She drew herself up. “Thanks for your concern. Now go.”
“Is that what you really want?” He raised his chin. “Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off following me back to your house? You shouldn’t be here.”
“That isn’t for you to decide.”
He smiled at her. “For better or worse,” he said. “Isn’t that what we told each other?”
She felt herself coming apart. “You’re the one who changed your mind about that, not me. Good night.”
“Remember what I said before. I don’t want you to worry about Aaron’s future. If something happens to you, I’ll make sure he doesn’t want for anything.”
“Why would something happen to me?” she whispered.
He smiled, narrowing his eyes. “I can’t think of a reason, can you? Relax. I’ve rented a place off Main Street. It’s behind Sadie and Sam’s. Nice place, too. I want you and Aaron to feel you can come there whenever you like.”
Eileen wanted to scream.
“Damn. I promised myself I wouldn’t come on too strong. But I have. I’ll get out of here.” He gave her another tight smile and started toward his car, but turned back as he passed her. “Honey, please remember what I said about the other boy. He’s tough. Aaron’s not—he’s a country boy.”
“Good night,” Eileen said.
Chuck pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “That’s my phone number and address. You know the place. Through the alley beside Sadie and Sam’s.”
When she didn’t take the paper, he pushed it into her hand. He touched her chin and she jerked away from his touch.
“Okay,” he said. “How can I blame you? Just remember what I said. Stay out of that parking lot at night. You never know who could be waiting for you.”
She gave him a level stare.
“Eileen, you are not to worry about anything,” he told her and he held his mouth in a tight line. Sincerity shone in his eyes. “Not money. Nothing. You aren’t alone. You’ll never be alone again. And remember this, Aaron will never want for anything.”
12
Angel knew Eileen was on the very edge. Only her intention to get rid of him the instant they reached her place stopped her from doing something crazy. He didn’t know what that was likely to be—didn’t want to know.
But he doubted if he would feel better afterward.
She hadn’t said a word while he put down the back seats of the van and hoisted his Ducati motorcycle into the back, held the passenger door until she got in and walked around to climb behind the wheel.
Neither had he.
Whatever he said would be the wrong thing.
Eileen put her hands over her face and rocked. He heard her rapid breathing.
“Eileen?” He stroked her back, but she shook him off.
“Okay,” he said softly and concentrated on the road ahead. He tried not to feel the waves of rage coming from Eileen—and started planning Chuck Moggerdge’s upcoming decision to leave Pointe Judah, fast. He congratulated himself for not having grabbed the man and stuffed him back in his little car when he’d arrived in the driveway. For the sakes of the people Angel cared about, Moggeridge needed to make his own decision to leave town.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said when he finally had to speak again.
Nothing.
“Don’t start putting blame on yourself because your creep of an ex-husband decides to come crawling back.”
Not a thing.
“Open up with me, Eileen,” he said. “Too much has happened, too fast. We need each other. Don’t shut me out now.”
“You mean you think I need you?” she said, her voice shaking.
“Is that supposed to make me mad?”
“I didn’t ask you to talk to me.”
He tried to hold her hand but she jerked away and said, “I was wrong tonight. I knew where I belonged and that was with Aaron, not…not being selfish.”
It was a start. “You mean it was selfish to be with me because you wanted to?”
“I married that creep of an ex-husband.” She was crying, choking out her words.
“And?” he said.
“Aaron makes my mistake worthwhile. But I chose Chuck. Don’t you think that should make me question my judgment?”
That was a loaded question. “Most of us make some bad decisions along the way.”
“That doesn’t excuse mine.” She leaned forward, her hands screwed into fists on top of the dash. “And it doesn’t excuse how long I stayed with him. He made me miserable, but worse still, he wasn’t a father to Aaron. I should have been out of that as soon as I saw how wrong Chuck was for us.”
“Why weren’t you?” He sucked air through his mouth and cursed a careless tongue. “Don’t answer that.”
She made an odd sound. When he glanced at her, she held her mouth open as if she couldn’t breathe and her eyes glittered in the dash light.
“Eileen—”
“Don’t. You’re right. Finn was right. My parents were right. I should have left Chuck early. I didn’t have the confidence. Does that make any sense? I didn’t believe I could make it on my own with a child and no college education. Now it’s different. Now I know what I can do and how well, but I didn’t then. And I was ashamed. Can you grasp that?”
She turned her face toward him. He looked at her again and was grateful the darkness hid some of the pain she must feel.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Chalk it up to inexperience. I said the wrong thing because I’m feeling my way with this. You know what they say about men? We don’t think like women and we sure as hell communicate differently from women. You don’t owe me any explanations.”
She turned from him and gripped the rim of her window as if she wanted to push it open and escape.
“Here we are,” he told her. The house she and Aaron shared stood at the end of a cul-de-sac in a small subdivision a short distance north and east of the center of town. “Eileen, could we talk before you go in?”
Before he finished asking, she stumbled from the van. She stood there for a few seconds, then hurried to the front door. She hammered it with her fists.
Angel recognized disaster speeding his way.
He approached Eileen’s back, clearing his throat loudly.
Aaron opened the door and fell back, his dark eyes huge. “Mom?” he said.
“You opened that door without knowing who was here,” she said, not sounding like the woman Angel knew. “How many times have you been told not to do that?”
“We looked through the window,” Aaron said. “I saw the van.”
“I don’t mean now. I mean earlier.” Shocking Angel, she thrust a forearm into Aaron’s chest and pushed him out of her way. Inside the front door, she passed him and stopped. “Did you look out of the window when your father came?”
Sonny appeared. “Eileen—”
“Get your things,” she said to him, nothing more, and Sonny turned back toward Aaron’s room.
“Dad knocked on the door,” Aaron said. “He called out for me.”
“So you let him in? He could have been anyone, but he called your name so you let him in?” She coughed; her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. “What were you told? Don’t answer the door. Phone us if anyone comes. But, no, a man called your name and you let him in.”
“He isn’t just a man,” Aaron said. “He’s my dad. I know his voice. He wanted to talk to me.”
Eileen hunched over. “No, he’s not just a man, he’s the one who had no time for you from before you were even born.”
Angel walked into the house and put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t do this to yourself,” he said, and thought about the damage being done to Aaron. “That man isn’t worth it. You’ve got a life now and so does Aaron. Chuck doesn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t be here. Remember that.”
“If he has his way, everything I’ve worked for will go away,” she said, throwing off his hand. “Only I surely won’t let that happen.”
>
After her fear and anger were through, she would hate thinking about losing control like this. “No, you won’t,” he said.
“He didn’t do anything wrong, Mom,” Aaron said and Angel felt sorry for the boy. “He’s in town for a bit and he wanted to see me. He told me he felt bad for not spending more time with me when I was younger.”
“Softening you up!” The words rose. “Softening you up. Getting you ready to turn against me, and you fell for it. You want him. You always said you didn’t miss him, but you’re a liar. Just like him. A liar.”
“No,” Aaron said. “I’m just telling you what he said. I don’t want him. It’s always been you and me.”
Eileen looked at her son and Angel saw how her lips were drawn back and tears coursed her face. “When you heard him at the door, you were glad, weren’t you?” She gathered the neck of his T-shirt into her fist and gave him a short push. “He offered you candy and you took it.”
“No, he didn’t. Honestly—”
“I’m not talking about candy in bars. I mean candy like something new you’ve always wanted. And why shouldn’t you? Kids have a right to want love from their parents.”
Flinching at every few words, Aaron closed his eyes and turned his face away.
Sonny came down the hallway with his backpack. He looked at Eileen, then at Aaron. Sonny from Brooklyn didn’t seem so tough. His face said he was shaken and helpless.
“Go to him, then,” Eileen said to Aaron. She scrabbled in her pocket and found the piece of paper that Chuck had given her and now she took one of her son’s hands, opened it and folded his fingers around the crumpled wad. “That’s where you’ll find him. Go.”
She went toward the stairs.
Sonny hurried outside.
“Get the bike out of the van,” Angel said to him before following Eileen. “Be careful.”
Holding tight to the bannister, she climbed slowly.
“Honey,” he said. “This has been a hell of a night. For you and for Aaron. For all of us. Let me help you, both of you.”
“I know what my responsibilities are,” she said. “I won’t make the mistake of forgetting them again.”
Aaron stood on the back steps of the house. The walls of his room had started to close in on him. He needed to be outside in the fresh air where he could think.
He didn’t know what time it was but dawn hadn’t shown in the sky yet. Fog boiled, a chill boil, across the earth and into the trees behind the house.
He only felt the cold when he heard his teeth chatter and remembered his stinging hands and feet. After all she’d done for him, he’d hurt his mother. He’d made her cry. Behaving like a stupid kid happy to see his dad after a long time, he had betrayed his mom the way he never wanted to.
When his dad used to come back from the rigs, for the first week, maybe just the first few days, he’d wrestle on the floor with Aaron. They’d laugh. He took him fishing a couple of times—Aaron would never forget that.
When school was in, sometimes his dad used to show up outside when classes were over. He’d give him some money and maybe…yeah, he always gave him candy. Aaron remembered how he felt then, how he didn’t think of anything but his dad wanting to see him, too. It was never for too long, but Aaron would try to find ways to make him stick around longer. When he came to school it was usually right before he’d disappear—not coming home for night after night, like he always did after he’d been with them in Pointe Judah for a week or so.
One time his dad had looked at Aaron’s shoes and asked him if they were big enough. Aaron had shrugged. He’d been taught not to let anyone think he wanted something from them. His dad had told him to get in the car and then he’d driven them to buy a new pair of shoes. He bought two expensive pairs of sneakers that all of Aaron’s friends turned green over, and some loafers.
Afterward he dropped Aaron at the house. “You comin’in, Dad?” Aaron could hear his own voice, so much younger then. “Not this time, son. Here, give this to your mother and tell her to get herself something she wants. What she wants, mind, not what she needs. Y’hear?” And his dad had given him a twenty-dollar bill.
And he’d driven off while Aaron stood and watched.
Maudlin. That was the word for the stuff he was dredging up. Men stuffed down the kid memories, the soft trash that got in the way of being strong. Maybe women did it, too. He thought his mom had—until a few hours ago when he made a dumb mistake.
Would she go back to being sad and not talking like she had sometimes when he was little? He’d learned what he should and shouldn’t say to her, or do, so why had he forgotten tonight? This one time was all it took—he’d known he could destroy her happiness. And she had been happy for a long time now.
He walked away from the house, rubbing his hands together and grateful for his windbreaker. Once in the trees, the fog rose around his thighs and he went slow so as not to trip over something. The fog roiled. A fresh breeze kept the world around him moving. A Christmas sort of night. He almost expected the smell of cane smoke in the air, but that wouldn’t come as long as the fog hung around.
The rush of air across his face eased, but not the swirling sounds that filled his ears.
Yards ahead, more distant than he should have been able to see, an inverted cone of bronze leaves and twigs appeared, twirled, rose, and fanned wider until it disappeared.
Aaron drove his hands into his pockets and raised his shoulders. His heart beat harder.
He could be sick. Chuzah had told him not to repeat anything that had really happened in the swamp, but he had also told Aaron he might not feel so good for a few days.
Go home.
“What?” Someone had spoken, hadn’t they? He hadn’t told himself to go home.
Go home quickly.
Many times when Aaron had been small, his dad had told him he was weak, usually because he cried when the wrestling started to hurt. His dad had been right; he was weak. He got scared for nothing. No wonder his father hadn’t wanted him.
Tears on his face scalded. He was ashamed. He was a man and men didn’t bawl.
The fog shifted in front of him, changed shape. Flattened into ribbons, it shifted back and forth, faster and faster, and the noises grew louder than ever.
Crack!
Aaron jumped. He tried to turn around but couldn’t move. A tree limb must have broken off to his left. That hadn’t been a gunshot. No, not a gunshot.
Too far away to be distinct, but very real to Aaron, a shape formed. An animal. Silver. Sailing over the fog with the low, long-limbed stride of a wolf on the hunt. Only this creature didn’t travel out of sight.
It whirled, pawing the vapor around its feet. Eyes that shone stared at Aaron, then away, in the direction from which that sharp snap had come. The creature hunched, poised to spring. It opened its mouth and great teeth glittered.
It was a giant wolf.
Aaron wanted to move but still couldn’t.
From the left, in the area of that loud sound and where the animal stared, a crashing set up. Crashing, brush breaking. Loud at first, it continued, becoming less distinct until Aaron couldn’t hear it anymore.
He looked back toward the creature.
Gone.
Once more the fog bowled over the ground.
Every hair on his back rose.
He ran back to the house and as he closed the door, an animal howled.
13
“Look at those two dance,” Sarah Board said. “They’re making me dizzy.” She leaned on the bar at the Boardroom and watched Rusty Barnes whip Gracie Loder around the floor in a snappy two-step.
Sabine Webb, the red and green beads in her braids exchanged for white crystals, popped olives into three martinis and wiggled to the rhythm of the Boardroom Boys. “Not bad,” she said. “I never did see that stick of a Rusty dance at all before. He’s as good as anyone out there.” Sabine could dance most people to collapse.
“Well he’s getting practice somewhere.” The
club buzzed and Sarah felt good. Buying and opening this place had been a gamble, even with Delia’s investment, but it was paying off.
“That guy Barnes makes Gracie want to puke,” Leland Garolfo said. He worked at The Willows site as a foreman for Duhon Construction and when he’d had a few drinks he got loud and pushy. “Just because she lives at his place, he thinks she owes him more than rent. I’m gonna have to spring her.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sarah said. She ran her fingers through short, white-blond hair, making sure her spiky do looked its best.
“Why’s that?” Leland said, all belligerence.
“Leland,” Sabine said, leaning across the bar but unfortunately having to look way up at tall, rangy Leland. “You can be an ass, know that? You’ve got the hots for Gracie and everybody knows it. She’s not interested in you. Suck it up.”
Sarah whispered, “Sabine,” even though she didn’t expect the other woman to take any notice.
“Anybody tell you what a big mouth you’ve got?” Leland said to her.
Sabine puckered up her lips and frowned in thought. “Mm, nope, not that I remember. But I’ll take it you’re breaking my run of good luck, hot rocks.”
Shoot. Sarah waited for the exchange to blow. It didn’t. Leland shrugged and pushed his glass toward her for another shot of Wild Turkey. She poured and turned immediately to fill an order for Bea, one of the waitresses. Bea filled in on Gracie’s off nights and this was one of them. Last night they’d been slammed and Gracie hadn’t got off until two in the morning. She needed downtime.
“Know what you need, Miz Sabine?” Leland said. He slurred his words. “A man. That’s what you need, girl, a man. You’re a frustrated—”
“Whoa,” Sarah said. “If you don’t want to be outside that front door, Leland, you’ll cool down.” The guy who doubled as security and bouncer didn’t get enough practice for his taste. Sarah didn’t want that situation to change, but he was there to be used if necessary.
The Boardroom Boys swung into “You Ain’t Gettin’ My Lady” and Rusty ushered Gracie from the floor.
“Lookee here,” Leland said when the dancers arrived. “A couple from the Bolshy Bally.” He pulled Gracie into the crook of one arm and kissed her on the lips. Gracie pushed him away.
A Cold Day in Hell Page 10