“Really?” I said coldly. “You’d refrain from ransoming me? Just for me? What a lucky, lucky witch I am.”
Giving me a sideways look, he went on as if I hadn’t spoken, resting the weight of his upper body on his palms. “Anyway, my point being, I’m thinking you’re not overly fond of your own status at the palace, or ye wouldn’t be so quick to throw that status away.”
Likely seeing the anger rise to my eyes a second time, he sighed again.
“Maia, listen to me. I’m trying to tell ye, we might be coming at this thing from the same place. Clearly, you’re meant to be someone of rank. And if ye are someone of rank, and also a red witch living in the palace pretending to be white, then you’re in danger. Ye can tell yourself you’re not all ye like... but ye are. It’s a fact.”
Looking me over in the formless dress, he frowned.
“...I doubt this get-up and the face paint is fooling everyone. Someone there must know what ye are, or at least that you’re different... even without me around to blackmail and ransom ye. And for your information, I’m not normally a thief or a blackmailer,” he added, sharper. “It wouldn’t have crossed my mind, if it were only my own life I had to think about.”
Shrugging his thick shoulders, he watched a bird hop at the edge of the roof.
“As it is,” he continued, gruffer. “I want to help ye. If I can.” He looked at me. “But to help ye, I need to know who in the blazes ye are.”
His hair had fallen partly out of the twine in the time since we’d come out on the roof. Combing his dark hair out of his face with his fingers, he studied my expression seriously.
“I still hope ye might help me, too, huntress,” he added. “So yeah, my motives may not be so pure. But sure as the-hells-below, I won’t throw ye to the royal dogs if ye refuse me. I’d no more harm ye deliberately than I would any of my kind, and that’s the gods’ truth.”
He nudged me gently with his shoulder.
“I might not always be a good person, Maia,” he added, softer. “But I try to be an honest one. When I can, at least.”
“Spoken like every liar who ever lived,” I observed cynically. “And you’ve lied to me already, Donal. You obviously thought about ransoming me when we first made that deal by the river. You said you’d help me if I set you free... ‘a life for a life’, you said.”
He smiled at that, but conceded my words with a tilt of his head.
“True. That wasn’t technically a lie, though. I would have told ye anything ye wanted to know, huntress. About red magic and whatever else. Then, I would’ve ransomed ye afterwards.”
When I bit my lip in fury, he smiled wider.
“Anyways. It’s useless to try an’ convince ye now. Anything I say’s sort of meaningless until ye come to trust me. You’ll have to go on instinct until then.”
I let out a derisive snort. “Instinct? Come to trust you? I saved your life... and you repaid it by calculating how best to ransom mine to those who might care for me. You only dismissed that notion when you realized those people might be precious few.”
Feeling my face heat when his gaze sharpened, I looked away.
“Moreover.” I hardened my voice. “You knew I was a red witch from the moment you saw me, so your claims of loyalty to your race aren’t convincing, either. Clearly you’re one who can rationalize easily just about any decision you might take it upon yourself to make.” I clenched my jaw, lowering my voice with an effort. “You let me rescue you in spite of those things. At some considerable expense to myself.”
“A very much appreciated but wholly unnecessary gesture, as it turned out,” he said, tipping an imaginary cap. “I can only say thank you so many times, huntress. Especially when I would have been out of that cage on my own in a few minutes’ time.”
Staring at him in disbelief, I felt my fury worsen.
It wasn’t only anger. His words cut me in some way.
So much so, I couldn’t find the words to yell back at him, even after the silence stretched. Maybe he’d simply made me feel like a fool. I doubted that was his intention really, but it didn’t lessen the sting. If anything, it made it worse.
It hadn’t even occurred to me he might use me in such a way.
Perhaps I really was a fool.
He must have felt some part of my reaction, because that smirk melted away.
“Maia,” he said, softer. “I mean my thanks. And I’m sorry. Perhaps I was too honest with ye, just then. But the truth is, life for one like me can be...” He hesitated, shrugging. “...complicated, I suppose. I can see how that might look dishonest to ye. Or immoral. And I might be those things, and others besides. But I am what I am. It doesn’t make me unfeeling.”
He leaned into my shoulder affectionately, more warmly than before.
“I can see ye questioning your own judgment. But ye shouldn’t. Really, ye shouldn’t. You’ve had a different sort of life than I have, that’s all. I’d love the luxury to view people as ye do. It’s not a weakness, it’s a damn’d gift to be able to do that.”
His words didn’t help.
After staring at me a moment longer, he looked away from me, his mouth firm. I felt some softer flicker of emotion there, coming off him in a denser plume. Guilt, maybe? More of that strange conflict I still felt on him in random moments? I wondered if I’d imagined both things, however, when his words resumed with calm indifference.
“Anyway, we have far more important things to discuss, huntress.” He paused, looking up from where he tapped a stick he’d found against broken pieces of the cement roof. “Like... what’re we going to do now? Where can we go, where we can live freely and not be hunted by the white witches and their Defenders?” He quirked an eyebrow at me. “I can only think of a few scenarios for us in the short term. Can’t say I like our odds in most of them, particularly with ye untrained and unused to life outside the palace. We’d be better off with a larger group.”
Hearing the added meaning there, but not understanding it, I studied his face, from the set of his full mouth to the dramatic cheekbones and dark eyes.
He was unusual-looking all right.
I wished he was a lot uglier, truthfully.
Especially given everything he’d just said.
When he didn’t answer my stare by explaining what he meant, I exhaled in annoyance.
“Am I supposed to understand what you are alluding to there?” I said. “Or do you simply enjoy forcing me to admit ignorance at every turn? Are you saying we should try to get more red witches to join us from the other side of the river? If so, how do you propose we do that, when there are only two of us?”
When he turned that time, he didn’t look indifferent, annoyed, or even amused.
He looked openly startled, even bewildered.
“You would do that?” he said. “You’d try and free our people, not knowing a damned thing about them? Or me?”
It was my turn to blink. “They’re slaves, right? Do I need to know more?”
He frowned. I saw him staring at me as if trying to look through me.
Again, I saw that conflict in his eyes too, right before something like electrical energy seemed to come off him, making me suck in a breath. The intensity there shocked me, reminding me he was a warlock, yes, but also reminding me I had no idea of his abilities.
When my vision cleared, his eyes had sharpened to volcanic glass.
Looking at him now, I saw someone I had only glimpsed in the past few hours, and then only when his mask slipped enough for me to see it. Whatever that mask was, and whatever it meant, I suspected I was now looking at the real person underneath.
I saw the warlock there, a warrior, yet one who had also been betrayed, time and time again. The distrust that stood out in his eyes didn’t seem aimed at me––more at the world in general––but I felt him use it to assess me along with the rest of them. Apart from the full mouth set in a narrow line, his expression held a suppressed feeling nearly on the surface.
Up until
then, I hadn’t realized how much he’d been play-acting with me.
“Why did ye help me?” he demanded, his voice openly angry. “If ye really know as little as ye say, why free me at all? Why? Why’re ye here with me now? Why would ye even consider helping people ye know nothing about? Who I’ve told ye are a danger to this realm?”
It was my turn to blink at him in bewilderment.
He was breathing harder. Not by much, but I noted the difference.
He wanted to believe me, I realized. He wanted to trust me.
He also didn’t want to trust me, likely for the same set of reasons. Years of experience told him not to trust me. Years of experience told him not to trust anyone.
Yet something about me made him want to question that.
Seeing the harder thread of suspicion there, I answered him as honestly as I could.
“Donal,” I said. “I may not know exactly who or what you are... or believe much of what you said to me from that cage on the pier... but the slavery part, that much struck me as true. And you are a warlock, however odd or angry... or violent... of one you might be. Those things are beyond dispute. How is that not enough for me to want to help you?”
He frowned, shaking his dark head. “Because it’s not.”
I exhaled in some frustration. “You must not know very good people then.”
“As a general rule I don’t,” he retorted. “Certainly none as wear white. And you’re clearly a bit of both... ‘Maia’... if that’s even your real name.”
That scarlet spark in the depth of his eyes grew brighter.
“I can use magic to discover the truth of ye,” he said. “The white hats can’t strangle my magic here... and clearly ye have no idea how to use your own. I can find out whatever I wish from ye, without your bloody permission! I can do whatever I wish with ye!”
Feeling my jaw harden, I stared at him, even as my heart thudded louder in my chest.
I had no doubt he spoke the truth.
I couldn’t decide which of us he was threatening, however.
“...But I won’t,” he added in a growl. “As damned aggravating as ye are, I’d far rather if ye’d simply tell me these things, Maia. Or hasn’t it yet occurred to ye––assuming you’re telling the truth about any of it––that ye’ve already put your life in danger for me? Whoever you are, freeing warlocks of red magic is a capital crime. Your titles won’t save ye, no matter what you’re called. Moreover, I can’t protect ye, not if I don’t know the truth of ye! So unless yer working for someone, you gave your life to me! Why? Why would you do that? Are you really such a bloody fool as you pretend?”
His words should have made me angry. But he sounded so genuinely upset, I fell silent, feeling my anger dissipate into something closer to confusion.
Maybe it was that I could feel him upset more on my behalf than his own.
Eventually, I let out an irritated sigh.
“You already know why I helped you. I’ve told you twice now, and I’m not going to say it again.” Clenching my jaw, I added, “As far as any selfish motives on my part, I’ve hardly hidden my agenda there, either. I’ve been clear about that from the start.”
Seeing him frown, about to speak, I raised my voice before he could.
“I want to understand what I am, Donal. I believed your words about who and what you are, and that I am the same. That feels like truth to me... even more now than it did at the docks. You and I are alike in some way... some way I don’t yet understand.”
Gazing out over the river, I exhaled in exasperation.
“I need to understand it, Donal. For the first time in my life, you offered me a reason for me being as I am, the first I’ve heard that didn’t blame me for those differences, or imbue them with some sinister meaning.” I glared at him again. “Of course I would care about that! And of course I would wish to help others like me, if they’re being treated wrongly! What is wrong with you, to find that so strange?”
Seeing him staring at me once more, assessing me with his black eyes, I looked away. Picking bits of dirt off the long dress I wore, I pressed my lips together.
Muttering, I added, “For the first time, someone gave me hope of a life that didn’t require me to commit suicide in order to save my family’s honor.”
When I glanced up that time, his eyes slanted dangerously at me.
“What?” His voice was cold as ice.“What in the hells did you just say?”
I scowled. “Really, why are you being so thick about this? And why do you even care why I wish to know? To tell me things was our bargain, warlock. You promised to tell me about red magic if I let you out of the cage... which I did. There were no stipulations regarding me giving you every detail of my emotional landscape, or the dissatisfactions of my childhood.”
He shook his head, still frowning, his eyes blacker than before.
“Ye would really do this?” A darker edge reached his words. “Commit suicide? For people who care nothing for ye?”
I winced, wishing I hadn’t added that bit of dramatic flair to my speech.
My family not giving a damn about me was hardly news to me, but it still stung. It stung especially coming from him for some reason.
Anyway, how would he know anything about my family?
“I don’t know.” I spoke truthfully, if in a colder tone. “It has crossed my mind that I might not be permitted to leave the palace, even if I were to be removed from any formal role within it. I would be given no job, no ability to participate in society, no means of contribution. At times, I confess, returning in the next life sounds preferable to being locked in a cage, no matter how pretty.” Glancing at him, seeing his frown deepen, I gave him a harder look. “I shouldn’t have said it. But that doesn’t mean I’m lying. It’s complicated.”
He shook his head, surprising me by laying a gentle hand on my leg.
“It’s not that complicated, Maia,” he said.
For a few seconds, it felt like he might say more.
He didn’t, though.
I could tell my words had bothered him. I could tell they continued to bother him, but I didn’t fully understand why, or why he didn’t speak. Why did everything about me and my life seem to enrage him so?
My puzzlement grew the longer I watched him. There was clearly something he wasn’t telling me. I had no idea what that something might be, however.
I eventually averted my gaze when he wouldn’t return it.
Once more, I considered telling him the truth of who I was.
Maybe it would make sense to him, if he knew I already faced banishment, likely within a week of my twenty-first birthday. Something about the events of this day made me realize I’d never fully admitted that fact to myself, but the truth of it hung there, in the background, for at least the past year. My friends had gradually distanced themselves. My mother interacted with me less and less. Many in the court wouldn’t even meet my gaze.
I spent most of my days alone.
Perhaps it would be less confusing to him if he knew I faced a death sentence already? It was never told to me outright, but no one expected a lone witch to be able to survive on their own, outside the palace walls. I would have no means to support myself. No family. No friends. I would likely end up homeless, killed by something mundane and poverty-related.
Shoving the thought from my mind in anger, I looked out over the gold-swathed river, watching as the sun made diamond patterns on the undulating surface.
I tried to think through logically what my next steps were, but it was difficult.
I couldn’t help wondering if Donal might consider taking me with him.
I could offer to help him with whatever it was he wanted, whatever he seemed to be angling for right now, and hinting at in roundabout ways. It was humiliating to admit, but it struck me there was little I wouldn’t do for him, if it meant I didn’t have to leave this place alone.
Perhaps there was such a thing as fate. It did strike me as more than a normal coincidenc
e that I would be the one to unearth this strange, angry warlock, particularly the way I had.
The old lady had come to me. She had found me first.
That had to mean something, right?
The possibility filled me with both confusion and hope.
But I could feel Donal waiting for me, growing more impatient the longer I didn’t speak, so I cleared my throat.
“I would like to trust you, Donal. I would.” I spoke calmly, gazing out over the water as I fought to think. “I cannot help but wonder what will happen to me, though, if I do go with you. Would you simply decide to ransom me later? Or take my mind from me with magic, if that is indeed what you are saying? It is only natural that you might wish to sell me to buy freedom for those you care for more.” I gave him a probing look. “You don’t strike me as being beyond able to rationalize those things, Donal... if the need arose. As part of your ‘greater good’ or blood-loyalty or whatever else is dear to you.”
He stared at me, his anger fading.
I saw his eyes widen once more in surprise, as if he were considering for the first time how I might be thinking about all of this, and about him. As he did, he frowned, looking me over in the gray dress. I’d noticed he did that whenever he needed time to think, so I didn’t take it personally, even when he scowled down at my shoes.
After a few more seconds’ pause, he reached for me, gripping my hand.
When he did, his eyes met mine like hard stones.
“I won’t leave ye in a bad way, Maia.” His voice held the force of a vow. “I promise ye I won’t. No matter what happens. I’ll find a way out of this. For both of us.”
I smiled, shaking my head sadly. “Pretty words, Donal. But you can’t promise that. You know you can’t. Especially now.”
But, Heaven’s Sky help me, I believed him.
Chapter 6
WHAT I AM
IN THE END, I confirmed only that I lived in the palace, and had some relation to the royal family. I didn’t tell Donal who I was, nor my full, real name.
Part of that was fear-driven, I knew.
Red Magic: an Adult Dystopian Paranormal Romance: Sector 6 (The Othala Witch Collection) Page 6