by Linda Mooney
“I’m talking about you flying off on your own without checking with us first to see what our plan of action was. Who do you think you are, engaging the enemy on your own?”
“I didn’t engage the enemy!” she hotly shot back. Throwing her glance in Hunter’s direction, she was shocked to see an equally furious expression clouding his face. “I couldn’t get back into the ship!” she defended herself. “What else was I supposed to do?”
“When you’re ordered to go back to the ship, we expect you to go immediately after you’ve finished your assignment,” Hunter growled at her with that low, threatening edge to his voice she had heard in the past. He stood with his feet planted apart, arms crossed over his chest. There was nothing in his countenance that resembled the man she’d confessed her deepest emotions to a short while ago.
Now she was completely confused. Yes, he had told her to return to the ship, but she hadn’t been the only one who had been standing on that small hillock, locked in a frantic embrace.
“You could have revealed us to the Ombitra,” Bruiser admonished her.
“Is that what everyone is getting so upset about?” Star demanded, now on the verge of tears. It was enough she was on everyone’s black list at the moment. That was nothing new. Heavens knew she wasn’t a stranger to facing their accusations.
It was Hunter who had her thoroughly flustered. Again, she sought his eyes for some sign of the man he’d been a few minutes ago, but a stranger was facing her at that moment.
Taking a few steps back, she tried to explain to them why she’d broken protocol. “The ships were heading out. I-I thought I could tail them a short distance. Maybe get lucky enough to find out something. I know how to keep from being spotted! Dammit, Deceiver, I didn’t harm anyone!”
“No, but you’re starting to go more and more on your own when it comes to pulling stunts like this. That’s not teamwork, Star. That’s not what being a Guardian is about,” Deceiver continued. His coldness was as hurtful as it was the truth.
“Hey, girl, what do you think we could have done if you’d somehow gotten blasted by that thing up there?” Disaster tried to reason in a calmer tone of voice.
Morning Fire stepped forward, knowing her friend was quickly becoming more upset. “They’re right, Star,” she explained in a gentler tone. “It’s just like when you ran off to go sun dancing, when there was still the job to finish. You’ve got find a way to get what needs to be done, done. We all have problems facing us. Although heavens know your situation ranks right up there among the worst, life still goes on. The job still goes on. We depend on each other with our lives. So when you run off to ‘get lucky’, as you call it, you did harm us. You put a hole in our defenses. You created a way for the enemy to reach us, if they’d managed to capture or hurt you.”
The ground quaked momentarily, throwing everyone slightly off-balance for a second. Instinctively, Star rose a few inches above the undulating grasses, and watched her fellow Guardians adjust to the disruption.
Her hands were clenched, but not as tightly as the cold knot in the middle of her stomach. They were making it sound like she’d deserted them, when that had never been the case.
Again, her eyes shot at Hunter. This time, however, he was watching her with a hooded expression, as if he could read her thoughts. For some inexplicable reason, she wanted to get away from their hurtful accusations and damning stares. Yet … she would have given anything to be able to fly into Hunter’s arms and let him soothe her. She wanted to feel his fingers threading though her hair, hear him murmuring loving words into her ear before sliding his warm lips down her neck.
Hear him murmuring loving words…
Her breath caught in her chest, and the pain of revelation lanced through her heart. Hunter had never told her he loved her. Yes, he’d called her “my heart” and “my love,” but the actual words had never been spoken. Not out loud, and not to her.
Her eyes went dark with the ache that was tearing through her lungs as she was forced to face the truth. Hunter didn’t love her. Those were love names he’d used. They meant no more to him than if he’d called her by her first name.
He had wooed her untested heart and virgin body with the ease of an experienced seducer. And she, always the fool, had fallen for it. Yes, he had done his part to make the HandFast as painless as possible, despite the additional hardships and restrictions. He’d done his part too well. And she had fallen so deeply in love with him, there would never be any escape from it, no matter how far she flew. No matter how long she wandered.
“I didn’t ask to become a Guardian,” Star reminded everyone in a choked voice, and noticed the surprised expressions on their faces. Rising a bit higher, she felt tears making cool tracks down her face. “You asked me, remember? You invited me to go back to Guardian Command with you and join up. You knew I had been wandering through the galaxies for years. You knew how I was, how I had been alone … how I had been forced to be alone for all those years. I joined you because I was tired of wandering. Because I thought I should give you the chance to give me something stable in my life. And now … and now you berate me for acting on my instincts?”
“Star, we’re not berating you for anything,” Animator called up to her. “We’re just trying to make you understand we’re a stronger force if we stay united. If we know what everyone else is doing, and something happens, we can be there to back you up. We protect each other. We care for each other.”
“But I’ve become a hindrance to you,” Star reminded them. “You said so yourself. I’m the hole in your defenses. If something comes down, it’ll probably be because I inadvertently allowed it to.”
“Star!” It was Morning Fire again. Star wondered why her friend’s face was as wet as her own. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Maybe it’s time I no longer placed the Guardians in any kind of danger,” she admitted softly. Her hands were numb; her body was a heavy mass, an empty, lifeless void. If she wasn’t around to bring about any kind of trouble, then they would be able to regroup and close that hole. Without realizing it, she floated higher into the air, away from them.
“Terrin.”
His voice jerked her back as easily as if he’d tugged on her physically. Opening her eyes, she saw where he had moved until he was directly below her.
“Come back down, Terrin,” he ordered her. Not asked. His voice was less harsh, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Her heart could barely manage to keep beating, despite the pain.
She shook her head. “I know what the edict says. If one of us should break the HandFast, the other is not made to bear the blame. So they won’t punish you, Hunter, when I don’t return with the rest of you.”
Sensing in her voice what they’d been dreading to hear, Corona cried out, “Star, no!”
“We’re stronger because of you, Star!” Sender said, lifting her hand upward as if she could grasp an arm or leg, and pull her back down to the ground.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll still break the rules. I’ll still run off without warning. Without … permission. I can’t help being who I am. Or what I am … just another freak. Someone everyone says they need, but no one really wants. Not the ‘me’ part, anyway. All everyone will ever see is the ability and the body, never what’s inside.”
A ragged breath shook her. Lifting her face, Star saw that the last of the Ombitra had left the planet. Didn’t matter. They’d show up again later, somewhere else. There would be no fighting today. Good. It would give them the time to gather together, to fill whatever gaps needed to be filled once she was gone.
She’d had two years with them. Heavens, that was the longest she’d ever stayed in one place since she’d escaped her home world. But it was time to move on. She had become a liability. It would be better for them, safer for them, once she was gone.
“Star.” They were spread out below her, calling to her, reaching out to her, yet his voice alone carried straight to her soul. “Star, it doesn’t matter where
you go. I’ll find you.”
“Not if I go far enough,” she choked.
“There is no place ‘far enough’. I’ll find you.”
Sudden rage raced through her. Looking down at Hunter, she cried, “Don’t you understand? I’m releasing you from that damned HandFast! You’re free! The Committee will come down on my head, not yours!”
Tears were coming faster now. She had to go. She had to find a spot someplace in the ocean of empty space, where she could curl up and weep as loudly as she wanted, without anyone condemning her for her weakness. For the lost friendships she thought had been enough to make her happy. And for the fact that she had given herself to a man her heart would never let her forget for as long as she lived.
“It doesn’t matter, Terrin, and you know that. You know we moved past the HandFast after that first night. We no longer need it, you and I.”
She lost height at his confession, nearly tumbling to the ground. Eyes widening, she stared at him. The man who stood below her never moved. Never raised his arms toward her. Never made any kind of gesture, other than the words he spoke aloud. To her. In front of everyone standing behind him.
Unable to believe what she had heard, Star slowly shook her head. “Nooo.” What she meant by her denial, she couldn’t explain, but it left her in a slow rush of air as she covered her eyes with her hands, and her body began to lift away of its own accord.
A burst of energy surged through her, and she was away from the planet, heading deep into the blackness of space.
Seeing her rising, Hunter felt her despair squeezing all life and breath from her. She was exhausted mentally, and after the starburst, physically. She wasn’t thinking straight, which meant the ghosts from her past were welling up from the icy pit inside her and digging their fingers into her sanity.
I can’t help being who I am. Or what I am … just another freak.
A freak? No one had ever called her that. That wasn’t a word they bandied about, not among the Guardians. Not among fifteen others who fit that description just as easily, if it came down to pure semantics.
The moment she began to drift upward, he knew she was leaving. She honestly felt as though her presence would spell more harm than good to the group. And that by leaving, she was assuring them a better chance of survival.
Star was not fleeing to find a chance to center herself. Not this time. She was leaving for good. The emotional overload was too much, and it was bringing out too much of the past for her to handle.
A heavy hand clamped down on his arm. Hunter started, turning to see Deceiver’s pale face staring into his. “What’s wrong? What did we say or do to make her leave?”
“She believes she brings more harm than good to the group. Deceiver, her life before joining us was filled with nothing but ridicule and rejection. Star’s escaping, rejecting us before we do the same to her.” The truth clawed at him with steel-tipped talons, ripping his heart apart.
“Can you get her back?”
“I’ll get her back,” Hunter swore. “Even if it takes the rest of my life.”
Swallowing hard, Deceiver managed a weak smile. Turning to the rest, he barked, “All right, everyone. Provoker, give us something to do to help get this world back on its feet.”
“Hunter!” Time Merchant waved at him from the door of the transport. “Urgent communications. From the Committee.”
Faintness washed over him, forcing him to erect walls around his sanity as he strode into the ship and saw the blinking light on the console. Taking the headset from Time Merchant, Hunter placed it into his ear, then punching in his personal code to accept the message. Behind him the two men watched in silence. After a brief period, Hunter closed the relay. “Negative.” A second later, he slammed his fist into the wall beside the viewport.
“Go,” Deceiver ordered softly. “Go. We’ll be leaving here as soon as we restore a sense of stability back to this place.”
Time Merchant spoke up. “One more thing, Hunter. And it’s important.”
Hunter turned around to face the two men.
Straightening his shoulders, Time Merchant confessed, “That call came in just a minute ago, but it was delayed due to the distance. We’re a long way away from home, Hunter, but your clock is almost due. It doesn’t matter when we lift off now. By the time we get back, you and Star will be late reporting in, and you know the Committee will be out for blood the moment we land.”
“If we go back without her, the blame will fall on her,” Deceiver reminded him. “Star was right. The HandFast will be cancelled between you. But if she ever comes back, justice will be merciless to her.”
Nodding, Hunter breathed in deeply. Shakily. “She’s fast, but I’m faster. I need to leave now.”
“How are you going to convince her to come back to Guardian Command?” Deceiver asked.
“That’s secondary,” Hunter told him. “First I have to convince her that I love her.”
[Back to Table of Contents]
Chapter 18
Hearts
He was forced to stop in the Bera Addaredon system, at a medium-sized planetoid used as a storage facility for the three livon-rich moons currently being mined. He was eleven parsecs away from Greater Biris, but he had no idea how long he had been moving through space. Time was inconsistent from galaxy to galaxy.
If there was one thing to be thankful for, Star was being consistent. She was heading in a straight line. She was also heading directly away from Guardian Command.
Hunter ran a weary hand over his forehead. Exhaustion was dripping off of him, but he knew that if he was tiring, so was she. Her energy wasn’t inexhaustible. She had to regularly siphon energy off the suns to keep herself at peak form. The burst she’d used on Greater Biris to draw attention to herself had taken a lot out of her. Other than the handful of small stars he had passed, none had been close enough to give her any direct rays, which meant she was either on reserves, or totally depleted by now. After coming so far, if she’d kept her speed constant, Star was not too far ahead of him.
Struggling to his feet, Hunter shut his eyes and concentrated on his target. Following her trail was less like pursuing a quarry, and more like releasing himself to the call of his heart. She was in every pore of his skin. He could feel her from the soles of his feet to the top of his scalp. He could even taste her on his tongue, where her scent caressed his palate.
Two nights. They had shared two nights, and she’d become like his own blood.
The netherworld protected him during his flight past a hundred moons and planets. Its only drawback was that it wasn’t oxygen rich, which meant he had to find worlds where he could breathe and restock that thin bubble around him. As he slipped effortlessly into gray, mistsy nonexistence, his body reached out, calling to her.
Terrin.
Time Merchant and Deceiver had stared at him when he had told them he had to convince Star he loved her. Oddly, though, they didn’t seem surprised, other than hearing him declare it. A tiny smile creased the corners of his mouth. How many of them already suspected the truth?
A tiny shimmering of color rainbowed from behind an asteroid belt circling an uninhabited planet below. The phenomenon should not have been there, as the coloring faced away from any light source. Hunter felt a tug in his bones, and he dropped to check it out.
When he finally spotted her, for the span of several heartbeats he almost allowed his terror to swallow him whole. She was lying sprawled inside one of the million craters spotting the back of the largest asteroid. Motionless, there was no sign of breathing, no sign of life coming from her. Hunter drew closer. The asteroid had no atmosphere. If he left the void, he would die almost instantly, but definitely, and with extreme agony in the airlessness of space.
A tremor ran through her, and her eyes flew open. Her mouth formed a single word.
No!
He watched as she painfully got to her feet, and at that moment it hit him. She could feel him. She could tell he was there, as surely as
he could sense her. How, he couldn’t begin to understand, but the knowledge gave him both a sense of security while at the same time it also posed a problem. How would he be able to approach her if she could “see” him coming?
Star was weak. The star pattern on her body suit barely moved. Her face was pale. Wan. Her violet eyes were enormous saucers.
Taking the risk, Hunter coalesced for less than a fraction of a second before retreating back into the void. But it was enough time to drop the earpiece in front of her.
Star saw the tiny communications device materialize near the toe of her boot, as if by magic. Long moments passed as she stared at it, warring with her emotions. Fighting with her need to hear his voice, even though she knew that if she relented and put it on, all that she had accomplished thus far would not matter anymore.
Hunter watched her body tremble as he softly urged her to, “Pick it up, my love. Please. Please. Take it and put it on. Let me talk to you. Let me tell you how this flight is going to kill us, but I don’t care. I don’t care anymore, not as long as I’m with you. Not as long as the last thing I ever see is your beautiful face. Pick up the earpiece, Terrin. Please.”
She bent to retrieve the earpiece, and Hunter finally knew her love for him was greater than her worst fears and despair. He waited for her to slip it on. Waited for her to speak first.
“I know you’re there. I can feel you. You’re so damn close.” Her voice was a ghost. She was past exhaustion, as was he.
“Terrin.”
At the sound of her name, Star almost convulsed, tightly shutting her eyes as she clenched her fists in front of her.
“I can’t … I can’t take any more, Udo,” she told him. Her confession sounded thin and far away in the vacuum of space. “Why won’t you let me go?”
“Because if I do, I will lose what’s left of my sanity. I love you, Terrin. So much, that if I have to follow you for the rest of my days, I’ll do so without any reservation. I can’t let you go. I never will.”
She shuddered again, then lifted off the asteroid and headed once again in the direction she’d been traveling all this time. Hunter easily kept pace beside her. At one point she turned to look directly at him, or at the emptiness where she knew he should be. “How do you do that? Since when have you been able to do that?”