meant for her.
As they stood there, Alice became aware of a loud chirping from the ocean. Frowning, she walked over and peered out a window. Beneath them, cresting the whitecaps were two dolphins towing an ancient dinghy. Alice caught her breath as Ian’s hands clasped her shoulders. “It’s time.”
“It is.”
Anguish filling her, Alice turned toward Catherine and hugged her. “Let the Order protect you. They’ll help,” she whispered.
Catherine hugged her back. “I love you, Ally.”
Alice pulled back, searching Catherine’s eyes for a promise. “Stay with them, Cat. Seriously.”
Catherine pulled back, wrapping her too-thin arms around her torso. “It’s bigger than you know, Ally. I can’t stay.”
“But—”
Cat held up her hand. “Trust me, Alice. Let me do what I need to do. Don’t come after me.”
Alice’s chest hurt with sadness, but she’d already broken one promise to her sister. She couldn’t betray her again. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know.” Cat hugged her again, then turned and ducked wearily down the stairs, slipping unnoticed past the men who were talking solemnly with Ian, not happy with his disclosure that he was off to become a merman. Guilt swept through her at the heaviness of the atmosphere, all jubilation from their defeat of the wizard gone.
The tightness of the bond between the men was evident, and Alice knew that they would have welcomed Ian back into the Order if he weren’t leaving it to be with her. How could she let him give that up?
She knew then that she couldn’t. He was compelled to come back with her, but if she could save Chloe, they would be allowed to leave. She would be trapped as a Mageaan without the pearl, but Ian would be free.
She would not let Ian stay with her. She would save Chloe not just to save the girl, but also to liberate Ian, and then, she would let him go.
It would be easy. As a Mageaan, she would control the sea. If she commanded it to reject him, it would. He would have no choice.
The dolphins squeaked again, and Ian met Alice’s gaze, his warm smile not hiding the weight in his heart as his team stood in a silent semi-circle around him. “Ready to start our new life, sweetheart?”
Sadness filled Alice’s heart as she put her hand in his, because she knew that this was the last time they would be together. She managed a smile, but not words.
It was just too hard.
*
Ryland leaned against the wall of the tunnel, his lungs heaving with each ragged inhale. His skin was hanging in shreds. His clothes had burned into embers. Around him on the floor lay the putrid remains of the poisonous substance that had tried to claim him once he’d entered the pit. What he’d had to do to break free of it…it had been a thousand times worse than what had happened when he’d been at the other pit with Kane.
He looked down at his hand and saw glittery scales shifting beneath the skin. Shit. He leaned his head back against the wall, summoning the same intense control that had kept him going for so long. But he couldn’t find it. All he could think about was Thano going through that same hell. And the angel of death, somewhere in this morbid castle. And Dante’s demise. Shit, he missed Dante.
His upper lip curled, and his teeth began to lengthen.
“Shit!” He slammed his head back against the wall and pressed his hands to his eyes, his body straining with the effort of holding it in. Dante. Why the fuck did you have to die? What kind of plan is that?
Ryland.
Ryland’s eyes snapped open at the sound of his mentor’s voice. He spun around desperately, almost frantically, searching the dark tunnels. “Dante!” he shouted. “Dante! Where are you? Are you down here?” He staggered down the hall, bumping off walls as he tried to regain his equilibrium. “Dante!”
Stop.
Ryland froze, going instantly immobile at the command.
This war has
become your battle.
“Yeah, okay.” He clenched his hands as his fingernails began to lengthen, the sharp barbs digging into his fisted palms. “Tell me what to do.”
You don’t need that from me anymore. You know your path.
“My path is your path. I’m here to serve you.”
This is bigger than I am, Ryland. You need to move beyond me.
Denial roared through him. “No!” he shouted. “I will not abandon you!” Scales shifted on his arms, and Ryland’s face contorted. “Shit!” He went down on his knees, fighting as his muscles began to contort. “I can’t do this without you, Dante. I can’t.” He gasped the last words. “Help me. Please, help me.”
He felt Dante’s disappointment, and then a wave of calmness washed over him as Dante provided that same protection he’d given him so many times before. Ryland sucked in his breath as the scales receded and his muscles relaxed. He hung his head, shuddering as his body reclaimed itself. “Thank you.”
No more help from me, Ryland. You are on your own now. Deviate from the path you think you’re supposed to be on. There’s no other way.
“No other way to do what?”
What needs to be done.
Ryland felt his mentor’s spirit vanish. Loss and grief roared through him. “Dante!” He lunged forward, his hands clutching at empty air as if he could somehow reach the man who’d given him a second chance at life, who’d snatched him from the bowels of hell and taught him how to be a warrior.
But Dante was gone, and the emptiness of his existence filled Ryland again, the same pulsating doom that haunted him day after day. With a groan, Ryland hauled himself to his feet. His palms were bleeding, three cuts on each hand. A reminder of how close he was to that edge.
But Dante had given him a reprieve, and he would not waste it.
He wiped his hands over the wall of the passageway, leaving his blood behind as he continued down the dark hallway, allowing his instincts to continue to guide his path. Thano. He tried again, for the thousandth time. I know you’re alive. You don’t get to shirk your duties anymore. Man up, kid, and get with the program.
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