Her Love and Regrets (Book I)

by Chevelle Allen

  “You’re welcome, Baby. Enjoy them. I’ve got to run. I’ve got a meeting with our new client shortly. We’ll talk later tonight.”

  “Okay.”

  Repeatedly, she tried to read through the summaries prepared for her, but she simply couldn’t concentrate. She turned her limited attention to the folder full of documents and letters requiring her signature and little else. Even with such a mindless task, she found herself staring off in to space. Her mind darted from the beautiful flowers to the photograph to recollections of her weekend in Washington. At one point she chuckled at herself thinking, what the hell has he done to me? There was no way she could stay focused on the work she had hoped to finish because her mind drifted yet again to their last hours together before her flight to Athens, Georgia.

  Michael was an early riser. Although he moved quietly, she heard him in the kitchen as she stirred from her deep slumber. She wasn’t sure how long he had been awake, but she lingered in his bed hoping he’d return to her. Her attention was soon fixed on the cross in the corner still holding a few of his ties in the nickel loops. She climbed out of bed and walked over to the intriguing furniture she now understood. She reached up and lightly touched the ties before gripping one and carefully winding her wrist around it. She extended her other hand reaching for the other side. When she turned to position herself against the apparatus, she saw Michael standing in the doorway watching her. She was startled and little embarrassed he discovered her. But neither of them uttered a word as he walked towards her.

  He stood in front of her inspecting how she’d entwined her wrist into the ties. His focus soon shifted to her eyes as he took hold of her free hand and raised it to the other tie. He wrapped the ties around her wrists far more tightly and securely than she had done to herself. He stepped back taking in her nakedness. She could see his penis hardening under his boxer shorts. Eventually, he let out that low moan sound causing her breath to quicken.

  “Tell me what you want, Janine?”

  “I want to please you, Sir.”

  “No. Tell me what you want.”

  “I want you to show me how you use this. I want to know what it feels like, please.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He came in close and lightly kissed her cheek before walking over to the bureau and opening it. For the first time she saw the variety of crops, cuffs and other devices he kept locked inside. He touched a few as he contemplated which would serve his needs best. Partially supported by the ties, she squirmed against the X as her arms started to ache and anticipation built. With his back to her, she could barely see which items he removed from their hooks. Turning towards her and holding a long feathered piece and a large crop he walked to her.

  “Keep your head up and your eyes on me. Do you understand?” He swatted her hard on her upper thigh.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  He came in closer whispering softly in her ear, “Are you sure this is what you want, Baby?”

  With firm resolve she said, “Yes, Sir.”

  The crop firmly in his grasp, he moved it methodically over her legs before lightly tapping and then swatting her mound hard. Having forgotten how much it stung against her flesh, she let out a gasp. She was grateful her swollen clit had not felt the full power of that strike. Pacing back and forth, he moved the crop across her arms before standing behind her and striking her hard several times on her ass. It was more intense than anything he’d ever done to her and it hurt like hell. In a flash, the pain reminded her of the one time she had gotten a ‘whooping’ as a child.

  Her ass felt hot and she couldn’t help but cry out with each subsequent strike. She didn’t think she could take much more but she didn’t relent. She wanted to push her boundaries further than they had ever been tested. Over and over he struck her while carefully watching every movement, twitch and grunt she made. She gritted her teeth trying desperately to refrain from using her safe words again, but the pain was becoming excruciating. It was as if he instinctively knew she was reaching her breaking point because she soon felt his tongue gently licking and massaging the areas he’d struck. His tongue was soothing and exciting beyond compare.

  He came from behind and stood facing her staring into her eyes. Every muscle in his face showed fierce hunger and desire. He tilted his head slightly before dropping his eyes to her breasts. He cupped them in his hands lightly touching before pinching her nipples with his thumb and forefinger. Everything he did to her was new and much darker than she anything she remembered. Withdrawing his hands, he used the crop to circle her nipples before striking them just as hard as he had her ass. It literally took her breath away.

  For a moment she couldn’t think as the pain surged throughout her body. Oddly, she also experienced bizarre and pleasurable warmth she couldn’t easily describe. With each new blow, the intensity made it harder to focus on anything other than the painfully enticing sensations pulsating throughout her body. There was a strange euphoria creeping into her mind that was as frightening as it was arousing. She fought against closing her eyes but the sweat pouring off her dripped into them creating a stinging visual haze. And then he stopped. He wiped her eyes, stroked the sides of her face and placed the crop on the bed. But it was clear he wasn’t finished.

  Switching to the feathered device with its ridged dildo handle, he approached her again. He used the feathered tip to stroke the side of her neck and shoulders. Although the sensation was light, its intensity was undeniable. He used a variety of patterns as he ran the feathers over her body. It tickled causing her to quiver in response. He smiled and using his free hand began rubbing and stroking her swollen clit that had escaped the protective sheath of her folds. He moved his hand further down and slid his fingers inside her moist vagina with ease before removing them. Expecting him to do more with his skillful fingers, instead she felt the feather on the inside of her thighs.

  Without warning, she felt him slide the oversized dildo end of the feather inside her. At first he moved it slowly in and out as she writhed. Trying her best to stay focused on his face, her hunger continued to build. Increasing the pace, depth and force of his insertions, his desire was building as well. She could hardly breathe as she felt her orgasm rising at a dizzying rate. She struggled to stay on her feet but her knees began to buckle. She knew there was little she could do to halt her orgasm despite any orders to the contrary. She could feel her juices erupt from her body and slide down her legs and onto his hand. Eventually, he slowed down removing the dildo from her.

  In the blur of her orgasmic state, she saw him lower down and fasten her ankles to the cross with the silk ties. He stepped behind her again and she clenched her ass thinking she was about to be struck again for disobeying him when she came. But much to her surprise the cross swiveled and began to tilt into a flat position as she laid spread eagle on it. She could hear the snap of metal on metal as he secured it in place. With his eyes still on hers, he walked around her running the feathers over her skin again before positioning himself between her spread legs.

  “You’ve been a very good girl. What do you want?”

  Desperate to catch her breath, she replied, “You, Sir.”

  “You know how to ask,” he said as his own breath increased in anticipation of her words.

  Her words flowed easily. “May I please feel your dick deep inside me, Sir?”

  The smile that filled his face let her know what was coming. She tried to steady herself as he slid his swollen penis inside her. Holding her hips, he eased as deep into her as he could manage. Then with each powerful grinding thrust, she was lost in this new delirious state that seemed to go on indefinitely. He was relentless as his hands moved from gipping her hips and holding her shoulders to grabbing her throat and tightly squeezing her breasts.

  When he finally came, he let out a loud growl before yelling out “FUCK!” His hot and sweaty body collapsed on top of her. The smells emanating from them both filled the room adding to the dizzying
sensory array Janine was experiencing. As their breaths slowed, he lifted himself off of her, stepped back and released her ankles. Her legs began to shake uncontrollably. He massaged them until the convulsions eased. He then released her wrists lifting her up by the shoulders as he embraced her tightly. He kissed her and stroked her sweaty face before picking her up and carrying her to the bathroom. He gently placed her into the shower holding her weakened body upright.

  Barely able to stand, she felt disoriented. Turning on the water, he caressed her as her strength slowly returned. As she considered all that happened to her and between them, her body shuddered again. Every experience with him seemed to push her further into new areas of discovery and sensation. He embraced her tighter, slowly running his hands over her arms and legs. He not only took care of soothing her body, but his loving words also calmed her mind.

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  “Yes. I just…it was…” She had a hard time articulating all the sensations her body was still experiencing. Where he struck her, she felt a combination of tingling and throbbing that radiated throughout her body to her aching limbs. In the midst of that sensation, there was ethereal warmth accompanying it. The only word that came to her mind was, “Intense.”

  “Intense?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “Yes. Much more than I thought I would.” She was still trying to recover.

  “You surprised me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Your will. Your stamina. Your willingness to go to the edge with me. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to experience it. I wanted to feel it for myself…your darker side.”

  “That was just a glimpse.”

  Before she realized it, the clock in her office read two fifteen. She hadn’t accomplished nearly as much as she hoped, so she called it a day and headed home. She left the flowers on the table, but gathered the photograph not wanting anyone in her office to see the beautifully haunting yet erotic image. The last thing she needed or wanted was for her staffers to start whispering about her sexual proclivities. Only one person shared this secret world with her and Michael was hundreds of miles away. She couldn’t wait to be with him again.

  CHAPTER 38

  Stopping at the grocery store on her way home, she needed to get a few items for dinner with Ethan. She hadn’t planned anything extravagant, just a simple tasty meal. When she got home, she placed the groceries bags on the kitchen counter and put the perishables in the refrigerator. Carrying the photograph to her bedroom, she unwrapped it while scanning the room to determine the best place to display it. She settled on the wall between her windows where a simple landscape painting currently hung. She carefully removed the old one and carried it to the small storage space adjacent to her closet. She then gazed at the beautifully framed photograph before hanging it on the wall. She was pleased with how perfectly it fit.

  Shedding her business suit, she changed into far more comfortable clothing before going to the kitchen to put the remaining items away. She poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the couch reflecting on her day. She had at least an hour before she needed to begin cooking.

  When Ethan arrived, she greeted him warmly with a hug and light kiss on the cheek. It was clear he wanted to linger in the moment, but instead she offered him a glass of wine. He followed her to the kitchen as she finished the last touches to the roasted beef with potatoes and sautéed cabbage. Rather than enjoying their meal at the table, Janine set the island counter. Their conversation was light initially with the topics ranging from the hilarious adventures he had with his boys to employee issues and the latest gossip about Indianapolis’ elite. After about an hour, they moved to the couch enjoying the remaining wine. Janine needed to broach the status of their relationship so she jumped right in.

  “Ethan, we need to talk about…”

  He adjusted on the couch and interrupted her. “Anytime a woman starts a conversation with ‘we need to talk’—it’s never good.”

  “I just need to say that…”

  “Listen, before you left you were distant and then I don’t hear from you for nearly two weeks. I have a pretty good idea what’s going on. I’m not stupid.”

  “What do you mean?” She hoped he didn’t suspect she was involved with someone else. While true, she knew that kind of revelation would wound him deeply. But she would be honest with him regardless.

  “There is no need for you to try to make this more than what it is. Okay? You’re breaking up with me.”

  She didn’t expect him to be so intuitive about their situation. “Ethan, listen…”

  “I’m not surprised if you want something else from me because I’ve considered it myself. But I just can’t give you forever. I told you that in the beginning. You’re a wonderful woman and it’s been great between us, but I just can’t do it again.”

  Rather than correct him, she simply took his face in her hands. “You were very honest about what a relationship with you would be. And when we started, our needs were the same. But now I do want more—and I understand I can’t have that with you.”

  He cast his eyes down. “I’m really sorry because you are a wonderful woman. And breaking up with you? That’s tough for me even though I’ve seen it coming.”

  “You’ve been wonderful to me at a time in my life when I didn’t know what I really wanted. And I thank you for that. You’ll always be special to me.”

  He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “So now I’m dust, right?”

  Giving him a loving look reflecting how much she genuinely cared for him she answered, “Like I’ve said before, you could never be dust to me—I actually like you.”

  They both smiled at the remembrance even though the actual sadness of the moment impacted them both. He gulped down his wine, set the glass on the coffee table and got up.

  “I should go.”

  “You don’t have to leave. I have some cheesecake and coffee for dessert.”

  “No, it’s okay.” He paused for a moment looking at her with a faint smile. “Janine, I want you to be happy, I really do. But truth is…I’m going to miss you…a lot. Our time together has been…amazing. I need to deal with that. So no. No dessert. It isn’t necessary.”

  “I picked it up from your favorite bakery downtown.”

  “Thank you, but no. I need to go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  She extended her arms inviting to him for a hug that he readily accepted. Their last embrace was warm with each understanding this would likely be the last time they saw each other.

  He opened the door, turned to her and said, “If you don’t mind me saying, I am sorry I’m not going to find out what you really meant by that ‘good thing I like spanking’ comment.”

  She smiled broadly before letting out a laugh. “You remember that?”

  “Damn straight! It’s not every day a sane woman says something like that to you.” Even in this moment, his engaging wit shined.

  “Goodbye, Ethan.”

  “Take care of yourself, okay?” he said in a much more somber tone.

  “I will. You do the same. And thank you…for everything.”

  After he left, she sliced the cheesecake before heading to her bedroom to eat it. Recounting their heartfelt words, she came to understand what they had was bound to end for one reason or another. If they continued, it was possible he would change his mind and want more of a commitment from her. She knew as much as she cared about him, she couldn’t give him that regardless of whether or not Michael was back in her life.

  After she finished eating, she put all the extra food away and cleaned the kitchen. She poured herself another glass of wine before returning to her bedroom. She reached for her cell phone and called Michael. She was delighted when he answered.

  “Hi, Baby,” she said.

  “Hey. I was going to call you later.”

  “Is this
a bad time?”

  “No, this is fine. I’m just wrapping up some things here at the office.” He sounded exhausted and she was concerned.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just tired. I’m trying to keep up with this new pace. Every time I think we’ve got it figured out, we get more clients. I’m not complaining, I’m just…swamped.”

  “How soon do you think you can get another attorney on staff to help?”

  “I have no idea, but it won’t be soon enough. I’ve placed a few calls to see who’s out there. I don’t have time to bring along a junior associate and I’m not sure about taking on another partner at this point.”

  “Is that what you need?”

  “Yes…but I don’t want to talk about work right now. How are you?”

  “Missing you of course, but I’m fine. I wish I was there to take care of you when you get home.”

  “Mmm…that would be nice. And how would you do that?”

  Janine knew he was trying to engage her in another sex call, but she understood that wasn’t what he really needed. “I’d have a lovely meal waiting for you with a nice glass of wine…or your favorite bourbon.”

  “Go on…”

  “And after dinner, you’d lay your head on my lap as I massage your temples and shoulders making sure the stress of the day left your body. And then…you fall asleep in my arms.”

  Michael became very quiet.

  “I wish I was there for you tonight,” she continued.

  “Me too…and every night.” Then he was silent again.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s just busy here and I don’t see the end right now. Be careful what you wish for, right?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We spent months working on the proposal for this new client and we got them. But now we’ve been able to get into their records, it’s going to be difficult cleaning it all up and building a strong case. The one we snagged today was an unexpected and lucrative surprise.”

  “How can I help you?”