All He Feels - Dax & Ginny (Crossroads Book 11)

by Melanie Shawn

  Ginny felt tears filling her eyes. She tried to hold them back. To sniff and inconspicuously wipe them away, but she failed. They were falling down her cheeks before she could help it. She wasn’t sure if she was crying because of how sweet Grandpa J’s definition of love was, or if she was crying because she wished she had that with Dax, or if she was crying because she’d been robbed of having a man this great in her life. Or if it was all three. One thing was sure, after hearing him tell that story, there was no way she was walking out of this house without telling him who she was.

  “Now, now, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Grandpa J, pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. It was so soft and it smelled exactly how she’d always imagined a grandpa would smell, which was a little like Old Spice. “I heard on the computer that some people stole your songs and that you were having a little trouble with your beau. But let me tell you something, if you listen to anything this old man tells you today, hear this. It will all work out. Even if it’s not the way you wanted or how you wanted it to be, what will be will be and you will be okay. I promise.”

  “Thank you,” Ginny’s throat was so tight her voice was barely audible. She tried to relax and she took a deep breath as she dug into her pocket. “I appreciate you saying that, but those things aren’t why I’m upset.”

  Her hand was shaking as she handed him the picture. He studied it and she tried to think of what to say as he looked at it, but she couldn’t think of anything.

  “Well, I’ll be…where did you find this?”

  “My mom had it. It’s the only picture she had of my dad as a child.”

  “Your dad?” Grandpa J lifted his head and looked at her.

  “Yes. Donald Gregory.” Her hand was still shaking as she pointed to the picture. “That’s my dad.”

  Grandpa J looked down at the picture and then back up at her. She couldn’t say what she’d expected his reaction to be, but the somber and stoic expression that he was wearing wasn’t it. Maybe she shouldn’t have done this. Maybe there was a reason that her dad hadn’t been in touch with his father. Maybe the amazing husband she’d just interviewed had known how to love his wife but had sucked in the father department.

  She was just about to grab the picture back and leave when he spoke, his voice hoarse and strained, “Oh, honey. I’m sorry to have to tell you this but your daddy passed away twenty-three years ago.”

  “Oh, I know.” She almost laughed from relief that his reaction had been because he thought he was the one who was going to have to break the news that her dad was dead. She shook her head. “I know that. My mom was actually with him that night. I’m not here because I’m trying to find him, I’m here because I’m trying to find you.”

  “Me?” His face was clouded with confusion.

  Again, his response was not what she’d expected, but she figured she should push through. “Yes. I found this picture and on the back,” she leaned forward and flipped it over, “The ink is faded but it says Whisper Lake, The Colonel, son Donny age four.”

  Grandpa J squinted at it and then his face relaxed as realization dawned on him.

  There, that was more like what she had expected.

  “Oh darlin’,” he shook his head slowly back and forth.

  Okay, maybe not.

  “Donny’s my godson, the other letters must have gotten erased.”

  Ginny’s heart sank and she felt so stupid. She was as bad as the people that believed what they read on the Internet. She’d built up an entire life, an entire fantasy off of some words and a picture.

  “Donny was Don’s boy. See now, I served with Don and after we got out we stayed close. He’d asked me to be Donny’s godfather and I asked him to be my son Mike’s godfather.”

  “Oh.” She managed to say over the large knot that had formed in her throat as more tears fell down her face. She braced herself, waiting to hear that her true grandfather had passed away. That he’d been a great man that she would never know. That besides her mom, she really didn’t have anyone.

  “But honey, he’s going to be over the moon to meet you.”

  “Wait. He’s alive?” She didn’t know why she’d just assumed he was gone. Maybe it just felt like that because of the way her day was going.

  “Oh yeah, that old-timer is still goin’ strong.”

  “Where is he?” Ginny knew in that moment, she would literally fly to the end of the earth to meet him.

  “He’s up at Whisper Lake, just a few hours’ drive from here. He runs a rescue up there.”

  “A rescue?” she repeated as she wiped her cheeks with the handkerchief and composed herself.

  “Yes, ma’am. You’re granddad runs a dog rescue.”

  “A dog rescue?” And just like that she was bawling again.

  “Yep. And he trains those pups up to be therapy dogs for soldiers that come home with PTSD. I don’t really know how he does it, but I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it when you meet him.”

  Her grandfather ran a dog rescue that trained dogs to be therapy dogs. She didn’t think that there was anything Grandpa J could tell her about him to make her love him more.

  “What’s his name? Can I have his number?”

  “His name is Donald Gregory Williams, your daddy was a Jr. And you can absolutely have his number, but it won’t do you any good until tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “That’s when he gets back from his wilderness trip. See now, he starts every year going into the woods without any electronics or devices. He says it makes him appreciate having those things the rest of the year and he starts it off with a grateful heart. Now, I used to think he was a few cards short of a full deck for that, but I did go on it one year, the year I lost my Marie, and let me tell you, there is something to be said about getting back to the basics and getting in touch with nature. It was spiritual and healing. Of course, it was also cold and uncomfortable and I haven’t been back since, but he has a whole group that goes out there with him every year. Some only go once and some have been going for well, for the twenty-three years he has.”

  Goosebumps broke out on her arm. “Twenty-three years?”

  “That’s right.” Grandpa J teared up a little, but he wiped the moisture away with his finger and thumb. “The first time he went out there was the winter after he lost his boy, your daddy. It’s his story to tell, but he felt awful bad about how things were between the two of them. Don is a good man, an honorable man, a hard-working, kind and generous man. But he had expectations for Donny. Rules that he demanded be obeyed in his house. Your daddy was a smart, funny, talented young man. But those two did not see eye to eye. Not about cleaning his room. Or making curfew. Or having a job. When your daddy dropped out of high school and went on the road with his band it broke your grandad’s heart. But he never stopped loving him. He would have moved heaven and earth for that boy. Losing him…I wasn’t sure he was going to come back from that. But then he went out in those woods and well, he came back a different man. He was still grieving, still heartbroken, but he had a different take on life. One of the biggest thing that those two would fight about when Donny was growing up was that he wasn’t allowed to have a dog because your granddad didn’t think he was responsible enough. So, that next summer a year to the day that your daddy died, he started the rescue and never looked back.”

  She was wrong, there was something he could say that made her love him more.

  Chapter 20

  Dax was used to waiting. People were always so impressed when they heard that he was in the Special Forces, but what they didn’t know was that a lot of his time spent on missions was just waiting. Doing nothing but waiting. Sure there were more exciting and dangerous parts, but that was a small fraction of what the job actually entailed.

  And the same thing could be said for his work in private security. Sure, there were moments situations would arise and he actually used his skills, but most of the time it was just waiting.

&
nbsp; Normally, he had no problem keeping himself entertained. He was the last generation to grow up without smart phones that had a world of entertainment at their fingertips. He’d had to occupy himself without those things.

  But today, as he sat outside of Mike and Grace Hunter’s house, waiting while Ginny interviewed The Colonel, he felt like he was crawling out of his skin. He was having a hard time sitting still in his SUV. It was freezing outside but he’d gotten out and walked the perimeter of the front yard just because he’d felt like a trapped animal in the car.

  He wanted to bust the front door of the house open and find out what was going on with Ginny, because he knew something else was up. He knew it was serious.

  On the drive over she’d been quiet, but it was more than that. It was her body language. It reminded him of how she’d been on the way to Krista’s mom’s birthday party. And just like that night, he hadn’t been able to figure out what was going on. The difference was this time he’d asked.

  Their relationship might not be defined, but he sure as hell felt like he had the right to ask what was bothering her. The only problem was, she also had the right not to tell him. And unfortunately she’d exercised her right to remain silent.

  He was getting ready to get out and do another lap of the perimeter when the front door opened. The speed that he’d gotten out of the SUV and up the pathway had to have set some kind of record. He stopped directly behind Ginny and The Colonel and Ginny seemed startled at his sudden appearance. Ginny’s back was to him but she jumped and sucked in a startled breath.

  “Well, hello there son.” The Colonel, who he was facing, shook his hand with an impressively firm handshake. He had to be in his eighties but he was still strong. Freakishly so.

  “Colonel. How are you doing, sir?” Dax stepped to the side so he wasn’t reaching over Ginny’s shoulder.

  “Good, good. I had a nice little talk with this young lady and I think we’re all squared away.” The Colonel nodded towards Ginny and that was the first time he saw her face and that she’d been crying.

  Without giving it a second thought he pulled his hand away from The Colonel and turned so he was facing her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She shook her head as she smiled too brightly up at him.

  Dax’s heart raced. If the news she’d gotten this morning hadn’t made her cry like this, what could possibly have caused this and what did The Colonel have to do with it?

  Ginny stepped around Dax and threw her arms around The Colonel, hugging him tightly. Dax moved back to give them space. It was obvious there was something going on between them that he knew nothing about.

  When she dropped her arms, she lifted a red, worn handkerchief and said, “I’ll wash this and get it back to you.

  “No, now that’s yours to keep.” He winked as he said, “Grand-goddaughter.”

  Grand-goddaughter?

  She sniffed and Dax saw a tear fall down her cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “Now do you remember what I told you?”

  She nodded. “What will be will be and I will be okay.”

  “Yes, I did say that. But I was talking about if you’re lucky enough to get the job, hold onto it with everything you have.”

  “Oh, yeah, that.” She smiled, but this time it was a true genuine smile. “I don’t think I’ll be getting hired anytime soon, but I will.”

  “I don’t know,” The Colonel glanced up at Dax and back Ginny. “I think you’re full time and this one is on probation.”

  She laughed and gave him one more hug before they all said goodbye. Dax had no idea what the hell they were talking about. He’d never been more confused about a conversation in his life. And he’d actually had people speak in code to him.

  He planned on asking as soon as they got in the car, but before they made it halfway down the walkway, Ginny’s phone vibrated and the look on her face when she saw the screen told him that his questions were going to have to wait until later.

  * * *

  “On no.” Ginny stared at the message on her phone in disbelief. “We have to go. Now.”

  Dax didn’t question her sudden rush, just hurried with her to the car and got her safely inside before rushing to the driver’s side. As he pulled out of the driveway she told him. “I need to get to the studio as fast as possible.”

  He didn’t take his eyes off the road. “What’s going on?”

  “Chase just messaged me. Derek’s here. In town. At the studio. And there are paparazzi there. Reporters. And a lot of them. I have no idea what he’s saying. I don’t want him to make this worse.”

  Oh crap.

  She flipped down the visor mirror and saw the mess that was her puffy face. Paparazzi were there and she looked like she’d just been sobbing her eyes out. Which she had, but not for the reasons they would think.

  She started rummaging in her bag and wanted to cry in relief when she felt her emergency bag that had foundation, mascara, lipstick, and Visine.

  “Can’t you call him? Derek. And tell him not to say anything.”

  “I don’t have his number.” She realized when she said that how ridiculous it sounded. But it was true. Shane had always been the go between. She’d never needed his phone number. They weren’t a real couple. They’d communicated through email several times, but she really didn’t think he’d be checking that right now.

  She dropped her head back and squeezed the small bottle twice in each eye, then blinked rapidly. She rushed to apply the makeup as she tried to come up with the possible scenarios that she might be dealing with when she got there. Chances were Derek was holding court, like he liked to do, and not commenting on their relationship. At least that’s what she hoped he was doing.

  If that wasn’t the case, then she really had no way to tell what he was doing. What he could be saying. Grandpa J’s words played in her head, whatever will be will be and she would be okay. They made her feel marginally better, but the closer they got to what Chase had described as a media circus she realized that Dax beside her, driving and just being there, was the component that made her calm enough to face whatever was awaiting her.

  The truth was, if she hadn’t been with Dax this morning and felt his concerned stare on her and known that he would do anything to make her world right again, she wouldn’t have been able to handle everything the way she had. He showed her that the headlines were not the important things in life.

  She looked over at him as he navigated them down back streets to avoid coming in at the front of the building and she realized that the real reason she’d freaked out when she’d seen Grandpa J’s phone number was that, she’d been on his lap, feeling safer and more protected than she ever had in her life, and that wasn’t real. They weren’t really together. He didn’t have relationships. Had never even had a girlfriend. Sure, things had been great for the time that they’d had together, but this was short-term and a zebra didn’t change his stripes just because he fell in love with a horse.

  He’d never made her any promises. He’d never said that he wanted anything past the time she was here. In fact, it had been her that had snuck down to the basement and initiated things. He’d tried to keep his distance.

  As much as she loved what Grandpa J had said, and as right on the money as he’d been, there was one thing he was wrong about. She didn’t have the job and Dax wasn’t on probation. He was hired, full-time with benefits, she was a temp.

  They pulled into the back parking lot, which thankfully was empty and Dax turned to her. “What is the plan?”

  “I don’t know.”

  She could tell he was on edge as he calmly stated. “I need to know what you plan to do.”

  “I don’t know, I don’t even know what’s going on yet.”

  “Let me call Seth and get some backup. Or at least let me walk the perimeter while you are inside. I don’t want to walk into this blind.”

  “I don’t have time for that.”

  His nostrils flared and as
much as she wished she could put his mind at ease, she knew that this was like a Band-Aid. She just needed to rip it off.

  She turned to get out of the car, and before she even shut the door he was at her side. When they walked in the back entrance Chase was there to meet them. “There’s at least forty people out there and one news van. Apparently he tweeted when he arrived at O’Hare and everyone assumed he was coming here.”

  Ginny had known that he was back in the states, but she thought he was in California. That’s what his Instagram had said yesterday. Which meant he probably flew here as soon as the story broke.

  “How long has he been out there?”

  “Not long. I messaged you right when he got here. Do you want me to go see if I can get his attention to come in?”

  “No. That will just cause more speculation. They need to see me.”

  She took a deep, fortifying breath and looked up at Dax, “How do I look?”

  His brow wrinkled, but he immediately answered. “Beautiful.”

  “No, I mean. Does it look like I’ve been crying?”

  “Oh, no. No it doesn’t.”

  “Okay.” She nodded decisively. “Let’s go.”

  As they rounded the corner of the main hallway she made sure to keep her face in what she and her mom had coined as positive neutral in case some paps snapped her picture through the glass. She couldn’t look like she was happy or upset. But if she tried to keep her expression blank, they usually filled in those blanks with miserable, or unhappy, on the edge, angry or a plethora of other adjectives that she wasn’t. So they’d developed the positive neutral, an expression that was blank with the corner of her lips turned up slightly.

  Dax stepped in front of her as they approached the glass door and opened it for her. The second she stepped out of it the noise levels raised several decibels and the cameras were rapid firing. Before she’d even had a chance to get a lay of the land, Derek had her in his arms and was kissing her. Her first instinct had been to push him off of her, she lifted her hands to his shoulders to do just that, but he tightened his hold and she realized that was the last thing she needed to do. This was a big enough mess. When he finally let her come up for air. She made sure to keep her face in positive neutral and she leaned into him and whispered, “Inside. Now!”