I swallow past several knots in my throat. “We’re leaving without you Xavier!” Aisley calls through the wall.
“I’ll be right down,” I call out. My voice sounds weak. I think my moment of existentialism is starting to sink in; who knew I would be having this crisis when I’m twenty-two. I grab one of the hotel pens and a notepad and begin scribbling down a letter to them both. If anything happens, I want them to have a piece of me.
I don’t even know what to say so I just start writing random memories from the road before and after I met Aisley. I read what I wrote and then crumple it up and start over. I never was one to write love letters like in those cheesy novels Cassie used to read all the time. Maybe now’s the time to start writing them.
I hear laughter from outside. I crumple another half-written letter, throw it in the garbage can, and rush down the emergency stairs.
Aisley builds snowball after snowball and flings them at Hayley. They’re both laughing so much that I’m not sure if it’s the cold that turned their faces red or their giddiness.
I pick up some snow letting it turn my hands numb and throw it at Aisley. It hits her square in the head, and she topples over.
“Xavier! I thought you were on my side!” Aisley squeals wiping the wet snow from her face.
“Every man for himself!” I yell and pelt Hayley with another snowball. Aisley screams with laughter while Hayley tries to run and hide. “Where do you think you’re going?” I laugh chasing after her.
“No! Get away from me,” she says trying to weave in circles.
I slip several times before I tackle her to the ground. “I give up! I give up!” she laughs. “I surrender.”
A smirk spreads across her face, and she smashes a handful of snow over my head.
“Oh now I mean business!” I start tickling Hayley until she begs me to stop.
Aisley flings a snowball over our way, and it hits me in the face. I collapse onto my back, partially acting, but also because that really did hurt.
“Ok, ok, let’s go back in and shower,” I laugh.
“Aww can’t I build a snowman,” Aisley asks.
“Aisley, we really should cover our tracks and get upstairs,” Hayley insists.
“Oh all right,” Aisley says slumping her shoulders forward in defeat. I watch Hayley and Aisley smooth out the snow until there’s hardly any trace from us being out there at all.
“Come on, I know the place to see if we’ve erased all our footprints,” I say and walk in through the emergency exit. Aisley runs in ahead of me and flies up the stairs to the the third floor.
“Keep going up, Aisley,” I say.
“Where are we going,” Hayley asks tucking herself under my arm.
“You’ll see,” I say and wink at her.
“The last time you said something like that I almost fell off a mountain,” she mumbles.
“Well, good thing there aren’t any mountains here, right?” She glares at me, but eventually smiles and nudges me in the shoulder.
We get to the roof door, and I push it open using my jacket as a door prop. Without any people for miles, the snow stays untouched shimmering so bright in the sunlight I could swear it was glitter that was glued to the world around us.
“Oh wow,” Hayley whispers.
“It’s pretty nice, isn’t it?” She looks up at me and smiles and then returns her gaze to the miles of woods.
“Our footprints are invisible,” Aisley confirms. “Can I go watch cartoons now?”
I nod my head and watch her slip through the crack in the roof access door.
“It really is beautiful when there’s no one around, isn’t it?” Hayley says. “The sun is so much brighter, the woods seem like they could emit magic. I wish I could be a kid again when I used to see everything that way.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders.
“What were you dreaming about before?” Hayley asks still gazing into the forest.
“Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“Well, I was dreaming about the future with you and Aisley,” I respond.
“And you were thrashing like that?”
“It was a really great dream—until the end,” I explain.
She looks at me through narrowed eyes. “What do you mean?”
I sigh and look past her at the forest. “It was kinda an out-of-body experience.”
“You were—”
“Dead.” I swallow and force my eyes to remain on the bark of the trees.
Hayley’s body shudders under my arm. “You cold,” I ask.
“Freezing,” she replies. “But I’ll live.” I pull her in front of me and wrap both my arms around her. She rests her head back on my chest.
“A little warmer,” I ask.
She nods her head. “What was this ring really for,” she asks after a minute of silence.
“It was a gift,” I respond. “It seemed like you were supposed to have it.”
She looks out at the forest again and nods her head. “Oh, ok.”
“I don’t want anyone else to take you away from me,” I say. “I realize how easily that could happen out here. I know things are stable now, but that could be different by tomorrow.”
“You do realize this is an engagement ring,” she says holding her hand out in front of us. “I don’t want to be away from you either, but I’m not ready to be engaged or whatever you want to call it.”
That stings a little more than I expected.
“Could we call it a promise?”
“Yes,” I respond, my voice cracking. “I’d like that.” Hayley laughs quietly and brings my hand to her lips.
“Don’t you wish things could stay this simple? Like this moment? For the rest of our lives,” I ask.
Hayley frowns but nods her head and kisses me on my lips.
Yeah, I’d like a little stability. I’d like that a lot.
If This Ends
Dear Aisley,
God, how do I start this thing? Honestly, I was partially afraid of taking you back with me back in the store I found you in. I’ve never had a little sibling or anyone I needed to take care of; a nine-year-old who can take a grown man hostage seems like a pretty big burden.
But you weren’t. You are strong, but you are still young. You have everything to look forward to. You have a future that can get better, that you can experience and grow into.
I hope I did things right by bringing you with us. Hayley turned out to be a lot better at the whole parenting thing than I was. And I guess that’s why I’m writing you this letter. I want you to know how special you were to me. And if you’re reading this, you know I’m gone. I’d only ever leave it for you if I was dead.
Aisley, you have got to stick around for Hayley. She’s going to need you once I’m gone. Like you, she’s lost everyone that she loved. She had a twin sister long before you and I met. I was going to marry her, but she died in a car accident—Hayley survived it. Then she lost both of her parents to this time that we live in. She can help you with anything and everything you’ll need, but she will need the same if not more help than you.
I remember when you told me you knew how to use that gun—you were confident, strong. Be that for her, Aisley. Now that I’m gone, she needs someone strong like you to take care of her and look after her. I’ll always be looking down on you, and I will always be with you.
I love you.
-Xavier.
* * *
Hayles,
I never thought I would be writing a letter like this to you. I always had a vision of both of us being together, old and wrinkly, sitting on the beach in Florida. Ok, maybe not that exact picture, but you get what I mean.
I’m so sorry I let you down. I never meant to leave you alone, you have to know that. Never did I think I would be leaving my best friend in a world where you can barely even trust what your eyes see. The dream I had the day before we gazed at the stars on the roof of the hote
l scared me. It hit me that I had never even thought of the possibility of me dying before we ever made it to Fort Ticonderoga. But that dream was so real that—it seemed more like a premonition than something fake.
You were pregnant, Hayles. I knew it was mine, I couldn’t even be happy because you were standing next to my tombstone. But if this dream was a premonition, then you survived and that’s all that matters.
If you find this letter, I’m gone. I didn’t make it to the fort with you and Aisley. But I don’t want you to give up. I know that if you are getting this letter, I made damn sure to get you to that fort safely. You’ve got to keep each other alive and healthy. Please. Everything that we’ve been through would be for nothing if you died or tried to off yourself because you were sad. I remember what you said to me at Cassie’s funeral. You were hurt, almost broken beyond repair, but you didn’t cry. I told you it was ok if you did and you said this: I won’t spend my whole life crying about losing her—it will never bring her back, so what’s the point?
I need you to be that Hayley. I need you to be strong like that and be there for Aisley. I’m begging you to not give up. I’ll always be there for you when you need me.
I gave you that ring for a reason. It was a promise, right? A promise that we would always be there for each other. Just because I died does not mean that ring is garbage and that my promise is broken. You know me—I would never break a promise like that. Ever.
I will always be a part of your life. Don’t you ever forget that. I love you with all my heart, Hayley. Always have, always will.
-Xavier.
* * *
I tuck both letters neatly beneath the sink in Aisley’s bathroom. I know they’ll be safe there until whenever it is that I die. And if, by chance, we all make it to the fort, then I’ll never have to worry about either of them having to read them.
I climb back into bed with Hayley and run my fingers through her hair. She rolls over wraps her arm around my waist. She mumbles something in her sleep and then goes back to her steady breathing. I look out the small crack the curtains leave between itself and the window and watch the heavy snowfall come down in zigzagging patterns.
It’s a beautiful night—it doesn’t matter what’s going on around us to deny that.
Day Eight Of Safety
Days come and go with no movement outside of the hotel. I wake up from another nightmare to an early morning sunrise. Hayley sits in the computer chair facing the window. “I’m not feeling well,” she says. “I didn’t want to get you sick or anything so I just sat in this chair instead.”
Her skin is an odd shade of white, and I can see a sheen of sweat across her forehead. I stand up and feel her forehead with the back of my hand. “Well, you don’t have a fever,” I say.
“Oh that’s good,” she responds. “I’ve been throwing up, so at least whatever it is will hopefully be out of my system.”
I grab a muffin for her and peel the wrapping off of it. “Try and eat,” I say throwing on my jacket. “I can go grab some meds from the store—”
“No!” Hayley says cutting me off. “You almost got caught the last time. I refuse to sit here and wait for you like an idiot.”
I raise my hands in defeat and feed her the muffin instead.
“What’s going on?” Aisley groans from the doorway.
“Hayley’s not feeling very well today, that’s all.”
She nods her head and trudges back into her room. I look back to Hayley and push her hair out of her face. “I don’t know what it was. Just out of nowhere I felt like shit and then when I woke up this morning, I barely made it to the bathroom before I started hurling my brains out.”
“It could’ve been one of the things we’ve eaten in the past couples of days. I mean who knows if any of these things are any good anyway,” I say.
She attempts a smile, but then returns her gaze back out the window. “Maybe we should head to the fort on Sunday then. You’re not going to be ready to go by Saturday like we planned—”
“I’ll be fine Xavier,” she grumbles. “I just need like a couple hours to get this out of my system.”
I nod my head and hand her the rest of the muffin. “Well, I’m gonna run downstairs to see if there’s any bread or something to settle your stomach,” I say. “You finish that muffin while I’m down there, and then maybe we’ll talk about leaving on Saturday.”
Hayley mumbles something else as I grab my knife and head for the door. I close it just enough so that I won’t need to use the pain-in-the-ass keycard again. I reach the breakfast area and grab a muffin from under the counter. The only bagel that’s left has mold on it. Guess she’ll just have to deal with the muffins. I don’t know why Hayley kept eating those waffles. That’s probably what got her sick.
As I make my way out of the breakfast area, I see movement outside of the front doors. I run to the hallway and duck around the corner. I watch in the reflection of the mirror positioned across from me and see two men with guns walking towards the door. They pull on the door, and I bolt for the stairs.
I make it up to the third floor in record time and swing open the door to our room. “Two men are downstairs right now, we’ve got to hide,” I whisper.
Hayley stands and starts packing up anything that could be connected to us, but its too slow. “Grab the weapons, we’ll go hide in another room, come on,” I whisper grabbing her by the hand. She grips a gun with a shaky hand.
“Aisley,” I call out in a harsh whisper. She comes barreling around the corner. “Come on, we’ve got to hide.”
We rush out of the room and I close the door completely this time. We choose a room in the middle of the hallway and we cram ourselves into the closet. Aisley wipes tears from her face and bites hard down on her lip.
“We’re gonna be ok, Aisley. I promise,” I whisper. She looks up at me, and more tears pour down her cheeks. She hugs Hayley’s hips tightly and turns her face into her side. Hayley, despite her sickly appearance, looks ok. I squeeze her hand and she swallows.
I listen as far as my ears will allow, but I don’t hear any trace of the men I saw downstairs at the door. I’m not scared in the least bit. Truthfully, I’m pissed. They ruined the first safe place we found in miles and months of running. I have the knife, all I need is to get to them before they get to us.
The door to the room swings open making us all jump.
Shit—too late.
Trigger
Hayley squeezes my hand so tight it feels like it might break. I wait and count the amount of people I see walk into the room through the small crack in the closest door. Still just two of them. But the only problem is that they have guns.
I feel a poke in my leg and Aisley shows me her gun. I give her a thumbs up.
Hayley pokes me in the chest and shakes her head. She signals zipping her lips and throwing away the key.
I shake my head and push open the closet door. Aisley inches around the small crack in the door, and I hear her scream before I can get out of the closest.
I jump out of the closet and bring my knife down in the back of the man closest to me. The other man cocks his gun and I turn to face him. “I will kill her if you try your luck with me boy,” the man says.
Aisley is crying so hard that her tiny frame is shuddering.
“Aisley, you’re gonna be all right. Just look at me, ok?” She looks up at me and nods her head.
“You know, you’re a tricky little bastard. We thought you went towards the fort, but you double-backed. Not a bad idea,” the man says circling the room.
He’s trying to get to the exit. I stand in front of the doorway and keep still. “You’ve got some type of training, don’t you,” he asks.
“Yeah, it’s called surviving,” I respond.
The man nods his head and laughs, “So you hunted then. That’s why you’re so good with all that track covering and shit.”
“Boy scouts,” I respond.
�
��Well, we got a smart ass on our hands don’t we? Maybe I’ll leave this girl with another hole in her head, and then we’ll see who’s laughing.”
A gunshot rings out.
Big Brother
“No!”
Both Aisley and the man collapse to the ground in a heap. I run over to them both and pull Aisley from under the man. She’s covered in blood.
“Aisley!” I scream.
Her eyes are wide, but then she smiles. She sits up and looks over at the closet. “Hayley, you did it!” she says.
Although her body is still convulsing, she sounds ecstatic. I turn my head and see Hayley still pointing the gun where the man stood.
“H–h–he didn’t know I was here,” she whispers. “He—he was gonna kill Aisley.”
I stand up and run over to her and squeeze her. “Thank you!” I kiss her clammy lips and hold her head in my hands. “I’m so proud of you Hayles!”
She drops the gun and throws her arms around me. Her body shakes as she struggles to stand. “I killed him,” she cries into my shoulder. I swoop her legs up and carry her out of the room.
“Aisley grab the guns, make sure all their safeties are turned on and then close the door behind you.”
I walk Hayley to our old room and let down her legs. She stumbles into the bathroom and vomits in the toilet. Aisley comes marching down the hallway with four guns and hands them to me.
“Put me down,” she says. The moment her legs hit the ground, she throws herself into the bathroom. I lean up against the bathroom doorway and try not to vomit myself hearing Hayley gag. “Do you need anything?”
Burn Our Houses Down [Book One] Page 15