He looked unsure and said the word as if it fit uncomfortably on his tongue.
Laura suppressed a grin. "That would be a good start. Flowers might be nice too."
A smile tugged at his mouth. "Can I call you for advice?"
"Any time. I love you, Dad."
"I love you, honey." He cleared his throat. "Do you want me to talk to Mitch? Maybe I can--"
"No. Any decision he makes, he has to make on his own. But thanks for asking."
She'd lost Mitch, but she'd regained her relationship with her father. She'd have to remember that on the flight home.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
He'd wanted more from her than he'd ever wanted from anybody.
Mitch sat in his car and stared at the dingy street with sightless eyes. He'd wanted Laura's joy. He'd wanted her excitement. She'd stirred both in him until he'd known both were possible and good. But he'd also wanted Laura's trust when he couldn't give his. He'd wanted her allegiance without offering commitment. He'd wanted her love before he risked pledging his. Before he'd even realized the extent of his.
Saying goodbye to Mandy had wrung out his heart. Saying goodbye to Laura had made him numb. For a few hours. Then he'd hurt like hell and for self preservation's sake, he'd started thinking. The thinking had led him here to his roots.
The late afternoon light shimmered from the dented garbage cans sitting at the curb to the rusting wrought iron railings leading down chipped concrete steps. The wooden front door was marred with scrapes and scratches. The transom above the door looked as if more than one pellet had shattered it.
He sat in his car and peered out the window, in his imagination seeing a scene from twenty years before, seeing his father sitting on the porch, beer can in hand. The wind blew a paper cup across the porch. Mitch had escaped from this. So had Carey. But they'd chosen different routes out.
Whether Mitch admitted it or not, the past had always been there, creating discontent. No, he wouldn't become the bastard his father had been, but could he care for a woman and love her for a lifetime? Could he treat her right? Never treat her as his father had treated his mother? The fear that he couldn't, the fear that his father's genes ran stronger in him than he wanted to believe, had been lurking deep inside him since he was a child. It was time to confront that fear. He now realized his father had never loved his mother. He'd used her. If he'd loved her, that love would have changed him.
The poor neighborhood, the drug dealers on the corner, their alcoholic father, had been the basis of the life Mitch wanted to forget. He'd gotten out. He'd gotten his mother out as soon as he could, the only way he knew how--schooling, hard work, perseverance. He'd escaped from it but he hadn't run away. Carey had run...hard...and couldn't keep from looking back.
Mitch crossed his arms over the steering wheel. Was he ashamed of Carey? Had that always been the wedge between them? Mitch needed to forget the past. Carey kept bringing it back. Mitch had never been part of the neighborhood gang, so temptations for pranks and wrongdoing weren't as handy, weren't as necessary. Carey had looked to his friends gang to give him identity. But he hadn't found it there. Instead he'd turned to gambling.
For the first time in Mitch's life, he was proud of his brother and admired him for the strength to not bet, the strength to change his life. He had to tell him that. He had to tell him more. As soon as possible. He'd waited too long already.
Mitch took out his cell phone. Carey answered on the second ring.
He was obviously surprised to hear Mitch's voice. "Did I leave something in Ma's apartment? She can send it if I did."
"No. It's not that. What are you doing for Christmas?"
The silence lasted at least a minute. "I'll probably spend it with friends."
"Wouldn't you rather spend it with your family?"
"I must be hearing things. That sounded strangely like an invitation."
Mitch detected nerves beneath Carey's habitual flippancy. "It is. Mom and I would like you to spend Christmas with us."
"Why? I mean I know Mom wants me there, but why do you care?"
"Because you're my brother and...I love you." Mitch rushed on. "Changing your life takes a great deal of energy and effort. If I can help you with that, I want to."
Mitch could hear Carey breathing. When he spoke, there were catches in his question. "You really want me there with you and Mom?"
"I really do. I know it's a long drive..."
"I've made long drives before. I'll be there Christmas Eve." He paused. "Mitch...thanks."
Mitch's throat tightened. "No thanks necessary. I'll see you soon."
Mitch smiled as he put down the receiver, peace and a genuinely good feeling buoying him up. For a few moments. Until he thought about Laura. His "I love you" to Carey had sounded rusty but it hadn't been as difficult to say as he'd thought it would be. But with Laura...
He'd hurt her deeply. The light had gone out of her eyes when he'd told her to stay out of his life. How could he have said that to her? Yes, he'd felt betrayed. But what she'd done for Carey had shone her depth of loyalty, her dedication to a promise. And because of that dedication, Carey had done what was best for a new life.
Then there was his mother. How long would she have kept her secret if it hadn't been for Laura's perceptiveness? Yes, he'd wondered if Laura had known about that too and had kept him in the dark. But that didn't matter either. He should have known. He should have been perceptive. He should have seen it.
His mother had explained to him last night all the tricks she'd used, the coping skills. When they went to a restaurant, she asked for the special or ordered whatever Mitch did. She could remember directions to anywhere in the city--one block up, two blocks over. If she'd been there once, she could get there again even though she couldn't read the street signs. By saying she needed glasses, she could get anyone to read her necessary information. He should have seen it, yet he hadn't been looking.
But Laura...
Mitch switched on the ignition and took a long last look at the old neighborhood. It no longer repulsed him but showed him how far he'd come.
He needed to clear his head.
He drove for a while...around the old neighborhood, around a few developments, on the interstate. Darkness fell and the sky was jet black when he returned to Ray's. No one was downstairs and he wondered if his dad and Nora had gone out.
Letting himself out the glass doors off the dining room to the patio, he let the cold air whip around him as he gazed up at the moon.
Laura's lack of trust had hurt. He'd latched onto the feeling of betrayal because he'd been afraid--afraid of his deepening feelings for her, afraid she didn't feel as deeply about him. After she'd left, he'd realized he wanted to spend his life with her. It was more than want. It was an excruciating need. Without her, life seemed dull, lacking, meaningless. She'd taught him how to love, but just as important, she'd taught him how to live.
He loved her. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to spend forever with her. At the admission he felt reborn, as if he was standing in the center of the sun. Love, energy, elation burned through him giving him the courage to risk safety and reach for happiness.
How would she react if he showed up in Independence ready to bring her back to York for Christmas? How would she react if he told her he loved her and wanted to marry her? The elation dimmed and his stomach clenched. Maybe she didn't want to get married again. Maybe once was enough. Living one day at a time was her specialty. Could he do that with her without marriage?
He might as well stop fooling himself. He'd take her however he could get her. Even the store didn't seem important. He hadn't talked to Ray yet, but if he wanted to retire, Mitch could sell out and start over in Independence or Cleveland or wherever Laura wanted to locate.
He was thinking as if her spending her life with him was a foregone conclusion. In his mind's eye, he could see the ring he'd designed. All he had to do was set the stones. From the outset he should've realized he was designing it for L
aura. He should've realized a lot of things.
The moon drew his attention again and he stared at it as if it held the secrets of the universe. Laura insisted wishing on it worked. Okay. He had nothing to lose.
"I wish for Laura and the chance to love her and Mandy for the rest of their lives." He spoke out loud and he didn't care if the whole world heard him. He said it again louder and hoped beyond hope that wishing on the moon was as magical as Laura believed it was.
***
Two days later, Mitch stood on Laura's porch. He felt more nervous than he'd ever been. So this was risk taking. He couldn't say he liked the feeling. If he was any more tense, his muscles would snap when he walked.
Jabbing the doorbell, he waited. At least there were lights blazing inside so someone was home. The porch lamp went on and the door opened.
George stood there, glaring at Mitch as if he was an intruder. "What are you doing here?"
Mitch stood his ground. "I came to talk to Laura. Can I come in?"
"Are you going to upset her? Never mind. She couldn't be much more upset than she is now."
Mitch entered the living room behind George, his heartbeat heavy in his chest, and met chaos. The furniture zigzagged every which way. An evergreen, bare except for strings of lights dangling from the branches, stood in the tree stand in the corner. Its fresh pine scent flavored the air. The floor was littered with cartons of decorations and tinsel garlands.
Mandy spotted him first and came running. "Mitch! You came for a visit. Can you help decorate our tree?"
Mitch stooped, caught her in his arms, and swung her into the air. "I don't know how long I'll be staying. I have to talk to your mom first. Okay?"
She threw her arms around his neck. "I missed you."
Squeezing her, he assured her, "I missed you too," then he turned his attention to the woman he'd come to see.
Laura's red sweatshirt stopped mid thigh. The elves dancing across it proclaimed a holiday mood. The black leggings displayed curving calves he knew well.
Her hair was tied back with a red ribbon, but her face didn't reflect the same Christmas spirit her outfit did. She looked tired. Her eyes manifested shock that he was standing in her living room. He'd never seen Laura at a loss for words, but she couldn't seem to find any now.
He hoped he could find enough for both of them and convince her he knew what love was because of her. It was more than the earth tilting whenever they touched. It was more than the honest sharing that bared their souls. It was more than risking today to find something better for tomorrow. It was two people joyously in sync, living life the best way they knew how, eager to share their thoughts as well as their bodies. How could he ever get all that out?
George and Anne exchanged knowing looks, then Anne said to Mandy, "Honey, let's go to the attic and see if we can find that other box of ornaments. I know there's one with an angel for the tree top."
"But Mitch just got here and I want him to read me a story."
Mitch rubbed his nose against hers. "I promise I'll read you a story after I talk to your mom for a little while. I would really like to see that angel if you can find it."
She wriggled in his arms so he set her down. "Okay, I'll find it. Maybe you can read two stories?"
Even though his insides were tied in knots, he chuckled and winked. "Maybe."
Laura still hadn't spoken or moved from her position next to the tree after George, Anne, and Mandy trekked upstairs. Mitch gazed at her, trying to read any signal, attempting to find a sign she was glad to see him. There was none. The twinkle lights blinking on the tree were shining in her hair. She was a Christmas gift he'd almost lost. He hoped it wasn't too late and she didn't hate him for his stupidity.
Okay, Riley, jump without the parachute. You have no choice unless you want to go back to York alone. He stepped toward her and the movement seemed to wake her up.
Her hands fluttered and she stepped back. "Is it Dad?"
He resisted the urge to yank her into his arms and didn't move closer. "No. This has nothing to do with Ray."
He could see the pulse at her throat beating rapidly. "Then why did you come?"
Honesty was the only way to go. "Because I couldn't stay away."
Her eyes widened. "I don't understand."
His voice was husky with emotion. "I think you do. Do you love me, Laura, the same way I love you? I do love you. I was a fool not to admit it sooner. I guess I wasn't ready. But I'm ready now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. If you give me the chance, I'll spend my life trusting you, loving you, taking care of you--"
She launched herself at him and he almost fell back from the force. But he righted them both and then lifted her until her feet dangled and her mouth was even with his.
She latticed her fingers deep in his hair. "I love you," she whispered.
The skin of her cheek was so, so soft under his thumb. The love and tenderness he felt for her shook him so badly his hands trembled. His head dipped and he rediscovered the wonder of kissing Laura. He took his time and tasted, sipped, reveled. But as always, the passion between them burst. His strength met her strength. His maleness met her femaleness. His need met her need.
No kiss with Laura was ordinary. Each was exceptional, unique, mind boggling. Her lips caressed his. Her hands stroked his neck until he thought he'd go mad. He couldn't play any longer. His tongue pushed into her mouth. She shuddered and her legs went round his hips. Passion rose in him swift and complete. His hands automatically cupped her bottom as her arms locked tightly around his neck.
Their hunger was naked and wild, ferocious. He kissed her over and over, forgetting they needed to breathe. She returned each kiss, encouraging him, needing him, assuring him this was only the beginning.
The beginning. They couldn't go any farther, not here, not now, not with Mandy and Anne and George two floors above.
He tightened his arms before he slowed down the intensity. At first, her yearning increased as he calmed the storm. Then she caught his mood and gently withdrew. His lips separated from hers only after clinging for an eternal moment.
"We have to wait," he murmured.
She laid her head on his shoulder. "I know. But...I don't want to."
He chuckled and slowly let her slide down his body so she'd know how much he didn't want to wait either. Only he knew something she didn't know yet which made the wait more bearable.
He lead her to the sofa sitting crookedly across the center of the room. There was one more hurdle to cross. She'd said she loved him. But he had to find out about the rest.
Inconspicuously, he took the box out of his jacket's pocket, slid off the leather garment, and tossed it to a chair. "I am going to stay a while, aren't I?"
She straightened his shirt collar. "You can stay as long as you want. I don't know what you have in mind--"
He produced the velvet box and placed it in her hand. "That depends on you. Open this."
When she did, her eyes glistened and her lower lip quivered. "Mitch, it's beautiful. The midnight sky meeting the sea. Sapphires and a... Oh, my! A blue diamond. This is one of your designs, isn't it?"
"It's yours now. Will you marry me, Laura?"
She looked stunned until she broke into a radiant smile again and answered, "Oh yes, Mitch! I'll marry you." She stroked his cheek. "Was there any doubt?"
"Plenty of them. I didn't even know if you'd consider marriage again."
She held out the box to him. "Put it on for me?"
He gently pushed it onto her ring finger. She admired it then threw her arms around him. "I love you." She backed away and frowned. "What made you come? Did Dad say something...?"
"Your father didn't say anything. Even when I told him I was flying out here, he kept quiet as if he was afraid he'd spoil something."
"He couldn't spoil this. Not in a million years."
He had to straighten out everything between them. "Laura, about Carey. I called him and..."
His words were lost as the thumping of feet tripped down the steps. Mandy ran to the sofa with a precarious hold on a white satin angel trimmed in gold. "We found it. Are you gonna stay and help decorate the tree?"
He lifted her onto his lap angel and all. "I sure am. Then I'll read those stories before you go to bed." He leaned over to Laura and whispered into her ear, "And then I have a surprise for you."
***
Mitch lead Laura into the hotel, a secret smile on his lips. She'd never known such happiness. She felt loved, desired, needed. They hadn't had any more time to talk alone as they hung ornaments on the tree and put Mandy to bed. But he'd kissed her freely, touched her often, and with mysterious smiles promised the fulfillment of what their fulminating kiss had begun.
Now, she stood beside him at the entrance to a hotel room almost shaking with anticipation. When he unlocked and opened the door, she gasped. There were flowers everywhere! From roses to daffodils to tiger lilies. At least ten baskets were strategically arranged, filling the room with fragrance.
She turned into his arms and drew his head down for a deep, soul-felt kiss. He swept her into his arms, kicked the door closed, and carried her to the bed. They broke the embrace to undress, but they kept coming together again and again to kiss, to caress, to excite, to love. When both their bodies gleamed from anticipation and pulsing heartbeats, when neither could wait a second longer to be one in mind, heart, and body, Mitch thrust into her, driving to her core. Her legs latched around his hips, her fingernails dug into his shoulders, and she cried his name when the crashing of their ultimate union claimed them both.
They floated into their future, their arms tight around one another. Mitch rolled to his side and gathered her as close as he could get her. "I didn't think it could get any better. But I was wrong. Commitment makes loving even more powerful."
"Any more power and we'd blow up the hotel."
"We're going to have to find someplace more permanent to fill with flowers."
Her hair fell across his shoulder as she angled her head to look at him. "Either York or Harrisburg is fine. The commute's not that long--"
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