“Touché.” I smirk. Leave it to Cole to tell her all about the shit we got into as kids. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for the last twenty-four hours. Why don’t you get some rest, and we can talk about me tomorrow?”
“You’re deflecting again.”
“I’m not. I promise you. Rest. Tomorrow morning over breakfast, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.” Truthfully, I need a good night’s rest myself. To figure out exactly how I was going to tell her about the person I used to be.
Chapter Eighteen
Zoey
When Dylan promised to open up to me this morning, I assumed he was full of shit. I’d wake up, and he’d have some excuse about why we couldn’t talk. I wasn’t prepared for the full course breakfast and a full carafe of coffee that greeted me when I stepped into his kitchen/dining room combo. Nor was I prepared for the stoic man sitting at the table, seemingly waiting for me in all his shirtless glory.
The bags under his eyes spoke of lack of sleep, and the usual blue eyes appeared a haunting shade of gray. His physical appearance alone was nearly enough for me to back off and table this whole discussion.
“Sit down, baby, let’s talk.” His voice cracks as he stretches his arms over his head and leans back in his chair.
“Are…are you going to eat?”
“I will. Fix your plate. Tell me what you want to know.”
I take a drink of the orange juice sitting by my plate to clear the sudden cotton feeling in my mouth before answering. “I want to know about you. Whatever you want to tell me.” I selflessly give him an out now, after I’ve already pushed so hard.
“There’s not a whole lot to me. I was a little shit growing up. My grandmother raised me while my parents worked a lot of long hours. I acted out. Got into trouble. Gave my Gemma more gray hair than she probably wanted. And spent a lot of time pissing off my parents. Cole and I?” he let out a whistle. “We’re both really lucky we wised up, at least a little bit before either of us ended up in jail.”
He takes a piece of bacon from the plate and puts it in his mouth then takes a sip of coffee before saying more.
“I was hell on wheels as a teen. I pulled my head out of my ass senior year, enough to redeem myself and eventually join the police academy. Cole had already went off and joined the Marines at eighteen. I spent two years causing more trouble before I really got it together. Drinking. Women. I was so drunk from eighteen to twenty that I barely remember half of what happened. Cole came home on leave and gave me this big come to Jesus speech. I realized then, I didn’t want to be the town fuck up.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I say after swallowing down some of the pancakes.
Dylan shakes his head. “I still wasn’t in a good place after I was sworn in though. The drinking didn’t stop. I floated just barely on the other side of the line. I had everybody fooled and managed to skate by.”
“What changed?”
Taking a deep breath, he pauses for a second, “Natalie.”
My stomach flops, my appetite disappears as Dylan’s eyes cast down.
“We joined the police force around the same time. Crossed paths a time or two. It wasn’t until Cole invited me out to a club one night that things got serious. It was the only time I went to a BDSM club, and I happened to run into Nat. We hooked up. A few weeks later we got partnered up together at work.” He sighs. “I was going to marry her. I loved her with all I had.”
His confession is like a kick in the gut. “Oh.”
“Then she was killed in the line of duty.” His eyes mist. “It should have been me who died that day. Instead, she lost her life, while I called off to spend the day at the bottom of a bottle. We never caught the bastard that shot her. I’ve lived with the guilt every day since.”
With that, Dylan gets up from the table and steps out the back door, slamming it behind him.
I sit frozen in my spot. Shocked and unsure of what to say or do next. Longing to comfort him. Fearful that he’ll push me away.
Suddenly, everything about Dylan starts to make sense.
His protective nature.
The closed off emotions, and the wall he’s built around his heart.
Even the bond he has with Rhys.
He holds close the ones he cares about the most.
He’s afraid of being hurt, of losing someone he loves all over again.
Chapter Nineteen
Smitty
Talking about Nat again brings all the nightmares right back to the surface.
The scar hidden between the black lines on my ribs burns as a reminder of how far I went to try to avenge her death.
Confessing that I loved her feels like a weight off my chest. They were words I never got to say out loud to her. By the time I wised up, she was dead and gone. You’d think I wouldn’t touch a drop of alcohol after that, but I spent another six months at the bottom of the bottle. Right up until Cole came back home for good and opened his security firm. I buried myself in work and women after that. If I wasn’t on duty, I was working with Cole. If he didn’t have anything planned, I found a woman to keep me busy.
Then I decided to try for the SWAT team.
That’s when I felt like I found my true, purpose and, finally at twenty-eight, got my shit together for good.
Now I feel like I’m about to slip back into that black hole again with Zoey. Terrified that I’m going to lose her too. Because that’s what happens every time I get too close. I go and fall in love and some psycho decides to attack her. That shit isn’t just coincidence.
Setting my hands on the deck railing, I push forward and let my head drop. Breathing in the fresh air and trying somehow to repair the cracks in my heart from just mentioning Natalie’s name again after all these years.
Some days I wonder if I’m cursed. Destined to be alone forever.
The backdoor squeaks behind me, the air around me shifts, and I feel an edge of peace.
Zoey’s arms wrap around my waist, her front pressed against my back as she holds onto me. Unable to stand not being able to see her, I lift my arm and reach around to tug her to my side instead, squeezing her tightly against me.
And, I let myself fall.
Further in love with the sassy blonde who has busted through every wall I hammered around my heart for the last eight years.
“You know her death wasn’t your fault,” Zoey whispers against my chest.
“If I had been there, though. I was always supposed to have her six. I let her down,” the words that have rattled in my head every day since, pour from my lips.
“Do you really think she’d want you beating yourself up about it after all this time? Do you think she would blame you?”
I think back on Natalie’s smile, her laugh and how she always told me I was too serious. Took the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I know…Zoey’s right. “I blame me. She would tell me it was a hazard of the job, and she died trying to keep our streets safe.”
“Oh, D.” She reaches up and kisses my cheek. “It’s time to forgive yourself. Something tells me that you’ve spent every day since you lost her, doing something to honor her memory. To make her proud of you.”
“I don’t know about all that.” Stepping back, I move us over to the chaise lounge deck chair and pull Zoey onto my lap, letting her curl up against me.
“What was she like? Tell me about her,” she looks up at me, genuine curiosity floating in her eyes.
“You don’t have to do this.” I’m unsure if I want to do this.
“She was important to you. I want to know about her.” Her voice lowers. “If you want to share her with me.”
I told Zoey that I would tell her anything she wanted to know. At least with her, Natalie’s memory would be safe.
Looking out over the backyard, I recall how embedded under my skin Nat was. “She was a ball buster. Feisty. At work, she was one of the best.”
“You said you met her at a BDSM club?”
“Cole’s
a lot kinkier than you think. She and I were both there that night as invited guests. It wasn’t our scene. I like what I like, but I prefer doing things my way, in the confines of my home. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s not for me.”
Zoey nods in understanding. “You and Cole...did you share, her?”
“Only once.”
“Is that something you can live without?”
“Sharing?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Hell yeah. Baby, you satisfy everything I need.”
She sighs. “How long were you together?”
“Two years. We moved in together a year before she died.”
“Here?”
Shaking my head, I look at Zoey again, I expect to see at least a hint of jealous but there’s none. If she’s feeling anything at all, she’s hiding it well. “No. We had an apartment together. I didn’t stay long after, I couldn’t handle seeing her around everywhere. Every time I walked in the door I saw her. It was never a comfort, only a stark reminder of how I fucked up.”
“I stand by what I said earlier. She would want you to forgive yourself. She would want you to be happy.”
“That’s just it.” I pause and tilt Zoey’s chin, so she’s looking right at me. “I am genuinely happy again. Because of you.”
“And, that…is why you’re so worried and overreacting about my drama,” she says back, matter-of-factly.
“It’s not an overreaction. But yes, it’s why I’m so damn protective of you.” I playfully pinch her side and give her a smile.
“Hey, D.”
“Yeah, babe.”
“I love you too.”
A smile lights my face and those cracks in my heart seem to fit back together with those four simple words.
~*~
Zoey
“Your turn,” Dylan runs his fingers up my arm as we lay in his bed watching tv.
“My turn for what?”
“To tell me about your past.”
“Oh. There’s not a whole lot to know about me. I was the good kid most of the time. A dork in school. Band geek actually – and before you ask, no I don’t have any band camp stories.”
Dylan lets out a hearty laugh. “You and your pop culture references.”
“Anyway. I hung out with the band kids, flag twirler actually. Got a partial scholarship to Auburn. Started writing for fun between classes. The plan was to be a teacher. I finished with a degree in English and a teaching certificate. The writing gig worked out better than I thought, so I stuck with that path instead. I had done everything my parents asked of me right up until then. When I decided I would continue to write full time instead of teaching, they basically shunned me. I still talk to them once in a while but for the most part, we stay out of each other’s way.”
“And the ex-boyfriend?” he questions.
“Was a jerk. I realized it before things got too far out of hand and put a stop to it. He did enough damage though.” I sigh. “He was my first and only truly serious boyfriend. When my parents came down hard on me for my choices out of college, I had a bit of a rebel streak until him. Nothing too wild, but I wasn’t innocent.”
“You sure there isn’t a story there?” Dylan teases with a wink.
Shaking my head, I giggle. “No story. I slept around, learned a few things but nothing like the wicked things you’ve taught me.”
“Something tells me, you’re going to send me to an early grave.” He groans as my lips meet his.
Chapter Twenty
Zoey
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a man in my bed.
After breaking up with my ex, I stuck to casual flings and rarely brought anyone back to my place. Hell, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve gotten down and dirty in a public restroom and the back seat of a car.
We’ve been doing this dance for how long now? Yet, this is the first time that Dylan’s made it to my place. I’ve always been happy for the excuse to get away and see him instead. After talking about our pasts, and a little convincing on my part, he finally agreed to let me come home.
He says only to pack my stuff and go back with him, but we’ll see who wins this one.
Right now, here we are, curled up and panting after another round of mind-blowing sex.
“Hey, what’s this scar from?” I break the silence between us as I trace over a mark on his ribs, barely hidden by the black ink.
Smitty lets out a gentle laugh. “You don’t want to know.”
“I wouldn’t have asked,” I protest as he takes my hand and kisses my fingertips.
“Another time, maybe.”
There it is again. That little bit of vulnerability that he shows once in a while. Instead of letting him pull away, I push back. “Not what we agreed on. No more hiding,”
“I gotta take a piss,” he says as he gives me a rough kiss on the lips.
Moving quickly, I straddle his hips before he can slip away. “And you can, after you tell me what that scar is from.”
“It’s a reminder of how close I came to catching Natalie’s killer. Can we leave it at that, please?” His voice is gentle and pleading.
After everything else he’s shared about the woman who stole his heart first, his answer now is more than enough. Leaning down, I give him a kiss of my own and set him free. “Consider it left,” I wink before he climbs out of my bed.
I shamelessly enjoy the view of his naked backside as he walks out.
When he comes back, he’s carrying two bottles of water with him and tosses one to me. “I needed a drink too.”
“Worked up a thirst, did ya?” I tease.
“You’re relentless.” He grins. “So, we’re heading back tomorrow. I work tomorrow night.”
Well, avoidance of that topic was short lived.
“You’re heading back tomorrow night. You’ve already checked out everything here and made sure I was safe. The threats have stopped. And you insisted Cole installed one of his fancy security systems in my apartment. I have things here that I need to take care of.”
“I’m not comfortable with you staying here alone,” he says after chugging what’s left of his water.
“Dylan, I’ve lived here for years. Alone.”
“You had Kelsey nearby. And you didn’t have a stalker on your tail.”
My patience is already wearing thin on this topic. “Seriously, I have things I need to take care of here. I’ll be back at your place after your four on.”
Dylan rolls to his right and grabs his cell phone off the nightstand, typing furiously on the screen. “Fine. You want to be stubborn, then I’ll have Cole send one of his men out here to keep an eye on things while I’m gone.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I throw my hands up in the air. “You’re being entirely too dramatic.”
“Dramatic would be carrying your ass out that door tomorrow and dragging you back to Tallahassee. This is my compromise. I have a job to do, and I can’t focus on that if I don’t know you’re safe.”
“Dylan. The attack happened in Tallahassee. I’m far safer here. Tell me something, what would you do if I did come back with you tomorrow? I’d be alone then too, right?”
“No. I’d have eyes on you.” He looks right at me and gives me a cocky smirk. “Plus, you would be secure…in my house. In my bed, likely asleep while I work.”
“So, locked up in a tower like Rapunzel. Got it. Dickhead.”
“You won’t be locked anywhere.” He rolls on his side and props himself up on his elbow. “Now who’s being dramatic? Do you prefer that I don’t give a damn because honestly, I’m not sure I can go back to not caring about you.”
“I don’t want a damn babysitter.”
“No one’s babysitting you. Can you really blame me for wanting to keep you safe though?”
With a sigh, I lay back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. “It’s been a week, Dylan, and nothing else has happened. The police have nothing to go on. Maybe he’s given up?”
Dylan runs his fingers up and down my side. “That’s not how they work.”
Curiosity peaked, I roll over and face him. “I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Silence is usually an indication that things are about to escalate. They wait for your guard to drop, and then they strike. Think about it. He went silent before showing up at the gas station, right?”
“We don’t know that the two are related. Maybe that was random, and the threats are someone else. Someone hiding behind a computer screen.”
His smile doesn’t reach his eyes this time. “We don’t know that they’re not related either. I promise I’m not trying to trap you or keep you prisoner. I only want to keep you safe.”
“My answer is still no. Call off your guard dog. Let me stay here and get my shit together. I’m only asking for four days. Then I’ll be back in Tallahassee, and we’ll take it from there.”
He watches me closely for a minute before he groans. “Fine. I’m not happy about it, but Cole swears that the system he put in here is top notch, and I know you can handle yourself. I’ve got one concession though.”
I raise my brow at him. “Go on.”
“We’ll spend some time at the gun range tomorrow.”
Rolling my eyes at him, I shake my head. “I know how to shoot a gun and practice regularly.”
My response stuns Dylan.
“Single female.” I shrug. “I have a carry permit for the state of Alabama too.”
Pulling me closer he kisses my lips. “Now who’s withholding information?”
“You never asked,” I respond.
Chapter Twenty-One
Smitty
I swear to Christ, there isn’t a thing this woman can’t do. Hell, it’s been a long damn time since I’ve had sex so good that my body aches. Yet when I wake up the next morning with Zoey tangled around my body, it hurts to move.
Slipping out from under her to handle my business, I try not to laugh at my bones popping and cracking as I make my way to her bathroom. Nothing like a subtle reminder that I’m slowly pushing my forties.
Cop Tease (Too Hot To Handle Series Book 2) Page 8