Grace was finally talking about retiring in a couple of years. The time apart from Joan had reminded her of the almost full year that Joan spent on tour. She didn’t enjoy the time apart but felt that Joan needed something. Was looking FOR something. Trying to talk to her about it gave Grace no results. She really didn’t want to retire until 65 but that was 5 years away. Who knew where Joan would be then?
After being home a month Joan was talking about taking another trip. The hospital wanted to honor her with another plaque for the generous donations from the foundation. Usually Joan sent Craig or even Bryan to these functions. She didn’t like them and rarely went. This year she went with Grace it gave them both an opportunity to wear new gowns and shop for them. Joan had flown out to New York to visit her gallery and to shop on 5th Avenue. The speeches were endless and Joan was totally bored. She accepted the award and made her thank you short and sweet. The trustees, one of which she technically was but had passed on to Craig all these years, had been so thrilled to finally get her here. They weren’t going to allow her to get away too quickly and she spent hours listening to their babble.
Going home that night she slid sideways with the Mercedes and nearly wrapped it around a tree. She’d been thinking about the function that they’d just come from so hard that she didn’t see the ice. Checking to see if Grace was okay she sat there awhile to calm herself. She hadn’t drank very much knowing that she’d be driving tonight and nothing for the final two hours. Grace asked if she was all right and she looked up again experiencing one of her frequent headaches. Smiling to waylay Graces fears she started the car and drove home carefully.
Grace watched Joan all evening at the party. She’d been gracious to the various people who fawned over her. Grace could see her annoyance though. She became more and more impatient these days. She was still loving and thoughtful to the family but people in general annoyed her. She was becoming more and more reclusive. The car ride home had been quiet where in the past they would have discussed the evening. Joan had handled the near accident well but Grace knew her mind wasn’t on driving. She was having a hard time getting through to her these days. Trying to talk about anything was difficult, Joan was in her own little world. Grace had even had the thought that Joan had met someone but dismissed it. Joan was still attentive to Grace when they were together but she just couldn’t seem to stay in one place long these days.
The next week Joan had an appointment with her doctor. He tried to reason with her regarding her blinding headaches but she wouldn’t listen. He wanted to admit her and run some tests. She just wanted relief. They compromised, she refused to come back, he didn’t bug her about it.
By Friday she was getting itchy feet again. Grace watched her as she paced that night. She would go outside to the deck and then come back in when she got cold. Grace was finishing up paperwork from work at the desk. Finally Joan went downstairs and out of Graces sight. Grace found her snoring gently on the sofa a half empty bottle of wine on the table beside her, no glass in sight. This wasn’t like Joan. Yes, they drank wine but never without a glass, Joan was so into things being classy. Grace gently shook her shoulder to lead her up to bed. Joan fell into bed with her clothes on. Grace removed her shoes and covered her up.
The next morning Grace woke up to hearing the shower going. Joan was sitting in the cubicle letting the showerheads pour down on her. She looked up when Grace tapped on the door. “Are you all right?” She nodded and put down her head again. She must have sat there 45 minutes. Grace was dressed and eating breakfast when she came down in her robe.
Grace looked at her strangely. It wasn’t like Joan to get drunk. “Are you all right?” she repeated.
Joan smiled and said yes. She cut herself some peaches and grabbed a carafe of orange juice. She poured a glass and grabbed the aspirin bottle. She shook out four pills and downed them with a gulp. Sitting at the table she ate her peaches. She didn’t say another word to Grace.
After breakfast she started pacing again, deep in thought. Coming to some conclusion she sat down where Grace was finishing her newspaper. Grace looked up. “Grace, I want to talk to you.” Joan began.
Finally, thought Grace as she nodded.
“Grace, I’d like you to retire if you would. I want to travel. I want you with me.” Joan looked at her pleadingly.
They’d had this conversation before. They’d never argued about it but Grace thought Joan had understood her desire to work to 65. Sighing she repeated the same old arguments about working, her commitment.
Joan listened but was visibly agitated. Finally she said she understood. Rising she went outside for awhile. Grace watched in puzzlement. Something was wrong, something had to be wrong after all this time. Joan wasn’t happy. Joan wasn’t, well Joan! She’d always been high strung. Her artistic temperament hadn’t always been easy to live with. She’d controlled it well with her exercise regimen and her creativity. Now she didn’t even get mad. She didn’t even create. Grace joined her on the deck. Joan was looking out over the river.
“Joan, what is WRONG with you?” Grace tried to keep her exasperation out of her tone.
“Nothing is wrong. I just don’t feel like painting anymore. I want to travel now. I want you WITH me.” She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes as Grace saw it.
Grace wasn’t sure but something didn’t ring true. In the years she had known Joan she had seen her deeply depressed once. When she couldn’t paint. Now she was making a conscious choice to not paint and her restlessness was driving them both nuts. “No Joan, that’s not what I meant, something else has been bothering you for months. This traveling you’ve done, isn’t like you. You used to love to paint. Now you try very hard not to even go into your studio or galleries. What is going on?”
Joan smiled. She sat in one of the chairs on the deck and held out her hand for Grace to join her on the double chair. Rocking gently she told Grace how burnt out she was on painting. She was sick of being fawned over. She had a right to peace and quiet in her life now. She’d worked hard all her life to support her boys. She’d gotten to the pinnacle of her profession. She wanted to enjoy things NOW, with Grace, before they got too old, too tired, or perhaps incapaciatated.
Grace agreed that to travel and see new things would be nice but she tried once again to make Joan see how important the last few years of her career meant to her. It wasn’t about money. Craig had made sure Grace had plenty of that with investments. It was about doing a job she was good at. Feeling good about it. Joan seemed to understand. They sat there a long time rocking gently as they discussed things.
Monday morning Joan got a call from Allan. He hadn’t called much in the last few years, understanding that Joan was letting it slow down. The odd thing was that the demand for her few paintings was just as high as it had been when she was producing 12 or more a year. She’d been invited to Berlin for an international art festival. It was going to be big. People from all over the world would be there. Joan was asked especially to be there for her life achievements. Joan didn’t even hesitate which was odd for her. She said yes. Allan was stunned, he’d had arguments galore all lined up to convince her and she just said yes. She was due there in 2 weeks.
The two weeks before the trip was like the days of old. She painted for the first week to finish a painting that had been niggling at her brain. That completed she finished little details for the foundation that required her time and signature. She visited with family and friends. Grace was surprised to see the old Joan again. The two weeks went quickly and all too soon Joan was packing again. It seemed to take more luggage these days than when she was younger. Grace drove her to the airport in her latest Jaguar. The old ones had been traded in one by one over the years. Grace hugged Joan goodbye as she walked down the concourse her laptop over her shoulder with her huge purse with it’s sketchpad within.
Joan called Grace once she was safely ensconced in her hotel room in Berlin. It adjoined the convention center where the art festival would be
held. It was huge, all by itself. Allan had told her every booth was taken. They had held one open specifically for Joan and she would be attending conferences to answer questions regarding her art with the public as well as signing pieces. The festival was a week long and by the end of it, Joan was exhausted. She wasn’t so young anymore she realized but even at 55 going on 56 she knew she was slowing down. It was exciting, the adoration was great for the ego. So many people seemed to know her work. She was surprised at how many attended the conference to ask questions. Even with her books of sketches out there they had many astute questions waiting for her. It required concentration to answer these. Joan was in her element. She looked good. The gray in her hair now gave her a look that made as if to say I’m experienced. Since she only produced a few pieces a year now her work took on greater significance to the buying public. The students who came to talk to her she found very flattering. Her work was appreciated on levels she hadn’t thought to address years ago.
Finally the festival show was over. She made a decision to stay in Europe and she emailed everyone with her plans. She didn’t hear back so she shrugged it off and visited various cities around Europe. Seeing things she had always wanted to see and going places on a whim. She made appointments in several cities to meet with people. After 3 weeks though she was tired. No one had emailed her which was strange. She had emailed the boys, even their spouses, but Graces silence really bothered her. Perhaps she’d pissed her off this time with all her traveling. She couldn’t help it. She needed to get out of town these days and see other things, stimulating things. She felt like she had a constant state of cabin fever. She’d invited Grace along. She truly did understand Graces desire to finish her career, but she wanted to enjoy things now while they were still both fairly in shape for it.
She stayed in Zurich for a couple of days at a spa that she had often heard about. In the lobby as she walked in she was surprised to find a print of “Aphrodisiac.” It brought back fond memories of when she had made it, Grace’s reactions, the tour and other people’s reactions. No painting she had ever created had generated such interest or money. The spa director himself showed her around the spa after she identified herself. Her name alone gave her preferential treatment. This spa made the one she owned back in Wisconsin look like child’s stuff. She felt fabulous after her stay there. While she was there she had 28” cut off from her braids. These were then cut to 14” lengths and donated to a children’s hospital which would dye them and make wigs for chemo patients. The spa handled the arrangements for her and were very grateful for her ‘gift.’ Her new length of hair was a surprise to herself the first time she looked in the mirror. The braids now only came to just past her shoulders. The gray was more noticeable and bothering her and she made arrangements for the spa to color the hair back to it’s natural brown with red highlights. The psychological feeling it gave her alone was worth the hassle. She felt and looked great again!
She decided to go to the villa in Barbados for a few days. She emailed everyone her plans and was disappointed to find that no one had emailed her. It was four weeks since she left Berlin and no word! Ticked off, she tried phoning but the lines were mirky from in the air and she couldn’t get through. Touching down in Barbados after all that flight time, all she wanted to do was sleep. A taxi took her to the villa, she had gotten through from Zurich to arrange for it to be opened for her. Arriving at the villa she was greeted by a couple who had taken care of the family many times. She was grateful to see some familiar faces.
A few days later Grace walked into the villa. The Sanchez’s greeted her warmly. They’d met her several times with Joan and the family. Mr. Sanchez took her bags to the master bedroom. She followed, noting that Joan MUST be here with her bags in the closet and personal items strewn about the room. She changed into a bikini top and bottom and put a sarong around her waist. Asking the Sanchez’s where she might find Joan she went out to the beach looking for her. Shading her eyes she looked up and down the beach but didn’t see Joan anywhere. Sighing she sat in one of the double chairs strewn around the beach down from in front of their lawn. She sat there thinking. No one had heard from Joan since Berlin. After a week of that Craig had found where she had gone all over Europe from her credit card charges. They had almost caught up with her in Zurich but she had left for Barbados by the time they found her there. No one could understand why she had suddenly stopped calling or emailing. She’d always had a joke to share or something to tell about the places she was visiting. The last email had told enthusiastically about Berlin and then nothing, absolute silence.
Grace vaguely heard the sound of approaching horse hoofprints before she became aware that they were coming down the beach. Shading her eyes from the brilliant sunlight she watched as four horses came pounding down the beach. The riders were bareback and carrying long croquet mallets and hitting at things on the beach. One rider was hitting a ball or something shaped similar as the others bumped together trying to hit it as well. As they came closer to this secluded beach Grace could see that there were two women and two men playing their game. One of the women hit a mighty smack of the ball like object and another of the women galloped her pinto horse towards it, she was wearing a bikini top and a sarong style skirt hiked up on her thighs and no shoes, she swung her mallet to smash the ball backwards, and overbalanced. Head over heels she landed on the beach. Grace stood up watching to see if they needed help as the others galloped to her. They chatted for awhile until one of the men pulled the woman up. Dusting off the sand that was sticking to her all over she waved as the other’s rode back down the beach leading her horse. Then she turned and started to head towards Grace who stood there standing and shading her eyes.
Graces eyes bugged out of her head when she realized the woman coming towards her was Joan. Her braided hair was only to below her shoulders. Where was the other two feet or so? The color was back with no indication of the gray that had streaked a portion of it over the years. Joan looked good though, tanned from the sun. She had beads in her hair braids at various lengths, she wore a shell anklet and necklace. From her ears dangled even more tiny shells. She no longer worked out so incessantly these days so her body had a more round look than it had had in years. She looked younger than she had in years, vibrant, alive. Her face lit up when she was close enough to recognize Grace. She noted Grace’s face wasn’t showing that she was thrilled to see HER though.
Smiling she said “Hey, you!”
Grace looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Are you okay?”
Looking back at the spot where she had fallen on the beach she shrugged her shoulders which emphasized the length of her hair again. Turning back she smiled “Yea, I’m fine. It was fun though.”
“Who was that?” Grace asked her brows frowning, indicating the retreating horse back riders.
“Oh, just some kids I met while I was out today.” Joan smiled. She indicated that Grace should sit down again on the double chair. As Grace did so, Joan removed her skirt to reveal bikini bottoms and shook out the sarong, a lot of sand falling to the ground. She wrapped it around herself unselfconsciously as she sat next to Grace on the chair. “So what brings you here?” she asked conversationally.
“You, actually” Grace answered remembering the reason she had come down here.
“Oh, you decided to join me eh?” Joan was smiling.
“No, I decided to find out what you were up to?” Grace answered a little coldly. Joan was acting as though nothing was wrong. Grace was becoming distinctly annoyed. No one had heard from her in weeks and then to find her looking so great on the beach with a young guy in tow....
“Oh, thought I’d catch some sun down here before heading home. There’s a hurricane warning though, I’m surprised they let your plane land?” Joan was drinking in seeing Grace. In her minds eye she didn’t see the wrinkles or the fading blond hair. Grace looked good to her. She made Joan so happy when she was around.
“Yes, it was a bit bumpy but I was deter
mined to get here. I was worried” she mentioned.
“Worried? Whatever for?” Joan asked truly puzzled. Her face showed the puzzlement.
“Well you don’t phone or email for a month. Allan said the last he saw you was in the hotel in Berlin. Then nothing?” The annoyance was plain in Graces voice.
“What do YOU mean nothing. I’ve been emailing forever. No one has responded!” A nagging suspicion was starting in her mind.
“What do you mean? No one has been in contact with you for weeks. Ever think of picking up a phone?” Grace was very annoyed. She’d started to worry and when Craig found from the credit card records that Joan was hopping all over Europe and no phone call she wondered again if Joan had found someone else. As Joan’s strange behavior continued Grace had started to wonder. Joan had never given her cause before. Looking at her now though made Grace a tiny bit jealous. Joan looked fabulous. Depressed at the thought that Joan may have been seeing someone else she was hurt, she was angry. Thoughts that Joan looked this good for somone else really enraged her.
“I tried but couldn’t get through!” Joan defended herself. She was angry too. Just what did Grace think she had been doing. She could see the anger in Grace’s face.
“Joan, four weeks have gone by. Your family hears from you several times a week normally. You don’t think they would worry? You don’t think I was worried?” She was angrily stating this as she continued “What was so important in Europe that you couldn’t call or drop us a line?” Finally, jealous and angry she spit out “Are you seeing someone else?”
Joan was flabbergasted. Blinking for a count of ten at Graces accusations she finally managed to collect her thoughts to answer tightly “How DARE you? I would NEVER betray you like that. I would never betray US like that! I’ve been lonely, not hearing from YOU. You come here to accuse me of what?” She shook her head to emphasize her point “Having an affair?” At Graces raised eyebrow in question she answered quietly “No Grace I’m NOT having an affair.” With that she got up from the chair and stalked off toward the villa.
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