by Faith Hogan
‘Well, you said you wanted to disappear?’
‘Yes, but…’ Kasia shook her head slightly.
‘Look, we’ll leave a note for him. Say you have moved on. He’s welcome to the place. I’ll take out as much of your stuff as I can. I can store it for you at the studio.’ She reached out her hand towards Evie, tucked the blanket snugly beneath her chin. It was tapered and soft and the white gold jewellery that adorned her fingers glinted playfully in the light. ‘I’m thinking you might save each other.’
Kasia feared it made little difference where she went or what she said to Vasile. Maybe Grace was right; with time, things could turn out better. At least she could be helping Evie – there was that – and it would give her time to think about her future and what was best for her and the baby. While she tapped in the text, Grace called Annalise Connolly.
‘There isn’t a choice, Annalise. This is what Paul would have wanted you to do.’ She listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. Kasia thought she wouldn’t talk Annalise Connolly around easily, but before long there seemed to be agreement. ‘Great. You can bring the jeep; we can fold down the seats to bring lots of stuff in it?’ She wasn’t asking, not really. Grace winked at Kasia. ‘So. What do you need from the flat?’ There wasn’t much: a few bits of clothes, some money she kept in a jar in the bathroom and a photograph of herself and Maria, taken at a party in Bucharest before anyone had mentioned cancer. The photograph was the only thing that meant anything to her.
There was no return call from Vasile. She assumed from the silence that he’d swallowed her text, or maybe his heart was broken by his new love. She didn’t really care, so long as Grace Kennedy and Annalise Connolly got in and out of the flat safely. Once they did that, she would contact Vasile and explain where the key was and that she had moved on.
*
‘So, you are happy to stay with her?’ the doctor spoke in hushed tones, as though Evie might not hear.
‘Yes, we will take care of each other. That is how it will be.’ Kasia peered down at Evie. She’d taken it well, the fact that Kasia was going to move in with her, an uninvited guest foisted on her, if not to spy, then certainly to keep her within her sights.
‘Kasia said she will stay for as long as she is needed.’ It would be six months anyway to get Evie up and running and by then the baby would be almost ready to arrive. Kasia couldn’t see that far ahead. All she could think of was keeping clear of Vasile.
‘And the psychiatric team are happy with this arrangement?’ The consultant turned to check with the matron who stood to his left.
‘Yes, they have spoken with Mrs Starr at length; they feel with some support she is better off at home.’ The matron smiled at Evie. They were a similar vintage; both knew the value of home.
‘Well, that’s settled.’ With the flick of a pen, the consultant sealed both their lots, for better or worse.
Kasia and Evie; two strangers assigned to look out for each other. Evie, as rich as she seemed to be, had nothing. Kasia, who had not two cents to spare, had a life growing inside her that would be her family. She had, within herself, all that she needed to be happy. ‘We will be fine.’
‘Thank you for this. You have no idea what it’ll mean to get home.’ Kasia smiled; if she could bring even some small measure of happiness to Evie Considine, it would make Paul very pleased; she owed him that much.
‘You are helping me too, you must not forget that. You are keeping me safe from Vasile,’ Kasia said.
‘I’m glad. Paul would want you to take care of yourself and the baby.’ Evie’s words were genuine, even if her eyes had lost their vitality.
‘He would want you to be well also,’ murmured Kasia. A large tear made its way down Evie Considine’s cheek. ‘You can’t do this again; you have to find something to live for without him.’
‘You are very wise.’
‘He loved you very much. He would not want this for you.’ Kasia considered the old woman whose eyes, dark blue, were deep as Lake Bucura, but empty, waiting for something to build a little faith in.
‘I thought he did.’ A shuddering breath passed through her. ‘I just wanted to be with him. It’s what I’ve always wanted, if I’m honest.’
‘This time,’ Grace cleared her throat, ‘this time, Evie, I think we all have to let him go.’ A small tear faltered on the edge of her perfect lashes. ‘Kasia is right. He wouldn’t want this for you.’
‘It’s just so hard.’ Evie Considine pulled a couple of tissues from a box beside her, wiping her eyes fiercely. ‘My mother used to say we shouldn’t cry for the dead until they are at least a week buried, otherwise you just hold them to this world when they are happier to be on their way.’
‘We have a similar saying in Romania. It’s about freeing the spirit.’
Grace moved between the two women, ‘We gave him a good send-off and maybe it’s time to let him go.’
‘We find some way of getting on with life?’ Kasia said.
‘That sounds like an idea,’ Evie Considine said, and Kasia detected something a little closer to courage than to despair.
*
If Annalise Connolly wasn’t exactly friendly, neither was she unhelpful. She carried the two carrier bags for Kasia without complaining, while Grace linked Evie steadily. They all piled into one of the most pimped-up-looking Range Rovers Kasia had ever seen. She wouldn’t want to guess how much it cost to buy, but there again money couldn’t always buy happiness or taste. This thing was similar to a gleaming white Sherman tank, with blacked-out windows, go-faster lines along the doors and an array of extra headlamps perched up front that wouldn’t look out of place on safari in Kenya. The interior had that lovely new car smell; it was a cream Pavlova of leather, wool carpet and blonde wood panelling. From the rear-view mirror, Annalise had hung a dreamcatcher with pictures of her sons at the centre. Evie needed help into the front seat, while Kasia and Grace slid as elegantly as possible into the back.
‘Thank you, dear, for collecting us,’ Evie said and Kasia believed that, just for a moment, Annalise’s heart softened at the sight of her.
‘No probs,’ Annalise said. Her posh nasal twang was more noticeable to Kasia’s ears than the other women’s accents. She was the kind of girl who would have crossed the road to avoid all of them given half a chance. From the outside, it seemed as if Annalise had everything a girl could want. She was a natural beauty, if a little heavy-handed with the make-up and her hair was over- peroxided. But she had lovely delicate features, a body most girls would kill for and the kind of graceful movement that spoke of hours of ballet in earlier years and either yoga or Pilates now. She had two healthy boys, a home to call her own and no shortage of cash, if the car was anything to go by. At the funeral, it was plain to see, she also had parents who doted on her. Yes, to Kasia, it seemed Annalise had it all sorted. And she must have had some charm for Paul; Kasia could not imagine him hooking up with somebody devoid of personality.
Early on, when she first met him, Kasia guessed that Paul admired her vulnerability. Whatever had brought them together, Kasia could see nothing fragile about any of these women. In their own way, each of them was stronger than Paul, even if they didn’t see it for themselves.
She contacted work on their way to Evie’s house. For now, she would change around her shifts. Maybe she would ask if she could transfer to another location. The catering company operated all over the city. She could try her luck elsewhere if that failed. She explained she had to rest for a few days, so she would contact them when she was back on her feet. She was staying with a friend for a while. At least if Vasile checked, she would seem to have disappeared.
Once Annalise drove onto the open road, Kasia relaxed.
‘Good to get out of there,’ Grace murmured.
‘It is good,’ she agreed. ‘It is good to be surrounded by nice people also. I appreciate what you’ve done for me; if I can do anything for you…’
‘Kasia, you’ve done more than you kno
w for me already.’ She smiled. Grace Kennedy was a good person and Kasia could see why Paul had loved her. What she could not understand was why he’d left her, especially for Annalise!
Soon they were on the coast road, ploughing along past the various suburbs on the way out to Howth. In the distance, she could see Ireland’s Eye. Since she came to Dublin, she got into the habit of taking the train to one of the many beaches and promenades outside the city each week. Most Sundays she strolled one of the many Dublin beaches. She watched the waves and gulls and dreamed about how life might turn out with a little luck. Sometimes she would stop off and buy a cup of tea, drink it on one of the park benches that lined the promenades in Bray or Howth or Clontarf or Dun Laoghaire. The lack of a seaside in her own childhood made her value it even more. She dreamed of living by the sea some day. One day.
In Howth, they moved away from the sea to get to Evie’s house: Carlinville. The road climbed higher, so it felt as if they would arrive on the top of the famous hill of Howth, then abruptly the Range Rover pulled left in front of a high wall. Far below, beyond the rooftops, the sea glittered, its silvery scales catching Kasia’s eyes and making her blink with the intensity. Somehow, today everything seemed much sharper than before. Perhaps it was because she knew this would soon become familiar to her, where before she thought she’d never see the place again.
‘Come on.’ Grace pulled the bags from the seat between them. ‘Let’s get you both settled.’ She stood at the door, holding it steady while Annalise gave Evie an arm for support. Kasia breathed in the clean scent of cut grass and the sea breeze that lapped up the hill towards them.
‘It’s beautiful. I thought so the first time I came here, but I don’t think I was brave enough to say it,’ she said to Evie, who was glancing around at the place as though she’d been away for a long time. ‘I never dreamed I’d get to stay somewhere like this.’
‘I’ve never been anywhere else,’ Evie said a little sadly, as though her life was the emptier for having stayed in the same place for all these years. ‘I grew up here. Grew old here too.’
Kasia smiled. ‘Ah, Evie, you are not old yet.’
‘You’re very kind, Kasia.’ She paused and squinted up at the sky, blue with patchy white clouds meandering by in no particular hurry. ‘Would you like to see the garden?’
They walked through a wooden door, which led to a large garden filled with old-fashioned shrubs and flowers and grass that needed cutting. Carlinville really was the most magical, perfect home – the kind of house people wrote stories about: Children’s stories, where you could taste the hot chocolate and excitement of adventures to be fashioned equally out of long hot summer days or wintry nights with howling winds. Kasia made her way up the winding, unevenly paved path until she stood before the faded red kitchen door. And without warning, after all the years of being lost, Kasia felt a warm familiar feeling envelope her. She’d made it home.
*
Kasia spotted the sports car in the garage one evening when she went in search of oil to take some of the creaks out of the old house. From the moment she laid eyes on it, she knew it held the magic to pull Evie out of herself. A few days later, she dragged Annalise through rain that was too close to sleet for Kasia’s liking. She let them into the garage, as though she was opening a precious vault, and she pulled the heavy waxy cover off the MG Midget.
‘They must have been the most glamorous couple around,’ Kasia sighed. ‘I mean, she’s still beautiful, for her age.’ Annalise ran a finger along the cold lines of the bonnet. ‘But when you see photographs of her, she was like a movie star. I think it’d be good for her.’ She grinned at Annalise.
‘What would be good for her?’
‘To get old Mildred on the road again.’ She pointed towards the car. ‘That’s what I’m calling her. Mildred the Midget. It suits, don’t you think?’
‘Can she drive?’ Annalise sounded surprised, but she wasn’t reluctant. The car was a beauty and Kasia had figured correctly that Annalise shared her father’s love of cars.
‘She did once.’ Kasia stood back a little from the car. It was gorgeous, its body a faded buttery white, with a maroon soft top. Inside, the leather had a waxy sheen. The chromes were still shiny and silver and even the walnut dash felt icy smooth as though recently polished. The door was light to the touch and opened without as much as a creak. ‘She needs this. It will pull her out of her sadness.’
‘Does it even go anymore?’
Kasia tinkled the keys beside her. She had found them in a drawer that Evie rarely opened now.
‘No time like the present to find out.’ Kasia hopped into the passenger’s seat. Annalise turned the keys. They waited while the engine lights flickered, once, twice and then came to life with a gentle hum, like an old cat woken from a long sleep.
‘It really is a lovely car.’ Annalise reached out to touch the dash. The finish was exquisite. ‘It feels like new.’ She was drawn in by the nostalgia of the car; Kasia thought it might work its magic on her too. When you sat in it, it was as though you had been introduced to a Paul Starr who had lived a different life to the one either of them had seen him live. Of course, if Paul had lived a different life, so had Evie – for a while, she’d been a different person. Perhaps she had been a happier person. ‘Of course you’re right; she needs something more.’
‘She’s getting there, having company here; it is suiting her, no?’
‘Oh, yes, very much, it’s suiting her. You’ve done her the world of good, but…’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, you’re going to leave, aren’t you?’
‘I…’
‘Of course you are; you’ll find your own place. Perhaps there is a man?’
‘No,’ Kasia started to laugh. Kasia had enough to contend with in keeping out of Vasile’s way; the last thing she wanted was another complication.
‘No?’ Annalise turned her attention to the various sticks and controls before her. ‘Anyway, as I say, you’ll have your baby; you’ll move on and then Evie will find herself back where she was before you came to stay here.’
‘She lived on her own for a long time. She might be happy to get her house back to herself again.’ But Kasia didn’t want to leave. She was happy here, but of course, it would come to an end as all things did and she didn’t want to outstay her welcome.
‘Yes, she lived on her own, but she wasn’t happy.’
‘True.’ Kasia thought about that every day. How sad must Evie have been to try to take her own life? The very idea of someone like Evie even thinking of committing suicide seemed horribly wrong to Kasia. Would taking this car out help her or would it set her back? It might remind her of happy times that may never come her way again. It might remind her of all she had lost. It might just give her an easier way to end it all. Kasia began to wonder if it was such a good idea after all.
‘Look, let’s bring it out for a little spin, just to see if it’s in good mechanical order. Then we can think about how to get her behind the wheel.’
‘But, don’t we need insurance?’ Kasia asked. Annalise was already rolling up the old garage door.
‘Trust me,’ she said and winked. Kasia closed her eyes for a moment as the car backed slowly out of the garage; the rain was still sheeting down.
The runabout only took five minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Kasia knew it was the stress of maybe being caught in a stolen car.
‘Test-driving, that’s all we were doing.’ Annalise parked the car expertly and pulled the tarpaulin over it again.
‘You know your way around cars,’ Kasia watched Annalise automatically clip in the corners.
‘My father has a garage, remember? I grew up parking cars on the forecourt. Anyway, we’re hardly likely to steal it, are we?’ Annalise pulled the lock across on the garage door before they dashed back towards the house.
‘No. I didn’t mean that; sometimes it is the way I say things. You understand, though?’ Kasia panted. ‘You enjoy bending
the rules, I think.’
‘I enjoy getting one over on people.’ They were standing in the small kitchen. Annalise filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘So how are we going to get Evie into that car?’
13
Annalise Connolly
Grace Kennedy made her promise she’d drop by Carlinville once every couple of days, just for half an hour. And why not? Since Kasia had moved in, Annalise found herself more drawn to the place. Perhaps it was because there was a baby on the way? She loved babies. Didn’t everyone? Or maybe it was to do with Paul. Grace whispered to her the day they found Evie that the house felt as if it held some vital part of him, even now. Whatever it was, and Annalise was not prepared to admit it might be the company of the other women, she found herself doing as she’d been asked. So, in a very short period of time, she became a regular, if sometimes still uncomfortable, visitor. The dreams of a career still bubbled beneath her skin, but it seemed now that her family and Carlinville had first dibs on her time, so when Gail rang she missed her call several times, before in the end she answered.
Gail sounded as if she was running low on patience. ‘It’s not often they ask specifically for you these days. The least you can do is turn up if they do.’
‘Give me something worth going to, so.’ Annalise had never been so flippant with Gail. After all, she depended on Gail to get her work. Most models would give their last set of stick-on nails to be on her books.
‘I’m giving you something now.’
‘No offence, Gail, but I’m too old to be cavorting around Stephen’s Green in a bikini with a man dressed in a chicken suit to advertise drumsticks in a box at €5.99.’
‘It was good enough for you a couple of years ago,’ Gail hit back.
‘Yes, but a lot has happened in the meantime. Anyhow, Gail, I can’t today. I have no one to take the boys.’ But Gail Rosenstock had a point, Annalise had to concede, as she inwardly groaned at her reflection in the mirror. She tried to tame her hair into something sleek, aiming for an Audrey Hepburn look. The result was more Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. She tied her hair up in a loose knot, any attempt at styling forgotten, threw on fresh clothes and scrubbed her face clean. After all, it wasn’t as though she was madly busy at work.