by Tricia Goyer
“Are you visiting family in Charm?” Sarah readjusted the toddler on her hip.
“Uh, my sister’s sewing circle is at noon. And before that …” She glanced at her friend. “We’re jest heading to the fabric store fer some supplies.” The woman’s cheeks reddened, and Sarah wondered if they were going to ask why she left. Then again, they most likely already knew. The Amish had their way of spreading news like that.
She imagined their words, “Poor dear. She had fancy ideas … Doesn’t she know we’re plain folk?”
Sarah wanted to ask if they’d been to the bakery lately, but she didn’t want to hear if things had returned to how they had been. She didn’t want to hear that all her hard work — all her ideas — had been for nothing.
“Have a gut day then.” She led Helen away. “Enjoy yer sewing circle!” she called over her shoulder and quickened her steps before they could see the disappointment in her gaze. Without warning, two tears slid down her cheeks.
A keen, sharp pain stung her heart at the thought of having failed Jathan’s mother, the bakery, and Jathan.
On the way to the Charm General Store, Sarah passed by Miller’s Dry Goods and Fabrics, the store the two women had been headed to. Laughter and conversation poured out of the open front door and she paused in her tracks. Could it be? She took a few steps up the sidewalk and Jathan’s voice was clear.
“This fabric looks gut enough to eat.” Tears sprang to her eyes, but she didn’t know what she was so upset about. That he’d come to Charm without stopping by to visit … maybe to drop off a piece of furniture. Had all of Berlin come this way?
Sarah quickened her steps, clinging tightly to Helen’s hand. “Hurry,” she urged the little girl. “Faster.”
Helen fussed beside her and Sarah looked down to see her struggling to keep up the pace.
“I’m so sorry.” Sarah scooped the toddler onto her other hip and hurried on to the general store, refusing to look back to see if Jathan was exiting the fabric store yet. Tears filled her eyes and her throat grew hot and thick. He was a good man, she knew, but she couldn’t have a relationship with someone who lived under the strict demands of his family. Even if he came around, she told herself not to keep her heart looped to his. When she became a wife, she wanted to be the most important person in her husband’s life other than God. She didn’t want to have to vie for her husband’s attention. She didn’t want to have to beg him to share his heart.
Patty was the first to enter the old log cabin. It was the second time they’d come here, and they’d only done so at Patty’s insistence. Coming here made Sarah wonder about the people who’d left all these things. Realizing they were items people cared for and treasured caused her stomach to do flips. It didn’t seem right to sift through someone’s memories.
“Look!” Patty held up a small gold key. It was dusty but otherwise in good condition. “It’s a strange key.”
She held it out and Sarah took it between her fingers. “It looks like it’s from a wind-up clock. My oma in Kentucky used to have one like that.”
“Do you remember much about Kentucky?”
“Not much. I remember my opa holding me up so I could turn the key in the clock. I —”
“Look at this!” Patty’s words interrupted Sarah’s sentence.
Sarah glanced at the rusty piece of metal and wrinkled her nose. “It’s a chain from an old bike.”
“Ja, but I think it’s beautiful.” Patty took some wire that was sitting on the counter and formed two hooks. She twisted the hooks onto the ends of the chain and then, wrapping the chain around her arm, twisted the hooks together.
Sarah placed a hand to her head. A bracelet? What would Patty think of next?
Patty chuckled as she glanced over at Sarah. “Do not worry, Sarah Shelter. I know this is jewelry and is forbidden. I know not to wear the bracelet anywhere else but in the forest. I know the rules …” Her voice trailed off. “I also know when to break them. When to allow myself room to explore without damaging anyone’s feelings or ideas.”
“Oh, Patty.” Sarah shook her head. “Must you really be so dramatic over a simple piece of chain?”
Patty gasped and placed a hand over her heart. “Sarah, don’t you know it wasn’t a chain but a bracelet all along? It jest took me to see it … and to wear it. Sometimes it’s the outside observer who knows the truth best all along. Sometimes you jest need to open yer eyes and see …”
Sarah had thought she needed to wait until she was in a settled, peaceful place to look into Patty’s memory jar, but when the light of hope threatened to be blown out by her very next breath, Sarah knew she couldn’t wait any longer.
Esta, the baby, and Roy J. had just gone to bed. Helen and Jonah had been sleeping for hours already. There was no better time, but still Sarah held her breath as she poured out the contents of Patty’s jar.
A small compass, an old padlock, a Scrabble piece, a dog tag for a dog named Lady, Canadian coins, a locket, wooden sewing spools, and a rock Sarah clearly remembered — one Patty had been sure was an arrowhead.
Sarah laid out more of the items. Three tiny apples they’d formed out of polymer clay and painted. A brass antique whistle that was rectangular and flat.
“Patty, this wasn’t how things were supposed to work out. We were going to grow up, get married, raise our children together,” Sarah whispered. “I can’t do this without you … I’m so uncertain.”
She closed her eyes and gripped her fist on her lap. A memory surfaced, not of their time together, but of a dream she’d had. She’d been strolling down a country road with a wooden fence lining it. She held the hand of a small girl, and they walked with slow steps. She knew she was going to Patty’s house, but the road stretched on. She couldn’t see the house in the distance even when she knew it should be there. Where was the house? Her heart began to pound and just as she began to panic, she’d awakened to moonlight streaming through the window.
Had that dream been preparation for what was to come? Had God been telling her that she’d lose much for a while but someday she’d be able to spend eternity with Patty in their forever home?
Sarah was just about to put all the items back in the jar when she noticed something was wrapped around one of the spools. Her heart pounded as she pulled it off. Tears sprang to her eyes when she unfolded it.
A letter from Patty!
Dear Sarah,
If you find this letter, it means one of two things.
You’re digging in my jar — maybe looking for that snail’s shell you found down at the lake on your birthday. I put it in my pocket after looking at it and forgot to give it back to you. I kept it because it reminds me of that day.
If you’re not looking for something, it could mean something else — that I’m gone from this earth. You, of all people, would be the one to ask for my jar. Everyone else would think it was junk.
I have no plans of leaving earth earlier than you, but maybe it’ll happen. Heaven knows of all the times we’ve raced on foot, you’ve only beat me once, and that was the same day I sprained my ankle jumping down from Dat’s apple tree. But deep down, I wonder if it’s going to happen. Maybe that’s the reason I’m writing this letter.
I’ll admit this only to you, but sometimes, at night, I can hear a fluttering outside my window. For a while, I thought for certain it was the owl that lives in a nearby tree. Or maybe bats. But every time I rise to look, I don’t see a thing. The night is dark as the inside of a black cow and there isn’t a stitch of movement.
When it started happening more often, I prayed to God about it. And I had this warm feeling that moved in the center of my chest, right near my heart. It’s felt as if God sent special angels to watch over me. Maybe it’s the fluttering of their wings. Or maybe they’re waiting around to take me to heaven.
If that is the case, Sarah, I have some parting words for you: Every day, you can choose to be part of God’s creative process. I’m not talking about making things. Rather I’
m speaking of allowing God to form you. We, God’s people, are his greatest creation, but it’s easier to tend our gardens than our souls. Not that I have everything all figured out, but I’ve been watching you. God has made you a unique design. Never forget that. Also know that God’s made someone else to be your fit, to see your specialness as I do. Sometimes you’re a timid thing, but if you find the right guy, be bold. Be bold! You don’t want to look back at your years with regrets. Regrets have no place in your memory jar.
All my love,
Patty
“Now listen.” Patty plunked down on the ground beside her. “I need you to make me a promise. We will be friends forever. We won’t let anything get between us.”
“Even if one of us leaves?” Sarah asked.
“Leaves? Why would we do that?”
Sarah swallowed hard. “Well, if our dats make us …”
“There’s always letters and visits.”
Sarah nodded. “Ja, there are always those.”
“And there’s always this.” Patty took Sarah’s hand and placed it around her wrist. “Feel that?”
“Feel what?” Sarah asked, thinking Patty meant her heartbeat.
“Feel this moment that you’ll store away. A moment that’s as warm as my skin under the sun’s warm rays. A moment of friendship. Forever friendship.”
CHAPTER
36
The breeze had picked up and Sarah held the screen door so it wouldn’t slam as she closed it. The aroma of Esta’s coffee followed her out the door. Instead of pouring herself a cup and chatting with her aunt at the kitchen table, she escaped to the porch with her Bible in hand, sitting down on the top step.
The changes of autumn were evident in the world, especially around Roy J. and Esta’s farm. Crisp air stung Sarah’s cheeks, and the rustle of the drying leaves on the trees danced in her ears.
Sarah watched the orange and yellow leaves as they swayed in the breeze. She knew, with one strong gust, a number of them would blow from the trees like seeds blown off a dandelion.
She thought about her plans for her day, first of which was for Roy J. to bring up glass jars from the cellar so they could get to canning. And then she’d make cupcakes. Sarah smiled. She didn’t have a big customer base, but Helen and Jonah always came back for more, and they paid with the most delightful hugs.
As she thought about these things, something caught Sarah’s attention. It was a tall, Amish man striding around the side of the house with confident steps. Jathan stood tall as he walked, and Sarah’s heart leaped in her chest. The pain and heartache of not seeing him vanished at one flash of his dimpled smile.
She wanted to run to him, to open her arms, but instead she continued sitting.
Jathan paused before her and then sat down. “Sarah, I’ve been a fool.”
“Are you trying to convince yerself or me?” She blinked as she looked at him, telling herself it was okay to cry this time, with happiness, with wonder. “I’m already convinced.”
“I have something to show you and it’s not very far. It’s jest a short walk.”
“In Charm?”
“Ja, Sarah. In Charm. Won’t you come with me?” It only took them ten minutes to walk to town. When they got there, they approached a row of shops. “Have you passed this place before?” Sarah nodded.
Jathan smiled. “Have you gone up the side street to see what’s up that stretch?”
Sarah bit her lower lip. “ne, I suppose I haven’t. Is that what you’ve come to show me?” she asked.
Light danced in Jathan’s gaze. “Ja.”
He took her hand and led her forward, toward a walkway that curved around the side of the building.
He paused just before they rounded the corner.
Jathan swallowed hard. “You have to close yer eyes.”
“Really?” She laughed and placed her hand over them, leaving her fingers partly spread so she could peek through.
“Yer not fooling me.” He released her hand and crossed his arms over his chest.
She squeezed her eyes shut and then his hand reached out and led her forward. When they’d taken ten steps, he paused and turned her shoulders so she faced … whatever he had to show her.
“Okay. Now open yer eyes.”
Sarah’s eyes sprang open. Aunt Lynette waved and smiled. “I’m first in line!” she called.
Dozens of others stood around. Bev Troyer and other former customers Sarah recognized though she did not know their names.
Next to Lynette, Jathan’s niece Catherine wore a yellow apron over her Amish dress. She waved and smiled. “The kitchen’s all ready fer you, Sarah!”
Sarah looked from the smiling faces to the building. It was a simple storefront with white curtains in the windows. There was some type of sign, but a sheet was draped over it.
“Why is that covered?” she asked.
Jathan led her up the porch steps. “That’s the best part. Everything will be revealed in time.” Then he led her through the door.
“It’s a bakery, Sarah. A cupcake bakery. And it’s all yers.”
“Mine?”
“Well, ours. My Dat and brieder gave their approval. Dat is doing better. He can talk some, and Yonnie is staying and running our workshop after all.”
“Ours?” She repeated the word as she stepped through the door. No one followed them inside. It’s as if they all understood this was Jathan’s gift to give without all their fuss.
Inside, colored tablecloths brightened the space. Above the windows, a fringe of branches was on display. Small trinkets hung from them. A pinecone. An old whistle. A wooden yo-yo. All things similar to what Sarah had in her memory jars. Emotion caught in her throat.
“Where did you get all these things?”
“Oh, I asked around. Friends shared their keepsakes. Attached to each one is a paper label and a name. In time they can each tell you the story behind each item.”
She looked at the decorations on the wall. More items. More names. “Patty would have loved it.”
“Just as long as you do too …”
“Ja. It’s perfect.”
“The kitchen isn’t modern. Not as much as I’d like, but we can improve things over time. The man in New York offered to put up the money fer all this. He believes in you, Sarah. I do too. And … I want to show you this too.”
Jathan took her hand and led her to a display case on a side wall. A counter had been set up with trays. Lining the counter were twenty glass jars. Each jar was filled with treats: gummy bears, cookie crumbles, colored sprinkles.
She clapped her hands. “What’s this for?”
“You should know.” Jathan bent down and kissed her forehead. “It’s a decorating station. It was yer idea. My Mem reminded me. She thought folks might enjoy decorating their own cupcakes … making them fancy.”
Sarah turned and scanned the faces looking through the window. Standing off to one side she saw Mem Schrock watching her through the glass.
“Danki,” Sarah mouthed, and then she motioned her inside.
Mem Schrock entered with open arms. “I’m so sorry, dear. I jest didn’t see yer vision. I see it now, and Jathan has done a lovely job.”
“Ja, he has. And I’m starting to understand. You didn’t see my vision because God gave us each our own.”
“Yer right, dear.” She leaned forward and kissed Sarah’s cheek.
Sarah placed a hand over her heart, not realizing how such a simple motion could mean so much.
“Danki … I love it.”
“ne, dear, thank you,” Mem Schrock said.
“Fer what?” Sarah asked.
“Fer helping us all understand that God made us all creative in special ways. Fer Will and Yonnie it was with wood. Fer Jathan it’s numbers, baking, and ideas. Jathan needed this … needs to get out of that workshop. He did it fer you, but in a way, it’s yer gift to him too.”
“So you won’t be mad if my cupcakes are fancy?” Sarah chuckled.
&nb
sp; Mem Schrock wagged her finger in the air. “Well, I’ll choose the plain ones myself, but if our God created the violets and the butterflies, I suppose he’d appreciate you honoring him by recreating those things fer people to enjoy.” Then she chuckled. “Of course, I still think it’s a shame that you put all the work in and someone jest gobbles it up.”
“Not to me.” Sarah smiled. “Because even after the last bite is eaten, the memory remains. And it’s those memories we’ll always carry with us. It’s the things we appreciate and treasure that stay on our minds and hearts even after they’re gone.”
Mem Schrock gave her another hug and then hustled out to join the others.
Sarah turned and faced Jathan. “It’s wunderbaar. Danki.”
“It’s not only me you have to thank. We all did our part. Yonnie made the tables and chairs. Mem sewed the curtains and tablecloths. Some of yer customers came up to help too.”
Sarah let out a contented sigh, and as she looked around the room, she remembered that moment at Patty’s grave. She’d questioned if anyone would ever truly know her, truly understand. Jathan did.
She looked at Jathan and took two steps forward. “This is me.”
“Ja, Sarah, it’s fer you.”
“No, Jathan, you don’t understand. You know me. You’ve captured everything inside me within this place …” She let her voice trail off.
“If you believe that and can forgive my foolishness, I have something else to show you.”
Jathan took her hand. They walked through the kitchen and out the back door. There was a small patio, a walkway, and at the end of the walkway, a little house. On the door was a wooden sign that read Schrock.
“What is that? Is that cottage yers?”
He glanced down at her. “It is mine, but I hope someday it will be ours.”
“But what about yer parents’ house?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Jathan grinned. “Why do I jest have to accept things because that’s always the way they’ve been? I spoke to Yonnie. He and Leah were excited about living at the house. Not only do they have room fer all the children, but he’s right by the workshop, too, and Leah is there to help Mem with Dat.”