by Bella Andre
Dianna compulsively cracked her knuckles as they headed out across the meadow to the spot in a circle of tall aspens where Peter had instructed them to set up their tent. Sam grabbed her hands and separated them for her.
“I’m sorry we didn’t find out more from her friends,” he said softly, still holding on to her fingers.
During the past couple of hours, she’d managed to hold it together, even though it seemed that they were even further from finding April than they’d been in the hospital. She’d desperately hoped that coming to the commune would provide them with answers, or at least clues. Instead, it had been a total bust.
The only thing she knew for sure was that she wouldn’t be able to keep it together if he kept being so sympathetic.
She needed to get away from him.
“I need some privacy,” she said as she pulled her hands out of his grasp. “Please.”
Then she was tearing through the trees, stumbling over roots and rocks, her tears quickly morphing into sobs.
———
Sam understood why she wanted to be alone. They were similar that way, neither of them wanting to look weak in front of an audience. Instead, they both held everything they were feeling inside. When he realized she was sitting on a rock with her head on her knees, curled up into a ball, crying her eyes out, a pride of cougars couldn’t have held him back.
Her head shot up when she heard his footsteps crunch through the dry leaves. She brushed the back of her hands across her eyes.
“Go away.”
He knew why she was lashing out at him, knew that she was terribly worried, but he also knew she needed a loving friend more than she needed space. So he ignored her request and moved beside her on the rock. She was shivering and he didn’t hesitate to put his arms around her.
“Why are you here?” she asked through chattering teeth, holding herself stiff in his arms.
“Because you need me,” he said simply. “I know you’re upset about April. I’m worried too, but we won’t give up until we find her.”
Her voice was muffled against his chest as she said, “All I’ve ever wanted was a happy family.”
She began crying again, and he pulled her tighter, rhythmically stroking her back with his hands.
“I know you do, sweetheart,” he said, the endearment feeling perfectly natural. Totally right.
If he were being totally honest with himself, wasn’t a family all he’d ever wanted? Wasn’t family what he’d tried to create with his crew? With his brother? Wasn’t that why losing the baby and then Dianna had been such a crushing blow? Just when a real family had finally been within reach, he’d lost it all.
Silently, they held on to each other and it felt so good to be close to Dianna again that Sam almost forgot who was comforting whom.
A short while later, she lifted her cheek off his chest.
“Talking to April’s friends makes me feel like I’ve really blown it with her all these years. Maybe I have been too controlling, too overprotective. Maybe I haven’t listened to her enough.”
He wiped away the wetness on her cheeks. “I doubt that’s true. Sounds like you did everything you could for her.”
“No, I really screwed up with her. She had another reason to leave, but I was too embarrassed to tell you about it in the hospital.” She took a deep breath. “Right around Christmas, I had the really stupid idea of trying to get my mother and sister back together.”
He raised an eyebrow. “It didn’t go well, I take it?”
“You don’t know how much of an understatement that is,” she said on a hollow laugh. “It went terrible. Beyond terrible. April didn’t want anything to do with Donna. Donna didn’t want anything to do with April. And both of them were pissed at me for shoving them together.”
She took a shaky breath. “I don’t think my sister said ten words to me between that meeting and leaving for Colorado. And she was right to be angry. I had some stupid reconciliation fantasy in my mind that had absolutely nothing to do with reality.”
She was trying to put a brave face on it, but Sam could see how deeply hurt she was by what had happened.
“Have you talked with your mother since then?”
“No way. Honestly, I haven’t seen her much over the years anyway. Seeing how horrible she was to April pretty much closed that door for me forever.”
Wanting to let her know that she wasn’t alone, he confessed, “I haven’t heard from my father since last year.”
She met his eyes for the first time since he’d joined her on the rock.
“Why? What happened?”
He fought the urge to make light of the situation, to stuff it back down and pretend it didn’t matter.
“My parents came to see Connor in the hospital last summer, right after he was burned. He was the only thing that mattered. The only thing they should have been focused on.”
“Oh no, Sam, they didn’t start fighting, did they?”
“Like goddamned cats and dogs, right there in his room. They’ve been ripping each other to shreds for thirty years and they couldn’t put the brakes on it for fifteen minutes? All I could think was that even though he was heavily doped up on morphine, what if he could hear them? What if their petty grievances were seeping into his subconscious and holding him back from healing because he didn’t want to deal with their bullshit anymore?”
Now she was the sympathetic one, saying, “What did you do?”
He scowled. “I dragged their asses out of the hospital. And told them not to set another foot inside his room if they couldn’t be civil.”
“You did a good thing,” she said softly. “Protecting Connor.”
“My mother came by to see me a couple weeks later. She’d decided to file for divorce.”
“Oh, Sam. After thirty years, they couldn’t figure things out?”
“If you ask me, filing for divorce was the good choice.” His mouth quirked up on one side and he could see that she was surprised by his half smile. “She should have divorced his ass years ago. But she thought it would be better for Connor and me if she stuck it out.”
“So she was only trying to do what was best?”
“Yeah, she was. I don’t know what the hell my father was thinking all those years, though. He mostly wasn’t around and didn’t say much when he was.”
Suddenly, Sam looked up, and as his eyes connected with hers, he realized he’d just delved deeper into his mixed emotions about his parents’ marriage than he ever had before—even in his own head.
Dianna’s hand came up to his cheek, her fingers lightly brushing against the stubble on his chin.
“You’re a good man, Sam. A good brother. And a good son.”
He covered her hand with his and leaned close enough to taste her lips, which were warm and salty from her tears. She leaned into him and he licked them with slow strokes of his tongue, growing instantly hard when she moaned with pleasure.
Her tongue found his and their kiss deepened as one hand threaded through her hair, the other pulling her all the way onto his lap. Through her shirt and bra he could feel her nipples beading against the inside of his biceps, and his erection was cradled in her soft curves.
And then, suddenly, she was pushing out of his arms, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.
“I’m sorry, Sam, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you.” Her words rammed into each other like out-of-control train cars. “Obviously I do. More than anything. But—”
She put her hand over her mouth to stop the flow of words, and it took every ounce of control he possessed to play the nice guy and do the right thing.
“It’s okay, Dianna,” he managed to say despite the intense throbbing in his groin.
Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. “I heard what you said by the river, about not wanting to get involved with me again. And I respect that, Sam. I really do. So even though I want to be with you, right now I’m afraid I’m not in any frame of mind for sex without s
trings.” Giving him a crooked smile, she added, “And I wouldn’t want to go all psycho on you later.”
Fuck. He’d dug this hole himself, hadn’t he? What could he do but agree with her that not having sex was for the best? After all, it was his idea in the first place.
Willing his erection to disappear, he stood up and reached for her hands in as nonsexual a way as he could.
“How about we eat something and turn in for the night? It’s been one hell of a long day, and things always look better in the morning.”
“I just wish we knew what to do next,” she said as they made their way back to their tent.
“Do people always tell you everything the first time you interview them?” he asked her, trying like hell to refocus on finding April rather than how much he wanted the woman beside him.
Looking thoughtful, she said, “No. Not usually. Sometimes I have to pull the information out of them.” She shot him a sidelong glance. “Do you think that’s going to happen here?”
“My gut tells me that something will turn up tomorrow.”
“I hope you’re right.”
He made them another quick meal of lumpy chicken and rice stew, and as they ate in silence, then got ready for bed, Sam had to ask himself if his emphatic insistence on not giving their relationship another shot had actually been on target.
Had he put too much emphasis on who they were ten years ago and not enough on who they are now?
Because wasn’t the real question less about whether he’d be screwed if she left him again one day than it was about whether she’d truly want to be with him now? Would she be willing to give up her fancy name brands and champagne lunches for a simple man in turnouts and a work shirt?
“You take the tent,” he told her. “I’m used to sleeping outside.”
Clearly too tired to argue, she climbed into the tent and zipped it shut. But Sam lay awake in his sleeping bag, staring up at the stars, one final question haunting him as the moon rose higher in the sky.
Was he willing to risk everything for the woman he’d never stopped loving?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
APRIL WOKE up with a start, her neck cracking as she lifted her head off her chest too quickly. Her shoulders ached and her legs and arms had gone numb beneath her bindings. Her mouth felt like it’d been stuffed with cotton, and she ran her tongue around the inside of her mouth trying to find any hidden pools of moisture, but it was a total waste of effort.
To make matters worse, she needed to pee. Bad enough that her bladder was going to burst if she didn’t get to a bathroom soon. Her head was throbbing and she felt dizzy, too. Definitely not the best day she’d ever had.
Hoping someone was close enough to hear, she grunted loudly.
After what seemed like an eternity, a fat guy with beady little eyes opened the door. “Shut up or I’ll make you shut up.”
His sour-milk breath made her recoil in disgust and she wondered where the guy who’d kidnapped her had gone. Still desperately needing a bathroom, she continued grunting and pleading with her eyes until he opened the door wider and ripped the duct tape from her mouth.
Tears sprang to her eyes. She couldn’t believe how much that hurt!
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“I have to pee,” she ground out in a hoarse voice. “And I’m dying of thirst. You don’t want me to die of dehydration, do you?”
“Jesus, I’ll get you some water and let you pee. Just shut up.”
He pulled out a sharp pocket knife. “But no funny business or I’ll have to use my knife to cut more than just the tape.”
“I swear, I won’t try anything.”
And she wouldn’t. Not yet, anyway, even though she definitely felt like her chances of escaping this guy were better than with her original captor.
A few seconds later, she was free, but when she tried to stand up, her numb legs were useless and she totally blew it, landing on her hands and knees on the floor.
The guy laughed and picked her up, getting in some major squeezing action on her boobs. April could feel the sharp prickling pains moving all through her arms and hands and fingers, toes and feet and calves as her blood started circulating again.
She bit her lip to keep from giving away her discomfort and balled her hands into fists to keep from clawing at the guy’s touch, just clearheaded enough to realize that she should use the bathroom before she tried to escape again.
Looking around as he carried her, she realized they were in a big barn. There were no animals in it, only a smattering of hay on the packed dirt floor. Along one wall, dozens of boxes were stacked, almost up to the roof.
What was this place?
In the far corner, he kicked open a rickety door and plopped her down. Putting her hands on the wall, April’s feet held her upright this time.
She peered into a dark, empty room. “Where’s the bathroom?”
He pointed to a yellow bucket. “Right there.”
Fine, she’d gone in grosser places. “Can I at least have a moment of privacy?”
He crossed his beefy arms across his chest. “No, I wanna watch.”
She shrugged as she undid the top button on her jeans. “Okay, but I might have to do more than pee.”
His face turned green. “Hurry the fuck up,” he said, then kicked the door shut on her.
Squatting over the bucket, April quickly took care of business, then stood up and looked around the room for an escape route. Way up high, there was a small window. The glass was already shattered, which she supposed would help if she tried to break through it.
The question was, how would she get up to it?
Scanning the walls for something she could use as foot- and handholds, she heard a sound that reminded her of a hose turning on. Taking the chance to poke her head out through the door, she saw her overweight guard standing with his back to her, peeing like he’d been holding it as long as she had.
Adrenaline raced through her and she made the quick decision to bolt across the straw and out the main door. Several empty supersized beer cans lay on the ground, which explained why he was still emptying his bladder.
The sun was just starting to rise, and as she sprinted past several beaten-up trailers, it occurred to her that she’d been passed out since the previous afternoon.
Suddenly, she heard a loud roar. Oh shit, her guard must have finally realized she was gone.
Ridiculously thankful that Dianna had forced her to be on the track team in high school, April continued to run until she was surrounded by forest on all sides. She was tempted to follow a narrow deer trail, but she knew that would only make it easier for the guy to find her.
Not having time to second-guess her decision, she skidded down a hill. For the first hundred feet or so she was able to keep her footing, but as the mountain grew steeper, she was no match for the thick tree trunks and large rocks that kept slamming into her knees and legs.
She slowed down to navigate several large boulders, but just as she made it past the last one, her foot caught on a dead branch and she went flying down the steep hill, tumbling head over heels.
Curling up in a ball, she’d barely covered her head with her hands when she crashed into a rock.
A whimper of pain left her throat as she lay there, still in a ball, fighting back a heavy wave of nausea. Blackness threatened to take her and she knew she was just on the edge of passing out.
No! She couldn’t give up now.
Slowly uncurling her limbs, she waited for a bolt of pain to tell her that something was broken. But when she realized she’d gotten lucky and everything was still in working order, she sat up and listened carefully for the sound of footsteps.
All she heard were birds chirping and water rushing.
Standing up, she carefully picked her way down the hill in her tennis shoes, holding on to tree trunks for support. Concentrating on each painful step, she finally got close enough to the river that she could see the water through the trees, clamberin
g down the boulders until she got to the edge of a steep rock face.
After some quick calculations, she realized her only choice was to jump onto the sandy bank.
All the air knocked out of her chest as she landed. Lying there, trying to get her breath back, staring up at the sky, it was so tempting to just close her eyes and sleep.
Damn it. If only she weren’t so tired. Or hungry. Or thirsty.
Scrunching up her eyes, she ground the balls of her hands into the sockets to wake herself up before rolling her stiff muscles into a sitting position. Getting up again, she waded into the water and followed the edge of the river downstream, hoping she’d see someone fishing or boating at some point.
After walking for what felt like hours beneath the bright sun and having no choice but to drink from the lake—giardia be damned—she finally heard the most beautiful sound in the world; little kids splashing and playing in the water while their mother yelled at them to be careful.
Moving closer, she saw the Colorado State Park signs along the river and a new burst of energy ran through her.
She’d actually made it.
She was safe!
Running out of the water, she jogged up an empty beach, then between RVs in their numbered spots, following the signs to the ranger station. Seeing a pay phone at the edge of a parking lot, she stopped and dialed the operator.
“I need to make a collect call,” she said in a breathless voice, giving Dianna’s cell phone number.
“I’m afraid the party you are trying to reach is unavailable.”
Shit, Dianna’s phone had gone to voice mail. Now what?
“Is there another number you would like to try?” the operator asked.
She could call the police, but her kidnapping was all so random that she was afraid they might not believe her. The only people besides Dianna who knew she was missing were her friends on the Farm. Figuring they had to be wondering where she was, she gave the operator the phone number for the Farm. It rang once, twice, three times, and she prayed that someone would pick up.
“Hello.”
April was already talking when she realized Peter couldn’t hear her because the operator was saying, “I have a collect call for you from—”