by Ally Blake
“Then we have to go there, don’t we.” The situation had changed now and the weight of responsibility grew heavier on his shoulders. This was no longer a few days of child care—it was now complicated by bureaucracy. Everything would be recorded, noted, in some chart. He felt the walls closing in and hated it.
Elli nodded. “Yes. If we don’t, like I said, you’re listed as next of kin. You’ll be the first place they look for Darcy anyway. And this way, Wyatt … well, it wouldn’t hurt to have Darcy looked over, as well.”
“Will they take her away?” He looked at Elli, needing her to say no. The very thought of losing Darcy now to complete strangers was incomprehensible. He might not have been prepared, but he was family. Surely that counted for something. He had Elli to help him. It disturbed him to realize how much he needed her.
Elli felt her heart leap at his question, not so much the words but the way he said them—unsure, and slightly fearful. The man had been up most of the night; he had never looked after a baby before, by his own admission. But the concern, the fear she saw on his face now touched her, deep inside. She wished she could put her arms around him and tell him it would be fine. But what would he think of her if she did such a thing? He’d read more into it than she’d intend. And they had to keep their relationship—the completely platonic one—separate from Darcy.
There was more to Wyatt than she’d initially thought. He wanted to do right by this baby. How could she fault him for that?
She couldn’t. She applauded him for it.
He checked his rearview mirror and then pulled a U-turn, heading back the way they’d just come, back to the highway. She had to answer him honestly. “I don’t know, Wyatt. I’m not in social services, though I would think they would want her to stay with her family. Let’s just take it a step at a time, okay?”
Wyatt nodded, but she saw the telltale tick in his jaw anyway. She reached over and patted his thigh, meaning to be friendly and supportive. Instead she was struck by the intimacy of the gesture, the warmth of his denim-clad leg beneath her fingers, the way the fabric wrinkled just so at the bend of his knee. The small touch made her feel a part of something, and that scared her. She pulled her hand away. “It’ll all work out,” she reassured him. It had to. If not for her, for them. She’d do whatever she could to make sure of it.
She was relieved they had found Barbara, but as they drove south Elli twisted her fingers. This wasn’t how she’d planned on today playing out. The agenda hadn’t included a visit to the hospital, faced with old coworkers and reminders. And now Wyatt would be with her when she went to pick up the baby things. How could she possibly explain why she had a roomful of newborn paraphernalia at her mother’s? What if she broke down? She didn’t want to cry in front of him.
She would get through it somehow, she promised herself as she stared out the window. She had come this far. She would fall apart later. After all, she’d spent months pretending and going through the motions in public. She only had to do it for one more day.
Once they were inside city limits it took just ten minutes to reach the hospital. They parked in the parkade and made their way through to the emergency department.
“I’ll stay with Darcy,” Elli suggested, taking the baby seat from his hand and adjusting the strap of the diaper bag on her shoulder. She needed space from him, space to think without him always so close by.
She wished that Barbara was anywhere but here, at the Peter Lougheed Hospital. Inside were her old coworkers, many who had been her friends but who had drifted away from her since William’s death and her divorce from Tim. There had been so many awkward silences in recent months. But she lifted her chin. What did she have to hide? Nothing. Why shouldn’t she face them? Their whispers didn’t matter anymore. Steeling her spine, she gave the car seat a reassuring bounce, tightening her grip. It didn’t matter, not anymore, and she was tired of running away.
“You go ahead and check with the triage nurse,” she suggested to Wyatt. “I’ll stay in the waiting room with Darcy. She’s waking up and you need to find out what’s going on.”
Wyatt went to the triage line and spoke to a nurse while Elli sat in one of the padded vinyl seats. She undid the chest strap to Darcy’s seat and lifted the baby out, cuddling her in the crook of her arm.
Oh, she felt so good and warm, smelling of powder and the scent that was distinctly baby. “Hello, sweetheart,” she murmured softly, not wanting to be overheard by the others in the room. She fought away the insecurities that had plagued her on the drive and decided to enjoy whatever time she had with Darcy. Being with her made her feel better, not worse. “You were such a good girl in the car,” she whispered, touching the tiny fingertips, looking into the dark blue eyes that stared back at her, slightly unfocused. The little fist moved and clasped her finger tightly.
And just like that, Elli lost her heart to the tiny girl in the pink blanket. She blinked several times and swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. “Your uncle Wyatt and I are going to do everything we can for you, little one. I promise.”
It felt strange joining their names together that way, but Elli knew she meant it. She already cared about Darcy so much, and Wyatt couldn’t do it alone. She just wouldn’t deceive herself into thinking it was something more, no matter how much her senses kicked into overdrive when he was around. She wasn’t interested in fairy tales. She was interested only in reclaiming her life.
Wyatt returned, his face looking pinched and his gaze dark with worry. “Her doctor wants to speak with us,” he explained. “Both of us, and to see Darcy.”
She nodded. “Yes, but she’s going to be wanting a bottle soon.”
Wyatt picked up the empty car seat. “Okay.” His shoulders relaxed as he turned away. But then he turned back once more and reached down for her free hand.
His strong fingers gripped hers and her heart thumped in response.
“Thank you, Elli. For everything over the last twenty-four hours. It helps knowing that Darcy is being taken care of, that I …” He paused, and a slight tint of pink stained his cheeks. “That I don’t have to do this alone. It means more than you know.”
He spun back toward the sliding doors, which opened on his approach. Elli’s jaw dropped a little as she followed him; he expressed more confidence in her than she had in herself. Taken care of? Elli was feeling her way through this as much as Wyatt. But she couldn’t stop the glow that spread through her at his words. Her confidence had taken such a beating since William’s death. There were times she felt she’d failed at everything—wife, mother, even her job. Wyatt Black—ornery, pigheaded cowboy—had offered more encouragement than anyone else had in the past months. Not just with Darcy, though that was part of it. When he looked at her, she almost felt pretty. Desirable. That was as much of a miracle as anything.
She gently touched Darcy’s nose as she passed through the doors. “I’d better be careful, huh, little one?” she whispered. “Before long I’ll start liking him, and then we’ll really be in trouble.”
They were shown not to a curtained exam room but a different room, one with four walls and a door that the nurse shut behind them. They waited only moments before the doctor came in and shut the door behind her.
“Mr. Black, I’m Dr. McKinnon.” The young woman held out her hand and Wyatt shook it. “I’m the one who admitted Ms. Paulsen earlier this morning. We admitted her for postpartum depression, and we’ll be meeting and assessing her over the next several days.”
“I’m just glad she’s all right,” Wyatt replied, but Elli noticed his face was inscrutable. The emotion he’d shown her only moments ago was gone, and in its place a wariness she thought she might understand. This hospital had been her home away from home, yet she was no more looking forward to the questions she’d face today than Wyatt was. At least she had the choice not to answer. A month ago standing in this department would have filled her with dread. Today, with Wyatt beside her, it didn’t matter quite as much.
Dr. McKinnon looked at Elli now, smiling easily. “And Elli. It’s good to see you, but surprising under these circumstances.”
“Thank you,” she replied carefully.
“Mr. Black, I’m going to talk to you about your sister’s condition, but as you can understand there was significant concern about her baby.”
“Yes, she left Darcy with me yesterday,” Wyatt offered. Elli noticed he didn’t elaborate on how Barbara had left her. He was trying to protect his sister. Every time there was a development, Elli could see how Wyatt took on the responsibility himself. It was admirable, but she imagined it must be a very heavy load to carry at times.
“At what time?”
“Late morning,” he replied without missing a beat. He met the doctor’s eyes steadily. “I’m not used to babies, so Elli has been giving me a hand.” He smiled at Elli now, but the smile had an edge to it. He was nervous, she realized, and seeking her support.
She smiled back at him, and then at Dr. McKinnon. “Between the two of us, we’ve muddled through.”
“Darcy does need to be examined, though.” Dr. McKinnon was firm. “Elli, I’m going to have Carrie show you to a curtain and we’ll have the peds on call come down. In the meantime, I can speak to Mr. Black about his sister.”
McKinnon’s voice softened as she rose and stopped to touch the downy crown of Darcy’s head. “Would that suit, young lady?”
Darcy’s answer was to pop two fingers into her mouth and start sucking.
“I’m afraid she’s hungry,” Elli replied. “Could someone heat a bottle for me?” She no longer had access to the rest of the department, nor did she want it. Her presence had already been noted, she suspected. People here knew her. There would be questions and murmurings when she showed up with a baby in tow. She knew how it looked. Granted, it was awkward considering Tim was still on staff. But her job loss had been cutbacks, pure and simple.
She wondered if she’d stayed married to Tim if it would have made a difference when it came to the chopping block. Then she wondered if she would have wanted it to. She had just enough pride to know the answer right away. Despite the financial hardship, being made redundant was a blessing, freeing her to begin again.
She resolutely clipped Darcy back into her seat and picked up the bag of supplies. Well, let them talk. It wouldn’t change anything. She didn’t work here anymore, wouldn’t have to see these people on a regular basis like before. She was starting over.
“I’m sure that can be arranged. I’ll be right back, Mr. Black.”
She opened the door and Wyatt stood. “Stay with her,” he said to Elli. There was a fierceness in his voice. “I’ll come find you.”
Her heart thumped at his words, knowing he meant them. Even knowing he meant them for Darcy, the effect was the same. It made her feel warm, protected. Wyatt would do whatever was in his power to protect them both.
She’d never met a man quite like him before.
“I won’t leave her side,” Elli promised, wishing she could touch him somehow to reassure him. She was too shy to do such a thing beneath the gaze of an old colleague, so she offered a small smile instead and cast her gaze down, following Dr. McKinnon out the door.
At the desk her friend Carrie hung up the phone. “Ellison.” She got up and came around the desk, giving her a quick hug. “Gosh, it’s good to see you.”
“Hello, Carrie.” Elli couldn’t help but smile at the warm reception. Of all the staff, Carrie had been the one who’d remained the most normal when it came to Elli’s ordeal. “Interesting circumstances, huh?”
The clerk’s face broke into a wide grin in response. “You know the E.R. Something needs to break up the boredom.”
“Can you show Elli to a curtain, Carrie? And page Dr. Singh—we need to do a physical on the baby.” Dr. McKinnon smiled at Elli. “It is good to see you again, Ellison.”
She went back to continue her meeting with Wyatt while Elli and Carrie looked at each other.
“Let’s find you a spot,” Carrie suggested, and led the way through the twists and turns of the unit. She entered a curtained cubicle and put the car seat next to the bed.
“Thank you, Carrie. Could I trouble you to heat a bottle?”
“Of course you can. What a shock, though, seeing you here with a baby, when …”
But Carrie’s voice drifted off and her cheeks colored. “I’m sorry, Elli. That was insensitive.”
“You were going to say ‘when it’s so soon after William died.’”
“We were all so sad for you and Tim.”
Funny, Elli realized—saying William’s name had come more easily than she’d expected. And the mention of Tim didn’t upset her as it might have. Maybe she had Wyatt to thank for that, too. If he hadn’t asked for her help, she’d still be hiding away instead of facing things.
“It gets better,” she said, trying a smile for Carrie’s benefit. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get over losing William completely, but at some point you have to start living again.”
Elli stood rooted to the floor, dumbstruck. Had she actually said that? Start living again?
“Can’t say as I blame you … your Mr. Black is pretty easy on the eyes.”
Elli felt her body grow warm all over at the mention of Wyatt. “It’s not like that….”
“What a shame.”
She looked over and found Carrie watching her with an amused expression. “It’s that obvious?”
“He’s very good-looking. Tim would be jealous.”
Elli shook her head. “I doubt it. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”
She realized she meant it. It didn’t matter. How had all this happened since yesterday? Yesterday she’d merely been thinking about what to do next. Afraid of taking a wrong step.
“I’ll go heat your bottle.” Carrie tapped her arm lightly and scooted out of the cubicle.
Elli sat on the edge of the bed, covering her mouth in surprise. She thought of Wyatt’s wild eyes as she’d opened her door and chuckled. “Well, I guess when you’re thrown in the deep end, you have to swim,” she murmured.
A few minutes later Carrie returned with the warmed bottle. “I wish I could stay and chat,” she said, taking a quick moment to sit in the seat next to Elli. Elli picked Darcy up and cradled her in her elbow, then reached for the bottle. As Darcy began to suckle on the nipple, Carrie let out a sigh. “I’ve missed you. But I can only spare a minute. Forgive me, Elli, but … does it hurt? Just knowing?”
Elli didn’t need help interpreting. Of course it hurt, knowing what she’d missed. She smiled wistfully at the young woman who had been her coworker for nearly two years. “A little. She’s precious, isn’t she?”
“A doll. And this Black, he’s her uncle?”
Elli ignored the leap in her pulse at the thought of Wyatt. “Yes, and he lives next door to where I’m staying at the moment. Thank you for calling me today,” she added. “We’d gone to Barbara’s home to find her but came up with nothing.”
“It was just a chance I took, after you called me last night. I’m glad it worked, though. That woman came in here all alone, poor soul. She needs someone in her corner.”
And that someone was Wyatt. Elli could think of few better.
Darcy took in too much milk, coughed, spluttered and sent up a wail. At the same moment Carrie’s pager went off.
“I’ve got to go.”
“I’ll be fine,” Elli replied, settling down in the chair and giving Darcy the bottle once more.
Familiar sounds, hospital sounds, filtered through the curtains—the hushed footsteps of nurses and the quiet, confident tones of doctors. The odd moan or catch of breath of those in pain, and the sound of gurney wheels swishing on the polished floors. For a moment the memory of it was a bittersweet stab in her heart, a reminder of a past life that she’d once considered perfect. She was at home here, the sounds and smells so familiar they seemed a part of her. Once she’d waited out a particularly tense bout of Braxton Hicks co
ntractions and Tim had checked on her every ten minutes.
With a free finger Elli stroked Darcy’s hair. She had to stop thinking about what might have been. It never would be. She was so tired of feeling sorry for herself. It was exhausting. Nothing she could do could bring her own precious baby back. Being with Wyatt and Darcy had made her face it head-on, making her want to get on with simply missing him rather than the futility of wishing for what she could never have.
She looked down into Darcy’s face—the closed eyes with the lids that were nearly transparent, the way one tiny hand rested on the side of the bottle as if to keep it from disappearing. “Who knew,” she whispered, “how important you’d turn out to be?”
The curtain parted and Wyatt stepped through, with Dr. McKinnon behind him. “How’s she doing?”
Wyatt’s eyes were troubled, but the fear had subsided slightly. She smiled up at him. “We’re right as rain. How about you? What’s the news on Barb?”
“I’m going to see her,” he replied. He reached out to tuck the blanket more securely around Darcy’s feet and Elli noticed his hand was trembling.
“Wyatt?”
He finished fussing with the blanket and looked up. “They’re letting me visit her, and then …” He cleared his throat. “And then I have to talk to a social worker.”
The tone of his voice made it sound like the seven tortures of hell. Wyatt was a private man—Elli had sensed it from the beginning. He’d been reluctant to give her any sort of details at all, skirting around issues to give her just enough answers. Elli knew that speaking to social workers was going to be intrusive at best.
She tried to smile reassuringly. “All signs point to her trying to get help, Wyatt. This is a good thing. And it fits with the letter she left you, don’t you think?”
“I hope so. I just … I don’t want her going into foster care, Elli.”