by J. Saman
And she touches me too.
My arms, my back, my chest and when her fingers glide into my hair, I have to stifle my moan. That’s always been a weakness of mine and it feels unbelievable.
We’re both sweaty when the song morphs into a slower more hypnotic beat. I think she’s going to ask to sit down given the seductive nature of the music, but she shocks the shit out of me by resting her head on my chest and snaking her arms around my lower back. Her hips are moving and my hands automatically glide down the exposed silky skin of her back until they stop just above her ass.
I’m holding her in the dark, surrounded by strangers who are practically dry fucking all around us.
My heart rate starts to climb and I know she can feel it because her ear is pressed right above it. Katie’s hand glides up my chest, resting it next to her head on my peck and I reach up with one of my hands to hold it. She lets me. I know it’s just because she is drunk, but I can’t help the goddamn want that is swirling around inside of me.
Katie is like a drug I can’t seem to get enough of, and even though I know I need to quit, I can’t. I’m addicted to this. To her smell, her feel, the way she moves against me, all of it. I want more and I can’t have it, and that just sucks.
The song ends all too soon and she pulls back, her eyes sleepy, hair tussled and crazy sexy.
“I’m tired,” she says during a brief break in the music.
I check my watch and see that it is well past two in the morning. “Let’s get you to bed then, sleepy girl.”
“I had so much fun tonight, Ryan. This has been the best,” she grins, half asleep as we walk through the hotel over towards the elevators that lead up to our rooms. Once again our rooms are next to each other and the thought of her sleeping on the other side of the wall isn’t doing me any favors.
“I did too, sweetheart.”
My fingers glide through her hair as she rests her heavy head against my side. Leaning down, I press my lips to the top of her head, relieved she’s so short that her lips aren’t more accessible. I need a distraction and if it wasn’t so late, I might actually consider going back into the club to pick someone up.
“If I tell you something will you not speak of it again and pretend like it never happened?”
I smile at her cuteness and kiss the top of her head again before we step off the elevator onto our floor. “Promise.”
She sighs heavily into me. “I miss sex.” My eyes widen and I suppress a groan, because this girl is killing me. “Part of me thinks I should just find someone and get it over with. You know, rip the Band-Aid off, but the other part of me has been holding onto it. Afraid to experience that with someone else.” She sighs again, leaning into me a little more and our walk has all but stalled in the hallway. “What if I’m bad at it?”
I chuckle softly at the absurdity of those words.
“No, I mean it.” She stops me, pulling away and looking at me earnestly. “I’ve only ever been with Eric. What if I’m not good at sex?”
I cup her face with my hand so she’s force to look into my eyes. “You will be,” I tell her honestly, because I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. “No one who moves their body the way I saw you move yours tonight could possibly be bad in bed.” I’m desperate to offer up my services as a test, but I keep quiet because I know she’ll say no and laugh it off and then things could get weird between us. “You’re an incredible woman, Katie. Beautiful, smart, funny, a bit of a wiseass. The whole package.” My fingers glide down her face because I can’t seem to stop them. “When you do decide to have sex again, it should be with someone worthy of you, not a meaningless fuck.”
“Why does it sound so hot when you say it like that?”
Now I do groan. “You’re killing me here, Katie. I’m trying to be a good and honorable man, and you’re telling me that what I’m saying sounds hot and that you miss sex. I’m a guy sweetheart, there is only so much I can take.”
She laughs like I knew she would, and then she leans back into me and we start to walk again. “You are sort of a perfect guy, aren’t you, Ryan Grant? I’m jealous of the woman who gets you and I don’t even know her.”
I want to tell her that she could have me this very second, but I don’t.
I can’t.
She doesn’t actually want me.
Katie is still very much stuck in the past and in love with her husband. She’d regret me before the condom even came off, and I know I couldn’t handle that.
“Back at you, babe. I sort of want to take down the guy who gets you.”
She leans her head back against the door to her room. “You’re a liar, but a sweet one. So I’ll let you get away with it just this once,” she winks at me and I’m not exactly sure what she’s talking about. “Good night, Ryan.” She leans up and kisses my cheek before pulling back and going into her room, leaving me in a world of horny frustration and emotional confusion.
In all the many ways I’ve thought of her—imagined her—over the years, I never quite did her justice. She is so much better than any fantasy I ever conjured up, and I have a fantastic imagination. Katie is my wildest dreams and greatest hope combined into one stunningly perfect package. And I want to open it up so damn badly.
Chapter 8
Kate
I wake to a loud pounding in my head and that sick, icky feeling in my stomach, which can only be the result of too much alcohol the night before. More pounding, and then I realize it’s the door.
Crawling out of bed, I grab the robe and wrap it around myself before I open the door to a frowning Ryan. “What’s up, dude? Why the early morning wake-up call?”
“Well, dude,” he mocks, walking past me into my room. “First of all, you need to tie that damn robe because I can see you’re only wearing panties under it and it’s more than I can deal with at the moment.”
I shrug a shoulder, not really caring that he saw my stomach and panties. It’s not like he saw my boobs. He’s grumpy today.
“Second of all,” he continues as I tie a knot and turn around to face him. “It’s not early morning. It’s after eleven and checkout is at noon.”
I yawn, rubbing my face. “I thought we said we were going to stay here another night?”
“We did, but that was until I saw on the Weather Channel this morning that we’re going to get hit with a hurricane tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.”
“Why are you being a grumpy bear?” I flop down onto my bed, raising an eyebrow at him.
He smirks despite himself and it’s the reaction I was hoping for. “I’m not being a…grumpy bear.” I love that he just said those words. “I just didn’t sleep well.”
“Too much ETOH will do that my friend.” I lean back on my hands, my legs dangling off the edge of the bed.
“ETOH?”
“It’s the acronym for ethyl alcohol, also referred to as ethanol or drinking alcohol.”
His lips quirk. “You’re a nerd.”
“So said the computer geek. Anyway, I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well last night.” I sit up, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my thighs. “I guess this means that Key West is out now too?” He nods. “All right. So then where to, kemosabe?”
“You’re a bit of an odd duck, aren’t you?”
“So said the man who used the phrase odd duck.”
“Are you going to keep starting your sentences with, so said the?”
“Maybe.” We’re both smiling now and I think feeling a little better for it. “Give me twenty to shower and pack up. I need some greasy food and I’ll drive wherever you direct me. You can nap in the car.”
“Let’s head towards New Orleans. We’ll stop somewhere along the way when you don’t want to drive anymore.”
“That’s a plan, Stan,” I wink, standing up and grabbing a pair of shorts and a vintage Beastie Boys tee out of my bag along with clean panties and a bra. “Are we checked
out?” I ask as I move to the bathroom.
“I’ll go take care of it while you shower.”
“Awesome. See you soon.”
I shut the door behind me, strip down and start up the shower. Other than my stomach that feels gross, I don’t feel terrible. Probably due to all the water I drank when I got back here last night. I wash quickly, dress, run a brush through my hair and teeth, and then finish packing everything up.
I’m ready in under fifteen and feeling a lot less nasty.
Ryan is hard at work on his phone, leaning against a large pillar as I approach him. “Ready, sunshine?” I ask once he tucks his phone in his pocket.
“Ready, rainbows,” he smiles, grabs my bag and we head out to the valet who has my car waiting.
We hit the highway quickly and let me tell you, Florida drivers are insane. They weave in and out of lanes without signaling. Some drive dirt ass slow, while others speed twenty over the limit. Ryan passes out quickly after we hit up a fast food joint.
Normally I don’t eat that crap, but desperate times and all.
I’m lost in thought, listening to music when I start to see signs for Orlando and Disney world. The familiar burning behind my eyes begins automatically. Eric and I had talked about taking Maggie to Disney World. He wanted to do it that winter, but I wanted to put it off since she was so young. I regret that now. I wish I could have seen her face light up the way I know it would have. I wish I could have seen Eric experience that with her.
I’ve been driving for almost four hours. I need to get out and stretch my legs, but the thought of doing it in Orlando makes me ache. I also have to pee, and I’m stiff as hell and thirsty, and really want to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out. My fingers clasp my necklace as I take the exit for Disney World, wondering if this will prove to be cathartic or counterproductive.
Ryan starts to rouse, lifting his seat until he’s sitting up again and looking out the window. “Are we stopping?”
“I need to stretch my legs and get something to drink.” My voice is so quiet that I know he won’t miss it.
“I can drive after this for a bit if you want to keep going or we could stay in Orlando? Go to a park?”
“No,” I say far too quickly. “I want to keep going.”
He looks over at me, but I keep my eyes trained on the road. “You okay?”
I shake my head, swallowing a few times and trying to keep my tears at bay.
“Disney World?” he guesses, and all I can do is nod. “Pull in here, Katie.” He points to a Walmart and I do as I’m told, parking the car near the front. “Let’s go inside, grab some snacks, stretch our legs and see what kind of weird shit we can find.”
I look at him, but can’t seem to manage a smile.
The second we’re out of the car he pulls me into a hug and I have to try so much harder not to cry. I push him away, shake my head and start to walk towards the entrance.
He gets it.
I know he does as he walks next to me leaving a wide berth of space between us. The entire store is full of Disney and Universal Studios merchandise.
“I never got to read Harry Potter to her.” And that does it. I break down in the middle of Walmart.
Ryan starts towards me with that sad, remorseful look on his face and I wave him off, pointing to the restroom as I run away. I crash through the bathroom and go directly into the stall.
I pee, because, well, I need to, doing my best to get control of my tears. I wonder if a day will come when I don’t cry at least once. I long for it and dread it at the same time. I want to be able to move on, get my life back together and start fresh. Yet I don’t want to ever do that because I’m afraid that means I’ll have forgotten them, or that my love for them has diminished. If I cry and hurt, then I know they’re still a part of me and that my love is still as strong as it ever was.
I wash my hands, splash water on my face and when I come out, Ryan has a cart that is filled with crap. A ridiculous t-shirt that says Because I rule, Pringles, Chex Mix, bottles of water, a deck of playing cards and a checker’s board.
“Jesus, how long was I in there?”
“This store is awesome. I’ve never actually been inside of a Walmart before, but you can get everything here, and it’s super cheap.” He’s excited, and it’s sort of adorable.
“Lead me to the candy aisle. I need gummy candy and I need it now.”
“This way, doll,” he gives me his crooked smile and then points me over towards the food.
I grab four bags of various gummies and a Diet Coke since the one I got at the fast food place this morning wasn’t real Diet Coke. Ryan thinks my little habit is nasty and I concede that it is, but I don’t drink coffee or tea, so he’ll have to deal with it.
I also purchase a Hufflepuff scarf because I’ve always wanted one. Yes, if I had been sorted it would have been with Hufflepuff, get over it. We leave Walmart fifty bucks broker, but it was worth it, and I feel a little better after my cry.
That’s a new sensation for me too. Usually crying makes me feel worse, but today I somehow feel lighter for it.
Ryan gets in the driver’s seat and we continue heading northwest towards the Florida panhandle. We don’t stop for several more hours. Instead we eat our junk food and talk and listen to music, and argue about the finer points of Harry Potter and Star Wars.
“All I’m saying is that Star Wars is the greater franchise,” Ryan says using one-handed exaggerated gestures as the other is thankfully affixed to the steering wheel.
“Greater in what respect? I mean, sure it spans a larger generation gap, but the fact that Harry Potter is a both a book and a film series I think makes it better overall.”
“Okay, I’ll admit that I liked the books. But the Star Wars movies are way better than the Harry Potter ones.”
I shrug, conceding that point. “So would you rather be a wizard or a Jedi?”
“Damn, that’s a great question.” He rubs his hand along his dark bristly jaw as he thinks on this. “Jedi. Lightsabers are badass and they can do pretty much anything a wizard can do.”
“Except apparate. And Jedi can’t really fly.”
“True. Apparation would be awesome.” Ryan turns to me with the biggest grin ever, a twinkle in his vibrant green eyes and for a moment, I get lost. And then I get butterflies that I don’t quite understand.
And then I turn away because it’s all making me way too jittery and uncomfortable for my liking.
I turn up the music and we fall into a companionable silence, lost in our own reverie.
By the time we do stop it’s well after dark, and I have no idea where we are, but Ryan assures me that we’re close to Tallahassee.
We manage to find a hotel that has a restaurant in it, which is a double bonus at this point. We’ve been driving for eight hours and the thought of having to get back in the car to find food is not appealing.
Ryan and I eat in silence, go to bed in our separate rooms and wake up early as hell.
Before lunchtime the next day, we’re in New Orleans.
It’s raining. A lot.
The hurricane that hit the Florida coast has sent a wave of moisture in this direction, so the thought of traveling around and looking for a place to stay the way we normally do does not work. We google hotels and Ryan books us at the Ritz Carlton, which is around the corner from Bourbon Street. We check in and as I talk to the front desk, Ryan is over by the concierge, I assume making dinner reservations.
When he returns he has this shit-eating grin on his face as he pushes his black frames up the bridge of his nose.
“I sort of did something for you, and I don’t want you to complain, challenge, or protest.”
I raise an eyebrow because this sounds serious. “What did you do, Mr. Grant?”
He gives me his crooked smile. “Is it weird that I think it’s hot that you just called me that?” I make a circular motion with my hand encouraging him to spill
it. “I made you a spa reservation.”
“You did what?” My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline.
He’s grinning. “Yup. Your appointments start in an hour.”
“Appointments? As in more than one?” I shake my head, trying to hold in my grin. “Ryan—” I start but he quickly cuts me off.
“And it’s on me.” I’m shaking my head adamantly. “Like I said, no protests. I want to do this for you, so please accept it.”
Jesus, this guy. I throw my arms around him, burying my head into his chest.
“I don’t deserve you, Ryan. You truly amaze me. I may, in fact, love you in this moment.” I pull back with a smile that he readily returns.
“Go get yourself settled in at the spa, they’re waiting for you. I’ll take your bag up to your room.” I lean up on my tippy-toes and peck his lips lightly because a kiss on the cheek just won’t do it for this.
It’s not a real kiss. More like the ones I used to give Maggie, so I don’t really count it, but I feel it. Even in its brevity, I feel it and it feels…well, I’m not exactly sure how it feels.
Confusing? Yes. Nice? Definitely.
The spa is beautiful, and when I get there they give me first class treatment. Ryan ordered me the works. Massage, a body scrub thing, lunch, facial, manicure and pedicure. I’m told by the staff that I am not allowed to ask how much everything costs. They’re under strict instructions to make me feel like a princess.
Who does that?
I mean, I’ve known this guy for a week and he orders me hundreds of dollars’ worth of spa treatments?
I don’t know how to process any of this, mainly because…I could like him. I could, and I don’t want to because I know I’m not ready. I have no idea if this pampering is out of friendship, or pity, or something else entirely, but I’m scared to ask.
Scared because I don’t know what I want the answer to be.
I’ll be conflicted no matter what.
I spend almost five freaking hours in the spa, and by the time I emerge, I feel and look like a new woman. I haven’t been this relaxed in years, since before Maggie was born. Recharged? Yeah, I’m that too.