“No, you’re not.” She smirks. She’s an excellent smirker. “You’re just saying that so you can compete against me.”
“I don’t like the way you treat me or anyone else who gets in your way. But I shouldn’t have blown up like that.”
She looks at her nails. “I’ll tell Coulter you apologized.”
“Thanks,” I say. Then I wait. Where’s the rude dig or the sarcastic swipe?
Banner blows on her nails. I’m think I’m dismissed.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I WATCH THE BLM truck coming down the drive to the ranch all the way from the entry sign. It’s a bigger truck than the one Officer Hanks drives, with a much older paint job.
Coulter has already had Darius bugle us into formation. We’re doing something today called the “spook alley,” which is supposed to help us get our horses ready for the auction. I have Roanie haltered behind me. She starts swishing around all over the place the minute that truck comes over the hill. She’s a sweet horse, but sometimes I hate how sensitive she is. It makes me feel like I have a five-foot display screen on my insides.
Ethan steps beside me with his bay. “You see what I see?”
I say, “I see a truck. What do you see?”
“That’s not Hanks’s truck,” says Ethan.
Justin joins the party a little late. He walks up to Roanie and runs his hand on her to let her know he’s there. For once she doesn’t broadcast my emotions or even flinch. Unlike me, who goes stiff as an ironing board. He stops right behind me.
Ethan looks over at Justin and me. My face burns, but I keep looking straight ahead. I don’t need to be Ethan-ized this morning.
“Have I missed anything?” Justin asks.
Ethan says, “Looks like I have.”
Roanie paws the ground. So much for not broadcasting. I say, “The BLM’s coming to visit.”
“I saw ’em,” says Justin.
I try to ignore Ethan looking at me and Justin. Coulter is talking, and I’d like to know what he’s saying.
“The next two weeks will make or break you and your horse. Maybe you’ll go home and tell your nanny that you trained a horse or you won’t, but your horse will get adopted or he will go to Rock Spring and face a fence until he dies. And if that pressure bothers you, I’m glad. Everyone is going to have to do a whole lot better than I’ve seen so far if we’re going to get these horses ready.”
The BLM truck stops a ways from the arena. The truck doors slam. It’s the jerk from the rodeo. The one who followed us from the holding pen. Coulter keeps on talking.
“There is a pattern to things. But often we have to be out of the pattern to know how much we’re in it. So we have to break our pattern by letting go of what makes us feel safe.”
The BLM officer comes to the edge of the arena but doesn’t interrupt. He’s a bulky man with broad shoulders and a paunch. He hasn’t shaved, and his gray hair could use a comb. But it’s his mouth that gets me. His lips don’t close all the way, like he’s about to take a bite out of something. Everyone steps away from him.
Coulter readjusts his hat and then softens his voice. “Alice, would you be able to help us out today?”
“Yes, sir,” says Alice.
“You play the violin, and I hear you are a very good student. You’re a successful young woman.”
“Thank you, Mr. Coulter.”
“How do you do it?”
Alice holds her neck still, but you can tell she’s forcing herself to because she stops blinking. “I practice and study a lot.”
“Wonderful. What else do you do?”
She’s quiet for a few seconds. “I imagine how good it will feel if I don’t make any mistakes.”
“Alice, come out here. I’m going to ask you to play a game with me. Is that all right? It will kind of be like Simon Says. Do you know that game?”
Alice looks at Coulter and then nods. It’s obvious that she’s sorry she agreed to be part of the lesson today. But she walks slowly out to the middle of the arena. I can feel how much she hates being the center of attention. Coulter holds his hands under his chin, pressed together like he’s praying. “Now hop on one leg.”
Alice looks at him in surprise and then hops.
“Now stick your arm out.”
She sticks out her opposite arm. It’s hard to keep going in the dirt. Her foot teeter-totters on the uneven ground.
“Great. Now sing,” he says with urgency.
Alice looks at him again, her eyes enlarged. She puts both her feet down. “I can’t sing.”
“Alice, I asked you to sing. And I’m sure you know plenty of tunes, but you are deeply, and I mean deeply, afraid of failing. And today I am going to ask all of you to fail.” He looks out at all of us. “I want you all to find something you and your horse are terrible at and fail the hell out of it. That’s your job. At least for now.”
The BLM man skirts around the campers and edges toward us. I feel Justin stepping away from me. He sidesteps into the cluster of the guys. Scotty and Granger look behind them. No one talks, but they make room for Justin.
Coulter blares on. “All our patterns have their uses. But the old stuff isn’t going to get you through today. Alice, you are going to go first through our spook alley. And all you other campers are going to follow her. Listen to your horse. If he hates something, you stop there. Go slow. Figure it out. You let it feel like it’s his idea to fix this fear. You don’t put any limitation on how long it will take. Until you fix it as a team, you fail as a team. How does that sound?”
“Like a load of horseshit,” says the BLM officer. His voice is deep and carries into the arena.
“Good morning, Riker. How convenient of you to drop in during a period of instruction.”
The man casts his eyes around and locates Justin. He doesn’t look at anyone else. Justin looks only at the ground. “I need to talk to your employee.”
My legs get soft under me. I knew they would find out it was us. I knew they would.
“If you mean Justin, he was about to assist me,” says Coulter.
“He can assist you later,” says the man.
“Of course. Where are my manners?” says Coulter coldly. “Justin, let’s you and I step into the big house with our guest. Kaya and Darius will start the obstacle course. Remember, campers, I said fail. This does not mean get kicked. Two horse lengths between horses.”
I try to make eye contact with Justin, but he’s buried under his hat. Coulter swats me on the back as he walks past. “You fill in for Justin, will you? This obstacle course can get a little much.”
I bust over to Kaya. She’s going over a clipboard, checking off people as they go into the arena. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing to worry about,” she says, not looking at me. “This isn’t your concern.”
“Why does that guy want to see Justin?” At least I can try to find out if Kaya knows.
Kaya hits her pen on her clipboard, obviously irritated that I am still talking to her. “Justin will be fine. Coulter is looking out for him.”
“How does somebody like that keep his job? I mean, he’s horrible.”
“He’s local,” says Kaya. She looks like she’s swallowing something that doesn’t agree with her. “He used to be okay. Started drinking too much when his wife died, and it got the better of him. People overlook things if they consider you one of their own.”
Darius yells, “Cassidy, get out there and start walking around with Alice.”
I look into the arena. I can make out blue plastic tarp, a ramp, barrels on their side, and some old tires in a circle. There’s more, but all I can think about is what is happening in the house. What if they know? What will happen to Justin and Coulter? To everyone? Roanie starts prancing all over the place. The poor thing doesn’t need a spook alley. I am scaring her to death all by myself.
>
Ethan walks next to me. He lets out a long breath. “I didn’t even punch the racist. All this country living is making me soft.”
“Will you hold Roanie while I go help Alice?”
“Sure. Fail the hell out of it,” says Ethan.
“Absolutely,” I say.
* * *
Alice’s horse is jumping across a barrel away from her. Then his back legs go up and strike at the air. Alice yanks on the lead and gets him on the ground, but he’s dancing all over. I get next to her as fast as I can.
“How are you two doing?” I ask.
“He’s scared,” says Alice. Her voice is trembling.
“Let’s figure out why.”
She backs him off the barrel, and her black gelding stops moving, but his ears are straight up and his eyes are wide. Poor guy. I look at the barrel. Then I look at Alice. “Did you have him sniff it?”
Her arms are shaking. “He’s too scared,” she says.
“How about I hold him while you show him? Go sit on it. Show him it doesn’t hurt you. Make it fun.”
“Fun? Will that work?” She hands her horse to me. He bounces a few steps and then freezes, his eyes popping out of his raised head.
“We’re failing, right? It doesn’t have to work.”
She goes to the barrel and straddles it like a horse. Everyone is so surprised they break out laughing. Alice isn’t usually the queen of comedy. She looks at the kids cracking up and then leans all the way backward. Then she lies on the barrel like she’s sleeping. When she stands up everyone claps. I hand her back her horse, who has started to settle down.
“Now what are you going to do?”
“Fail until we figure it out.”
I turn to the campers, stroke my chin like Coulter, and talk in my deepest voice. “How does that sound, everyone?”
Everyone whoops.
Darius walks in with Danny, and they go down to the far end of the arena where the blue plastic tarp is spread on the ground to simulate water. Horses are terrified of it at first. Darius talks to Danny the whole way and isn’t a jerk for a change.
As they pass me I say, “Do terrible, Danny!”
Danny smiles. “You too.”
I go out and get Roanie. Ethan comes in with Scotty, who is still trying to look cool, but his paint yearling is bobbing like a balloon in the wind.
“Come on, Scotty!” I yell. “You get to fail, too.”
Scotty flips me off, but he walks a little faster into the arena. Ethan nods in approval.
A door slams. I look toward the big house. The BLM officer is walking fast, but he doesn’t have Justin with him. He’s headed for his ugly old truck, hallelujah. Then the door slams again. This time it’s Justin. He’s also walking fast and alone. He storms off to his cabin. Last but not least, Coulter comes out and slams the door one more time. That door is going to pop off its hinges.
Coulter walks to us. He looks like he’s ready to rip somebody in half. Roanie instantly starts channeling how worried I am by jumping around. I tell myself to knock it off. I was supposed to screw this up. It’s okay if everyone is a disaster out here. Coulter stomps out to the center next to me. “Ladies and gentlemen. Please shut up.”
The arena is instantly silent. Even the horses are quiet.
He yells loudly, “Alice, what have you learned?”
Alice freezes. I see her start to pull her head down and then stop.
“Alice!” he yells.
Her head bobs, and then she extends her posture until she grows three inches. “I don’t know if I have learned anything, sir.”
“What were you supposed to learn?”
“To fail.”
“Did you do that?”
“Not really.”
“What happened?”
“I took my horse to the barrels.”
“Did you go over any barrels?”
“No.”
“So you failed.”
“No, Mr. Coulter. You asked me to fail as a team. And we were successful in that.”
“What happened?”
“Well, at first he nearly kicked me. But I worked with him and Cassidy helped me and I started laughing and I relaxed and then the horse did, too. I think if I keep doing this, practicing, but not really getting upset when it doesn’t go right, he’ll do it.”
“Alice. You’ve failed me.”
She tilts her head back and sticks out her chin. “No, I haven’t.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes, sir. I can’t fail.”
“Why not, Alice?”
“I don’t know. I just can’t. Not if I’m trying.”
“Trying to do what, Alice?”
“Trying . . . until we figure it out.”
“Thank you, Alice,” says Coulter. “Now, which of you brave hearts are still going to try out for the riding position? This will mean more work on top of me working your guts out anyway. Justin has been doing his best with this mustang gelding, but if you decide to do this, you’ll be riding a horse that can hurt you. This isn’t for beginners or crybabies.”
Ethan steps forward. “Me.”
Banner steps forward. “Me.”
I cover my eyes with my hand. “Me.”
“All right then,” says Coulter. “Tryout in one week. Auction in two. We have ourselves a horse race. Now, one last thing. There has been some activity with the mustangs that the BLM are collecting. My contract to train mustangs is dependent on a good relationship with them. So I cannot have anyone involved in that kind of activity. Is that clear?”
A few people nod.
“No. I mean, I need you to promise me to stay away from the wild mustangs. Even seeming to be the problem is a problem. Things are tense. Some ranchers are looking for target practice.”
He goes around the circle, and every one of us promises to leave the wild mustangs alone, including me. Unfortunately, the person who should be making this promise isn’t even here.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
JUST BECAUSE YOU throw down doesn’t mean you automatically acquire discipline. In fact, I’m so scared that working hard is the last thing I want to do, because then I have to face what I’m trying to do. And Justin’s big brown eyes aren’t helping. It’s like someone has unscrewed my head and poured heart-shaped marshmallows inside. To say that I’m distracted doesn’t quite capture it.
The first day I ride in an arena, Goliath lets me know what I’m in for. All three riders get a turn to ride him. I get picked to go first, which I think will be grand because he’s not grumpy yet.
But the minute I take him in the arena I know that what I’m asking from him here is not what he wants to offer. We’re not on the trail, I didn’t bring him an apple, and he’s not feeling it. He lets me get on, but he crow hops, drops his head, and kicks the fence post. All of which is better than what he cooks up for the other two. He rears up halfway on Banner, and with Ethan he intentionally trips, trying to throw him off. So I guess I should be grateful. Justin is mortified. He’s been telling everyone what a great horse Goliath is turning into.
Darius, Coulter, and Kaya give each other knowing nods of disappointment.
“Well, there goes this year’s trophy,” says Darius. “They’ll laugh us out of the fairgrounds if he acts like that at the auction.”
“Maybe we can get him calmed down enough to get him sold,” says Coulter. “These kids will ride him two more weeks.”
Kaya taps her pen on her clipboard. “I don’t think you should have kids on this horse, Coulter. The last thing we need right now is another injury.”
I stand next to Coulter and Justin. “He’s not like this with Justin,” I say. “Tomorrow, let’s just have one person ride him, and we’ll rotate. I think three riders a day is confusing.”
“They’ll only get o
ne more ride before the tryout,” says Kaya.
“That’s not enough,” says Banner.
“No, Cassidy’s right,” says Coulter. “This horse’s a different kind of customer. Let’s make it one rider a day, and we’ll have the tryout Saturday. Justin, you hop on him today and let him know that he can’t act that way.”
Justin gets on, and Goliath drops his head and trots the fence. I could swear he picks his legs up when he comes around to us to let us know how much he would rather have Justin ride him. Both Ethan and Banner scowl at me, as if it’s my fault Goliath is a butt. But I don’t care. Three different riders a day will just make him confused and angry. You can’t bully a horse like that.
And, by the way, Justin looks incredible on Goliath. I wish he could show him, but I guess since Justin works for Coulter he loses his amateur status.
Ethan leans over to me. “Just because you’re hanging out with him now doesn’t make you an authority on that horse he rides.”
Banner stands with her arms folded, watching every move Justin makes. I can see that she thinks that Justin looks incredible, too. “I’m really going to enjoy this competition.”
The schedule for the week is that we do the spook alley obstacles in the morning with the yearlings and start the chores in the afternoon so we don’t wear the horses out in the heat. We groom, feed, water, shovel, polish tack, mend fences and equipment, chop firewood, chase chickens, and work in the kitchen and garden. We do everything at a new level of intensity. Well, we’re supposed to. I love the work, but I’m intensely aware of Justin.
* * *
On the afternoon before the tryout it gets so hot that Coulter makes us stop so we don’t all get heatstroke. He tells us to go jump in some water and team build, which I think is leadership talk for “have fun.” There are two places to swim at the ranch. The closest one is the pond. It’s muddy, and you can see it from the big house. The best spot is a hike from the ranch. Kaya and Darius say they don’t want to walk that far so Justin can supervise us. Right. We all throw on our cutoffs and get going.
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