19 April 2009
Jet lagged in Palm Springs awaiting the show tonight. Cure, Paul McCartney, Yeah Yeah Yeahs etc … VERY hot indeedy.
We were driven by minibus from the swish hotel to the huge sprawling Coachella Festival site. On arrival we were directed to the artists’ gate to be dropped off. We moved on through security into the artists’ dressing-room area. It looked like a holiday camp, full of caravans and trailers, each with a white picket fence. There were fairy lights everywhere and a central chill-out zone, where occupied hammocks swung gently amid the heavy smell of hash.
Our dressing-room caravan was cute and had been decorated specially for us, with gifts laid out on a table of drinks and food. But the air conditioning unit didn’t work and the heat was stifling – then got worse under the lights of the film crew who were interviewing us. We were slowly getting more red-faced and sweaty, so when my and Gen’s make-up started to slide down our faces we called a halt to the interview and headed out to our little fenced garden for some fresh air.
As night fell the atmosphere changed. The heat, stillness and the distant sound of music, bangs from fireworks and being in the open air created a sense of detachment, which was further enhanced when we were transported to the stage by a golf cart, passing uniformed armed security guards with guns at the ready, keeping a keen eye on the ‘payment’ office where the band fees were dispensed. Sitting opposite each other in silence as the cart trundled along, we all looked around, then at each other, sat there like unwilling victims being delivered to a place that was alien and assaulted our sensibilities and principles. It felt like the Playboy Bunnies scene from Apocalypse Now, where acts are dropped in to play and transported out again.
‘What the fuck are we doing here?’ we all muttered. We knew, but this was so very un-TG … An industrial-factory approach to entertainment production, yes, but not ‘industrial’ as we perceived it.
The band before us were still playing when we arrived at the back of the stage. A riser was awaiting us, with a table each to set up our gear on. We were to just get a line check, and not a proper soundcheck. There’s a first time for everything, I guess.
I hadn’t expected anyone to come to Coachella but Sasha Grey had said she’d try to come along so we could finally meet. We’d been in touch for a while, discussing, among many things, our sex-industry experiences. I was plugging everything in when Sasha arrived with her then partner, Ian. I was so, so happy to see her. Not the best place for a first meet but she lifted me out of the weird Coachella-zone mood. It was like we’d known each other years – there was a mutual unspoken understanding between two strong, driven women and it was wonderful to meet someone new and young who had such strength, spirit, warmth and humour. We talked as I set up and arranged to meet for lunch.
As the band finished, their risers were moved back and ours pushed forward. It was time to go … Chris tweeted we were about to play and within a split second a huge cheer of ‘YES!’ went up from the audience as they held up their phones in answer. The audience dispersed any reservations we had about being there. The gig was mad in every which way, and we smiled throughout, hugging each other at the end, wet with sweat as we all were.
22 April 2009
LA was a blast last night. Now we’ve just settled into our hotel room in SF and looking forward to a night off – shattered after a late night and early start.
TG moved on to San Francisco. Refreshed from our relaxing tiki evening, we arrived midday at the venue. The ballroom was a very old but beautiful building and held just over two thousand people. While the video crew set up, we put our gear on stage ready for soundcheck and were shown to our dressing rooms. We had one each and Sleazy’s was up four narrow steps. I was walking behind him when he suddenly stopped after the second step. He was out of breath and panting quite badly.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
He took a deep breath and replied, ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’
He clearly wasn’t and I thought first of how similar it was to Paul before his heart attack, and then about the way Sleazy had been walking so slowly through the airport, lagging behind us all. I’d thought it was him being cool and casual, in preference to being on the ‘hurry up’, but it must have been because he wasn’t well. He wouldn’t talk about it. I knew he’d been on warfarin for deep vein thrombosis some time ago but he never mentioned illness unless it actually impacted on his plans. I kept a discreet check on him from then on.
The ballroom was full to capacity and the welcome cheer as we appeared on stage was as fiercely enthusiastic as at all the other shows so far. Although Gen’s ex-wife Paula lived nearby, she didn’t come to the show (as requested by Gen), but their younger daughter, Genesse, did. We didn’t see her until she appeared in the middle of the set, when Gen brought her on stage to introduce her to the audience and wish her happy birthday. That was a ‘What the fuck?!’ moment for the three of us. Gen hadn’t told us beforehand, he’d just thrown Genesse into the TG performance mix. We wouldn’t have begrudged her a happy birthday at all, but would have appreciated being told and having some say as to when it would happen. TG run on the fly, creating music very much in the moment, so to have that connection between us interrupted by a ‘Happy Birthday’ announcement wasn’t the best thing to do. What could we do but smile and wish Genesse well?
4 May 2009
What a weird 4 days it’s been since I got home. The jet lag, fatigue, TG head cold and euphoria combined to put me in another space for a while – between sleep and consciousness. I’m gradually coming round and assimilating the magnitude of the experiences I had in the US. The shows and audiences were overwhelmingly wonderful.
During the USA tour, sales of the merch CD Third Mind Movements started to trail off pretty quickly. Then we found out why. Someone had put the whole album up for free download. The merch sales made up a big slice of the overall income to cover costs for the tour, so although it was considered ‘de rigueur’ and cool to offer everyone a new TG album for free, it felt like we were being well and truly fucked over. It should always be the decision of the artist whether to give their work away or not. I didn’t agree with it then and I still don’t.
On top of that we’d recorded all the TG USA shows and were planning to release them, much like the TG live shows of old were made available, but the mindset of those who host torrent sites and provide other people’s work for free scuppered our plans, and robbed TG fans of an official USA live 2009 box set.
Having been bootlegged to oblivion over the years, we did a bit of lateral thinking … What could we release that wasn’t easy, or was nigh impossible, to bootleg or give away for free? Happenstance stepped up with the solution. As pre-TG gig ambience, Charlie had been playing his little FM3 Buddha Machine – a small, iPod-sized, battery-operated loop player with built-in speaker. Chris tweeted about it and the inventor of the FM3, Christiaan Virant, got in touch with him. Then Chris, Paul and Sleazy asked Christiaan if he’d be interested in a ‘TG Machine’ version. He agreed to collaborate with us and we began work on the ‘Gristleism’, a self-contained, looping playback unit embedded with TG sounds – a physical object that was unbootleggable.
Christiaan suggested an exchange and pooling of ideas and a meet-up in July. In that time, me, Chris, Sleazy and Christiaan discussed different adaptations to the Buddha Machine that were more suited to TG. Gen was away but kept in the loop (no pun intended). Things were happening so quickly and we wanted Gen’s input. Selecting the right sounds to meet the technical specifications of the unit was challenging – limitations of the chip technology dictated what frequencies and length of sounds could be used. Longer sounds had lower quality, shorter sounds higher quality, so it was a trade-off and it took months of work to compile something for a concept that seemed so simple.
As with all TG releases, and for Christiaan, the sounds had to be registered with our publisher for copyright reasons. That flagged up a problem when Gen sent his loop suggestions. We didn’t recognise
the sounds or track titles he’d sent us. It turned out that they were from a bootleg release. How ironic that he’d sent bootleg material and had missed the point that the concept of the project was all about countering TG bootlegs. Why would we include them? He took our reasoning as to why we couldn’t use them as a personal slight and wrote a tirade of spurious accusations about me and Chris bootlegging TG. A fiery email exchange followed. To get things back on track, we stuck with the official registered TG sounds.
With Gen and Sleazy living abroad and Christiaan travelling to and from the UK at that point, as well as time factors related to factory slots in China (where the Gristleism was being made), me and Chris were the ones who worked closely with Christiaan and brought the project to fruition. Chris and Christiaan put together the final audio loops and worked out all the other necessary technical considerations. It was a complex but terrifically fulfilling experience working with Christiaan, who was so incredibly gifted and a stickler for detail.
The Gristleism packaging was an equally exciting and intricate process, with Christiaan (working in conjunction with Jonathan Leijonhufvud) coming to our house to discuss designs and us making tweaks and further suggestions. It was decided that the Gristleism would come in three TG-related colours – red, black and chromed silver – as would the outer packaging, which was in two parts: a spot-varnished solid inner sleeve with a wraparound outer sleeve die-cut with the ‘Endless Knot’ design. Both sleeves had spot-varnished text and designs so if you had more than one unit, the sleeves could be interchanged. We had ‘messages’ included on the inside of the units as part of the mould itself – to be changed with each subsequent production run. We purposely made it easy to disassemble to encourage modification, hacking and experimentation. We wanted people to be inventive, to get inside, where they’d discover our messages. In its simplest form it was an interactive TG release but it had potential for so much more. It was a beautiful object that people could carry around with them, have in their home or workplace to create a TG ambience – which many found strangely relaxing.
As well as the single Gristleism we produced a Tri-Colour edition of one hundred, presented in a bespoke, dark-red, silk-covered box with an embroidered gold ‘Endless Knot’/flash that included all three colours, enamel Gristleism badge and card with numbered authentication certificate. Gristleism was later included in one of the broadsheet colour supplements’ recommended Christmas gifts of the year, but by then it (and the limited edition) had sold out and the next single Gristleism production run was under way.
6 June 2009
I’m feeling pretty damn good and energised again. Lots has been happening in other areas of my work/life … Mainly in the art world with being in the Tate Modern exhibition … music projects are coming together now which will take up all my time for the rest of this year. It’s all VERY exciting and fulfilling especially working with new people. For now, I’m back in the studio working on the upcoming TG shows.
Sleazy arrived at our house to work on the TG European shows. There was a new set to put together. We were performing a TG set and a live soundtrack to Cerith’s short film The Sky Is Thin as Paper Here at Tramway in Glasgow, then taking the soundtrack concert to Statens Museum of Art in Copenhagen, culminating in two TG shows at Heaven in London, where Cerith would do a DJ set. Cerith was to travel with us. He didn’t cope too well with the pace of an on-the-road schedule. He was still drinking heavily, so we had double the usual alcohol problem to deal with, as well as both him and Gen vying for the spotlight. Susan and Paul managed things wonderfully well.
The hotel in Copenhagen seemed to cause the biggest upset for Cerith. It was in the ‘boutique’ style. Each room had a different theme, which was quirky, to say the least. Paul and Susan were lucky – they got the modern room that was perfectly adequate. Gen got the bridal suite, which suited him just fine. Sleazy had the grandiose Napoleon Room, which was so perversely Sleazy. He flopped happily on to the huge four-poster bed and sank into the pale-blue satin bed cover. Me and Chris moved on to our room quite excited at what we’d find. We were on the top floor of the hotel. Our hearts sank when we opened the door. We’d got the Hansel and Gretel room. Everything was child-size. The bed was only two foot off the floor – it looked like they’d sawn off the legs. Likewise the chairs and table. The ceiling, being part of the roof gables, was low and sloped at one end, the wood was all dark brown, and the curtains, bed linen, cushions and towels all red-and-white gingham. We dumped our bags and left the room not really wanting to go back, but there were no other rooms available for us. Poor Cerith felt worse than us – we heard his shouts of protest and horror. He’d been put in the ‘Boys’ Room’, which was decorated with huge images of monster trucks and had a bunk bed to sleep in. He wasn’t having any of that and an alternative was offered – a boxing-gym-themed room, which we thought might be more up his street. We all had a go on the enormous punchbag that hung in the middle of the room. He was still upset. We showed him how bad our room was and he felt better.
By the time we got back to London, Cerith wasn’t at all well. His skin had broken out into what I suspect was a stress rash from the hectic schedule. He didn’t make it for his DJ set at Heaven. Paul got a call to say Cerith had collapsed and was extremely ill in hospital. That was upsetting news.
TG were back in Heaven, to play two shows where Derek Jarman had filmed us playing way back in 1980. That link in our history wasn’t lost on us or on all those who came to the gigs. It felt good too. Being a rare TG London show, Heaven was heaving, both shows sold out. The matinee gig with S.C.U.M. as support was more restrained than the evening gig, which was furiously intense and I loved every minute of it.
We had an army of friends backstage afterwards. The atmosphere was fantastically ‘up’, with so much laughter and love in the room. Sleazy was very tipsy and jolly but slumped on the sofa unable to get up without great effort or a helping hand – which made me think he still wasn’t well. His friend expressed his worries about Sleazy’s health, asking if I could help in any way, that maybe Sleazy would listen to me. Sleazy had put on a lot of weight. That aside, I loved rubbing his Buddha belly, and I’d already tried to find out what was wrong with him, but he refused to talk about it to anyone. Sleazy was as Sleazy did. He wasn’t into being ‘fit’ – he preferred a less-than-healthy, very indulgent lifestyle, and, finances allowing, nothing would stop him pursuing further excessive pleasures.
5 July 2009
Feeling pretty chipper after an extended time out after the TG activities. I’ve been relaxing (alas with interruptions) … Too much to do really what with all the mundane stuff as well. I need a Cosey clone to do the mundane and keep me sane.
Having the summer off from travelling and performing gave me the chance to ground myself by getting into the garden and down with nature, growing vegetables and spending love time with Chris, Nick, Les, family, friends and all our precious cats. Chris, the cats and our garden were my saviours during the madness of being on the road and meeting demands that, at times, seemed insurmountable and unreasonable.
I looked on a trip to Tramway Glasgow for the showing of ‘A=P=P=A=R=I=T=I=O=N’ as more of a summer break than a work obligation. Paul and Susan were going along, as was Cerith. He was out of hospital and feeling better, but facing some hard lifestyle changes. The sculpture looked and sounded wonderful. It was the first time we’d seen it since the fabricators’ test run. Sleazy had gone to Yokohama when it was shown there and sent photos saying how awesome it was. He was right: you had to experience it to appreciate its beauty and uniqueness. I was so proud of it but especially of Chris for persevering with his concept of a complex multichannel audio feed. It was sad some years later to be told that Cerith had produced works very similar to ‘A=P=P=A=R=I=T=I=O=N’ off the back of our hard work. We felt betrayed and ripped off, particularly Chris.
13 September 2009
I’ll be installing my work for the Tate exhibition ‘Pop Life’ in 2 weeks time then goin
g for the PV with friends. I’m really looking forward to the show … As it gets cold outside I’m longing to get back to recording in the studio. I’m itching to get cracking.There’s three sound projects in progress and all so very different to each other.
Summer was receding. I always looked forward to autumn – it’s one of my favourite seasons. I love the riot of colour that leaf-fall brings and watching as the farmers and gardeners go through their routines of putting the land to bed for the winter. Then there’s the added pleasure of hot, buttered crumpets and snuggling up to watch some good films. As autumnal gardening jobs ended, it gave me more time to work in the studio.
There’s nothing more frustrating than being in the studio on a glorious summer’s day – which was where we always seemed to be. We have to run with the creative spark and ideas when they emerge, as moments of inspiration know no seasons or boundaries. I went to stay in London to spend two days with Andrew, installing my work at the Tate Modern. The exhibition ‘Pop Life’, curated by Catherine Wood, was to run until January 2010 and included some great works. The show was about ‘Art in a Material World’, using Andy Warhol’s provocative statement ‘Good business is the best art’ – I don’t agree, but that provided a great platform for discussion on art as art and/or art as business.
The artists in the show had engaged with the market in different ways. It was a theme that had legs, as far as I was concerned, bearing in mind the ‘engagement’ with art and business courtesy of White Cube Gallery. There were advisory notices for three rooms, which all contained works of a ‘sexual nature’ – including mine. For once I wasn’t the target of press porn outrage. It was Richard Prince’s portrait of a very young Brooke Shields that instigated a police visit to the Tate.
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