by Jason Davis
The world spun, on the verge of slipping away. Was he fainting? It had never gone that far, but there was always a first time. Somewhere in the background, he heard Robin’s voice. It seemed so far away.
“Rob! Rob!” she screamed.
Was he in the dream again? Many times, when he was in his own nightmares, surrounded and lost in the flames, he would hear her and know he would never see her again.
“Rob!”
He heard something heavy fall to the floor and her voice became muffled.
You dropped your phone. Come on, man. Pull yourself together. You were talking to Robyn and dropped your phone. She’s not somewhere far off. Come on. Pull yourself out of it and breathe.
He felt himself moving against the tide. His consciousness started pulling itself back, the thickness inside his brain clearing. Overhead, the light from the streetlight caught him in the eye. What the hell? Had he actually just fainted?
He pulled in a deep breath, the pressure of an anvil crushing against his chest. Stars swirled through his vision. He couldn’t think, finding it impossible to focus.
“Robyn?” he asked, his tongue thick and speech slurred.
“Rob!”
“Hey, hun, I’ll call you back.”
“Are you okay?”
Her voice still sounded far off. He looked around, moving slowly to keep his breakfast, lunch, or whatever had been his last meal down. He couldn’t see his phone on the floor. He must have hit the speaker phone before he had dropped it. At least she could still hear him.
“I have to call county. I need to get more officers out here to look for these kids, look for Ja...” He couldn’t say it…not yet. It was too soon to list him among the missing. Even just saying it caused a tidal wave to wash over him again. “I’ll call you right back.”
“Okay.” Her voice sounded subdued. He didn’t have to see her to know she sat at their kitchen table, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Then he heard the beeps and knew she had disconnected. He tried to focus on that so he could find his phone.
He leaned over and reached below the seat, feeling around. His head wanted to loll to the side, but if it did, he wasn’t sure he’d have the strength to straighten it. The steering wheel called to him. Its hard surface would work as a pillow. In his time as a small-town cop, it wouldn’t have been the first time. He was just so tired. His fingers seemed to scratch against something sharp, then he felt a pinch. The pain was minimal, but helped keep him awake.
His heart pounded, but he could feel it slowing. The fog finally cleared enough that he was able to think again. If he opened the door and got out, he could crouch down and look under the seat to find his phone. It would be easier.
He pushed it open, a sudden rush of cool air flowing across his skin. His head further cleared, the pounding becoming a throb that just hovered at the corner. It stayed as a slight ghostly presence, but did not leave. As long as he didn’t have to move too quickly, he might not even notice it.
It didn’t take him long before he saw his phone, grabbing it. He saw a text from his wife, the three sweet words making him smile. He swiped right and dialed the number for county.
As it started to ring, he texted her back with one finger. He didn’t know how people texted so quickly on these damn things.
I love you, too.
He managed to hit SEND before the county dispatcher answered.
He should have just used his radio. Maybe his mind wasn’t as clear as he had thought. It really made no sense for him to call. He knew it would take longer to get a response that way, although they had picked up rather quickly.
“Livingston County Sheriff. How may I direct your call?” said the flat voice. Rob swore no one in the county office ever sounded anything other than bored or hostile. He never enjoyed working with any of them.
“Deputy Alletto, Standard Township, calling in another Amber, requesting some more patrols in the area.”
“Didn’t I just talk to you on the radio, Deputy?”
“There have been more since then.” His voice sounded so dead to his ears, like he was on autopilot and he had no control.
“What’s going on over there, Deputy? You need to get a handle on your town.”
“Ma’am, now is not the time to start with me,” he ground out, trying to rein in his temper.
“We don’t have the resources to dedicate a full-time patrol because—”
“Ma’am—”
“Son, don’t get smart with me. Towns have runaways every day. They’ve probably all just run off and are playing a joke on you all.”
“Ma’am,” he repeated, grinding his teeth together to keep from yelling. She must have caught his change in voice because she remained silent. He was at the point where he seemed calm, but his anger threatened to boil over.“One of the missing children is my son. I can assure you that he did not run away.”
He heard her gasp. “I’m sorry. I will get another unit there within the hour. I’ll see if I can get some more people there ASAP.”
He closed his eyes, barely able to thank her as the world tried to spin around him again. Struggling to push the feelings back down, he disconnected the call and looked around. He still had to go to that woman’s house and take down her information. Jake was just one of many kids missing.
But none of them mattered. He could lie to himself and say they were all equal, but that would be a lie. His son was the only one who mattered right now. The boy he promised to take ice fishing this winter. The boy who prayed with him each night before slipping off the sleep. The boy whom he fought so hard to come home to every night, making sure he stayed safe. The boy they changed their lives for. The boy they had left Chicago for so they could raise him somewhere safer.
The boy Rob may never see again.
He didn’t try to stop the tear falling down his cheek. He knew there wasn’t going to be a tidal wave of them this time. This was the one tear he knew he could afford right now.
He put the car into gear. His mind still wasn’t one hundred percent clear, but he didn’t think it could be with Jake missing. He felt like he could focus enough not to kill anyone while driving, though. That was easier in the small town where people actually waited for traffic to stop rather than rushing across, not caring about the oncoming car or truck.
He turned left onto Main Street and saw the two floral shops at the end of the block. He didn’t know why in the hell a small town needed two. He knew there were plenty of flower shops in the city, but they would have been boutiques. He was sure there was some competition between businesses, especially if they were family-owned. Even so, it was hard to imagine an owner walking into another shop, a baby on her hip, to curse them out.
That new shopkeeper had been cute, though. He couldn’t stop himself as his mind wandered to the smile she had flashed him. She had a beautiful mouth, her teeth glistening in the little light of the shop. Her eyes danced in excitement as she welcomed him into her. She cried out in pleasure as he pulled her close.
He blinked and shook his head. What the hell was that?
He had to fight to keep from looking over at the little shop. If he did, maybe he’d see her looking out the window and could get a glimpse of her.
The car drifted to the side of the road and he caught himself slowing, preparing to park along the shoulder. It was wide there to allow semis the ability to pull off and line up for the grain silo across the street. He could park and walk over to see how she was doing. After all, that other shop owner had harassed her. She might have done something else, or maybe she just needed someone to talk to. After all, she was new in town.
He shook his head again, jerking his car back onto the street. Really, Rob. What the fuck is wrong with you? Jake was missing, but his mind slipped into those kind of thoughts. Just what would Robyn think if she knew he thought about another woman?
She had often joked it was okay to look, as long as he knew where his bed was at night. He typically never let his mi
nd wander that way, but this had been more than just wandering thoughts. He had actually seen himself taking her, pulling her to him as he entered her, his hands on her firm breasts.
His breathing quickened as he adjusted himself. The sudden erection was painful as it pushed against his pants.
Really. What the hell would Robyn think if she found out?
But if he was having those thoughts, was there a reason for it? Had their sex life really started to fade away? Should he start thinking about what was next in his life? What would Jake think if Robyn and he got a divorce?
Jake is missing! Concentrate on that, you asshole!
Their boy… The one he held in his arms at the hospital. The one who had come early and with so many complications. Robyn would never be able to have another child, not with what she went through to bring him into the world. Jake would always be their one and only.
Their little boy… Who, when he was younger, could never say the name of his favorite fast food place, so they would always take him to “Kids Donalds”. Who would always come home and cry whenever someone pushed him down at school, but he never fought back. Who listened to his dad when he said the bigger man always walked away from the fight. Who never got into trouble, other than not getting his homework done or not taking a shower every night like his mom demanded.
Their little boy… Who, when an evil had infected the town, trying to take over Rob’s mind, had kept him sane. Back then, Rob had felt himself letting go, losing himself to the insanity taking everyone, feeling the rage that drove men to kill. He had wanted to submit to it and be just like the others, but then he saw Jake, his little boy, and it had brought him back.
His Jake, his boy, his baby boy…
Jake had only been missing a half-hour, but Rob was already thinking of not only leaving Robyn, the woman he knew he still loved, but screwing around with another woman. What the hell was wrong with him? It sure as hell didn’t make any sense.
The squad car seemed to just crawl down the street, not even going close to the speed limit. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone behind him. That was probably a really good thing as he felt tears flooding down his face. His eyes and cheeks were wet, but so was the front of his uniform. His nose ran and he sniffed, trying to stifle some of the flow. It didn’t feel like it would stop anytime soon.
He felt like he was pulling from a deep well of pain, more than he knew he had been holding in. It opened up, a torrent of raw emotion spilling out. He didn’tknow whether it stemmed from the sleep deprivation or the bottled up feelings he held in tight. The more it flowed, the more he saw his son at the corner of his eyes.
He pulled onto the little access road that lead to a path into the woods off to the side of the coal dump. The glow of the streetlight washed over him, then faded away as he disappeared into the darkness. It was quiet back there. He couldn’t help but think about the other side of the little hill. That morning, he had stepped onto that little path and had found the squad car, no trace of the owner. It was a good place to be alone, but he couldn’t help but wonder where his boss had gone. A little chill ran down his spine as he killed the engine and turned off the lights. He wanted to be away from everyone because he knew his control, the tight bundle of emotions he held inside, had started to unravel.
Yes, that woman, the one with her own son missing, was waiting on him. He had to go there and take her report. It would have to wait, though. Right now, he couldn’t go through with it.
How long? One hour? Two? With Jake missing, can I really go and take a report about somebody else’s missing child?
He didn’t think he would be able to go there at all tonight. He would probably wait until the county officer showed up, then have him go take the report. That would be best. He just didn’t think he had any more left in him. He was done giving a shit about everyone else.
But Jake is missing. You have to care. You can’t just give up.
Even though they told him not to, Rob knew there were times Jake and Chris came up to the coal dump. It wasn’t too often, but he had seen them walking away from there a few times. That probably meant they had gone there more times than he knew about.
So it was back to the coal dump again. There had to be more places these children could go. The coal dump was a large, tree-covered slag pile that took up approximately six blocks. It was a small part of town, but in comparison to the surrounding area, it was a large piece of property. They had spent much of their time exhausting themselves walking these woods.
He looked at the looming shape in front of him. From his angle, he had to lean forward to see the top. It was a black shape, barely visible against the dark blue of the night sky. The large mound of slag and trees seemed to just disappear into the sky, all melding together in one dark lump.
Where else could they all be if they aren’t there?
Jake said he and Chris were going to the park. That was across town. Maybe that was where all the kids went. Maybe there was something around the park…
No, not something. Someone. He had done enough of this “something” crap. All of this had to come back to someone. Someone had to be luring and taking all of these kids, and it was perfectly reasonable that they lived right by the park.
It would be too dark to search there now, but they had lights they used for baseball games in the spring. If need be, someone from town maintenance could come and turn them on. Maybe he would find something from one of the missing kids. An article of clothing, a backpack, something. One of the kids had to have struggled…unless they knew the person taking them.
He looked around the dark interior of the squad car, finally finding what he was looking for. He never would have left it in there, but no one else would be using the car. Even if they did find the chief, Rob doubted he would return to work right away, so there was no one to complain about the grease-soaked bag containing his evening supper. He grabbed it and pulled out a napkin only slightly covered in grease.
It felt stiff, smelling of old french fries as he used it to wipe away the moisture from his cheeks. It wouldn’t work to wipe away all of it, but he should be fine. What did it matter? The last thing he cared about right now was what everyone else thought. With so many people missing, his appearance should be disheveled. There was no reason he should look better than how he felt.
He adjusted the mirror and checked himself in it. Yeah, he would be fine.
He adjusted the mirror back into place so he could see the streetlight shining behind him. He put the car into reverse, focusing on that light.
The park… Jake has to be there. Maybe Rob would get lucky and find something.
“Dad!”
I want to believe so badly, I’m hearing his voice in my head now?
“Dad!”
I’m losing it.
Something slammed against the driver’s door. The car jerked as he jumped, his foot slamming down on the gas, then the brake.
He looked at the window as he quickly turned on the headlights, illuminating the figure standing there. Others stepped out of the darkness, too, but Rob could only focus on one.
Jake. His face was pale, his eyes wide and scared, his breathing coming in gasps. When he saw his dad noticed him, he dropped his hands to his knees, bending over.
Rob couldn’t get the car back in park fast enough. He grabbed for the door, fighting not to trip over himself. The tears were back.
He tried to talk, but nothing came out. He rushed to his son, grabbed him, and pulled him into a hug like nothing either had ever felt before. “Jake… Thank God.”
CHAPTER 16
Lights flashed, the world glowing in swirling colors, everything shifting between red and blue. It made stars flash behind his eyes. The teenagers called them the “blueberries and cherries”, but he had never thought of them as anything other than the reassuring lights of safety. It was safe and he was safe in their glow.
Rob felt it. The flashing lights slammed into his retinas and danced off the trees around them. He
had his son, some of the other missing children also found. That should make him feel happy. It was a huge win. He should take the win, but as the lights flashed, he knew they would follow him into his nightmares.
You’re not safe. None of us are safe.
He knew it was true as much as he knew those lights would haunt his nightmares. Chicago had been a nightmare. The last year had been a nightmare. His life was full of nightmares. They kept building with each passing horror he survived, keeping him from ever getting a restful night sleep. Even with all those tortured dreams, his life was a challenge to fight against the cruelties that surrounded and lived in the world. He had not been ready for what he had found. What his son had led him to.
He felt the little hand in his, the warm body tight against him. Now he would have to worry about what nightmares he was passing on to his son. Rob always hoped he’d be able to keep the things he had seen, what he had been through, away from Jake, sheltering him from the nastiness out there. That was his number one job as a parent. He was a shield from the evil, a protecting sword in the fight against it. He did what needed to be done to keep Jake safe and innocent, but it was too late now. His son had seen what hid just beyond the dark.
Would his son be able to go back to being that innocent child he had been that morning? His life had been so bright and positive. Would he still be that way tomorrow? Or would the image of seeing the chief’s body keep him awake and screaming?
Rob had heard children were resilient. That they could handle a lot of bad things without it affecting them. If that were true, if Jake was able to move past this, he’d have a new admiration for his son. Rob wasn’t sure he could be as strong. He’d already imagined the fresh nightmares that would surface, dreading the time he would finally sleep.
He couldn’t stop seeing all of it as it replayed through his thoughts. When Rob had tried to talk to Jake and the other kids, they had all started screaming and crying, talking over each other. From what Rob could understand, they had found a body under a grate up there. Or had they found two bodies? No, it was one body, but in pieces. No, it was an army of elves… They were kids, and they were scared. None of them really knew what they had come across, except for Jake, who had been silent. When he did speak, he was just above a whisper.