Clay puffed the cigar quietly for a moment. “A person is never better off dead. When he’s dead, he doesn’t have another chance at doing things right.”
“I will not be given a second chance.”
“I think you will. I don’t think they’ll hang you, Nina. You’re young and you’re a woman; and if I plead in your behalf, I think maybe I can convince them to just let someone accompany you back to Mexico with a warning to stay there.”
“I am a horse thief, an outlaw. And I am Mexican! Do not bother putting in a good word for me. I have stolen from the gringos and enjoyed it! I might as well have killed some of them while I was at it. When I think of my mother, and when I saw that man kick Santos while he lay dying, I wonder why I used to argue with Emilio and the others about killing any of them.”
“Nina.” He spoke her name with such gentleness that her animosity suddenly left her. She turned to meet the blue eyes, his face looking even more handsome in the firelight. “You can quit putting on an act for me. You don’t want to kill, and you don’t even want to steal anymore. You came along this time just to be with Emilio, didn’t you? I’m guessing you tried to talk him out of coming at all.”
She dropped her eyes and looked down at her coffee cup. “Where Emilio goes, I go.”
Clay sighed deeply. “As long as you think that way, you’ll never have a happy, settled life, Nina, and I know that’s what you really want. Emilio knows it, too. That’s why he promised that after this time, he’d settle in California. Don’t you know he just told you that to keep you happy a while longer? Can’t you see he enjoys this life? It’s not for you, Nina. You’re a beautiful young woman who should be in her own home with a husband at her side and a baby in her arms.”
The mention of a baby made her cheeks feel hot. She continued to stare at her coffee mug. “Why do you say these things to me when you know I will never know that kind of life now?”
“Because I think you’ll get out of this. If and when you do, I want you to live your life for you, not for your brother. Where is he now, while you sit here a prisoner? He can’t help you, and he knows it. He got away, and you didn’t. It’s as simple as that.”
Her throat suddenly swelled so, it ached. She quickly swallowed some coffee to help her keep from crying.
“I know you’re scared, Nina,” Clay told her softly.
“Don’t say that,” she countered, meeting his eyes, her dark ones fiery but full of tears. “I am not afraid! Emilio will come for me.”
Their eyes held. Clay had had every intention of keeping his personal feelings out of this whole mess, had intended to be firm with her, to bring her over here just to watch her and make sure she didn’t fool one of the other men into letting her escape. Now he found his heart aching for her. What was this she did to him? Was she playing him for the fool? Was he as weak as any other man around this wicked but innocent beauty?
“You know he won’t come, Nina.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “Then let me go. Please! Don’t take me to a gringo lawman and a gringo judge. I promise I will go to Mexico this time and never, never come back!”
He wanted to think she was acting, but he saw the sincerity in her eyes. “You know I can’t let you go, Nina. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, but a man has certain duties. I’ll do all I can for you, though. I don’t want you to think I don’t care.”
She searched his eyes, remembering how she had felt when she told Carmell about this man, wondering now at Carmell’s words. Clay Youngblood had a gentleness about him that she felt she could touch if only she were not his prisoner. If only things were different, she suspected there could be something wonderful between them, that special something Carmell had talked about. Another tear slipped down her cheek. “I want so much…to hate you,” she told him with a slight sneer.
He smiled lightly. “And I want so much to hate you,” he answered, “but I can’t. For a while, after that first time we met, I tried to force myself to forget you. Now I’ve found you again, and I can’t do a damn thing about…” His eyes moved over her. “About my feelings for you. You’ve stirred them up all over again. I even considered going to Mexico to look for you after I got out of the Army.”
Her eyes widened in wonder. “You are telling the truth?”
He smiled again. “I’m telling the truth.” He pulled back a little, hardly able to trust himself with her sitting so near. He puffed lightly on the cigar.
“Why!”
Clay noted the wonder and pleasure in the word. So, he thought, she had fantasized that he might come looking for her. That could only mean she had shared some of the same feelings as he. “I think you know why, but there’s no sense in talking about such things now. What’s done is done, and it can’t be changed.”
They shared a long moment of silence before Nina spoke. “Are you saying that you, a gringo soldier, could have tender feelings for a Mexican woman?” she asked cautiously.
Clay puffed his cigar quietly before taking it from his mouth. “Nina, not all Americans are prejudiced, and, besides, you’re just as prejudiced or worse when you ask a question like that. I’ve known a lot of Mexicans, and most of them have been good people. I don’t have a damn thing against Mexicans. War—that’s a different thing. It’s a political situation. It has nothing to do with the people in general. Why shouldn’t I be able to have tender feelings for you? You’re a beautiful young lady with a lot to offer a man. You’ve just been so damn busy trying to cater to Emilio that you’ve never given thought to yourself, what you really want out of life…but then this entire conversation is pretty pointless. I’ve already said too much.”
Nina swallowed against an aching throat, and her chest almost hurt from her pounding heart. “I…I am not sure what you are trying to tell me, Señor Lieutenant.”
Clay sighed. “I’m not sure myself. When I am around you, I can’t think straight. I guess maybe that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” He shifted, picking up a stick and reaching out to poke at the fire, the cigar between his teeth again. “What the hell,” he added, staring at the flames. “Now that I’ve seen you again, I want you to know that I care, Nina. I want you to believe that much. And I hate to admit it, but I never forgot that damn kiss.”
Nina felt hot all over, her palms suddenly sweaty. She had intended to keep up her act of defiance and bravery, to show Lieutenant Clay Youngblood that he meant nothing to her. She had not expected this. She felt vulnerable, softer, almost sorry for the lieutenant. “I also never forgot,” she said quietly, wondering why she had allowed herself to admit it.
Clay let out a hiss that indicated his frustration and disgust. “Well, that leaves us in a fine mess, doesn’t it?” He threw his cigar into the fire, sighing deeply as he rose. “You can sleep in my tent tonight. I’ll sleep out here.” He met her eyes. “I’m afraid I’ll have to cuff your ankles together to make sure you don’t try sneaking out and running off during the night.”
Nina set her coffee aside and rose. “There is something I must do before I go to sleep. Do I have permission to go behind that bush?” She nodded toward a yucca bush a few feet from the fire. “I would like my saddlebag, too.” There was a strangely sad look in Clay’s blue eyes that struck her heart. This gringo really did have tender feelings for her, and she knew now for certain that she just might be able to love him in return if things were different. “I will not run off,” she added. “This time I do not lie.”
Clay turned and called out to the corporal, who rose from another campfire several feet away and came running. “Get Miss Juarez’s saddlebag,” Clay told him. “But check it first and make sure there’s no gun inside.”
“Yes, sir.”
Clay met Nina’s eyes, and she smiled wryly. “So, you still do not trust me.”
“I dearly want to, Nina.”
She shook her head. “Do you think I would shoot you?”
His eyes moved over her again, bringing on the delicious warmth. “As long a
s that brother of yours is alive, I can’t be sure where your loyalties lie.”
“And you think I should be loyal to you? Why?”
The corporal came back with the saddlebag. “Nothing in it but personal things, sir.”
Clay took the bag, walking over and handing it to Nina. “Because I could have loved you,” he told her in answer to her original question.
He turned away, and Nina stood frozen for a moment, stunned by the words. She managed to find her legs, turning and going behind the bush. When she was through with the “personal matters” she walked back into the firelight, feeling suddenly awkward and unnerved. “I…I will go to sleep now.”
Clay nodded toward the tent but kept his eyes averted. “There’s a pitcher and a bowl in there if you want to wash up.” He sat on the blanket, watching the fire. “It’s been a long day’s ride. You might want to get out of those clothes and into more comfortable garments. You have my word no one will bother you. Just call out when you’re ready and I’ll come and put the cuffs on your ankles. There’s already a bedroll laid out in there.”
Nina turned and went inside the tent. Everything was as he had told her, and everything looked and smelled of Clay Youngblood. For the first time in her life she enjoyed feeling surrounded by a man, enjoyed this shivering desire he had stirred in her. She studied everything inside the tent, things that belonged to the handsome lieutenant who had so openly told her of his feelings for her. Why had God brought him back into her life, when He knew nothing could ever come of it now?
She undressed and washed, then put on a flannel gown, deciding that she probably had many uncomfortable nights ahead of her in a prison, or perhaps she would be hung soon. She might as well enjoy whatever luxury she could for now. At least Clay had given her that much.
Clay. She suddenly thought of him by his first name, thought of him as a friend rather than an enemy. She climbed into the bedroll, pulling the blankets over herself but up past her bare feet so that they were free. She called out to him. A moment later he pulled the tent flap aside and ducked inside, a pair of ankle cuffs in his hands.
“You can put them on me now,” she told him.
Their eyes held affectionately, both of them struggling to keep passion and emotions at bay. Clay knelt at her feet and grasped one bare ankle, snapping a cuff around it. His touch sent fire through her blood, and she remembered his comment all those months ago about feeling the fire beneath her skin. Did he feel it now? He glanced at her, as though to read her thoughts.
Nina swallowed. “If I am going to die, or go to prison for a long time, perhaps you will kiss me once more, Señor Lieutenant,” she said, her voice choking. “I would like to feel it again, remember it.”
Clay hesitated. The other cuff still hung loose. Was she trying to trick him again? No. Those were real tears. That was real fear and remorse he saw in those beautiful dark eyes. A little voice told him not to do it, but a much stronger urge won out. He came closer, leaning down to meet her lips. The moment he tasted them, there was no putting out the fires that raged in both their hearts.
Chapter Thirteen
The taste of Clay Youngblood’s lips was even sweeter than Nina had remembered. Passion mixed with apprehension swelled in her soul as his kiss lingered on her mouth. She could feel his breathing quicken with her own, wondered at the surprisingly pleasant urges he stirred in her. His tongue slaked across her mouth and gently moved inside it as he moved his body on top of her own, his lips never leaving hers.
An alarm sounded somewhere deep inside Nina, visions better forgotten, yet now she was torn in her feelings, wanting him, hating him, loving him, fearing him. Once she never dreamed she could allow a man to take pleasure in her, certainly not a gringo in a uniform. She wanted to move her arms around his neck, and suddenly she was doing just that. He groaned, the sound stirring warm desire in her soul. To her own surprise she did not object when he moved a hand along her side until he touched her breast, toying at the base of it with his thumb.
Her heart raced. For many weeks after first leaving this man she had imagined doing these very things with him, wondered what it would be like. She had longed to taste his mouth just once more. Now, here he was, as though in some strange dream. Was he taking advantage of her or did he really care? Were her own feelings genuine or was she just reacting out of fear for her future, clinging to the only person who might be able to help her?
Her breath came in shuddering gasps when his lips finally left her mouth, moving to her neck. “My God,” he whispered. “What am I to do?” He shivered, covering her mouth again, his hand cupping a breast, feeling its full softness beneath the flannel gown she had changed into. The touch drew a whimper from Nina, but then she felt the dreaded hardness against her groin. Memories flashed into her mind with a sudden flame, and she gasped, panicking. She turned her face away and forced her hands between herself and his chest.
“Stop!” she whispered. Clay moved his face with her own, finding her lips again, but again she turned away, her panic building. Did he mean to treat her like the Americans had treated her mother? She was his prisoner! Was he thinking to get his enjoyment from her before he gave her over to the authorities? What a fool she had been to ask him to kiss her!
“Get away from me,” she whimpered, “or I will scream!”
She felt him stiffen. He rose up on one elbow, looking down at her with gentle blue eyes. “Nina,” he groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re comparing me to the men who hurt your mother.”
Her eyes were wide and full of wonder and distrust. “I am at your mercy,” she whispered, tears brimming in her dark eyes.
He sighed deeply and moved off her. “You asked me to kiss you, Nina,” he said quietly as he sat up. “In this lonely land you’d better think twice before asking that of a man.” He sat beside her, rubbing at his eyes. “Especially when the man is so drawn to you.” He turned to meet her eyes. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you? Trying to soften me up so I’ll let you go.”
She looked away, a tear slipping out of the corner of her eye. “It is not that way,” she replied, swallowing to find her words. “Truly. I was just curious. Knowing I could die soon changes everything.” She turned on her side. “I wanted to know if it is true a woman can take pleasure in a man.”
Clay closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead, wishing he could be sure when she was telling the truth. He felt like a fool and was sure she wanted him to feel that way so he would help her. He had never been in such a quandary. He was risking his entire career to even think about letting her slip through his fingers again. If he did so, he would lose her forever, yet if she went to prison or was hanged, he would still lose her. He was damned if he helped her, and damned if he didn’t.
“You’re a witch, Nina Juarez,” he groaned, running a hand through his thick sandy hair. “I’d be better off if I had never encountered you again.” He turned to cuff her other ankle.
“Please wait,” she said, sitting up, her face flushed. “We must talk.”
He met her eyes, searching, trying to read her thoughts. “Not in here. If we stay in the tent one minute longer, the men will think…” He paused, and she blushed even deeper, glancing down at her lap.
“They will think I am a bad woman.”
“No,” he answered. “They’ll just think their lieutenant is a weak fool.” Her heart pounded harder again when he reached out to touch her chin, forcing her to look at him. “What did you discover?” he asked her, searching her eyes. “Can you enjoy a man?”
There came the fire again, teasing her, new womanly feelings goading her. “I think I can,” she answered. “It was a very nice kiss, Señor Lieutenant.”
He smiled softly, and she was relieved that he was not too upset with her.
“Call me Clay,” he told her.
She blinked back tears. “I do not know what to do now,” she said softly. “What to think.”
“That makes two of us.” He turned, taking a key from his shirt po
cket and unlocking her cuffed ankle. He reached over to a barrel where a blanket lay folded and handed it to her. “It’s obvious neither one of us can sleep yet. Put this around you and come out by the fire.”
He ducked out of the tent and walked to the fire, reaching down to pick up his coffee cup. Corporal Mills stepped into the firelight, looking hesitant. “Oh, excuse me, sir.” He glanced at the tent. “I just…Sergeant Johnson and I thought maybe I should come over here and make sure Miss Juarez hadn’t…hadn’t tried something. I mean…we saw you go into the tent and you didn’t come out for quite a while.”
Nina exited the tent then, the blanket wrapped around her, her flannel gown showing under it. Mills glanced at her, his eyes running over her questioningly before looking back at Clay.
“There’s nothing wrong, Corporal,” Clay told the man, keeping a stern, sure look about him. “Miss Juarez decided she wasn’t ready to sleep. Just make sure you keep an eye on those other two.”
“Hey, Lieutenant,” Al Kinkade shouted from somewhere in the distant darkness. “You’d better stay alert! Nina’s brother is out there. He’ll be gunning for you if you take us in.”
“That’s enough,” came another man’s voice.
“Don’t let him fool you, Nina,” Kinkade continued, ignoring the soldier’s warning. “You watch yourself.”
Clay glowered at Mills. “Shut that man up. Gag him if you have to.”
“Yes, sir.” Mills glanced at Nina again and left, wondering what had gone on inside the tent. Surely the lieutenant wasn’t crazy enough to fall for any fancy talk from a woman horse thief, a Mexican harlot, at that. She had such an innocent look about her, but none of the men could believe she wasn’t a trained expert at getting what she wanted out of a man. Lieutenant Youngblood seemed level-headed enough, had insisted on watching her himself for the express purpose of making sure she didn’t sweet-talk one of the other men into letting her go. But Mills suspected that her youth and exotic beauty could break down the strongest of men.
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