by Laura Lee
I gulp some ice water. I rarely drink anymore so I make a point to down two waters for every glass of liquor I have. We’ve been here for almost an hour now and there’s been no sign of Gavin. I’m trying not to get worked up about it, but it’s a lost cause. Breanna gives me a sympathetic smile every time she sees me checking the time on my phone.
“Hey, Kat, do you want to dance?”
This comes from Alex, a guy that I met in my Educational Psychology class. He’s made his interest in me clear but he usually maintains a respectable distance. He knows that I’m not big on the whole dating thing so we usually hang out as a group. He’s really cute and sweet so Bree invited him before my run-in with Gavin. I think she’s trying to push me back on the horse, so to speak. When Alex showed up, I was concerned about him having an awkward encounter with Gavin. I guess I don’t need to worry about that now since Gavin’s a no-show.
“Um…” I chew on my lip debating my answer. Alex has had several drinks at this point and he’s getting pretty handsy. Exhibit A: said hand is on my thigh right now. I’m not sure if I want to put myself in a position where that could get any worse.
“Hi, Kat.”
I shiver when I hear his deep voice. I look up to find Gavin leaning against the railing, assessing the situation in front of him. I immediately stand up, leaving Alex and his wandering hands on the couch with Evan.
“Gavin…I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I’m sorry I’m late—I had a dinner meeting that ran over. I got here as soon as I could.”
“A meeting for what?”
He smiles. “I just accepted a position at the University of San Francisco. I was having dinner with the dean of the English department.”
“You’re a professor?”
“I am now…completed my PhD last spring.” He nods toward the group of people currently staring at us with curiosity. “Are you going to introduce me to your friends?”
I loop my arm through his as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. “You already know Bree and Dylan. And that’s Breanna’s fiancé, Evan, Dylan’s girlfriend, Rae, and Alex. Alex and I know each other from school.” I point to each one as I make introductions. “Guys, this is, Gavin. An old…friend of mine.”
“Nice to meet you,” Gavin offers the group.
Dylan is glaring daggers at Gavin right now. He may have muttered something to the effect of what the fuck.
Bree senses the tension and jumps up from her position on Evan’s lap. “Gavin! I’m so happy you could make it. Would you like a drink? We just need to order on this tablet and they’ll bring it up.” She hands the device over to him.
“Sure…thanks.” Gavin moves his finger over the screen for a few moments and places it on the pub table closest to us before turning toward me. “Would you like to dance, Birthday Girl?”
I don’t even need to think about it. “I’d love to.”
He leads me to the metal staircase that connects the main floor of the club with the upper VIP areas. I look over my shoulder as we’re walking down and see Bree giving me a big smile with a thumbs-up.
We make our way to the dance floor right as the song switches to a slow, sensual beat. Obsidian lives up to its name with black walls, black furniture, and glossy black flooring. The only break in the theme is the brushed silver tabletops and a wall of blue lights behind the bar.
Gavin gives me a sexy grin as he pulls me into his arms. One hand spans almost the entire width of my bare back and the other rests on my hip. I knew it was going to test my resolve, but I wore this dress specifically with the hope that I would feel his fingertips on my skin. It’s pretty conservative from the front with its high neckline but the back dips down to my waist, barely covering the top of my ass. I wrap my arms around his neck and begin swaying with him to the beat.
“I love this dress.” His mouth is right against my ear so I can hear him over the music. “You look fucking edible.”
I suppress another shiver and lift my chin so he can read my lips. “Thank you.”
I’m not sure how long we stand there, completely motionless amongst a sea of writhing bodies. Gavin’s grip becomes tighter as his eyes flash with awareness. I’m blown away that he can still read my body like no other. I’m absolutely certain that my features do not betray my thoughts to the average onlooker—it’s a skill that I’ve honed to perfection over the years. But this man knows that I’m fighting a whirlwind of emotions from being in his arms again. He studies me carefully as an inner battle wages inside of me, waiting to see which one will become the victor.
He pulls me forward until my chest is flush against his. We simultaneously suck in air, proving that it’s futile to deny this crazy connection we have. I don’t know if it’s his heartbeat or mine, but there’s an erratic thumping between us, more powerful than the bass being emitted from the large speakers. Gavin’s pupils dilate as he lowers his head toward mine. I’m mindlessly pulled into his orbit until our lips are practically touching. We’re breathing the same air but neither one of us attempts to close the gap. My eyes glaze over as I picture us in a tangle of lips and limbs. It may be my imagination, but I think I moan.
I feel Gavin’s finger under my chin. “Kat.”
Isn’t it remarkable how one word can speak volumes? My name—that single syllable, is filled with so much want, and regret, and hope. I know this because it’s what I feel whenever I speak his name. If I’m being honest, I only need to think about him and everything I’ve been repressing for years threatens to drown me with emotion.
“Hey, Teach, mind if I cut in?” I’m jolted out of my trance as Dylan speaks.
Gavin stiffens but then steps back and composes himself. “Of course not.” Before releasing me entirely, he leans into my ear and adds, “I’m not going anywhere. Come find me upstairs when you’re done.”
I nod in reply.
Dylan waits for Gavin to leave before he pulls me into him and snarls, “What the hell are you doing, Kitty? Why is he here?”
I clench my jaw. “I’m not discussing this with you, Dylan. He’s here because I invited him. That’s all you need to know.”
He grabs my arm and leads me down the hallway to the restrooms. “Don’t bullshit me, Kat. Why is he here after everything he did to you? Why in the hell would you want him back in your life?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Dylan, don’t be so quick to pass judgment. There’s a lot you don’t know.”
“Well, enlighten me then.”
“Don’t you need to get back to your girlfriend? Where does she think you’re at right now?”
“She knows where I am! She knows that you’re acting like an idiot and I’m trying to prevent you from getting hurt!”
My expression softens but I keep my mouth shut. Mostly because I’m pissed that he called me an idiot.
He sighs. “Kat, this is not me being a jealous dick. I’m in love with Rae; you know that. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. But you’re my closest friend so I hurt, when you hurt. I saw how you were after he left. I can’t watch you go through that again.”
I thread his fingers with mine. “Dylan, I know what I’m doing. I’m not jumping into anything with blinders on. The Gavin situation isn’t what we thought. He never got back together with his ex and he doesn’t have a kid.” I hold my hand up when he tries to interject. “I’ll explain the rest later but just give me some credit. Okay? Do you think you can do that?”
“Hey, guys, everything okay here?” I didn’t even see Breanna until she spoke.
I give Dylan a pointed look. “Well?”
“Fine,” he grumbles. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But I swear to God, if he hurts you, I will be on the first plane from Atlanta to beat his ass into a bloody pulp.”
I smile. Dylan may be an overprotective ass sometimes, but his intentions are good. Besides, his threats are pretty empty. I don’t think it went unnoticed that Gavin is even bigger now.
“
We’re good, Bree.” I step between the two of them and loop my arms into the crook of their elbows. “Shall we go back upstairs?”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Bree says with a guilty look on her face. “Before things get any worse.”
I scowl. “Breanna, what did you do?”
She waves her hand. “Oh, I didn’t do anything. But Gavin may have chatted Alex up and Alex may have mentioned where you two go to school.”
“Fuck,” I mutter.
“Aw, this is gonna be good!” Dylan smiles.
I glare at him. “Bite me.”
He leans down to peck me on the cheek. “Nah, Kitty. Been there, done that. You’re old news.”
My mouth gapes. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
He and Bree share a laugh. “Oh, c’mon, Kat. I’m just playin’ and you know it.”
“Asshole.”
He pulls me into a side hug. “I love you too, babe.”
I cringe when I see Gavin waiting at the top of the stairs as we make our way to the VIP lounge.
He circles my wrist. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
I give Bree an apologetic look. “Do you mind? I know it’s my party, but I really think we should go somewhere a little quieter.”
Bree makes a shooing gesture. “Honey, you’re the guest of honor. You can do whatever you want. Just text me if you need anything, okay? We’ll probably hang here for a while since we have the room.”
I grab Gavin by the hand. “There’s a diner a few doors down.”
He nods and follows me down the stairs and through the club. When we step outside he says, “My place isn’t far from here if you’d rather go somewhere more private.”
I laugh. “Gavin, no offense, but I am not going to your place right now. Being alone with you is the last thing I should be doing.”
He looks confused. “Why not? Do you not trust me?”
“I don’t trust myself,” I answer honestly.
That earns a smile. “Okay…the diner it is then. Lead the way.”
We head down to the corner and walk into an all-night retro diner. The sign up front says to seat yourself so we grab a booth over by the window.
Gavin begins flipping through the dessert menu. “Shall we see if they have any birthday cake?”
“And we’ve officially come full circle,” I say with a laugh.
He grins. “So we have. Why don’t we put in our orders and then we can talk?”
The waitress arrives and takes our order for two pieces of pumpkin pie, extra whip, and two hot chocolates.
I stir the whipped cream before taking a sip of my cocoa. “Wow, talk about dejá vù.”
“Speaking of talking,” he says, “do you want to start? Or should I?”
“What would you like to know, Gavin?”
“How long have you been at U.C. Berkeley?”
Of course he’d go straight for the hard question. “A little over four years.”
“Four years?!” he repeats. “What happened to Florida State?”
I begin fidgeting with my silverware. “I never exactly…applied to Florida State. And since I never applied, it kind of would’ve been hard to go to school there.”
“Jesus, Kat.” He looks pained. “Why? Why did you tell me you were going to school so far away? Did you even know you were going to Berkeley at that point?”
I stare at the Formica tabletop. “Yeah, I knew.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
“Because I thought it would make it easier to walk away,” I say and shrug.
“I can’t believe this,” he sighs. “Kat, if I knew…if I knew you’d be so close, I would’ve—”
“You would’ve what, Gavin?”
He rubs his hand over his face and groans. “I don’t know. My God, I can’t believe you’ve been right here this whole time!”
“Gavin, would it have really mattered? Or would you have been walking around looking for ghosts the entire time, like I have? You already admitted that you weren’t going to call me after you discovered the truth. Because you thought you were doing what was best for me. Well, I was doing the same for you when I made that decision! Do you know what it feels like to wonder if today was going to be the day that I ran into you? To feel hope every time I saw someone that resembled you, only to be crushed when it turned out it wasn’t? I knew what I was signing up for, but it wouldn’t have been fair to put you through that too with a baby on the way.”
“There was no baby!” he whisper shouts.
I throw my hands up. “I didn’t know that, Gavin! If I did, I wouldn’t have been terrified these past few years that we’d cross paths and I’d have to see you with someone else. I wanted you to be happy—I swear. I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing it firsthand if it wasn’t with me.” I hang my head in my hands.
“There hasn’t been anyone else.”
My head snaps up. “What?”
“There hasn’t been anyone else,” he repeats. “Since we…since you left. I haven’t been with anyone else.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you haven’t dated anyone since me?”
“I’ve gone out on a few dates here and there,” he replies. “But no one interested me enough to take it any further.”
“Are you really saying you haven’t had sex since we were last together?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t really see the point. I knew those women couldn’t hold a candle to you.”
I slam my hand over my mouth as my eyes fill with tears. “Oh. My. God. You’ve been celibate for four years? Because of me?”
“I suppose it’s too much to hope that you have been too,” he says with a sad smile.
“Gavin—”
He holds his hand up. “No, it’s okay; I don’t want you to answer that.”
“I was trying to move on,” I explain anyway. “I thought you had a family. You could’ve been married again. I was in two short-term relationships but that’s it. They were the only ones.”
He winces. “Kat, please don’t say any more. I really don’t want to picture you with anyone else either.”
“I’m sorry,” I sniff. “I was just trying to move forward with my life. I thought about you every day—you were the only one in my life that made everything better.”
“Even when I broke your heart?”
“Even then,” I wipe the corner of my eye. “Being with you made me a stronger person, Gavin. I would’ve never made it through the past few years if I wasn’t. God, I’m so sorry for this entire shitty situation.”
He grabs my hand over the table. “Please don’t apologize; you have nothing to be sorry for. There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about you too, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “So…where do we go from here?”
I decide to take Bree’s advice and spin the wheel of chance. “Do you have any plans on Saturday night? I need a date for a wedding.”
He grins from ear-to-ear. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”
Gavin
I’M THE LUCKIEST BASTARD ALIVE.
I glance to my left and see Jack smiling at the flower girl, little two-year-old Emma, as she’s walking down the aisle. About halfway into her march, she dumps the entire basket of red rose petals over and begins twirling in circles, bringing soft chuckles from the crowd. Breanna steps away from her maid-of-honor post to collect her daughter and deposits her into a chair with her daddy. She gives me a small smile as she takes her place again, knowing how eager I am for what’s about to happen.
I stand up a little bit straighter, craning my neck toward the house when the music changes to Canon in D Major. My parents have transformed their backyard into the perfect intimate wedding venue. Three rows of white guest chairs line both sides of the garden with meticulously manicured lawn in between. I’m standing up front under the pergola, along with our minister, my brother, and Kat’s best friend. Our ceremony i
s small—only family and close friends. I tried encouraging her to go big—something so grand that she will remember it for the rest of her life—but she declined, saying that no matter what the day holds, she’ll remember it forever because of the man waiting for her at the end of the aisle. As I said before: Luckiest. Bastard. Alive.
Our guests shift in their seats as the French doors open, signaling the bride’s arrival. Dylan steps out first, reaching his hand over the threshold to help Kat down the steps. My dad offered to walk her down the aisle, but she insisted that Dylan should be the one to give her away. It may seem odd given our history, but I couldn’t think of anyone better to fill the role. It’s no secret that Dylan and I had…issues when we first met. That’s what happens when you’re both in love with the same person. But when all is said and done, he’s been by her side no matter what. He was there for her when I wasn’t and I’ll always be thankful that she had someone watching out for her. Besides, when he met the true love of his life, he realized that his affection for Kat was misplaced, and that they were always better as friends. He and I finally cleared the air last year when we had a long overdue man-to-man discussion.
I’m staring through the doorway, anxiously awaiting the first look at my bride-to-be. When she finally makes an appearance, an audible gasp washes through the audience. Their murmurs fade into the background as she steps onto the porch and searches me out. My God, she looks like an angel. Her strapless gown is understated—a layered flowy material falls to her feet, barely hugging the curves beneath. Dark curls tumble over her shoulders with small white orchids strategically pinning the sides of her hair back. I laugh when I see that she’s barefoot; clearly her anxiety about getting her heels stuck in the grass won. When our eyes meet, I have to blink back tears from the overwhelming happiness I’m feeling right now. In a matter of minutes, the woman of my dreams will become my wife.
She loops her arm through Dylan’s and they begin walking toward the altar. It takes every bit of willpower I possess to avoid running down the aisle to meet her. When they finally make their way to the front, she flashes me a blinding smile, silently telling me that she’s just as excited as I am.