by April Lust
“And then what?” Trey’s eyes bored holes into my body. “Then what happened, Angel?”
I blinked. “I couldn’t get in touch with you,” I said softly. “And then Mom and Daddy threw me out. I was on my own with Chuckie for years and years, Trey. They never even called.” The sting of being abandoned was coming back stronger than ever and I had to wipe away a few tears as I remembered just how painful it had felt to be pregnant and alone.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Chuckie?” Trey looked angry again. “You didn’t think it was worth it to make sure he grew up with a father? You didn’t think that would be important to him, or to me?”
“I didn’t know,” I said softly. The room went silent, dead. Trey blinked at me. It was obvious he’d never even considered that possibility. “I didn’t know for about a month,” I added. “But when I knew, when I found out…” I sighed heavily. “I wanted to contact you. But Mom and Daddy forbade it. They wanted me to have an abortion. When I refused, that’s when they threw me out.”
Trey swallowed loudly. He didn’t say anything. The reality, the pain of the situation was crashing down around my shoulders and I felt traumatized. But I was also feeling strangely calm and peaceful inside, like the country air right after a big thunderstorm. I was feeling more levelheaded and rational than I had in days, and it felt good, but kind of scary. It was like I was capable of anything, like I could walk away right then and there and be done with Trey forever. Sure, it would be a huge sacrifice. And I would be miserable. But then at least I wouldn’t have to live with the constant memory of my mistakes, my mistakes that were apparently too egregious for Trey to forgive me.
He didn’t say anything. I still felt empowered, bold. When I crossed my arms over my chest and drew myself up to my full height, he looked almost afraid. His blue eyes were full of regret.
“I’m leaving,” I said softly. “If you don’t care about me and Chuckie, then there’s no way we could be liabilities for you. Thanks for your hospitality, Trey.”
Inside, I was begging him to stop me. I wanted him to stop me right in my tracks and grab my arms and press his mouth to mine. I wanted Trey to stand in front of me, barring the way, until I was forced to surrender to my desire for him. Even now, in the aftermath of the most heated argument we’d ever experienced, I couldn’t deny I still wanted him more than ever.
But he didn’t stop me. I walked down the hallway on unsteady feet and made my way into the room Chuckie had chosen. Our clothes were scattered all over the floor and I had to suppress a wave of anxious nausea as I leaned down to grab the bags. Chuckie was almost out of school, and he’d be here soon. If I hurried, I could manage to pack before he got home.
Home. But this isn’t really home, is it? I looked around, suddenly feeling dazed. I perched on the edge of the bed and stared up at the ceiling. The big house was silent. A lump formed in my throat when I realized Trey must not have cared, because if he cared, he would be stopping me. Don’t sit here and cry like a pathetic fool, I thought. You know that isn’t going to change shit. Trey doesn’t love you, and he doesn’t want to be a father to Chuckie. You had your chance to find him and you blew it, Angel. Time to move on.
Except, deep down, I knew I’d never really be able to move on. I swallowed hard and wiped away some stray tears. Time to pack, Angel, I reminded myself after checking the clock. Chuckie’ll be home soon, and then you’ll both have to go.
I carelessly threw things into a bag. All in all, it only took about twenty minutes to pack. For all the meaningful things that had happened in the past few days, I felt remarkably non-permanent here. And it was true, I was. I now realized how big of a mistake I’d made in thinking I understood Trey. After all, I barely knew him anymore. He obviously wasn’t the same man he’d been, and he wasn’t the same person I’d known. He’d changed. He’d changed enough to run an MC and buy a big house and basically live up to all of the dreams he’d had for himself back in the day. But there was no woman who was part of the equation.
I wasn’t naïve. I knew Trey hadn’t been celibate since we broke up. And besides, I’d really only been like that out of choice. I could have dated if I’d wanted to, even with Chuckie. But I hadn’t wanted to. Trey had broken me. He’d changed the mold and let the hot metal overflow. No, I wasn’t ever going to be the same again. And we weren’t going to be together. Trey had made that glaringly obvious.
Getting down on my hands and knees, I searched under the bed for forgotten panties or one of Chuckie’s shoes. There wasn’t anything there but dust. I imagined how I looked from above: like a silly woman crawling around on the floor. I knew I was acting crazy. But what else was I supposed to do? I’d been uprooted from my quiet, boring life and thrust back into the action with Trey.
The thought of going back to my empty house filled me with a loneliness that I couldn’t even begin to tackle. There was more than that, though. There was also an odd feeling of shame, like I wouldn’t be able to face my life. I couldn’t deal with Lindsey’s inquiring looks, or with Chuckie’s questions about the “man who took care of us.”
I heard footsteps in the hallway, too light to be Trey’s. Before I could move, the door swung open and Chuckie threw himself at my body, hugging my legs tightly. I reached down and ruffled his brown hair, pasting a weak smile on my face.
“Hi, sweetie. Did you have a good day?”
Chuckie nodded excitedly. “I made something for Trey!” He threw his backpack to the ground and dug around in the main compartment, eventually coming up with a little dinosaur made out of clay. “It’s for him, Mom! You think he’ll like it?” Chuckie’s big blue eyes pleaded up at me in the same way Trey’s used to. “I spent so much time on it, Mom!”
“I can tell, honey,” I said, my mind racing for a quick and painless way to tell Chuckie he couldn’t give Trey anything. Because he didn’t care about us, and he never would.
Unfortunately, just as I opened my mouth, Trey stepped in the doorway. He gave Chuckie a tentative smile. Chuckie, all energy and smiles a few seconds ago, ducked behind my legs and clung to my jeans. My heart broke for him; he was so shy, and he was just about to discover that his newly beloved friend, Trey, was someone who never wanted to see him or his mommy ever again.
“Hey there, little buddy,” Trey said. He smiled at Chuckie.
When he looked up to my face, I turned away. A mixture of shame and anger filled my body and I felt my posture brace and become more defensive.
“Hi,” Chuckie said softly. Before I could stop him, he pushed past me and stared at Trey. “I made you something today.”
“You don’t have to take it,” I said quickly. “I mean, if you don’t want it.”
Trey frowned. He crouched down so he was at Chuckie’s height and a bolt of tenderness and desire shot through my body at the sight of my former lover smiling at our son. “Of course I want it,” Trey said. He tried to meet my eyes but I looked away. There were several excruciating seconds of silence. I cleared my throat and looked away as Trey turned towards Chuckie. “Chuckie, what is it?”
Chuckie stumbled shyly over to Trey and pulled out the clay dinosaur. Even from a distance, I could tell he’d taken a lot of care with the figure and it was well designed, especially from an eight-year-old.
“Wow, buddy,” Trey breathed. “This is so cool! Thank you,” he said, beaming. Chuckie grinned and I felt some of the tension in my belly melt. “May I speak with your mom for a minute?”
Chuckie nodded, then bolted out of the room. “I’m going to get a snack!” Chuckie cried as he ran down the hallway. “Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg!”
I blushed. “I’m sorry about that,” I said quietly. “I didn’t know he would actually give that to you. You can give it here,” I said, holding out my hand. “I won’t tell him.”
Trey frowned at me “What are you talking about?” He looked around the room, seeming to notice how empty it was. “Did you pack? Angel, I don’t want you to go,” he said, lookin
g pained. “For your safety, you and Chuckie need to stay here.”
I shook my head. “Not a chance,” I said. “Sorry, but we’re not liabilities to you, and I’m not mooching off of you anymore. And I don’t want to get any more guys in the MC in trouble.” I was thinking of Patches, but Trey frowned again and shook his head.
“Angel, please,” Trey said.
He stepped forward and reached for my hand but I twisted away without thinking. A new, sharper lump formed in my throat. Why was I doing this? Why was I pushing him away? He said I could stay. But deep down, I knew he was only being polite. He didn’t love me, and he definitely didn’t love Chuckie. Poor, fatherless Chuckie. I hated the idea of telling him we were leaving. I knew it would break his heart all over again.
“I have to go,” I announced. Tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away. “I know you; you meant everything you said. I know you don’t want me around. I know I screwed up, Trey. I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Trey said softly. He stood up and took a step towards me. I jumped back like a skittish rabbit. “Hey, what’s all this? Angel, I’m sorry. We can talk about this; we can make this work.”
“This?” I gestured around to the empty room. “This was nothing, Trey.” His face hardened as I spoke. “This is nothing, and everyone’s going to be better off once Chuckie and I leave.”
“No,” Trey said, more forceful this time. “Angel, no. I can’t let you do that. Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying? You’re going to put yourself and Chuckie at risk. You’re going to be attacked as soon as you leave the house, Angel.”
“That’s bullshit,” I said, shaking my head. My heart was pounding but I knew I was doing the right thing. “You told me I was only in trouble because of you. Well, if you don’t care about me, I can’t imagine what any of those assholes would want with me, Trey.”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” Trey pleaded. He stepped forward and I took another step back. “If that’s what’s in their heads, that’s how they’re going to act. It doesn’t matter what we are to each other, but if they think you’re important to me, well, it’s going to be bad news for you and for Chuckie.”
Tears sprang to my eyes and I blinked, looking up at the ceiling and willing them away. I had been right all along. Trey didn’t really care; he only felt obligated. He wasn’t protecting me because he loved me. He was protecting me to save face with the Centerville police and keep his club legitimate. My mouth hardened into a thin line and I swung the bag over my shoulder.
“Later, Trey,” I said softly. “Stay safe.”
Trey’s footsteps followed me out of the room as I stalked down the hallway and grabbed Chuckie from the kitchen. He had a spoon stuck in a jar of peanut butter and he was doing a messy job of smearing it all over his face. I sighed in irritation.
“Can’t you stay clean for five fucking minutes?” I snapped under my breath before turning to speak to Chuckie. “We’re leaving. Go wash your face.”
Chuckie grinned, oblivious to my bad mood. “We’re going? Are we going out to dinner?” His voice rose loudly. “I’m so excited!”
“No,” I snapped. “We’re going home. We’re not going to stay with Trey anymore.”
Chuckie’s face crumpled and I felt guilt surge through my body. “But I like it here,” he said, pouting. “I want to stay.”
“And I want you both to stay,” Trey’s voice boomed from behind me. “Come on, Angel. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine,” I said, breezing past him and dragging Chuckie out the door. “We have to go home now. Thank you very much for your hospitality, Trey. Let me know if I owe you anything for all of the food we ate.” I glared at Chuckie. “Someone thought it was a good idea to contaminate all of your peanut butter.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Trey said in a strangled voice. His eyes were pleading with me not to go but I steeled my resolve and walked out the front door.
Trey Minter was history. Now, more than ever, I hated myself for succumbing to his charms again. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself.
“Mom, why are we leaving?” Chuckie pestered me once I had him seated in the car. “Why can’t we stay?”
“Because this isn’t our home,” I told him as I slid out of Trey’s driveway. “And we don’t belong here.”
Chapter 19
Trey
Shaking my head in disbelief, I watched as Angel dragged Chuckie out the door. He looked back at me with a reproachful glance and I felt my heart shrivel in my chest at the sight of his wide, trusting eyes. He was scared and upset; I could tell, and I barely knew him. My heart broke for the kid, and I didn’t understand why Angel was so hell-bent on leaving. Sure, I’d been trying to hurt her. But didn’t she understand why for fuck’s sake?
I sat down and cracked a beer, pouring most of it down my throat without even tasting it. Damn her. Damn her to hell. If she wanted to walk out, if she wanted to leave…I shook my head angrily. No. No, it wasn’t going to be like this. Not this time. I was going to do it right; I was going to get my girl, and my son, and tell them they were staying with me. If she didn’t listen, I’d pick them both up and carry them off. A hint of a smile crept across my lips as I imagined Angel kicking and screaming. I could heft her easily — even though she was tall, she still weighed less than half of me. Besides, all of her protests would just be for show. I knew now how much she loved me. If she didn’t love me, she wouldn’t want to be a family, right?
Or maybe she just feels guilty about fucking up so badly in the past, a little voice said in the back of my head. I frowned. Just when I started to feel like I’d gotten Angel figured out, everything felt confusing again. There were still so many questions without answers, so many things I wanted to know. Like, why hadn’t Angel tried to find me before now? Why hadn’t she decided giving Chuckie a father was important? It was enough to make my head spin. I decided after all of this had calmed down, I’d have a good long talk with Angel. We’d sit down and get everything out on the table.
When I finished my beer, I belched loudly and threw the bottle in the sink. It shattered against the ceramic with a satisfying crackling sound. Grimly, I walked over to the door and started tugging my boots on. I was going to go after them, and with any luck, I’d catch up before something else happened. If I didn’t…well, that was bad news, too. But either way, I knew I had to try. Angel and Chuckie were mine, dammit, and I was going to rightfully claim them as such.
The day outside was sunny and bright. There couldn’t have been a more direct contrast to my feelings if I’d willed it into life. Just as I was climbing on my hog and stroking it to life, my phone buzzed in my pocket. My heart swelled; it had to be Angel! Telling me she realized her mistake, telling me she was coming back to be mine forever.
A cloud passed over my brain when I pulled out the mobile and saw Ram’s number. Uh oh. This couldn’t be good.
“Hey, man,” I said quickly. “This isn’t a good time, I have to go after the girl and her son.”
There was a pause. I frowned. “Ram? Are you there?”
Ram coughed, breaking the awkward silence between us. “Yeah, man, I’m here,” Ram said softly. “Listen, something bad happened to Wolf. He’s in the hospital. He was beaten up and left for dead on the side of the road. You need to go see him.”
I sighed in irritation. Wolf was one of the guys I’d talked to just last night about Angel and Chuckie. Had he been a target? More importantly, had he spilled? “Man, this really isn’t a good time,” I repeated. “Angel and her kid could be in danger, and I need to go after them.”
Ram cleared his throat again. “I know you don’t want to go see him right now, but he’s got some stuff to tell you,” Ram added.
Suddenly, I got a dark feeling in my chest, like my lungs were filling with wet concrete. It was almost impossible to breathe, and I had to put the phone away and turn my head to the bright sky. My hands got clammy and I could feel my heart pounding
like a drum in my chest. Was this what panic felt like? I’d never felt such weird, strange anxiety before. And as much as I knew I had to get to Angel and Chuckie, I knew Ram was right. He wouldn’t have called unless something was really wrong.
I frowned. Did this mean Wolf had ratted? Fuck! Climbing back on my bike, I gunned it into gear and pointed it in the direction of the hospital. I’m sorry, Angel, I thought. I’m coming soon. Just hold on for a little bit longer.
Rationally, I knew nothing could have happened to Angel and Chuckie in the short time since they’d left. But the other part of me knew nothing was rational anymore. Nothing was making sense, and the world had flipped upside down. Damien’s men could have jumped on Angel as soon as she was off my property. I shivered when I thought of how quickly Randy and Nick had come for her the last time she’d wandered off. My hands gripped the handlebars of my bike with such ferocity that my fingers felt numb. Why did she have to be so goddamn stupid sometimes? Why couldn’t she just have listened to me?