by Laura Lee
I thunk my head on the steering wheel. “What the hell am I doing?”
I cannot go to him. It would give him the impression that I’m interested in something more than our one-night-stand. Which I’m not, I remind myself. This was a mistake. Why can’t I seem to make myself leave?
“Kat, what are you doing?” Gavin says while tapping on my window.
“Damn it!” I scream while jolting up in surprise. “You need to stop scaring the shit out of me!”
He motions for me to lower my window. I crank the old handle until it’s halfway down. No automatic features for this girl.
“Hi,” I say, trying to hide my embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”
He smirks. “Hi. It’s my house. What are you doing here?”
Oh, geez, how lame can I be? Why does this man make me so discombobulated?
“Uh…”
He laughs and opens my car door. “Come inside, Kat.”
I try pulling my door closed but he holds onto it. “No, thanks. I don’t know why I’m here…this was a mistake.”
He leans into the car and reaches across my body. God, his woodsy cologne is so damn sexy it’s intoxicating. I’m distracted by his proximity so I don’t realize what he’s doing until it’s too late.
“Hey,” I complain as he pulls my keys out of the ignition and pockets them.
Gavin steps aside and gestures for me to exit the vehicle. “You’re here for a reason, whether you want to admit it or not. Come inside. I was just making a sandwich; there’s plenty to share.”
My stomach growls loudly at the mention of food. To my utter embarrassment, he notices and raises an eyebrow. I remove my seatbelt and step out of the car without a word. Gavin closes the door and extends his hand in my direction. I stare at it in confusion.
“It’s just a hand, Kat. I won’t bite.” He winks and adds, “Unless you’re into that sort of thing.”
I feel the blood rushing to my face as a shiver courses through my body, remembering the feel of Gavin’s mouth on my bare skin. This garners another laugh on his end. I groan at my inability to save face as I take his hand and follow him through the front door.
He leads me into the little dining nook off the kitchen and nods toward a chair. “Make yourself at home while I put something together.”
I take a seat and watch as he moves about the kitchen, gathering items to assemble sandwiches. My nerves are starting to get the best of me so I decide to ask for some liquid courage. “Do you have anything to drink around here?”
He pokes his head into the stainless steel refrigerator. “Anything specific on your mind?”
“Beer?” He’s definitely a craft brew kind of guy so I figure my odds are pretty good.
He reaches down low and retrieves a bottle. “I have this new fall ale from the local brewery. That work for you?”
I smile. “That’s perfect.”
He pops the top and hands it over. After I take a sip he asks, “What do you think?”
I savor the hint of apple as I swallow. When I do drink beer, it’s rarely anything this fancy. You definitely get what you pay for. “Mmm, it’s really good.”
He stares at my lips as I speak. There’s an electric current in the air as I do the same to him. He clears his throat and resumes his task. Placing a giant hoagie in front of me he says, “Hope you’re hungry.”
I discreetly check to make sure I’m not drooling. “Wow, I don’t know if I can fit my mouth around that sucker.”
“I’m sure going to enjoy watching you try,” he teases. He finishes preparing his sandwich and joins me at the table. “Well? I’m waiting to see what you think of my culinary skills.”
I laugh. “Are you sure you’re not just waiting to watch me wrap my lips around this suspiciously phallic roll?”
His eyes twinkle in amusement. “Am I that obvious?”
“Totally.”
Our banter is so effortless that I forget about my shitty day while we eat. He’s careful to keep the conversation light; he seems to instinctively know that my flight response will kick in if things get too serious. We laugh and flirt shamelessly while I devour my food. Being with Sparkles is nice…comforting even. I can’t remember the last time I felt so at ease. After our meal, we both crack open another beer and move over to the couch in the living room.
“You feel like watching a movie?” Gavin asks. “I can see what’s playing On Demand.”
Oh hell, why not? It’s not like I have anywhere else to be. “Sure.”
He smiles and begins flipping through the menu on TV. We agree on an action flick and settle in to watch. I’m careful to remain on the opposite end of the sectional so we’re not touching. He’s exercising restraint for sure; I can definitely feel his attraction but not once have I sensed that he’s about to make a move. I’m more concerned about my own inability to control my hormones. About halfway through the movie, I get chilled so I grab the throw off the back of the couch and snuggle into it.
I stifle a yawn as my eyes become unfocused. “It’s pretty late; I should probably get going.”
Gavin pauses the movie. “What? Why?”
I wrap the blanket around my shoulders. “Gavin, you know why.”
He sighs and scoots closer. “No, I don’t know why, Kat. Why don’t you explain it to me?”
“Don’t do this,” I groan.
He comes even closer and takes my hand. “Don’t do what? I thought we were having a nice evening.”
“We were,” I agree. “We are.” He starts rubbing his thumb over the webbing between my thumb and forefinger. Suddenly I’m wide awake and my senses are on high-alert. I continue to watch as his thumb glides back and forth. I release a little moan as my eyes roll back. Since when is that spot an erogenous zone?
“Kat,” he whispers a hairsbreadth away from my lips.
He smells like clean masculinity and crisp ale. I feel my resolve weaken as I stare into his beautiful eyes. He seems to sense it the moment I part my lips. “What are you doing to me?”
He closes the gap between us and tugs on my lower lip. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“Gavin,” I plead.
“Shh…stop overthinking it.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into me. “Give me a reason not to.”
“With pleasure,” he growls.
He lifts me until I’m straddling his lap. I gasp as he presses me into his straining erection and I brazenly grind into him as our mouths connect.
Something is poking me and it’s not the good kind of something. “Ouch! What is that?”
Gavin reaches into his pocket and removes my car keys, throwing them to the floor. His hands roam down my thighs to the back of my calves, before circling my ankles. He lightly taps my foot, prompting me to rise. He’s still sitting on the couch while I stand directly in front of him. He never breaks eye contact as he lowers my leggings and helps me step out of them. He pops the button to his jeans, slides the zipper down, and lifts up slightly to remove them. As I watch him with rapt interest, I lift my tunic over my head to which he counters by taking off his own shirt.
His hands wrap around my hips as he pulls me into him, softly kissing my stomach. My fingers comb through his hair as his lips leave a wet trail down my abdomen, teasing the hem of my panties. Fingers feather over the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.
“God, Kat,” he pants. “No matter how close you are; I can’t get enough. I need to be inside of you.”
I lean down and press soft kisses along his jaw. “I want that too. So much.”
My hands ghost over his chest, down to his abs until I reach the waistband on his boxers. I can’t get over the thrill of how he makes my entire body tingle with anticipation. He inhales sharply when I free his erection and groans when my fingers curl around his bare skin.
I sink down to the floor. “I want you in my mouth first though.”
Gavin groans again as I pull his underwear down to his ankles. He ki
cks them aside and throws his head back on the couch.
“Kat, you don’t need to do that.”
I lick my lips as I stare at his cock. “Oh, yes, I really do.”
I lower my head and place soft kisses over the blunt tip, then flatten my tongue and lick him from root to tip before taking the head into my mouth.
“Oh, hell!” he shouts. “If you insist.”
I smile as my lips stretch around his delicious girth and hum in approval. I swirl my tongue around the tip before sucking him deeply into my mouth. I wrap my fist around the root and pump in perfect rhythm with my mouth. His hands tangle in my hair and his hips jut out, pushing his cock down to my throat. My free hand cups his balls while I extend my finger to press against the magic spot right behind them. He’s fucking my mouth in earnest now—panting, cussing, telling me how good it is.
“Jesus, Kat. You need to stop or this will be over in seconds.”
I hollow my cheeks one last time, sucking hard before releasing him with a pop. I smirk when I see the strained smile on his face.
“Get your ass back up here,” he growls.
Gavin pulls me back into his lap and smashes his mouth into mine. He reaches behind my back and unclasps my bra. I gasp as the cool air hits my skin, my nipples hardening as soon as the cups fall away. His eager fingers knead my flesh, tracing over the pink tips. I tremble as he sucks a bud into his hot mouth, hooks a finger into the band of my panties, and rips them away in one powerful movement. I press down when I feel the head of his cock notch against my opening. He kisses up my jaw as I sink onto him inch by magnificent inch.
I sigh. “You feel incredible.”
He thrusts into me in reply but then suddenly freezes. His eyes pop open and he stares at me, unblinking.
“Condom,” he says. “We need a condom.”
Oh, shit! How in the hell did I not notice that? My God, this man makes me lose all rational thought.
“I’m not sleeping with anyone else. I’m clean and on the pill,” I pant. See? Not a drop of sense in my head right now. “Have been for years.”
He grabs my hips, moaning as he pulls me down to the hilt. “Thank God. You feel too good to stop now. I am too. Clean, I mean—not the pill. Obviously, I have no reason to be on the pill. And there’s no one else for me either.”
I lift up, swivel my hips, and slowly inch myself down again. “Less talking, Sparkles. More moving.”
He moves me up and down, short probing strokes alternated with deep thrusts. Just as we’ve developed a delectable rhythm, he pauses. My inner walls grip him, starving for more.
“Gavin, please,” I whimper.
“Look at me, Kat.”
As I heed to his command, he surges upward, causing a bolt of electricity to run through the entire length of my body. He tightens his grip, clutching me to him, impaling me over his cock again and again until I’m screaming. As lust clouds my vision, I struggle to maintain eye contact. He’s filling me so wholly—his presence overwhelms my mind and body. His eyes pierce straight through my soul. I’m consumed by him—by everything he is and everything we are together. White hot pleasure ricochets throughout my body and I’m coming harder than I ever have before. Gavin follows right behind me, repeating my name over and over.
My forehead is resting on his shoulder as I try catching my breath. Warm tears trickle down my cheeks, opening the floodgate for my uncontrollable sobs. Gavin gently grabs my face and kisses away each salty drop.
“Shh, Kat. I know…it’s okay. I’m right here.”
I wipe my cheeks, embarrassed that I’m being so emotional. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I feel like an idiot.”
He pets my hair soothingly. “Don’t. That was intense. I get it. Are you going to be okay?”
I don’t know how to answer his question. With our eyes locked, I feel so exposed…so vulnerable. This man makes me want things that I can’t have. He makes me want to tell him everything, to release all the ugly memories I have inside of me, just to have someone who knows what I’ve been through. Someone who can comfort me when I have nightmares. Someone who can help me glue all the broken pieces back together. I know my thoughts are reckless—I barely know this guy—but every instinct in my body is screaming at me to let him in. To let him see. That’s when I know it’s time to get the hell out of here.
I awkwardly dislodge myself from Gavin’s lap and stand up. “I have to go.” I start gathering my clothes, getting dressed as fast as possible.
He stands and pulls on his discarded boxers. “Now, wait just a damn minute. I am not letting you walk away from me again.”
I pull up my pants and place a hand on my hip. “You don’t get to make that call.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” He rakes his hand over his head and tugs on the ends of his hair. “What the hell is wrong with you, Kat? Is this par for the course? Should I be grateful that I’m at least awake when you ditch out this time? How can you leave after what just happened?”
“We fucked, Gavin,” I say harshly. “That’s all.” Clearly my defense mechanisms are kicking in.
He scowls. “That was not fucking and you know it, Kat. I’ve never…I’ve never experienced a connection like that before. It was even stronger than the first time we were together. It was fucking surreal.”
Yes, it was, but I don’t tell him that. “No need to pretty it up on my account. We both got off and now that we’re done, it’s time for me to go.”
“You’re so goddamn confusing!” he shouts. “I’ve never met someone that throws around as many mixed signals as you do.”
I blanch at the harshness in his tone. “Well, pardon me for being so damn complicated. Don’t worry; I won’t make this mistake again so you can just forget it ever happened.” I grab my keys off the floor and head for the front door.
He grabs my arm. “Kat, wait. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be a dick. Stay so we can talk about this. Just stay, damn it.”
Tears prick at my eyes. “I can’t. Trust me when I say it’s for your own good. You don’t want me, Gavin.”
“I’m a grown-ass man. Don’t you think I can decide that for myself?”
“I’m well aware of how grown you are.” And how fast you’d run away once you found out I’m still in high school. “Unless you plan on forcing me to stay against my will, I’m out of here.”
He looks affronted as he releases me. “I would never force you to do anything against your will. What would possess you to even say something like that?”
I see the wheels turning in his brain and decide that I need to make a quick exit. I open the door and look back one last time. “Forget I said anything. Goodbye, Gavin.”
I think he’s still contemplating my words as I step outside because he doesn’t attempt to follow. I squash down the disappointment as I get in my car and drive away. I head straight back to my apartment and see that the lights are still on. Having no desire to walk into God-knows-what, I opt for sleeping in the cramped backseat instead. My brain and my body are completely spent and I need at least a few hours of rest before I can deal with anything else. As I fold my arm under my head, I think about how comforting the blanket from Gavin’s couch would be right now. Or even better, how comfortable my head would be lying on his chest. Oh, well, when has my life ever been easy? I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep and forget he ever existed.
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I walk through the bustling halls of McKinley High after first period calculus. Whoever had the idea that math should be taught before noon was a sadist—my brain already hurts. I stash my book in my locker and close it, ready to head to AP Literature.
“Oh-Em-Gee, Kat! I’ve been dying to talk to you! You really need to get a cell phone so we can text.”
I roll my eyes at Bree, my only real friend besides Dylan. We’ve had this conversation many times and I give her the same reply that I always do. “Yes, Bree; we’ve been through this. I’d be happy to get a cell phone if you’d like t
o pay for it.”
She returns the gesture and gathers her long locks into a ponytail. “Har har, Kitty.”
On the surface, Bree is your stereotypical American high school girl. She’s blonde, beautiful, and a cheerleader with a perennially sunny disposition. Nothing seems to faze her. In reality, she comes from a broken home with some seriously fucked up parents. She moved here when they went to jail for meth distribution and her aunt offered to take her in. I’ve learned that damaged people seem to gravitate toward one another. It’s like we can recognize each other’s pain and need someone with whom we can just be our authentic selves.
I start walking toward class. “Very funny, Bree-otch.” Hey, if she can use an annoying nickname, so can I. “What’s up? We only have a few minutes before the tardy bell rings.”
Her hair swings back and forth as we walk. “Your second period class is Lit, right? With the new guy?”
I glance at my schedule. “Yeah…Mr. Cooper. Why?”
She flashes her pearly whites. “Because he’s gorgeous!” she says in a singsong voice. “I mean, like totally drool-all-over-your-desk gorgeous. I had him for first period and my panties practically melted off my body! I swear I’m going to dream about blowing him under his desk tonight.”
“Nice. Thanks for putting that visual in my head.”
“Oh, trust me, you won’t have any trouble coming up with your own pornographic images to replace it.” She steps into her next class and gives me a finger wave. “Good luck concentrating, Kitty!”
Dylan comes up and swings his arm around my shoulder. “What was that about?”
“That was Bree being Bree. That girl always has sex on the brain.”
He laughs and squeezes me into a side hug. “Just that girl, huh?”
“Oh, shut it, Dyl. C’mon, we’re about to be late.”
We run down the hall and slide through the doors right before the bell rings. Dylan also has several AP classes so our schedules are pretty similar this semester. We spot two adjoining desks toward the back and take a seat as the teacher begins taking roll. I grab my notebook out of my bag and face forward waiting for my name to be called. I freeze as my eyes travel toward the front of the room where our new teacher, Mr. Cooper, is commanding attention. Bree was right; the man is gorgeous. I slowly sink into my seat and watch as each student raises their hand after their names are called. I’m pretty sure shock is the only reason my feet are still firmly rooted in place. Every cell in my body is urging me to run far, far away.