by Beth Hyland
“What plan?”
“Don’t you know? He was sabotaging the condoms, trying to get you pregnant.”
“What?”
Condoms?
Pregnancy. Baby. Marriage.
My legs turn to rubber as a white-hot pain splits my head open. Aaron lets go and I fall to my knees.
I can see it now. It all comes back to me in rush of memory.
We’d been at a party out on Miller Quarry Road. People were hanging out, laughing, talking. Music blaring. I’d broken up with Chase earlier, but he wanted to talk.
We walked out to his car and before I knew it, he shoved me inside and took off. He told me he loved me and couldn’t stand the thought of me ever being with someone else. When I told him to take me back to the party, he told me not to be stupid. And when I demanded to know where he was taking me, he just laughed. It became clear that he’d been planning this. I had visions of him locking me up again somewhere, but for longer than a weekend. Cut off from my family and friends. Cut off from anyone else but him.
Then, as I cowered in the passenger seat, trying to figure out how to get away from him, he admitted he’d been poking holes in the condoms in order to get me pregnant. That way, if I were carrying his baby, I’d never be able to leave him. He would always be in my life.
That’s when I told him I’d been on the Pill since high school. One time I thought I was pregnant, which had really freaked me out, so Deena and I drove to a neighboring town, went to Planned Parenthood and I got on birth control.
Chase totally flipped out. Screamed at me. Called me a fucking whore and a cunt.
He reached over and grabbed me by the hair.
And then…
Tires screeching against pavement.
Then metal.
More screaming. Me this time.
Sparks.
Breaking glass.
Flying.
From somewhere above me, a female voice pulls me back to the present. I’m down on all fours, staring at the sidewalk.
I didn’t kill Chase. I know that now for sure. He did it to himself.
I wasn’t the one driving, as Aaron likes to suggest, and I didn’t grab the steering wheel. Chase was the one who’d almost killed me, and in the process, he killed himself.
Dani helps me to my feet and asks if I’m okay. I nod then instantly regret moving my head. It feels like my skull is about to split apart.
“What did you do to her?” Dani points to Aaron accusingly.
Aaron holds up his hands like he’s Mr. Innocent. “We were just talking. We know each other from back home, right Ivy?
Before I can respond, I hear loud footsteps coming up from behind, then Jon steps out in front of Dani and me.
“What the hell is going on?” he demands. “Ivy, are you okay? I saw Dani—” His gaze bounces between Aaron and me then turns ice cold. “Who is this asshole?”
“I’m…fine.” My voice wavers. I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but I don’t want things to escalate any worse than they already are.
Dani tells him what she saw.
A white-hot anger flashes in Jon’s eyes, like they did when he confronted his father backstage, and he takes a menacing step toward Aaron. “You fucking touched her?”
“Whoa, dude, relax. I know her.”
“Ivy?” Jon doesn’t take his gaze off of Aaron.
Taking a deep breath, I gather my courage. I need to deal with this. I can’t sweep it under the rug and pretend that everything’s all right. This needs to come out in the open. It’s gone on long enough. “He’s the one who’s been harassing me online. This is Aaron. Chase’s brother.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks. “Dani,” he says calmly, like the eye of a storm with chaos ready to erupt. “Take her back to her room. I have some business to take care of.”
Panic shoots through me. He can’t do anything to jeopardize his standing here at school. A fight off campus is one thing. But here? In front of the dorms?
I glance around, noticing for the first time that other people are watching as well. A few of them have their camera phones out. No matter what he does or where he goes, he always draws a crowd.
“Jon, please. He’s not worth it.”
“Maybe not, but you sure as hell are.”
My heart swells in my chest, ready to split into a million pieces. Jon Priestly is my everything and I’ve been lost this week without him. He’s my spirit. My soul. My strength when I have none. I need him like the air I breathe. And I’m about to lose him again.
Jon flexes his fists. Aaron must’ve figured he was going to get punched, because he ducks to the side. Jon lunges, but instead of hitting him, he grabs Aaron’s arm and twists it up behind him. The guy drops to his knees and howls in pain.
I cringe, expecting him to go MMA and start wailing on Aaron any second. “Jon, please, no. I don’t want another fight.” I’d seen too many. Chase once beat the shit out of someone because he thought the guy was hitting on me.
Jon hesitates, shoots a glance in my direction, then frowns.
“You’ve worked too hard and overcome too much to have it fall apart.”
“But I won’t let him get away with what he’s done to you.”
I point at Aaron. “That’s not your future.” Then I sweep my arms wide, looking at the surrounding campus and the people gathered around us. “This is.”
“You’re wrong, Ivy,” he says through clenched teeth. “None of it matters.
My heart sinks. I put my hand to my forehead. I don’t want to see this.
“None of it matters to me more than you. And our future together.”
I jerk my head up as he hauls Aaron to his feet.
“But I’m not going to let him get away with this.” There’s something different in his expression now. The anger has turned to determination. “Did I tell you, Ivy, that PSU’s Athletic Director is a fan of my show? We became friends when I played football. He’s the one who put in a good word for me at the station. I think he’ll be very interested to learn that one of his baseball recruits has been stalking and harassing one of PSU’s female students.” He looks at the crowd as if he’s known they were there the whole time. “Don’t you think so?”
Several bystanders, who I’m pretty sure are on the baseball team, nod their heads in agreement. “Yeah, he’ll be pissed,” one of them says.
“No doubt.”
“Totally.”
“Jesus, Aaron,” a guy says, adjusting his PSU baseball cap. “What a loser. You sure as hell don’t belong here.”
Shoulders sagging, Aaron drops his head in defeat.
Dani leans closer. “There was an incident a few years ago,” she explains. “So they have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of shit.”
“I’ll meet you back at the room, Ivy.” Jon pushes Aaron forward, hustling him down the sidewalk toward the Athletic Department. The crowd follows.
“Bye, asshole,” Dani calls. “Have a nice life.”
chapter twenty-six
Look inside your heart. I’ll be waiting there.
~ From Jon’s collection of lyrics
Ivy
Early morning sunlight streams in through the dorm window. I shift slightly, trying not to disturb Jon behind me, but it’s hard. It’s a twin bed. And Jon’s not exactly small.
The Athletic Director was very interested to hear about Aaron. They were going to look into the matter and would be in touch with me.
However, as I’ve been lying here, I decide that I might stay at PSU, even if Aaron does get to stay. After yesterday, I don’t feel quite so powerless anymore. I stood up to him and didn’t back down. People believed me…and it felt great. Now that I know the truth about what happened that night, Aaron has nothing over me anymore. I have friends who support me. I wouldn’t be standing up to him on my own.
When I roll over and face Jon, the covers slip down, revealing his tattoo—the one on his ribcage, underneath his left arm. As I’m studying its intric
ate pattern, I suddenly feel the heat of his stare.
“Like what you see?” he asks, his morning voice extra low and sexy.
I trace my finger lightly over the black ink. “It’s very beautiful. But you’ve never told me the story behind it.”
He brushes my hair behind my ear. At first, he says nothing, and I think he’s going to change the subject again. “I told you my mother had cancer, right?”
I nod.
“She had a mastectomy and was very self-conscious about the scars. I tried to tell her that it didn’t matter, but she was convinced that no one could ever love her looking the way she did. So she decided to have the scars tattooed with vines and roses. She was scared, though, so I offered to go first. This is the tattoo I got.”
The depth of his compassion never fails to amaze me. “And what does it signify?”
“That love comes from inside, but I’m thinking of having some modifications made to it.”
“You are? Like what?”
“I’m going to have the color filled in, change the rose to red, and add some ivy leaves.”
“What for?” I ask, even though I have an idea.
“It means that my love for a girl named Ivy comes from deep inside my soul, where it will remain forever.”
Tears sting behind my eyes as I rub my hand over his chest. I don’t feel broken anymore. “God, I love you. More than I ever thought was possible.”
The breath catches in his throat as he trails a finger over my jaw. “You’re my light in a sea of darkness. You’re the reason I want to become a better person. My heart…it beats only for you.”
My hand stills. “You don’t need to become better, Jon. I love you just the way you are.”
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me even closer. I’m instantly reminded that he doesn’t wear anything to bed. “I’m so sorry for being such an ass.”
“You’ve told me that. Several times. I forgive you, baby. I really do.”
“When I got your text about going backstage, I fucking lost it. That’s how my dad and mom hooked up. He’s been pulling girls back like that for years. I was ready to rip his head off if he touched a hair on your head.”
His body is tense. I snuggle closer, kiss him in the little hollow behind his ear, and he relaxes again.
“And then afterward, when I saw you wearing his shirt, I assumed you were as star-struck by him as everyone else.”
“Shhh. I know, baby, I know. But you need to remember something, okay? The only one I’m star-struck by…is you.”
And then, in my small dorm room bed, he makes love to me again.
* * *
Jon
Some people come into your life for a reason. Like a tattoo etched on your skin, their mark ends up lasting a lifetime. You’re forever changed.
Before Ivy, I mistakenly thought I was happy—the parties, the drinking, the girls—but I was just going through the motions, keeping myself numb enough that I didn’t have to think about what I was running from.
Somehow, that beautiful, amazing girl managed to smooth the jagged edges of my heart. I’m not the angry, messed up guy I thought I was. She grounds me. Makes me believe in myself. Because of her, I am…better.
From my perch on the ladder where I’m repairing the gutters on Stella’s house, I hear the sound of Ivy’s laughter. I turn and see the two of them doing a silly dance in the driveway. Guess that means the garage sale was a success.
A powerful pride swells in my chest as I think about how she stood up to Aaron. All by her fucking self. And to think that he and his friends had been harassing her online since Chase died. When I saw him face to face, all I wanted to do was rip his fucking head off. Make him pay for what he’d been doing to her…and for what his brother did. I was on the verge of going completely ballistic, but somehow, her reasoning and logic cut through my anger. How the hell had she talked me off that ledge?
“Thirsty?”
I must’ve been lost in my thoughts for a while, because I didn’t hear Ivy approach. She’s standing at the bottom of the ladder, looking up at me with her gorgeous green eyes and holding a glass of iced tea. The late afternoon sun glints off her hair, making it look more red than brown. My breath catches in my throat.
I know this sounds corny, but I think she really believes I can hang the moon. If I want to do something, no matter how hard or difficult, she’ll assume I can do it.
Ignoring my half-full bottle of water sitting on the roof, I smile. “Yeah, I’m parched.”
I climb down the ladder and wrap an arm around her waist, drawing her body to mine. The vanilla scent of her shampoo fills my lungs, and I sigh.
Ivy McAllister will always be exactly what I need.
chapter twenty-seven
Love is the bridge between you and everything. ~ Rumi
Ivy
Three months later
I’m back in Lincoln Falls for the first time since Christmas break.
Coffee Addicts offered me a full-time job for the summer, so I took it. Since Cassidy hadn’t decided if she was coming back next year, when I heard that Reese and Kelly needed someone to rent their extra bedroom, I agreed to take it. Jon has dropped some not-so-subtle hints that he wants to move in with me. Of course I’d love that, but I haven’t told him yet. A girl needs to play hard to get sometimes, you know?
Jon picked up a few more shifts at the radio station and he started teaching guitar lessons at a music store in town. Most of his students are kids and he loves it. Although people do mention who his father is sometimes, most haven’t made a big deal about it. Probably because of how Jon handled himself in the aftermath. He’s got enough charisma and personality of his own. He doesn’t need his father for that. He told his station manager there was no way in hell he was doing an O-Twist feature, so they dropped the subject. And after telling the reporter he wasn’t interested in being interviewed, she stopped calling.
Even though I wasn’t crazy about coming back to Lincoln Falls—College View is my home now—it’s Rose’s sixteenth birthday, and I promised to come.
My mom forgot to pick up vanilla ice cream for the cake, so she sent Jon and me to the grocery store.
As we walk past the dairy aisle, Jon grabs my arm and turns me around. Just as I open my mouth to protest whatever it is he’s doing, he squirts whipped cream into my mouth.
“What the hell?” I say, but it sounds more like whah ah ell. I look around quickly to see if anyone sees us. There’s a woman about fifteen feet away examining the eggs, but I don’t think she saw us. Covering my mouth with my hand, I swallow.
“There. It’s your first real whip hit.”
I poke my fingers at that tender spot on his hip where I know he’s the most ticklish. He tries jumping backward, but the dairy case is right behind him. “I can’t believe you just did that.”
“You’re no longer a virgin, Ives. It’s painful, but isn’t it worth it?”
I make that really unflattering snort slash laugh that I do sometimes. I’m really going to get him now. I reach for him again, but he dances just out of my reach, laughing. I drop my shopping basket and lunge for him.
“Sorry, Ives, I’m just too damn fast.”
“Just you wait,” I tell him, picking up the basket. “When you least expect it, expect it.” Noticing that the woman with the eggs is pushing her shopping cart in our direction, I give Jon the evil eye. “Behave,” I say to him through clenched teeth. I’d sign, but my hands are full. “Remember, people know me here.”
I stop in front of the ice cream case. As I’m trying to decide what brand to buy, Jon walks to the front of the aisle and starts looking at the magazines. I hear someone come up behind me. I stiffen. It’s not the store manager, is it, planning to bust us for doing whip hits?
“Ivy?”
I turn to see Lana Marquette, Chase’s mother.
I swallow nervously. “Hi Mrs. Marquette.” She’s always been very nice to me. Quiet, but nice.
“You
must be home from school,” she says. “Are you liking it up there?”
“Yes, very much.” I suddenly feel very sad. She looks thinner than the last time I saw her, her face gaunt. It’s clear she’s been through a lot these past few years. “I’m…I’m sorry I didn’t make it to Chase’s memorial service.”
She flashes me a grateful smile. “I appreciate that, but I didn’t expect you to come. I think you were either still in the hospital or you’d just come home.”
She’s giving me an out. We both know I’d been home for almost a month by the time the service was held.
“We heard about what Aaron’s been doing to you.”
My eyes go wide. “You have?”
She presses her lips into a thin line and nods. “When his father found out that PSU pulled their offer, he called and learned what had happened. The school shared with him a few of the choicer emails Aaron had sent to you. When he confronted Aaron about it, he admitted to giving you a hard time since the accident.”
Hard time doesn’t begin to describe it, but I don’t say anything.
She pauses, her voice getting even quieter. “Chase was angry with you, wasn’t he?”
I stare at her, not sure what to say.
“You don’t need to answer that if you don’t want to. I just know that he was very upset the last time I saw him. Angrier than I’d ever seen him before.”
“I had just broken up with him.” I was about to say that it was my fault, but I stop myself. It wasn’t my fault. It was his.
She nods. “I loved my son, but that doesn’t surprise me. He had a temper just like his father’s.” She looks around nervously, then leans in a little closer. “I’d have left Ace if I had been courageous like you, but I was stupid and got myself pregnant.”
I blink a few times, unsure of what I just heard. “Stupid? You weren’t stupid, Mrs. Marquette. Sometimes accidents… Well, they just happen.” Either that, or assholes poke holes in the condoms, but I don’t say that, either.
“Good luck with everything, Ivy. You’ve got a great future ahead of you.”