by Jessica Cruz
“I know,” I said shortly. His voice sounded commanding; it made me feel nervous. I fought to hide my insecurities with a brave, powerful voice. “I’ve been busy. I decided to drive to Virginia to visit my dad. I’m still here, staying at his hotel.”
“That’s good. Have you been having a nice time?”
“Yes,” it was only a partial lie. I had a great time with my dad, but Wes was constantly in the back of my head. I didn’t like how we had let things go. “I really like Virginia. It’s a lot less hectic. It’s a lot less crowded.” I quoted my father’s take on Jersey life.
“Good,” he said shortly. I wondered if he thought I was referring to him with the ‘less crowded’ comment. I really wasn’t. “When are you coming back?”
“Probably tonight,” I answered. “My dad’s stuck in meetings all day. We were going to have dinner together, and then I was going to drive back up to Philly.”
“Are you free tomorrow?” He asked too quickly. Admittedly, it made me smirk a little. I liked the idea of him possibly being a little intimidated by me, too.
“Depends,” I answered, “I have work tomorrow night, so I won’t be free for the entire day.”
It got quiet for a few, long seconds, “You’re working at Lux tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I sighed. “A girl has to pay her bills.”
“Okay, fine,” he sounded annoyed. I really couldn’t understand why. Working at Lux was in no way a surprise. “Can I see you meet for coffee tomorrow? I have a break between meetings at one.”
“Yeah, meet me at the coffee place on Haddon Ave,” I instructed. I hadn’t been there in ages, and they made the best, damn coffee around. It’s only a shame that they were run by different owners when I actually lived in Haddonfield, or I’d be running there before school every day.
“Fine,” he said curtly. “I’ll see you there at one.”
I hung up the phone and tossed it to the other side of the room. That was enough of that. My dad would be busy for a few hours. I was going to spend the day getting massages and facials before dinner and then the long car ride home. Something in Wes’s voice told me that my mini vacation would end with some excitement once I got back home, and it was already pricking at my nerves.
“Maybe I should just have a little,” I said out loud as I skipped into the bathroom. I had thrown a bag on the floor full of clothes and bathroom necessities.
After turning on the vent, I grabbed a blunt that was tucked away in between some things and lit it. I smoked the thing until my nerves weren’t standing on end. I deserved to enjoy the time that I spent here before I went back. Besides, I was in a different setting. I wouldn’t go crazy just by myself.
I went back out into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of rum from the fridge. I removed the top, took a swig, and then a puff. As I blew out the smoke into the air, I hummed, “Hell, I’m not going anywhere. This is perfect.”
I took another swig and gave in to my demons.
Chapter 9
The weather was changing. It sort of crept up on me because the days had remained so beautiful even after summer had ended. All of a sudden, it was chilly and windy. My nose was red, stinging from a harsh gust of wind. I was dressed in jeans, my gray knit UGGs, and a heavy jacket, but still that wasn’t enough. I hated the cold. I automatically missed the heat in my car and wanted to go back.
When I walked into the coffee shop, it was pretty slow for this time of the day. I loved when I missed their rush. I sat down at a table skimming through my phone. Wes had just texted me a few minutes ago, saying he was on his way. Great, it’d give me a little bit to mentally prepare for seeing him again. Last time I felt so rejected and broken. The look on his face said he was judging me because of my job; he couldn’t separate Jersey from Adriana. I thought he was different. There was a difference between the two, and if what we had was going to continue, then he needed to accept that now.
Every time someone walked through the door, my heart flurried with excitement, but I was consistently let down. Finally, the door burst open. Wes shot his gaze from left to right until he spotted me sitting by myself in the corner. He looked relieved as he removed his gray suit jacket and hung it on the hook by the doorway.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said as he sat down across from me. “I ran into some traffic on my way here. There was an accident, and I didn’t want to call you with all the cops around. I thought you might’ve left by now.”
“No, I’m still here,” I smirked, only slightly annoyed. Granted, I had been waiting for some time, but it was hard to stay mad at what looked like a male model. “You can have a seat if you want, but I’m not sure how long you can stay. You have those meetings later, right?”
“Meetings are meant to be rescheduled,” he pushed his phone into his pocket. “Did you want something to drink? I think I’m going to order myself something.”
“Actually, can you get me a latte and a banana nut muffin?” Wes raised a curious brow up at me. “What? This is normally the time I eat breakfast.”
When Wes returned, I dug into my muffin with ferociousness. I pretty much passed out when I got back to my apartment, and by the time I woke up, I didn’t want to eat anything because I knew I was coming here. For a second, he just watched me with this cheesy grin on his face.
“What?” I frowned.
“Nothing, it’s just you look so cute when you’re eating,” he shook it off. “I wanted to talk to you about the night of the charity dinner. You’ve been ignoring me for days.”
I nodded my head, refusing to deny anything that was true. If we were going to have an honest discussion, I wouldn’t start off with a petty lie. He went on, “I know you’re mad about the lake, but can you give me some credit? We’re still getting to know each other. You should want to protect yourself just like I want to.”
“If it were simply about a mutual protection, I’d be much more understanding,” I tore off a piece of muffin and chewed it slowly, taking my time to think practical words. “I saw how you looked at me Wes. You’re scared I have something because I’m a stripper. You’re not scared I have something because I’m a stranger.”
“Cut me some slack, Adriana,” he rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. “This is all new to me. I’ve never been in this situation before. Think about what happened at the club. Think about how I found you on stage.”
I nodded my head, understanding a little bit but not enough. When I had first started dancing, everything seemed scandalous to me. A lot of people I went to high school with smoked pot, and I even knew some people who did harder things. For the most part though, I was never around it. I was too consumed with sports to even try it, so it was a huge shock to see people snorting lines of coke at work.
Soon, I became numb to it. I realized it’s what some people had to do to cope with the lifestyle of their job, and yes, I admit it was kind of fun, too. Just like how some moms would put their kids to sleep in the backroom while they danced because no one could watch them, I learned no one could judge anyone. We were all there for our own reasons. We all had to do what we had to do for whatever reasons we had. Wes hadn’t experienced that yet. This was my world he was trying to deal with not his.
“Just because I’m a dancer doesn’t mean I have sex all the time,” I ran my finger around the rim of my coffee mug, tracing it over and over again. “On our first date, you never asked me how many guys I fucked. Maybe, you should ask me.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary. You don’t have to tell me anything that’s your own private-” I gave him a look that cut him off mid-speech. He fidgeted in his seat awkwardly, looked around a couple times, and then whispered. “Fine, tell me. How many guys have you had sex with?”
“Three,” I answered in a childlike voice. Wes’s eyes perked open with surprise. I guess he expected a much larger number coming from the star dancer at a strip club. “I lost my virginity when I was sixteen in high school with one of my best friends. We were both dr
unk, and it just seemed like a good idea. We had known each other since first grade, and we were both tired of being virgins when everyone else in our group of friends wasn’t so virginal anymore.” I shrugged my shoulders. “So we had sex, but then he told everyone he had sex with me. He didn’t see it as a big deal, but my privacy had been invaded. I always wanted to stay in control with that type of stuff. He took that from me, so I’m very particular with whom I sleep with. I’m hardly passed around if that’s what you’re scared of.”
“I’m sorry,” Wes responded in a hushed voice. “What about the others?”
“One was a guy I thought I liked during senior year. At least, I wanted to like him,” I said, rolling my eyes. “For the time being, he was perfect. He made me look cool, and for some reason, I went through this period of time where that was actually important to me. We had sex, and he was horrible. Granted, yes, it was my second time, but I still know when it’s bad. The other guy was a friend I met at the beginning of freshman year in college. I didn’t want anything serious, but my body was exploding with sexual frustration. It was different with him. He didn’t make it weird, but he got a girlfriend in March. It was only respectful to cut our ties for the sake of their relationship.”
“When we were at the club, you seemed so…experienced, so knowledgeable,” he looked to be blushing. It made me laugh. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
I took a sip of my drink, “No, it makes perfect sense. Before my first night at the club, I was awkward and uncoordinated. I wasn’t sexy at all by any means. Even when I had sex with my friend in what should have been a comfortable situation, I still didn’t feel like I was doing it right. Then, I became Jersey. I moved my hips and responded to the crowd. They practically worship me when I’m up there. I’ve never felt like that before. I don’t want to give that feeling up.”
“You don’t have to take off your clothes to be sexy,” Wes leaned back in his chair, analyzing my every movement. It was like I was a puzzle to him, something that needed to be solved.
“Jersey does,” I answered boldly. “I can prove it.” He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “On our first date, I was a bitch, but I was still dressed hot. I still looked the part of a girl you’d want to sleep with.” He reluctantly nodded. “You turned me down and walked away. At Lux, once I got you alone, I owned you. You wanted me. That’s why I celebrated with the coke. I was enjoying your defeat.”
“I was looking at you through different eyes, Adriana,” he scolded. “When we were at dinner, you were a date, a girl I wanted to see more than once. When I was at Lux, I didn’t care who you were. I just wanted to fuck you.”
“Exactly, you wanted to fuck me,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m okay with that. I get my high when a man wants to surrender in his defeat. As Adriana, I couldn’t and still can’t defeat you. As Jersey, I owned you the very first time.” Upon making him realize something, I managed to make myself realize something, too. Jersey could have what I wanted. Could someone actually be jealous of their alter ego?
“We wouldn’t have had sex at Lux,” he shook his head firmly and raked a hand through his dark hair. “That just wouldn’t have happened.”
“You say that now while you’re boner free, but once again, I had you,” I said very sure of myself. “I know that look you had in your eyes. Guys say all the time they’d never fuck a stripper. They say that until the opportunity arises, until the chance is made real. You weren’t thinking about what was right or wrong in that seat. You were just acting with your most primal and basic needs, and I triggered that. That made me feel good.”
For a long second, we just stared at each other in silence. I had really got him thinking, but I needed to close the deal, “Listen, we should be realistic about what’s going on here. Either you can deal with my job at Lux or you can’t. Maybe in the future, one day, I’ll change my mind, but for now, this is my job. This is how I pay my bills. This is what makes me feel good about myself. I’m not giving that up, so you need to decide if that’s a deal breaker for you. If it is, I understand…but I hope it isn’t.”
Wes stared me down, drinking in my appearance, fighting with his thoughts. Finally, he started laughing this dry, awkward laugh, “Adriana Ward, I do believe you are a shrewd businesswoman. I’m willing to give this a shot under certain ground rules.”
“What rules?” I countered sharply, feeling confidence course through my veins.
“We’re new at this, the both of us,” he answered. “We’re still just dating, so if for whatever reason, either of us walks away, there are no hard feelings on either part. I still have to work with your mother and Dennis. I don’t want what we have to interfere with my professional life.”
“I can agree to that as long as you can agree to not tell them about Lux. My job is private to me, too. I call all the shots with that. I have a level of professionalism I have to give too, whether or not you understand it,” it wasn’t a question, more of a demand.
“That’s fair enough. With that, I require total and complete honesty from you. You literally live a double life. I deserve to know what’s going on with both of them. No fucking other guys,” this was his demand. I nodded and complied. “Also, in relation to our earlier conversation, I want us both to get tested. It’s not that I don’t trust you; it’s that I don’t trust anybody.” I rolled my eyes at the cliché but agreed. This was just as much for his safety as mine. “After we get the results back, we can move on to a physical and exclusive relationship. Can you agree to that?”
“In other words, no cheating?” I clarified.
“Yes, no cheating from either of us; although I’m not certain that’s the proper word for it,” he said taking a sip of his drink. “We’re just in the dating stage. If we feel like we’re getting to a point where real emotions are getting involved, and our relationship is going to a new level, we’ll have to revisit these rules. Oh, and no more coke. I don’t want any drugs in my romantic or personal life. Can you agree to these terms?”
“I can agree to that,” I felt like I just conquered a man who always got what he wanted, exactly how he wanted it. Perhaps, that’s just what happened. “There’s one other thing I have to tell you.” Wes’s face turned stern; he was preparing himself for anything. “I never signed up for classes at school for the fall semester.”
“So you dropped out?” He sounded confused. When we had been talking before, his face lit up briefly when he brought up going to Princeton. I had a feeling education was very important to him. He liked the idea of dating a future Ivy League graduate like himself. “What do you plan on doing for the rest of your life? You can’t expect to dance forever.”
“No, that’s only temporary,” I said, confronting the issue Gloria had brought up to me in the past. “I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t know where I want to go. I just hated going to school. I didn’t mean to not sign up; it just happened.”
It was a pathetic excuse, but it was true. Wes responded, “I get it. I did the same thing.” My eyes grew with surprise. He seemed so down to business. I couldn’t imagine him being any type of a slacker. “When you’re young and forced to choose what you’re going to do with the rest of your life, it can be overwhelming. I skipped out on a whole year of school. I traveled a lot with some friends, and by the time I came back, my brain felt rejuvenated. I worked harder than ever. Take the time if you need it, but don’t abuse or disregard the blessings that have come your way.”
“I won’t,” I promised. Truthfully, I was bored anyway. I kind of missed my classes. Plus with Gloria on my case, I was sure I’d sign up for the spring semester.
“Hey, I have to get back to work,” Wes chugged down the rest of his drink. “Can I walk you to your car?”
“Yes, please,” we stood up and left our dishes on the counter. I had parked around the corner since all the spaces were taken up earlier. It was a little bit warmer now. The sun had poked out from behind some clouds.
“When a
m I going to see you again?” Wes asked as he ran his hand through my hair. “I feel like I’m going to let you go, and you’re going to run back to Virginia.”
“I’m not running anywhere,” I said while wrapping my arms around him. His muscles were so hard. I wondered what he did to work out. The thought of him working up a sweat made me hornier than I already was. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Working. I’m always working,” his hands snaked their way around my back, pulling me closer to him. “I should be getting back home around eight. Do you want to come over tomorrow night? You can sleepover if you want.”
“What kind of girl do you think I am? Spending the night after the third-ish date?” I stood on my toes and gave him a kiss. I felt perfect in his arms. This moment in time was perfect. “Kidding, I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
Reluctantly, Wes let go and headed to the front of the store where he had landed a prime parking spot. I climbed back in my car and headed back to Philly.
It was slow at the club, but I had skipped out on a bunch of days I was supposed to work so I stayed longer than I normally would have. Charlie had always been good to me, so I did my best to liven things up. I remained social, tried a few new moves on the pole. I did whatever I could to keep money coming in.
“How are you feeling?” Charlie asked after my dance. I was drenched in sweat. He kept me out there way longer than usual. Part of me thought it was a punishment. The other part of me knew it was because no one else working could dance as well as me. “What happened after last time you were here?”
“I feel alright,” I shrugged. “I had some bumps and bruises and stuff, but I slept it off. I was fine the next day. Gloria took it harder than me. She came to my place pissed that I didn’t tell her.”
“That’s Gloria for you,” Charlie said. I noticed since the last time I saw him he chopped off all of his hair and shaved it into a buzz cut. I could see more of his face now. He didn’t look so dark and brooding. “She cares about you. She’s a worrier though. She always expects the worse to happen.”