by Lena Malick
The suddenness of it shocked her body, but she embraced the pain. He arched his back, his body torqueing, flooded with immediate pleasure. He yelled out, but she put her hand to his mouth, silencing him. She didn’t realize that she’d also made a sound. He put his hand to her mouth as well. She moved up, then back down, feeling him plunge deep inside her. She made another sound. He slid his fingers into her mouth, his thumb going under her chin. She sucked his fingers, clamping down on them to keep herself quiet as she moved forward and back. He made another loud groaning sound. She slid her fingers into his mouth and held his chin the same way he was. She moved forward and back, up and down on him. His face tensed up, the tendons in his neck sticking out. They tightly gripped each others mouths, sucking and biting down on each others hands to keep from calling out.
People walked by, just a few feet away. She heard a loud group, dragging luggage and a complaining child.
She increased her pace, grinding on him. With his other hand he cupped her breasts, his large hands kneading her. Their foreheads met as they leaned into each other, both breathing rapidly though their noses, knowing that if they took their hands away they’d cry out and be found. She moved faster, the energy inside her building, rapidly rushing forward.
She pressed harder, pushing herself onto him as she thrust herself forward and back, grinding at a furious pace. She felt his body start to convulse. She remembered the feeling, knowing he was beginning to orgasm. The force inside her peaked at the same time. She slowed down as they both took their hands from each other’s mouths and quickly locked in a kiss.
There was an overhead announcement in Spanish, then English, about arriving flights, followed by a warning in a sing-song voice not to leave baggage unattended.
He gripped her tightly, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing as his whole body shook. He was hot and wet, clamped to her in a tight embrace, enveloping her in his fierce, masculine strength. She smelled the ocean on him, combined with his own sweet, woodsy scent. His muscles gripped her, locking them together so tight it felt like they were one.
They orgasmed together, in perfect union. Their combined energy wrapping them in a cocoon of intense pleasure. They kept their mouths sealed together to keep from screaming out loud. She felt him spasm inside her, releasing in deep bursts. Her orgasm plateaued and sustained, like a high note that continues to hang in the air. Her body shook as the pleasure rolled through her, feeling his final spasms quiver inside her.
~ ~ ~
“Can I ask you a question?” she said. They were sitting in the cab, finally getting out of the downtown area and heading up the coast. “Sure you can,” he said. They were holding hands. They hadn’t stopped touching since leaving the airport. She liked the sore feeling between her legs. She imagined his seed still inside her. She could feel it, slippery and warm.
“In your letters,” she said as he looked at her. “How come you never mentioned us? I mean, us together. The time we spent together.” She wasn’t sure she should mention it, but she felt compelled to ask. He slowly turned from her and looked out the window.
A bolt of fear hit her. Another woman. Was there another woman in his life? She’d never asked. I hadn’t occurred to her. Or maybe she just didn’t want it to. But why wouldn’t there be? How could there not be? She suddenly felt so young—young and foolish and naïve, only pretending to be a real woman. Caught trying to play grownup games.
Nik turned forward, looking at the back of the cab driver, who was fiddling with the radio as he drove. With a sigh he turned back to Terra and held her hand in his lap. He moved closer to her, their legs pressed together, and leaned close to her face. He talked softly but clearly, choosing his words carefully. “I try to explain. As I best can.” He paused, gathering courage. Terra’s heart beat so hard she thought she might have a panic attack.
He looked in her eyes. “When I first see you, last year, at the diving class. I feel something. Immediately. The second I see… the second I look at you…” He seemed frustrated as he struggled with the words. “Like a bolt. See, I only know the love of family. I have been close with others, but I never feel… I never feel… like when I see you. And that was just beginning. I never knew what it was like to really be alive until I see you. But you don’t live here. It… what’s the word? Selfish. Yes. You’re going to medical school. I have no right, or no good sense to ask you not to live your dream. There is a saying. What is it? If you really care about someone, you must let go. Let them go. Something…” His clear green eyes misted over. “I try. I try to let go. To let you go. To live your dreams. I just…” A single tear, like a big orb, pushed out of his eye and rolled down he cheek. He quickly brushed it away. Embarrassed, he turned and looked back out the window.
Terra reached out and took his face, turning it back toward her. She rubbed another tear away with her thumb. She felt one of her own tears roll down her cheek. “There’s no one else?” she asked him in a whisper. He shook his head slowly. “Not since I first see you,” he whispered back. She took his face in both her hands and kissed him, running her hands through his hair as their tears blended together.
~ ~ ~
The cab would only take them to the old gate in the dirt road. After bouncing along for that last two miles, the driver protested, insisting he wouldn’t go any further. Nik grabbed Terra’s backpack and hoisted it, adjusting the straps for his height. Terra took her shoulder bag and they set out on foot.
Making their way down the trail, they didn’t say much, just held hands as they walked. Once, Nik stopped and pulled her close, kissing her. “I just had to make sure you are real,” he said afterward, as if afraid he was going to wake up from a dream. Terra knew the feeling.
It was early evening when they came to the ledge that overlooked the bay. Terra stopped, struck again by its beauty. She remembered everything about it. The azure blue of the water, the crisp, salty smell of the air, the bright white of the sand—she’d pictured it in her mind for the last year, keeping it alive. Still, she was struck, as if seeing it all for the first time.
The sun was close to setting, sitting like a big orb over the water, bathing the bay in brilliant, colorful hues. The white cliffs dropped majestically into the water. Large, colorful birds drifted off the cliffs on currents of air.
As Nik led her down the embankment toward the beach, he pointed out the progress they’d made with the diving sanctuary. There were a number of building sites tucked along the cliff line, each made to blend into the landscape. She recognized everything from his drawings. The boat dock had been extended. There was now a second boat, with a blue sail wrapped to its shaft, in addition to his sailboat.
He pointed to the buildings. “One is classrooms and offices, and one is research labs. That one is for equipment storage. The other one is for housing. Already people living there. You’ll meet them.” Terra saw another small building site. “What’s that?” she asked. “I don’t know yet,” he said, squinting his eyes. “I wait to see what else we need.”
They made it to the sand. Terra took her shoes off. The warm sand felt like fine sugar as it seeped between her toes. She felt an immediate sense of peace and serenity. She remembered the feeling from last time—the sense that this was a magical place. A place out of time. A place that touched her deepest desires.
Nik nudged her, looking up. She saw Spidey, the howler monkey, scurry half way down his palm tree. He raced around the trunk, screeching. He stopped and looked at Terra, squealed louder as if berating her, then scampered back up the tree.
“He actually glad to see you. He upset you take too long to come back. He’ll forgive you.”
“Hola,” Terra called up, as a peace gesture. Spidey gave her a final reprimand, then disappeared among the palms.
When they got to the deck of Nik’s house, a man came out and approached them, smiling. He was dark, wearing only swim trunks, with an athletic body and dreadlocks past his shoulders. “Hola,” he said to Nik.
“He
y, Carmine, this is Terra,” Nik said. The man’s smile widened. “Ahhh, the mythical Terra! Hello, hello!” He took Terra’s hand and put his other hand on it, holding it warmly.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Terra said. His soft brown eyes had a gentle warmth to them. “You have been the topic of many a long conversation around the fire with my good friend Nik,” he said. “Stop it,” Nik said, pushing Carmine’s shoulder and looking off, clearly embarrassed. “No, no,” Carmine said, still holding Terra’s hand. He leaned in closer to her. “You have him under your spell. In Jamaica, we call that Majik. It’s like owning a soul. Big responsibility.” He let go of her hand with a knowing nod. “So what take you so long?” he asked Nik.
“Motor bike broke down.”
“Ah, crap, man. Where is it?”
“I had to leave it in town and get a cab.”
“Ah. Let me know where and I’ll see what I can do.” He turned and stepped off the deck onto the sand, looking up at the sky. “Fire time,” he said as he wandered off, leaving them alone.
“Fire time?” Terra asked.
“You’ll see. Come on,” Nik said, leading her inside the house.
The kitchen was alive with activity. A large group of people, talking and laughing, were cooking and preparing food. Music was playing from a portable stereo, giving the place a party like feel. It was very different from the quiet, serene place Terra remembered from her last trip.
Her throat tightened as her insecurities grabbed hold of her. She was never much for crowds of people, always feeling out of place in cliques. She’d been surprised to find that college wasn’t much different than high school, with its fraternities and social groups—it seemed like just a more formalized version of the high school social scene. She’d developed a distrust of cliques. Now, when she saw the group in the kitchen, her first instinct was to withdraw.
“Hey, everyone,” Nik called out, his arm around her. “This is Terra.” Everyone looked, flashing big smiles. “Terra! You exist! We were beginning to wonder,” a girl with wild red hair shouted.
“Hey Terra, grab this, would you?” said a portly guy with a shiny bald head, handing her a large plate of cut vegetables as he walked past her.
“Guys, we just come from airport, let her at least use the bathroom before you put her to work,” Nik said.
“No, it’s okay,” Terra said, taking a deep breath and dropping her shoulder bag. “I’m good. Where should I take this?” she asked the bald guy. “Ask Red,” he said over his shoulder as he went out to the deck.
“Over here,” the girl with the red hair said, waiving Terra over as she swung her hips to the music. They soon had her cutting vegetables and mincing garlic. Someone poured her a glass of wine. Nik joined in, telling Terra who was who as they peppered her with questions about college and recent news from the States.
More people came in from outside, grabbing beers, bottles of wine, stacks of plates and cups, hauling it all outside. Everyone wore bathing suits and sandals, or went barefoot. Most of the guys didn’t wear shirts. There was a mix of ethnicities, but most seemed to be in their twenties or thirties. There was a casual, sexy, summer camp for adults feel to it. Everyone was relaxed and friendly, greeting Terra with warm smiles and friendly handshakes, going out of their way to include her.
It was nice to see Nik in a group of people. She could tell everybody liked and respected him. His easy laugh and comfortable charm seemed to bring out the best in everyone. It didn’t take long before Terra felt like she was part of the group. It was the only time in her life she felt a real sense of belonging, like she just naturally fit in.
Terra loaded up with all she could carry and followed the others outside while Red gossiped with her about Soren, a Swedish hunk that was methodically seducing all the women. “Including you?” Terra whispered. Red gave her a knowing smile. “Well, he’s quite persuasive. I’d say watch yourself, but I think you’re the one girl that’s safe.”
Stepping off the deck, Terra was surprised to see an enormous beach fire going. There were more people around the fire, setting things up. A couple was just coming in from the water, walking up to the fire as someone threw them a towel. Terra placed her plates on the table along with the others. It was a dizzying amount of food. There was fresh-caught fish, mounds of pasta and rice, and large loafs of fresh baked bread. The bald guy, who Terra now knew was named Allan and used to be a banker in Boston, was roasting whole onions with some elaborate method using sticks and foil. There was a whole table of just fruits and vegetables that Terra later learned came mostly from Carmine’s garden and green house.
As soon as the stack of plates was set down, everyone grabbed one and started piling on the food. Someone set the portable stereo on the end of the table and turned it up. They ate while sitting on the sand in circles or standing up, mixing and mingling. Everyone seemed to have the big appetites that come after a long day of hard work.
Smelling all the delicious food, Terra suddenly realized she was famished. She had skipped the iffy looking plane food, so she hadn’t eaten since the day before. Everything tasted so delicious she had to force herself to slow down. After a steady diet of bland dorm food, it was like her taste buds were screaming for joy.
Terra eventually was introduced to everyone, trying hard to learn their names. Nik stayed at her side the whole time, giving her a needed sense of security. After eating, they walked down the beach together.
Settling on a driftwood log, they could still hear the music and laughter drifting down the beach, and could see the soft glow of the fire.
“I’ve never in my life had food that good,” Terra said. Nik smiled.
“It’s become competitive. Everyone try to outdo the other with what they cook best. But I guess we all benefit, yeah?”
“Yeah. Was it a special occasion tonight?”
“No occasion. We do that every night.”
“Really? With the fire and everything?”
“Well, sure. Unless it rains, then we all cram into the house.”
Terra playfully pushed her feet through the wet sand as the waves lapped the shore just a few yards away. “Everybody here is so… nice,” she said.
“Yes. Everybody really wants to be here. I think they all feel they be a part of something special.”
“Because of you,” she said.
“No. I just started it, but once more people came, it became… something different. More than I ever imagined. It’s becoming a real… ah, what is the word?”
“Community.”
“Yes,” he said, looking at her. “Community.”
“You’ve done a great job,” she said, touching the back of his head, stroking his hair.
Down the beach the beach fire grew as someone added more wood, illuminating Nik’s face in soft strokes. He looked at her in the same way he did in the taxi, as if he was trying to find the words to say something important.
Terra looked into his eyes, glowing in the firelight. Tension pulled at his face. She leaned closer to him.
“I…” he said, struggling.
“Shhh,” she said, tracing her fingers over his lips. “Later. Okay?”
“Yes. Okay,” he said, relieved. She intertwined her toes with his, pushing them into the sand, initiating a toe fight.
“Hey,” he said, looking back at her, “do you want to go for a dive?”
“Love to,” she said, grinning.
~ ~ ~
They walked hand in hand back to the fire. Terra wondered what time it was—it had been dark for a couple of hours. Then she realized she really didn’t really care what time it was. She noticed earlier that nobody here wore watches. The others were still around the fire. Nobody seemed to think it was strange when she and Nik went to the boat and pushed off.
Nik tacked the sailboat along the coast. The boat’s light illuminated the face of the white cliffs that dropped dramatically into the water. When they got to the bay, Terra could hear the sounds of the island before she saw
it. She remembered it from the last time—a nighttime chorus of birds and animals. The sound instantly brought her back to last summer. As the boat got closer to the island, Nik turned on a second light, illuminating the shore and the line of trees set back on the beach. The sounds got louder, as if welcoming the two of them back. “I guess they’ve been expecting us,” Nik said.
They anchored in the calm water just off shore. Nik pulled out the water lights and some masks from the hull’s storage. Without a word, they both took off their clothes and dove in.
While Nik dove down to set up the lights, Terra floated on her back in the dark water, looking up at the stars. Her naked body felt the welcome caress of the warm saltwater supporting her. It was hard to believe that it was just yesterday that Vicki drove her to the airport, through the sweltering, urban streets of Detroit. Terra smiled, remembering Vicky’s admonishments as she swerved her truck through traffic.
“Call me when you land. And every other day. At least. No, every day.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You better be or I’ll come there and drag you home. Don’t do anything stupid. Use your common sense.”
“I thought you always said ‘normal rules don’t apply’ when you’re on vacation.”
“That’s only when I’m with you. I’m a badass from the streets of Detroit. You’re a prissy white girl from the suburbs of Ann Arbor, so all the rules apply to you. You hear me? Every goddamn rule applies to you. And rule number one is, don’t get hurt. And that includes your heart.”