She woke up from her stupor. "Stop right there. I can't think when you get too close." She shouldn't have let him know that. The satisfied smirk on his upturned lips intrigued her. She was a glutton for punishment, liking his attention. "I mean, you can't stay here, especially if you're not even working for me." She lifted her chin. "We don't need you. Eli and I. We'll be fine without you."
Wrong thing to say. His eyes shot fire out of their dark depths, and he closed the distance between them, wedged her up against the sink, and bore down on her with his soul-penetrating glare. "Just because nothing has happened lately doesn't mean you're safe. Stalkers will do that. They'll lay off. Then they'll strike out with a vengeance, even harder than they did before. Just when you least expect it."
She blinked and stuttered like a twit, "How... how do you know that?"
"I learned a few things as a military policeman." Cade's drawl melted her already flowing insides. He stared at her lips. Was he going to kiss her? Oh, Lord. His expression softened, and his voice lightened, but his chest heaved, and his breaths quickened. "You look good, Lainie."
She drew her eyes brows together. "I just had a baby." Her tummy fluttered, and her rigid spine wilted. She sounded as close to whining as she had in her entire adult life. Her eyes dropped, and she turned her head to stare at the floor. "I look as if I just had a baby."
He smiled, and she withered inside when he placed his finger under her chin and raised it, so he looked into her eyes. She gulped and tried not to drown in those mesmerizing eyes of his. "You did just have a baby. My baby, and motherhood looks good on you." He touched her cheek with his knuckles, and then laid his hand along her jaw. "It feels good on you, too. You're so soft and smooth - just like Eli."
She'd flinched at his first touch, but she couldn't bring herself to make him take his hand from her face. It felt too right, too warm, too protective, too... just too. She closed her eyes to the exhilarating sensations and tumultuous emotions rambling and bumping through her nervous system. All she could manage was a lame excuse at diversion. "You should take a nap."
He dropped his hand back in place on the counter behind her. She almost sighed aloud. At least he wasn't touching her anymore. "I don't need a nap. I had coffee at breakfast and tea just now. I can make it all day and night on that much caffeine."
Lainie wished he would back up before she did something stupid - pulled him to her, and tasted his lips, the ones he kept licking as if they'd gone dry as the Gobi Desert in winter. "Maybe I should go and check on Eli."
He shrugged with casual nonchalance and stepped back a little. "I just did. She's fine. She's incredible, in fact." He backed up a little more. "She's pretty much the only thing I've ever done right."
Lainie's eyes popped open at that pronouncement. Cade plopped down in his seat at the table and brooded. How did someone respond to something like that? Lainie couldn't believe he wasn't a good man. He'd done plenty of good things, from her perspective.
She sat down across from him and pushed her laptop away from the edge of the table. It would be best if she sat as far away as she could across the small table between them.
Curiosity got the better of her. "I don't believe that, Cade. Why would you insinuate that you're not a great guy? I've known you for almost a year. I saw how much you cared for your sister and niece, and... "
"I let them die, and you haven't really known me for almost a year. I left you. You knew me for three weeks. Remember?" Cade's voice was harsh, and his words made her jolt and want to bolt.
Lainie gasped and stared at him. Had she heard him right? She wanted clarification. "What do you mean? You couldn't have let her die. What choice did you have? For that matter, what choice did you have but to leave me?"
"I should've known that Rachel was in trouble. I should've kept in touch with her better." He looked into Lainie's eyes. "Just as I should've called you. I should've known about Eli. I should never have left you in the lurch like that. I should've contacted you, even if I did have to leave."
She had to rise and pace. The tears threatened to burn holes in her eyelids, but she wouldn't let them fall. "You didn't know. Not about me. Not about Rachel. You can't be blamed when the women in your life won't let you help them, or if they don't track you down and keep you informed." She halted and looked at him. "I tried to tell you, but maybe I didn't try hard enough. So maybe it's my fault. Maybe... "
He swung himself off the chair with the agility of an acrobat and placed his hands on her upper arms. "Never blame yourself for this." He shook her. "Never." He let her go abruptly and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He cursed viciously. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't touch you like that. My mother put up with abuse. I... God, I'm sorry I shook you, Lainie. I lost it a little. I... "
The haunted look in his eyes tore at her heartstrings and sickened her. How could he hold himself responsible for the untimely deaths of his sister and his niece? "You see. That pretty much proves what kind of man I am. A mean bastard. I've got it in me. Just like my father did."
Self-mortification filled his eyes. He blames himself. She stepped up to him and touched his chest with trembling fingers. "You didn't hurt me, Cade. I'm not glass. I won't break. You'd never hurt me. Not really."
He backed off another few inches. She dropped her hand and stood where he left her. "You don't know that, Lainie. You don't know what men are capable of. You don't know what I've done. What I'm capable of."
Rage emanated from him, barely contained. She stepped back up and braced her hand on his bare chest again, more firmly this time. She pushed her luck. He looked as if he could reach out and strike her at any moment, but the restraint he exhibited was magnificent. He wouldn't hurt her. He was a good man. Even if she did want him out of her home, she wouldn't let him go now. Not like this. Not with him thinking he was an ogre, or worse. "Tell me."
He moved away again and turned his back to her. The wounded soul echoed in his tortured voice. "I've killed. Countless times. I don't even know the body count anymore. I lost track after... I don't know how many."
She sucked in a breath. "What are you talking about?"
He turned and drilled her, locking his burning glare with her shocked gaze. "I wasn't just in the Air Force, Lainie. You know that. That's what I told people, especially my family and friends. I didn't want them to know what kind of animal I'd truly become." He sank back onto his chair and allowed his shoulders to slump forward, relaxed but not. "I was a mercenary, and I was paid well for the men's lives I took." He captured her gape with his glare, and his unbearable pain shrouded his face. He wanted forgiveness, but he'd never ask for it. "Maybe even a few women and children bit the dust at my hands, too, as casualties of war when battles were fought in areas of the world where most of the population of this planet doesn't even know there's war being waged. Nor do they give a damn. Hell, that's what the jungle and even some cities are, pure hell. War zones, surrounded by vacation spots, where innocent victims get caught in the crossfire and are considered collateral damage."
His breath heaved, and he had the wild look of a nervous man about to jump out of his own skin - the look of an animal in danger, caged and ready to snap. She was a new mom, so she had nurturing instincts and care-giving tendencies in spades. He needed some TLC, and he didn't need her firing him. He needed a safe haven of rest, as much as she needed to allow him to continue to care for their baby. She'd give him that, if nothing else. She smiled serenely and soothed, "Okay. Fine. You're not fired."
He narrowed his eyes menacingly. "I don't need you feeling sorry for me, Lainie. That's not what this is about."
"I know it's not, and I don't feel sorry for you. You're feeling sorry enough for yourself. Self-loathing is not a pretty sight, and it doesn't look good on you, Cade. When you get over it, you'll be an even better man than you are now." She stepped closer, put her hand on his shoulder and massaged the tension knotted there. "By the way, I think I know you well enough to say that you believed in what you were doing... believe
d in whatever cause you supported... believed in serving your country in whatever capacity you could. If you hadn't believed, you wouldn't have done it."
His body was tense already, and with her words, if possible, he tensed even more. "How do you know? Maybe I liked the violence... liked the killing. Maybe I'm like the ruthless men who walked in and out of my mother's life, hit her, and beat her children. Maybe I'll end up hurting you the same way. I left you once, and I don't trust you any more than I expect you to trust me. I'll never trust or love another woman again, and I suggest you keep your distance. I'm not the man you think I am."
She dropped her arm and walked to the door, shaking her head. "Maybe you're not perfect. Nobody is. Not even me. I think you're one of the good guys, though, and you can't blame yourself for other people's mistakes. Not your sister's, not your mother's, not your father's. Not even your ex-wife's. I'd appreciate it if you'd not doubt my better judgment in choosing the man I'd lose my virginity to and have a baby with."
With that, Lainie was gone. The door to her bedroom clicked shut down the hall. Another click sounded, and she'd locked the bolt behind her. She'd barricaded herself in, right after she'd loosed a whole load of crap on him. Crap that gave his male mind something to mull over.
The phone rang, jolting him but not curing him of his bad mood. He didn't recognize the number on caller id, and it was the first time the phone had rung that he didn't know who called. Trish phoned, several times a day, and Chuck called, often enough to keep Cade on his toes. Lainie's mom had called, often enough to keep Lainie on edge, or so it seemed, until her dad came on the line and calmed Lainie's nerves. Cade knew all their numbers, yet he didn't recognize the one displayed now. He picked up the line just as Lainie picked up the phone in her bedroom.
"Hello," Cade barked, still annoyed. He got no response, only silence. What the hell?
"Hello? Who is this?" Lainie's voice trembled from the next room as she broke into the stillness. "Please, don't do this to us again. Leave me alone. Leave my baby alone. Please... " Lainie begged.
Cade's rage broke free like a bolder from a rocky ledge on a mountain top. "She's not alone now, you sick son of a bitch."
A sinister growl sounded on the other end of the line, followed by a muffled command, "She must give up the Devil's spawn. I will have that baby. I will destroy the Devil's seed. Or my own soul will be damned forever."
Cade grew furious beyond measure. "Listen, you crazy bastard, our baby is not the Devil's seed. She's a beautiful creature of God, and she's not yours. Lainie wasn't artificially inseminated, you idiot, and I don't give a damn about your soul, so leave my daughter alone and... "
A harsh screech exploded into Cade's eardrum and literally pained him. The enraged man on the line slammed the phone down with a clang.
Shit. Less than thirty seconds.
It was doubtful that Chuck had gotten a track, but Cade had to try anyway. He called Chuck. "Did you get the intercept?"
"I saw the light here flicker on, and I hit the tracer immediately, but he didn't stay on long enough. It probably wouldn't matter anyway. Lainie says he never calls from the same number twice. Probably not the same location either. Maybe not even the same vicinity. He's devoted and smart, even if he is crazy as a loon."
Cade cursed vehemently but mutely. "Okay. It looks as if he might start up again. He probably knew Lainie was home and the baby was here. He's probably been stewing and working himself into a tizzy. Now I've talked to him, and he's really pissed. We'll let him stew for awhile longer and see what happens."
"What happens could be dangerous. You watch yourself, Cade. Especially when you go outside. We don't how well equipped this guy is, how well-funded, how knowledgeable. He might even have the ability, technology and know-how to make some sort of home-made pipe bomb. He might also be willing to take out more than just the baby now. He might go after those protecting what he considers the Devil's spawn, and that means you and Lainie."
Cade ran his hand over his face, impatience seething inside him. "Yeah, I know. Let me get off the line and take a look around. Just in case. Outside."
"Be careful."
"Yeah." Cade turned around. Lainie shivered, her arms wrapped around herself, her face white as a sheet. He hung up and went to her. He folded her in his arms without hesitation. "I'm sorry this is happening."
She sobbed uncontrollably and shook her head against his shoulder, her whole body trembling. Her voice shrilled when she wailed, "He won't stop until Eli's dead. "He's going to get us. He's angry now. Before, those were just warnings."
Cade's grip tightened, and his voice was grainy when he declared, "He'll stop all right. I'll stop him, even if I have to kill him with my bare hands. His death might be the one death I'll be proud of."
Lainie shuddered and reached her arms around his waist. "Thank you for being here."
He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled her unique woman's scent. He tried to keep it light. "So, I'm really not fired?"
She gave a shaky laugh, blubbering through the wet tears in her throat. "No. You're not fired. Damn it."
There was no venom in her profanity, but there was fear in her voice and her quaking torso. He grinned on the top of her head. She smiled, snuggled into his neck, and clutched at the front of his shirt. His pulse beat a wicked rhythm. She felt so right, so small, so vulnerable. His libido roared and screamed for acknowledgement and relief. He couldn't go there. Not yet. He let her go and eased back. "I'm checking outside. Don't open that door for anyone but me. You hear?"
She nodded, the color coming back into her lovely face, her eyes red rimmed and swollen. He touched her under her chin with his forefinger and smiled his reassurance at her. He tapped a finger to the tip of her nose and left.
This not getting sexually involved thing would kill him yet.
Lainie wilted onto the hardwood floor of her cozy kitchen. Her legs were too wobbly to make it to something to sit on, so she simply slumped to the floor and crossed her legs, sucking much needed air into her drowning lungs.
She was falling in love with Cade Sheridan all over again. Ha. As if she'd ever fallen out of love with him after last summer. She dug herself deeper into a hole every day by allowing him to remain here in her home in such close proximity. She didn't want to accept that she loved him, but she did. She'd hate herself for letting herself love him, later. For now, she'd hold onto him for as long as she could, before he left her to go off to some far off land to kill...
Good grief, you could've knocked her over with a feather when he'd said that, but it meant little to her. He'd done his job, his duty, and he'd do it again. She was certain. He'd remained in the reserves, and she knew what that meant. He hadn't gotten the military way of life out of his system yet, and that meant he might still want to roam.
Not that it mattered. She wouldn't let him break her heart. Well, maybe a little, but she wouldn't be silly enough to think she could hold him here. She wouldn't even let herself want to do so. Well, maybe she did sort of want to keep him, but she was smart enough to know her limits, and how powerful the camaraderie of military life and the draw of it could be. She wouldn't hold Cade back. She didn't have that right. She'd let him protect her and her baby until this mess was cleared up, then she'd let him leave and be a part of her daughter's life when he could. And that was as it should be.
The doorbell rang. Lainie jumped, and then she looked at the closed door, as if it was an evil, living thing. Should she answer it? Where was Cade? Did he not know someone was outside? Indecision plagued her. Cade had told her not to open the door for anyone, but...
What if it was Trish, or...
Then she remembered - with her numb, full-of-thoughts-of-Cade brain - that she had a peephole. Being held by Cade had rattled her brains beyond all rational thought.
She dragged herself to her feet and checked to see who stood outside her door. Good grief. It was the one man she didn't want to deal with right now. Drayton Clausen, her clingy friend. B
ut not a dangerous one. He'd been nothing but kind, albeit weird, so she couldn't deny him entry. He'd come to see her and Eli, and she wasn't alone. Cade was here. Plus, her car was parked in the driveway, so she couldn't pretend not to be home. She took a calming breath and opened the door.
Drayton smiled hugely at her and drew her into a big bear hug. He held her at arm's length and whistled. "Wow, Lainie. Look at you. No more belly." He embraced her again, holding her as if there was no tomorrow. He smelled like lady's perfume. How weird is that? "Oh, how I've missed you. Where's Eli? Can I see her? Is she sleeping?"
Lainie relaxed, giggled, and pulled out of his grasp, drawing him inside her home. It almost felt good to have him doting on her and her baby. At least he wasn't some vile creature trying to kill her baby. At least he was normal. Well, semi-normal anyway. "She's sleeping, but you can see her. If you wait until she wakes up, you can hold her, but that could be awhile. She sleeps most of the time and poops the rests of the time." She laughed as Drayton recoiled with a grimace. "Not exactly the diaper-changing type, are you, Drayton?"
He shuddered noticeably... comically. "Nope, but I suppose I could get used to it, if I had to. Where is she?"
"In my bedroom. Come on in." She locked the front door behind them and led the way. Standing beside the tiny bassinet, Drayton stared down at Eli, wide-eyed, but he didn't touch the infant, and the expression on his face was, well, odd. Lainie had never seen him look that way before. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
He stared some more, then he came out of a daze. Why were his knuckles so white, his hands so fisted? "Yes. Yes, she's beautiful. Even more than she was when I saw her a few days ago in the hospital."
"Yes. She's lost all her wrinkles and her red coloring." Lainie drew her eyebrows together. "What's wrong, Drayton? You look as if you've seen a ghost or something."
He shook his head vigorously. "No. No. It's nothing like that." He stepped away from the bassinet. "Can we go into the living room? Sit down? Talk?"
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