Beautifully Tainted

by A. M. Guilliams

  “Hey, asshole. Get your fucking hands off her,” I yelled.

  He turned around and laughed stating, “Hey man, she wants this just as much as I do,” he slurred.

  I saw red. I swung my fist before thinking and he dropped to the floor not moving. Damn. I knocked him out in one punch. I walked up to her and she just stood there like she wasn’t seeing me.

  “Emily, are you okay?” I asked hesitantly.

  She still wasn’t responding. I didn’t know what else to do so I turned to her friend and asked for help.

  “Sophia, right? How do I help her? She’s not answering me.” Panic started to set in because I didn’t know how to react in this situation.

  “I have no idea. She’s never gone out with me before. I thought it would be fun. I don’t know why she would be reacting this way,” she said with tears streaming down her face.

  “I need to get her out of here. Can you text me her address? I’m going to take her home. Hopefully, she doesn’t freak out on me.”

  “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll walk out with you and get her purse out of my car,” she said.

  I sat the beers in my hand down on one of the nearby tables and returned to her side. I didn’t know if she’d walk or not. She still wasn’t responding to anyone, so I did the only thing I could that would ensure she was able to get out of this place. I scooped her up in my arms and started walking towards to door. She shocked me by turning into me and laying her head on my shoulder. I knew right at this moment that I would do anything to protect this woman. She was special and needed a protector. I decided that I’d take any type of relationship that she’d give me just to stay close to her. Even if it just meant that we would be friends. I just didn’t know if I could handle only being friends. I know I had made a promise to myself that I would stay away from her, but I didn’t think that would be possible now.

  I walked to the parking lot and met Sophia to get her purse. She went through it and handed me her keys. Her facial expressions showed just how horrified she was and how terrible she felt. I felt awful for her, but this wasn’t her fault.

  “Please text me and let me know when you get her home. This is entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed her into this. She’s never agreed before and I should have taken the hint. I just wanted her to have fun for once.”

  “I’ll let you know when she’s we get back to her place. Don’t blame yourself. She looked to be having fun before that asshole ruined it all. She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it,” I stated, hoping that I was right.

  I laid her in the front seat of my truck and buckled the seat belt around her. She looked so fragile. It killed me to take my arms off her. I just wanted to comfort her, even if she didn’t realize it was me doing it. I got into the driver’s seat, started the truck, and made my way down the streets leading to her home. A few minutes into the drive, she began to whimper against the window. I was scared to even move because I didn’t want to frighten her any more than she already was. Then she turned towards me and looked right into my eyes. She seemed to recognize me, but I didn’t want to push my luck. I decided the safest way to approach her was to speak and not touch her.

  “Emily, how are you feeling?”

  She struggled to answer between her tears and gasping for breath. “I just want to feel safe again. I don’t remember what set me off into a panicked state. I just remember feeling you pick me up and carry me to your truck. I need to feel safe right now. Please help me,” she managed to get out in between tears.

  I didn’t know what else to do, so I lifted up the console that separated us and held up my arm. I hoped she took the hint at what I was getting at. Her words made me want to pull over and just hold her, but I needed to get her home.

  She looked at me hesitantly and seemed to be thinking about what she wanted to do. She took a few deep breaths and moved over into my embrace. I wrapped my arm around her and whispered, “You’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you while I’m around. Just rest.”

  I finally pulled into her driveway and noticed that she was asleep against me. I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to lay here with her while she looked so peaceful. I managed to get my arm from around her without waking her and shut off the truck. I got out the door and nudged her, attempting to wake her.

  “Hey, sleepyhead. We’re at your house. I’m going to make sure you get in safe and sound,” I whispered.

  She wasn’t waking up. I went to her front door and unlocked it. I made my way inside and sat down her purse and keys on the table beside the door. I walked back outside to bring her in the house. I scooped her into my arms and she instantly leaned into me, settling her head on my shoulders. I hoped this means she wouldn’t continue to avoid me after tonight.

  I walked back into her home and went searching for her bedroom. The first room I got too looked to be a guest room, so I continued down to the end of the hall and opened that door. This appeared to be her bedroom. There were a few items of clothing on the floor along with some shoes. “Women and their need to try on several things before making a decision,” I thought to myself. I made my way over to the bed and pulled back the covers, making sure to gently lay her down. I didn’t know if I should make her more comfortable or not. Deciding that she should be, I went to her dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I hoped I was doing the right thing. If she woke up, this could be bad. I pulled off her boots and unbuttoned her costume. She still didn’t stir. I kept my eyes on her face because I didn’t want to peak at what she looked like. I wanted to save that for the time that she decided to show me. So I put on the shirt and shorts without even glancing at her body. She rolled over, and I placed the covers over her. Leaning down, I kissed her head and then whispered in her ear, “You’re safe, sweetheart. Sleep now.”

  I was making my way to the bedroom door when she began to whimper in her sleep. I slowly turned around just to make sure she was okay when she screamed out, “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME. PLEASE STOP.” She was tossing and turning now, struggling through her nightmare. Running over to her, I shook her to rouse her out of a bad dream.

  “Emily, please wake up.”

  She jumped up after a few shakes and stared up at me. She was sweating and breathing heavily. She looked so lost. I rubbed my hands down her arms to comfort her never taking my eyes off of hers.

  “It was just a dream. You’re safe.”

  She stared at me and then said what I wasn’t expecting. “I will never be safe from that. EVER,” she whispered.

  She began shaking, so I pulled her close to me and hugged her tightly. I didn’t have words for that confession. I knew that demons could haunt you and hers seemed to be doing just that.

  “You’re safe now. Are you going to be okay? I’m going to head out and just wanted to make sure you’d be alright on your own.”

  She looked up at me and seemed unsure. The tears started falling from her eyes again and all I wanted to do was make her pain go away. Only I didn’t know what that pain was or how to make it stop.

  “Please don’t leave me. I can’t stand being alone anymore. I just want to feel safe. I don’t know why, but you seem to be the only one to make me feel that way,” she pleaded desperately.

  “Okay, I won’t leave then. Where are your blankets? I’ll go and sleep on the couch so you can feel safe knowing you aren’t alone. And just know that I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

  She jumped up shocking me. “No, I need you here. Please just hold me. I haven’t felt safe in years and being in your arms, even though I was out of it, made me feel protected. Please just lay here with me.”

  “I’ll lay here with you. Are you sure that’s okay though? You don’t seem to like to be touched and I only carried you because you didn’t respond.” Making sure this wasn’t just the alcohol talking was my top priority. I desperately wanted to hold this woman and didn’t know why. I knew that I needed her in my life and to make sure she was okay.

  “Yes. I’m
sure,” she whispered.

  “I’m going to go get some sweat pants out of my truck. I’m also going to lock up. I’ll be right back.”

  I went to my truck and grabbed my gym bag. I also texted Sophia so she knew that Emily made it home safely. As I made my way back into the house, I locked the door. Wiping my face, I wondered for a few seconds if this was the right thing to do. I just prayed she didn’t wake up in the morning and freak out.

  After I changed my clothes and rinsed my mouth with some mouthwash, I went back into her room. She was already under the covers. She seemed to have stopped crying which I prayed was a good sign. I crawled in on the other side of her and got under the covers. I turned onto my side and stared at her. She looked up at me with the most desperate expression on her face and scooted over to me, laying her head down on my bare chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I breathed her in. She smelled of vanilla. It was becoming my new favorite scent. Her breathing relaxed, as well as her body. I pulled back from her, cradling her face into my hands. I kissed her forehead and rested mine onto hers. Looking into her eyes, I whispered the vow that I was making from this moment forward, “I promise to keep you safe and make you feel protected whenever you need it.” She nodded as if she understood, and I pulled her back into me. We both drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 4: Turning Over A New Leaf

  Emily

  My head was pounding. All of those shots and drinks were a bad idea. Opening my eyes didn’t seem like a great idea. Laying here and dying seemed like a better one. I tried to roll over only I couldn’t. That’s when I realized that someone else was in my bed. Oh my God. What did I do? The last thing that I remembered was dancing with Sophia. Everything else was a blur. I was way too scared to turn over and risk waking up whoever was in the bed with me, but the thought of staying here with him repulsed me even more. The worst part was his arm being draped across me.

  I blew out a breath that I had been holding. There were two options. Stay here with whoever this was or move and try not to wake him. I was still contemplating what I was going to do when he stirred and pulled me closer to him. I was trying not to panic and breathe through the panic attack that was starting. That’s when he spoke.

  “Good morning, sweetheart.”

  God I knew that voice, but was having trouble trying to place it. I knew that sexy southern drawl. It sounded even sexier being that he just woke up. I racked my brain trying to figure out how I knew it when it hit me. It was Matt. Could this get any worse? What the hell have I done? I only prayed it wasn’t what I thought it was. I needed to keep my distance from this man. It was that simple. The key word in that statement is was. Now things were going to get complicated. I could only hope that we could just leave it as a drunken mistake and go our separate ways. Please let it be that easy.

  I rolled over and took a deep breath, finally opening my eyes to meet his. He was just lying there on his side smiling down at me. I could get lost in them if I wanted to, but that just couldn’t happen. I needed to remain detached from him. From everyone for that matter. I didn’t work hard at keeping myself isolated for two years for nothing. I wasn’t going to let him come into town and screw with my plans. Not by a long shot.

  I took him all in for a moment. His hair was brown and was shaved close to his head like a military style cut. His facial features were strong and dominate. As I made my way down, I noticed that Sophia was right. His muscles were to die for, especially without a shirt on and his abs were solid. I needed to look away before this became awkward.

  I smiled back a hesitant smile and tried to get the words out that needed to be said.

  “What happened last night?”

  The expression on his face shocked me. It wasn’t that of a man whose pride was hurt that I didn’t remember. It was of concern. God sometimes I hated that I could read people so well. It was a good thing in my current profession and in my past life, but now I hated it. Reading this man could be a problem that could eventually cause trouble.

  “Let’s start off with the last thing you recall and I’ll try and fill in the blanks for you,” he replied.

  “I remember taking way too many shots and having a few drinks. Then I remember dancing with Sophia to a couple of songs. After that, I’ve got nothing.”

  He raked his hands across his hair and looked away from me. God, please don’t tell me I did something crazy. Like him. Jesus this didn’t look good based on how long it was taking for him to respond to me.

  I was starting to worry, but then he lifted his eyes to meet mine. It was almost as if he was scared of my reaction to what happened next. It was no worse than the thoughts going through my head at the moment. I was about to state just that when he started to speak.

  “I was people watching waiting for Mason and my neighbor Jeremiah to show up, when I noticed you on the dance floor. You looked completely different than what I’d seen before. So carefree and alive instead of closed off and distant. I watched you and Sophia dancing and then a guy came up behind you and started dancing with you. You seemed fine with it until he put his hands on your hips. You tried to push him off and he didn’t seem to care. When he whispered something in your ear, you went completely still and turned pale. I knew then that you didn’t want him all over you so I came over to where you were and told him to get his hands off of you. He didn’t like being told what to do so I punched him. You were in some sort of catatonic state because you wouldn’t answer Sophia or me, so I picked you up and carried you outside. I told her I’d drop you off at home and she gave me your keys and your purse.”

  He proceeded to tell me everything that had occurred once he had arrived back at my place. I can’t believe that I was so out of it that I didn’t remember.

  “Nothing else happened. I’m not the kind of guy to take advantage of a girl in the state of mind you were in last night no matter what you might think of me.”

  Holy shit. He was a gentleman and I was having all of these crazy thoughts going through my head. Things were just getting worse. I didn’t want to see him as a gentleman. I needed to see him as a guy who took advantage of me because that gave me the perfect out. Now with this new revelation, I had to think of a reason to stay away from him. Clearly avoiding him might not work because now he would probably seek me out as someone who needs saving. I closed my eyes before taking a deep breath so I could respond to him. Before I could think of a good way to explain that we couldn’t see each other anymore, words started flowing out of my mouth.

  “That makes me feel better. I was thinking the worst when I was trying to figure out who was in my bed and how the hell he ended up here. I started to feel a little better when I noticed that it wasn’t some random person and it was you. But, I do have to admit the thought did cross my mind that you might have taken advantage of my weakened state. I’m not insinuating that I think you’re that type of guy. I’m just saying that that’s where they headed because I couldn’t remember anything. Thank you for saving me and being a gentleman about the whole situation. I’m just glad some other asshole didn’t get the opportunity to take advantage of the state I was in last night.”

  Why the hell did I just say that? Damn my mouth for reacting before my brain could stop it. Now he’s probably going to get the wrong idea. I needed to get away to collect my thoughts. I also had to figure out a way to get him the hell out of my house. I’ve become used to it just being me and I’m starting to feel claustrophobic. His movements broke me from my thoughts and I noticed that he’s looking at me with this intense look on his face and has propped himself up on his elbow.

  “I’m not that man. I saw that you needed help and offered it. There were no ulterior motives. I hate that even for a moment the thought crossed your mind, but you don’t know me well enough not to assume that I’d do something like that, so I’ll just let that go.”

  Yep. I had to get away before he sucked me in with those eyes and that accent. Not happening. Not in this lifetime. I pushed away from him trying to get s
ome space between us. Managing distance was something I could do; however, I don’t know how to handle whatever this is between us. This connection that we seem to have without meaning to. I’ve only ever read about it in romance novels. I never in a million years thought that I could have that type of bond with someone. Especially him.

  “I need to use the restroom,” I admitted. It was the truth on one hand, but on the other it was just a way to escape. So I did what I do best. I ran to the confines of my bathroom to hide from him. Even if it was just for a few moments. I needed to figure out how to get him away from me and fast, but he didn’t look like the type to back down without a fight. Hopefully luck would be on my side and he would just take whatever excuse I came up with and walk away. However, it didn’t seem like it would turn out that way. Especially if he was the one who saved me last night.

  ***

  Matt

  I can’t believe I slept in the same bed with her last night and that I’m here this morning. What the hell is wrong with me? I could have just kept walking down her hallway last night and gone out the front door. But no. I had to stay and see what was wrong with her. I couldn’t take that look in her eyes when she pleaded with me to stay. My head is telling me to just get my things and leave. That I need to get as far away from this woman as possible. My gut, on the other hand, is telling me I need to hang around. She obviously needs someone even if she doesn’t admit it. Does that someone have to be me though? I came here to get away from everything and everyone that reminded me of what happened. So far it’s worked. Even though she doesn’t remind me of anything, I know that eventually the question will arise as to why I moved all the way here. I can’t talk about that with anyone. Especially her. EVER! I let out a sigh. Oh, the predicament I’ve gotten myself into. Everything about this woman draws me in. The pain she thinks she hides so well, her badass persona at the range, and those damn eyes. They show all of her emotions even though she thinks she has them hidden deep inside. I can see them. I want to help her. I really do. But at what cost? Can I help her without getting too attached? That’s the big question.