by Gerri Hill
“Dinner was great, Madison, but I should probably get going.”
Madison nodded. Yes, it was probably best that she flee. She wouldn’t try to stop her.
“I’ll help you clean up, of course,” Shannon continued.
“No need. I can do it. I’m still practicing my kitchen skills, remember.”
“Sure?”
“Yes. It was good to spend time with you.” They carried their plates to the sink. “Thanks for coming,” she said.
Shannon hesitated, taking a step away from her, then she stopped, coming closer again. It was the most natural thing in the world for Madison to slip into her arms. While she was certain Shannon meant for the hug to be quick and impersonal, as soon as they touched, as soon as their bodies made contact, it changed. Madison closed her eyes as Shannon’s arms tightened around her and Madison allowed her own hands to slip over Shannon’s shoulders. She relaxed into the hug, burying her face against Shannon’s neck, breathing in her unique scent. Before she could stop herself, her lips moved, brushing against her skin lightly. She heard a quiet sigh and stepped even closer, her body melting when she felt Shannon’s mouth against her throat, finding her most sensitive spot, a spot Shannon used to know so well. Her pulse raced, her breath caught—she couldn’t believe she was in Shannon’s arms.
“We shouldn’t do this,” Shannon murmured, her lips inching closer to Madison’s mouth.
“Yes, I know,” Madison agreed, her breath mingling with Shannon’s.
Their lips were so close…but they paused, their breathing ragged as their eyes met. Madison knew it would only take one kiss to break their resolve. Shannon was the one to stop, to gently untangle their arms. She took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly.
“I’m sorry,” Shannon said. “But I won’t have an affair with you.”
Madison took a step away, separating them. “I know. I don’t want an affair either.” Madison tucked her hair behind her ears, trying to settle her pulse. “No one…no one’s ever affected me the way that you do,” she admitted.
Shannon gave her a gentle smile. “Well, you’ve only had two of us to use as a reference,” she said.
Madison pulled her eyes away, embarrassed. She tried to turn away, but Shannon stopped her.
“Madison?”
Madison looked down at the floor. “One time…one time when I came home, and you and I talked, I knew—when you said you’d been dating—that you’d had other lovers. So when I went back to school, well, I slept with someone.” She raised her head, facing Shannon. “A girl from one of my classes.” She shook her head. “It was a disaster. I wanted it to be you. I called out your name,” she said. “And when it wasn’t you, I started crying. The girl freaked out and fled,” she said with a short laugh. “She never spoke to me again.”
Shannon came closer, her eyes holding Madison’s captive. She cupped her cheek, her thumb rubbing lightly against her lower lip.
“Are you gay, Madison?” Shannon whispered.
Madison leaned into her touch. “That’s always been your question…and your doubt.” She sighed, pulling away from Shannon. “I don’t know, Shannon. That’s something I could never come to terms with. A question I didn’t want to answer.”
Shannon nodded and shoved her hands into her pockets, as if she was afraid she might touch Madison. Once again, Shannon searched her eyes.
“And now?”
Madison swallowed. “Now? Now I’m still as attracted to you as I was back then. And it frightens me just as much.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Shannon stood at the kitchen counter, watching through the window as her mother and Madison chatted outside. It was a warm and humid day with rain in the forecast, but Sunday brunch—eaten outside on the patio—had become their norm lately. But seeing as it was already past noon, brunch would be a late lunch today.
She turned away from the view and went back to slicing the mushrooms. Since their afternoon swim party and subsequent dinner, she and Madison had seen each other often, but never alone. They’d gone to lunch a couple of times, arriving and leaving separately. Jarod had included Madison when he’d had a pizza party for Crissy’s birthday. Last Saturday, Madison had invited her and her mother over for hamburgers. She wanted Shannon to teach her how to use the new gas grill she’d purchased for her patio. And this week, Madison had been to the store twice—once to watch as the freezers were installed and then again when they were bringing in the kitchen for the food court.
Neither of them ever suggested they have dinner alone and Madison did not invite Shannon back over to swim. Because the tension was there. Always. Shannon paused, staring at nothing as she remembered watching Madison in the store, looking so comfortable in her shorts and sandals, her legs tan, providing evidence that she was spending many afternoons by her pool. When Madison had turned, finding Shannon watching her, the look in her eyes made Shannon want to drag her into a back room and kiss her senseless.
And that was the problem. Yes, Madison was still married. And no, she didn’t want an affair with her. But God, sometimes the pull was so strong, she just wanted to hold Madison, kiss her, touch her, be with her…get naked with her. And the look in Madison’s eyes said she wanted the same things.
But they weren’t teens anymore, they weren’t the young women they’d been when their raging hormones had overridden any good sense they might have had. They were adults, both so far removed from who they’d been back then. They’d changed—both of them. Yet sometimes, when she looked at Madison, nothing had changed at all.
But here they were, trying to form a new friendship, trying to eliminate the chasm that was between them and learn to trust again. Which would be all well and good, if only she didn’t still have this want—need—to know Madison in a much more intimate manner.
“Daydreaming?”
Shannon turned, finding Madison watching her. She still held the knife, but she’d barely made a dent in the mushrooms. She smiled sheepishly.
“Yeah, daydreaming.”
Madison came closer, stopping only a few feet away. Again, the look in her eyes was nearly too much to resist. Shannon’s gaze dropped to her lips, and God, she wanted a taste.
“About?”
The question was barely a whisper, letting her know that Madison knew exactly what she’d been daydreaming about. Shannon decided it would be too dangerous to play this game, however she couldn’t resist a little tease.
“Well, if my mother wasn’t here, I’d show you,” she said with a smile. She handed Madison the knife. “Finish this, would you? I need to start the sauce.”
“What am I doing exactly?”
“Just slice them and add them to the pan with the onions.”
* * *
As much as Madison loved Alice, this was one of those times she wished she and Shannon were alone. Those times were becoming more and more frequent. Of course, she and Shannon had no business being alone, not with the direction her thoughts had been taking lately.
“Will Ashton be here long?” Alice asked.
“No, no. Just the weekend. I’ll only get to see him Friday night,” she said. “He’s going with his father to his cousin’s wedding Saturday evening. He wants me to come up and visit him soon though. We were so rushed when I took him to Boston, I didn’t really get a chance to see anything. Ashton has a whole list of places he wants me to see.”
“So the Whiz Kid likes it up there?” Shannon asked as she took their plates inside.
“Loves it. He seems thrilled every time I talk to him.”
As soon as Shannon was out of earshot, Alice leaned closer. “How long are you two going to keep this up?” she asked quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Tiptoeing around each other like you do.”
Madison feigned ignorance. “Is that what we’re doing?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Maybe we’re taking baby steps,” she conceded. She stood. “We should help Shannon clean up.”
“Yes, we should.” Alice took all three of their tea glasses. “I’ll admit, I’m getting used to her vegetarian cooking.” She laughed. “Please don’t tell her that.”
Shannon was on her way out as they were coming in. “You didn’t have to do that. I can get it,” she offered.
“You cooked. We should clean up,” Madison said with a playful bump of her arm. “Relax.”
Knocking brought all three of their gazes to the front door.
“Wonder who that could be,” Alice said. “Jarod wouldn’t knock.”
Shannon shrugged and went to open it. Three women stood there. Madison watched Shannon’s expression turn from shocked surprise to slight embarrassment.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Shannon asked with a laugh.
“We wanted to surprise you.”
“Well…it’s…certainly a surprise,” Shannon said as she accepted a hug from each of them. She stepped back. “Come in.” Shannon looked around, meeting Madison’s eyes only briefly before looking away again. “This is my mother,” she said, pointing to Alice. “And this is a…a friend of mine, Madison Cole.” Shannon turned to a strikingly tall blonde. “This is Dr. Charlotte Rimes and her partner, Tracy Truman. And this,” she said, turning to a beautiful woman with shiny auburn hair, “is Dr. Ally Hatcher.”
Doctor? She’s been dating a doctor?
Madison kept her expression even, and she stepped forward, shaking each of their hands. “Nice to meet you all,” she said politely. She glanced at Alice, who finally moved forward as well.
“Always nice to meet Shannon’s friends,” she said. “Welcome to my home.”
“I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” Ally said, “but we did want to surprise you.”
“You just drove down for the day?” Shannon asked.
“No, no. We got rooms. We thought maybe you could show us the town.”
Madison took this as her cue to leave. She turned to Alice. “I should get going,” she said quietly.
She and Alice slipped into the kitchen as Shannon and her friends chatted. Her chest felt tight and she kept glancing at the woman—Ally—who obviously was very comfortable with Shannon. Her arm was linked possessively through Shannon’s. She turned to Alice and was surprised to find herself enveloped in a tight hug.
“Don’t run away from this,” Alice whispered in her ear. “Don’t run from Shannon.”
Madison pulled away. “It’s so hard.”
“Yes. Love is hard. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be so special.” Madison looked at her helplessly and Alice hugged her again. “It’ll all work out.”
Madison nodded skeptically. “Maybe.” She picked up her purse. She wanted to just dart from the house, but she wouldn’t be rude. “Nice to meet you all, but I need to get going. Enjoy your stay in Brook Hill,” she said as she smiled at them, neatly avoiding looking at Shannon. She was out the door in a flash, but she heard Shannon’s voice behind her.
“Madison.”
She turned, finding Shannon standing at the door.
“You don’t have to leave,” Shannon said.
Madison met her eyes, holding them for a long moment as the first drops of rain began to fall. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Shannon followed behind Charlotte’s car, the windshield wipers swooshing intermittently as the light rain continued. She glanced over at Ally, who was watching her with a smile that Shannon knew all too well. That smile—and the hand that brushed back and forth across her thigh—indicated only one thing.
“I’ve missed you,” Ally said. “I thought if we came here, you wouldn’t be able to run away this time.”
Shannon raised her eyebrows. “So this was your idea?” She had thought perhaps Charlotte had planned this.
“Oh, we had too much wine the other night. It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Ally said with a laugh.
“So where are you staying?”
“Tracy found a nice hotel over on Broadway.” Ally’s fingers pressed down against her thigh. “There doesn’t seem to be much nightlife in this town, though.”
Shannon shook her head. “No, there’s not much.”
“Guess we’ll have to find some other way to kill time then,” Ally said with a seductive smile.
Shannon wanted to feel something. She really did. But Ally’s touch meant nothing to her, and she wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. She slowed, turning down a side street and finally pulling to a stop.
“We should talk,” she said.
“Talk?” Ally’s hand slid higher along her thigh. “Shannon, I assure you, I didn’t drive five hours to talk.”
“I’m sorry if you came here with the expectation that we’d sleep together,” she said. “I’ve tried to be honest with you from the start.”
“Yes, I know. Just sex. And I was honest with you too. I’m not looking for a relationship, Shannon. If I was, it wouldn’t be with you.”
“Yes, you’ve been brutally honest about that,” Shannon said dryly.
Ally smiled. “But the sex? We did that pretty well, if I remember.”
Shannon stared out the window, watching the rain as it came down harder now. She was tired. Tired of the games, tired of pretending. Tired of it being just sex.
“I’m sorry,” Shannon said again. “I’ve…I’ve changed. And I don’t want to sleep with you.”
Ally stared at her, the seductive smile fading from her face. “She’s very beautiful. Are you still in love with her?”
Shannon raised her eyebrows, surprised by her assumption.
“Charlotte told me about you and Madison. About your past.” Ally finally withdrew her hand from Shannon’s thigh. “So? Are you?”
Shannon let out a deep breath, unable to run from the truth. “Yes. Yes, I am.”
Ally gave a short laugh. “Wow. I didn’t think you’d actually admit it. In love with a married woman? To put it bluntly, that must suck.”
Shannon pulled back into traffic. She had no intention of discussing her feelings for Madison with Ally. She again turned onto Broadway, heading to their hotel. Charlotte and Tracy were waiting in the lobby for them.
“Get lost?” Charlotte said with a smile. “Or happy to see each other?”
“Hardly,” Ally said dryly. “We’ll be lucky if we can talk her into having dinner with us.”
“Well, we have plenty of time before dinner,” Tracy said. “Let’s go to the bar. We can sit and visit,” she suggested, her gaze alternating between Ally and Shannon.
Shannon nodded. “Sure.”
“I need to run up to my room,” Ally said. “I want to change shoes. I stepped in a puddle.”
Shannon didn’t miss the look Charlotte gave Tracy so she wasn’t surprised to hear Tracy offer to go with her.
“Let’s get a table,” Charlotte suggested.
Early afternoon on a Sunday, the bar was nearly empty. Charlotte chose a table the farthest away from two men watching a baseball game.
“I’ll guess by your demeanor that you’re not thrilled to see us.”
Shannon rested her elbows on the table, her chin leaning on her folded hands. “A little head’s-up would have been nice,” she said.
“Well, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.”
“And whose idea was this?”
“Ally’s initially. But I will admit, I was curious as to what your reaction would be.”
Shannon leaned closer. “I’m not one of your patients, Charlotte. If we’re friends, then treat me like a friend, not an experiment.”
Charlotte seemed shocked by her words. “Of course you’re our friend, Shannon. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve got you on my couch.” She paused. “So you’re angry that we’re here?”
“Angry? I don’t know if anger is what I’m feeling. A little pissed, yeah,” she said.
“Because we interrupted your time with Madison?”
“Jesus, Charlotte, you just can’t help it, can yo
u?” she said, softening her words with a smile. “Okay. You want me to be one of your patients, let’s do it.” She leaned back. “Yes. I’m upset that you interrupted my time with Madison. I’m upset at what Madison is thinking right now. I’ve told her about Ally. She’s probably assuming that I’m going to stay here tonight.”
“And you’re not?”
“No, I’m not.”
Charlotte looked surprised. “So you and Madison…are what?”
“We’re friends. We’ve talked some…you know, about the past, about us. We’re trying to get our friendship back. That’s all. She’s got a lot going on. She left Stephen and she moved out. She and my mom are close, so she’s around a lot.”
“So she’s really going through with the divorce?”
“It appears that way.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m happy for her. She’s had a miserable life so—”
“You’re happy for her? Are you also upset by it?”
“Upset?”
“Upset that she married him and wasted these years. Years that you could have possibly had.”
Shannon shook her head. “I don’t think of it like that. Back then, she couldn’t have not married him. Because that was who she was. But she’s changed. We’ve both changed.”
“But you still have feelings for her?”
Shannon smiled. “Is it cliché to say I’ll always have feelings for her?”
“The attraction is still there?”
“Yes.”
“For both of you?”
Shannon didn’t have to hesitate long, remembering the look in Madison’s eyes whenever Shannon caught her staring. She nodded. “Yes, for both of us.”
“She’s very pretty. I’m not certain what I was expecting, but she’s…quite beautiful.” Charlotte glanced at the entryway. “They’re back,” she said quietly.
After the bartender had taken their orders and after they’d been served, the conversation was sporadic at best. Tracy did her best to keep things flowing, but Shannon simply wasn’t in the mood to placate her.