The first two nights he’d been awake, he’d only been able to think about her being a few yards down the hall, and how much he wanted her. He’d paced, tossed and turned, worked out and then, probably due to anxiety and lack of sleep, his left side started acting up worse than ever.
So last night he’d turned to the painkillers to smother the pain, which was now accompanied by a burning sensation that was a new kind of agony. If it kept up, he knew he’d have to go in to see the doctors, but he was determined to make it stop or to learn to ignore it. He was trying hard to ignore it.
Abby chewed her lip, watching him, looking unsure. He grabbed the coffee and then set it down, his fingers curling tightly as he fought the urge to go to her, to smooth over his harsh words.
“I’m so sorry, Reece.”
“For what?”
“That they don’t want you to race anymore,” she said, her words soft, pained, for him.
He frowned, not wanting her sympathy. That was the last thing he wanted. “Don’t waste your pity on me, Abby. I am going to drive again, and soon.”
“But he said—”
“I know what he said. They might have some new hotshot lined up, but I can talk to the sponsors myself. I have a strong record, a following, and there’s nothing fans like more than a comeback. I will make a hell of a lot more money for them, and get more wins, than someone green out of the gate,” he said, almost convincing himself.
“What about the post-traumatic stress?”
“That’s nothing. A few nightmares, some lost sleep. It will pass. The rest I can handle.”
“Maybe dismissing it too easily is part of the problem,” she offered.
Reece put a hand up. Abby was a good friend who meant well, he knew, but her words got his back up. He wanted to keep their friendship in place, but he also wasn’t going to have this conversation with her.
“Abby, listen. I care about you, and I want us to be friends, but there’s a lot you don’t know about me. I know my own limitations.”
“You have to talk about it with someone,” she countered.
“Not you.”
“Why not?”
“Abby, we slept together. That doesn’t give you a free pass into my life,” he said. “Besides, it’s not like you don’t have your own agenda. The longer I stay, the better for you, putting off the sale, right?”
He regretted the words as they passed his lips, but was unable to resist the urge to push her away.
Why? Because she was right? Was Joe right, too?
He couldn’t deal with it and turned to leave, surprised when he felt her hand on his arm, pulling him back around.
She was furious, her eyes were mossy green, darkened by emotion. Her hand left his arm to settle on her hip, but he’d missed her so much that even such a quick touch left its impression.
“Are you serious? You think I am sleeping with you to stall you from selling?”
He didn’t, he never thought that, but he didn’t say so. If she hated his guts, things would probably work out easier for both of them. She had enough to think about without worrying about his problems, too.
She shook her head in astonishment. “I’m not sure who that is more insulting toward, me or you,” she said.
“I’m sorry, Abby, it’s just that I’ve been here before. I’ve been with women who think sex is more, and I know the signs.”
Now her mouth was gaping at him.
“Need an ego adjustment, Reece? I have a lot going on, and yes, I don’t want you selling to Keller, but I’ve accepted that you might. I’ve known from the start what we have…had…was temporary. Don’t think I am hanging my future on you. My future is over there.” She pointed out the window to her winery, and he saw her hand tremble. She was clearly furious, and she was right.
“I’m sorry, Abby. I just didn’t want you getting the idea that I would stay, or that sleeping together means more than it does.”
She shook her head, looking at him like she’d never seen him before.
“Don’t worry, Reece. As far as I’m concerned, it didn’t mean a damned thing.”
Reece closed his eyes, wishing he knew a better way to handle this, but he was fighting on so many fronts, he didn’t know what else to do. He felt as if he was fighting the whole damned world and himself, and he was tired of it.
He started to say something, he wasn’t even sure what, but she’d already started to leave the room. He stepped forward, thinking about following, but instead he grabbed his jacket from the hook by the door and went out the back door to the barn with his cold coffee.
“HEY, WHERE’S REECE?” Hannah asked Abby, smiling at a young girl who stood with her father, waiting on a paper cup of hot chocolate. “Anything interesting progressing there?” she asked slyly.
The father took a small tasting glass of Baco Noir, and Hannah marked his plastic bracelet with a second check—no one got more than three tastings in the course of an hour, even if they spat between tastings, so that they were okay to drive when they left.
Abby hadn’t filled in Hannah on everything going on, but that was because she had an event to focus on, which was good. Having a couple dozen people flying in every direction and Christmas trees being decorated kept her from dwelling on what had happened that morning.
She was still furious, though maybe with herself as much as anything. How could she have been so stupid?
“Hardly. He’s around here somewhere,” she said vaguely. Reece hadn’t left, and he hadn’t been in the house the last time she went inside, sparing them both another awkward moment.
She’d heard some noises coming from one of the barns, the sounds of power tools. He must be working on something, though she didn’t go to find out what. She didn’t care.
Well, the sad fact was that she did care, but she had to stop. The ache that had been dully thudding in the background of her heart all afternoon became so sharp as she replayed his words in her mind that she swallowed hard and pushed it back down. This was not the time.
Hannah watched father and daughter walk away, her eyes clearly focused on the man’s butt, distracting Abby enough to make her smile.
“Why are all the cute ones married?” her friend sighed. “What I wouldn’t give for just one night of unbelievably hot sex right now.”
Abby coughed, looking around to make sure none of the children or parents had overheard Hannah’s heartfelt wish.
“Weren’t you dating that lawyer?”
“Yeah, that was over weeks ago. He was boring. I could hardly get through dinner on our first date with out falling asleep in my spaghetti. That was enough for me.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And it’s getting pretty sparse out there. I can’t date the guys I work with, of course, and most of the other men our age I’ve known since we were kids. If I slept with one of them, everyone in town would know and my mother would have us married.”
Hannah sighed, pouring herself a larger glass of the noir. “What I need is some wild, kinky sex with some one who’s not local. I’d settle for just one night with a guy whose mother or friends I might not bump into the next day at the store.”
Abby shook her head, grimacing. “Watch what you wish for.”
“I’m willing to risk it,” Hannah said. “But I take it things fizzled between you and Reece?”
“More like they imploded,” she said, closing her eyes at the hitch in her voice.
“Oh, no, honey…you fell for him, didn’t you?”
“Not really. Well, a little,” Abby admitted. “It’s not like I am madly in love with him or going to jump off a cliff, but I thought we had something. Then he—he just decided that we didn’t. I didn’t see it coming, not really. I knew it was temporary, but he just ended it and let me know later,” she said, filling Hannah in on the gruesome details of that morning’s conversation.
“Jerk.”
“It’s complicated for him, I know, but I can’t believe he actually thought I would be so naive,�
�� she said, and told Hannah about the phone call she heard and their resulting argument.
Hannah looked thoughtful for a moment. “My Aunt had PTS after a bad car accident—she couldn’t even ride in a car for a long time, let alone drive, and it can make people act very strangely, but it sounds more like Reece’s ego is just too big for his body, nice as that body is. You have to watch out for yourself, too. You were just trying to help,” Hannah said, giving her a hug.
“Yes, that’s exactly it! He knows all about my life, he helped me with recovering from the fire, he has been there for me every step of the way, which was just…incredible,” Abby said, swiping a hand at a tear that snuck out.
“But then, when I reach out to him, when I want to help, he swatted me back. Told me not to mistake sex for the right to care about him, basically,” she concluded with a sniff.
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, maybe in some ass-backward male way he’s trying to protect you by pushing you away,” Hannah offered, shrugging.
“Yeah, maybe, but it’s stupid.”
“Well, he’s a guy,” Hannah said, and for the first time in hours Abby had reason to laugh.
“I guess. A lesson learned, I suppose.”
“And you had some great sex, got to live out a high-school fantasy and got back in the game.”
“I would hardly call it getting back in the game,” Abby said. “Probably heading for another long dry spell.”
They both looked over at the people happily decorating trees. She envied their simple holiday cheer.
“Oh, I don’t know. I think you might be putting out the sex vibe.”
“The what?”
Hannah grinned. “The sex vibe. It’s probably pheromones or something, but when someone is sexually active, it’s like they put out a signal and attract other people who are interested, too.”
“Hannah, what the heck are you talking about? Give me that wine, you’ve had too much,” Abby said, laughing.
“See for yourself,” Hannah said, holding her glass back where Abby couldn’t reach it. “A totally hot guy has been checking you out all day.”
Abby had no idea what Hannah was talking about until she spotted two cute guys standing by the far edge of the crowd of half-decorated Christmas trees. One smiled at her boldly.
“Where did they come from?” Abby asked Hannah.
“They’ve been here the whole time, and that one hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you, though you’ve been too distracted to notice. Good thing you have me watching out for you,” Hannah said, smiling and waving back at the cute guy.
“Hannah, don’t,” Abby insisted, but then saw he was already on his way over.
“Why not? It’s the perfect distraction from your troubles. Maybe his friend would be interested in doubling,” Hannah said, elbowing her slightly.
Abby sent her a look that promised retribution later on, but turned to the handsome guy—whose name was Derek—and offered him a taste of the Baco.
She maintained her professional composure for the first few minutes, but Hannah was right. Derek was charming and obviously interested. Unfortunately for Hannah, his friend was already making a move on another of the event guests, and her friend winked at her, giving her an “oh well” shrug before leaving Abby alone with Derek.
He was a local business owner, too, running his own computer software shop. He was also about three years her junior, but that didn’t seem to bother him any. Maybe it shouldn’t bother her, either.
He was hot, with wavy blond hair and mischievous blue eyes, and he looked great in his jeans, but Abby didn’t feel any sparks at all. For all the attraction she felt, Derek could have been her brother.
But she chatted with him, enjoying the distraction from thinking about Reece.
“I’m glad we decided to stop when we saw all the commotion,” Derek said, studying the group decorating trees and stepping back to watch Abby fill tasting cups or dole out hot cocoa as people approached the booth.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” she said diplomatically, wondering if there was a way to discourage him without losing a new customer or being rude. He was a nice guy, but contrary to Hannah’s theories about sex vibes, Abby wasn’t feeling too flirty or sexy at the moment.
“I am. I’ve never really been into wines. I mostly like a beer after work,” he said, smiling at her in that way that surely sent many a girl into a flutter.
“I like beer, too. Many of the gourmet ones are so interesting,” she responded vaguely, and that set them off talking about breweries and beer tasting, which she had to admit, was very interesting. He didn’t know much about wine, but he was very knowledgeable about beer.
“It looks like the trees are almost done—I’m going to have to do some judging and hand out prizes,” she said, hoping to find her exit that way.
Where had Hannah gone?
“Do you need any help?” Derek offered.
Abby was about to refuse, but then she saw Reece, walking from the barn up to the house. He stood by the front and watched her, not moving.
She felt her annoyance kick in again and smiled brightly at Derek. “Sure. You can help me collect votes,” she said, standing close to him as she explained the voting process.
Abby didn’t look back, but she heard the door slam in the background and grinned.
Derek was lit up like one of the Christmas trees by her interest, and she had to stop and think while he helped her collect votes for the best tree.
What was she doing? Derek was a sweet guy, as far as she could tell, and she had absolutely no romantic interest in him at all—using him to poke at Reece was ridiculous. She just hadn’t been able to help herself. Still, it wasn’t fair to Derek.
She watched her new friend smiling with a group of kids as he collected their votes and laughed as he took a snowball to the shoulder from one boy. Abby smiled, wishing she could just flip her emotions off from Reece and on to Derek. But she couldn’t.
“You two seemed chummy,” Hannah said, appearing back at her side suddenly.
“Where were you?”
“I had to watch over the snowman-making contest,” she said innocently.
“Judy is doing that,” Abby said knowingly. “You left me alone with him here on purpose.”
Hannah grinned. “Did he ask you out?”
“Not yet.”
“You going to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then my evil plan worked.”
“Reece saw us,” Abby said.
Hannah smiled. “I saw him staring at something, and he nearly broke the window in the door when he went inside.”
Abby shook her head. “Yeah, I think I got a little carried away and made it look like I was more interested in Derek than I am,” she confessed.
Hannah grinned more widely. “Then I would say my evil plan really worked. Reece was fit to be tied. Only one thing would get him that worked up at seeing you with another guy.”
Hope leapt in Abby’s chest, but she squashed it.
“I’m not going to count on that. Nothing has changed.”
Derek walked back over, and they wrapped up the contest, awarded the prizes and made sure everyone had a little something to take home with them.
It was a very successful event, in spite of her own personal challenges, and Abby felt good about pulling it off.
When Derek asked her out before he was leaving, she regretfully declined, leaving Hannah shaking her head. Derek smiled and gave her his email, just in case, writing it down on a napkin and sticking it in her pocket.
“Why couldn’t I have met him a few weeks ago?” she asked Hannah as the yard turned dark, and she sat with her friend on the porch step, looking at a field filled with brightly decorated trees and a crowd of snowmen. If she had met Derek then, maybe none of this would have happened.
“Would that have made a difference, really?”
Abby sighed. “Probably not.”
Whatever was between her and Reece, if anything, it wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t what she’d counted on. Still, she knew she wouldn’t trade one second of the fun or passion they’d had, even though it blew up in her face.
“Want to spend the night at my place?” Hannah offered.
Abby shook her head. Even though it was awkward, she and Reece were in this until the end, and she’d handle it. She wasn’t sure how, but she didn’t really have any other choice.
9
REECE’S HANDS OPENED and closed around the leather-covered wheel. His old friend Brody Palmer, who was sitting in the passenger’s seat, chuckled. Brody had come up from Florida to see family for a few days, and Reece had really enjoyed a night out with a friend, having a few beers and talking shop. It was also the first time he’d driven anything other than his dad’s old, slow truck for a while, and truth be told, he didn’t drive that if he could avoid it, relying on friends or public transport.
It felt good, though he was somewhat nervous. That was to be expected, right? His mind went to Abby, distracting him from his doubts. It had been a week since their argument, and they managed to move around each other without a lot of fuss, talking when they had to, but not much else. He also seen her talking with the fire investigator sent to do the second report, and the strain she’d been under was obvious. He made himself scarce, not wanting to add to it. How could they think she would have torched her own place?
He wondered where she went when she was out. With the young stud he’d seen her flirting with at the Christmas tree contest?
He’d wanted to punch the guy in the face, but that wasn’t his right. Never was. Still, it had been all he could do to keep from crossing the field and claiming Abby as his.
Which left him more confused than ever.
“Stop feeling her up and drive already,” Brody said, making Reece laugh.
“Sorry. It’s been a while,” he said, enjoying the snug fit of the seat and the powerful purr of the engine as he hit the gas and pulled out from the restaurant where he’d met Brody for dinner. Brody had been in the NASCAR circuit for a while and was thinking about retiring, which he’d told Reece over dinner.
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