by Sarra Cannon
“It’s incredible,” I say. “I’ve never been inside, but I’ve seen pictures of what it used to look like, and it was breathtaking. Why was she talking about that? Have they finally raised the money to go forward with the project?”
“They have,” he says, and he hesitates before saying more. “She said she wants me to put in a bid to do the restoration work, but that’s a bad idea, right?”
He eyes me, but I can tell this is important to him, even if he’s trying to act very cool about it. I, on the other hand, can hardly contain my excitement.
“Are you freaking kidding me? Knox, that’s an amazing idea,” I say, turning to face him in my seat and nearly hopping with joy. “You would be perfect for this job. Oh my gosh, you would do that place justice like no one else could.”
“Settle down,” he says with a snicker. “You’re more excited now than you were when I proposed.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t play this down, mister,” I say. “This is an incredible opportunity. You should really think about putting in a proposal. Did she tell you what they were looking for?”
“She gave me some information about it, but I haven’t had a chance to look through it. The final proposals are due in about a month,” he says. “There’s just no way I could do a job like that on my own, so I’d have to hire people. Get a whole team together. I’m not ready for all that.”
“When are we ever ready for something so life-changing?” I say. “That doesn’t mean you couldn’t do it. I could help.”
“You would do that?”
“Of course, are you kidding me? I would love to help you. I could help research the right people for the job and reach out to them for you,” I say, my mind racing with the possibilities. “I studied project management and never had any clue I would use that in my life, but you know how much I love to organize schedules and stuff like that. I could be your assistant.”
He smiles and takes my hand. “Best looking assistant in the world,” he says. “Besides, I was thinking more like business partners.”
I lean back in my seat and think about the possibilities, excitement flowing through my veins. Ever since graduation last May, I’ve been lazing around the house, trying to figure out what in the world I want to do with my life. My original idea when I left for college was that I would finish undergrad and apply to law schools. Once the time came, though, I filled a few out and then threw them in the trash. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do less. I’d had enough experience in the court system to last a lifetime, and I just didn’t see that as my life.
But until this moment, nothing has really ignited my passion. I would be good at organizing a huge project like the Monroe house. I love plantations and historic homes just as much as Knox does, and to have the opportunity to work together every day would be a dream come true.
I’m still daydreaming about it when we finally pull up to my parents’ house, and I’m filled with fresh excitement. I can’t wait to tell them about the engagement and start planning the wedding. Life suddenly feels full and exciting, like a grand adventure, and my entire body is buzzing with the possibilities of the future for the two of us.
I practically bounce my way to the back door and throw it open. “We’re here,” I say.
“In the dining room, sweetheart,” Mom calls back.
The kitchen smells of fresh bread, and I inhale. “Smells delicious,” I say. I step into the dining room and kiss my mother’s cheek. I’m careful to keep my left hand at my side so she doesn’t accidentally catch a glimpse of the ring.
“Anything for my baby girl,” she says with a smile. “It’s been so long since you both came for dinner. It’s nice to have you here tonight. I’ve got so much I want to talk to you about.”
“We have a few things we want to talk to you about, too,” I say. “Is there anything I can do to help you get ready?”
“Do you mind finishing up in here?” she asks. “I need to go upstairs and let your father know it’s almost time for dinner, and then I need to put the finishing touches on the gravy.”
“Sure thing,” I say.
She disappears down the hallway, and Knox comes into the room with a piece of bread in his hand, a few bites missing.
“Don’t let her see you with that,” I say as I take the napkins from the linen drawer in the hutch. “She’s big on no one eating before she’s officially announced dinner.”
“I’ll take my chances,” he says with a wink. “I can’t resist your mother’s bread.”
I lean over and take a bite of his piece. It really is delicious. I keep hoping that someday she’ll give me the recipe, but so far, she’s determined to keep it to herself.
“Nervous?” he asks.
“Of course not,” I say. I finish setting the table and stand back to admire the beauty of the place settings and the sparkling chandelier hanging in the center of the room. This was always one of my favorite rooms in the house, but I was rarely allowed in here. Now here I am about to have an important dinner with my parents in this room, announcing my engagement to the man I love. I suddenly feel very adult, and I straighten my shoulders, hoping my dress looks nice.
“Good,” he says. “This is all about happiness and about us. Nothing to worry about.”
I give him a side glance. He’s one to talk. He’s been nervous about tonight for the past week.
Mom and Dad come into the room and give us hugs. Knox shakes my father’s hand, and I realize this is a replay of a dream I’ve had since I was a child. The engagement dinner. I love it. We wanted to tell them together, but we didn’t talk about when we would officially make the announcement, and I’m ready to shout it out. I restrain myself, knowing it would be better to wait until we are all sitting down, but I’m so excited, it’s hard to hold it in.
We make some small talk and Dad offers Knox a scotch. Mom opens a bottle of her favorite cabernet, and I wish I had thought ahead to bring a bottle of champagne. Of course, that might have given everything away right from the start.
“Come help me bring the food in,” Mom says, and I follow her into the kitchen.
“Thanks for having us over tonight,” I say. “We’ve been meaning to get out here for dinner for months, so I’m glad we’re finally doing it.”
“Me, too,” Mom says. “You look very nice tonight, dear. Is that a new dress?”
I smooth my hands along the fabric and nod. “I just got it this morning.”
“It would be so pretty if it wasn’t quite so short,” she says. “And you should have worn your hair up with a neckline like that, dear.”
She turns to retrieve the tray on the counter, and I quickly pull on the hem of my dress, catching my reflection in the French doors leading out to the porch. Is it really too short?
I grab the covered dish sitting on top of the stove and follow her into the dining room. Once we are all settled in our places and my daddy has said the blessing, I can’t hold the news in any longer.
“Mom, Daddy, we wanted to come over tonight to tell you our exciting news,” I say.
Under the table, Knox takes my hand.
“Knox and I are getting married.” I lift my hand up so that they can see the ring.
Instead of getting excited or moving to hug me, my parents share a worried look.
My heart drops to my shoes, and Knox squeezes my hand tighter.
I wait for the excitement to come, but my parents have hardly moved or changed expressions.
I don’t know exactly what I expected their reaction to be, but this was not it. In my head, I’d imagined my mother tearing up and coming over to embrace me. Instead, she sits very still in her chair and takes a sip of wine. She hasn’t even glanced at the ring.
I’m so thrown, I don’t know how to react.
“He proposed the other day before Rob’s reopened, and it was the most romantic thing ever,” I say. “Don’t you love the ring?”
I’m waiting for any kind of positive reaction from them, but Mom si
mply leans forward and takes a brief look at my hand.
“That’s very pretty, sweetheart,” she says.
I draw my hand back, trembling. I fight against tears.
“We’ve already been talking about what we want to do for the wedding, but there’s so much that goes into it that I wanted to wait until we’d let it all sink in before we even picked a date. We were thinking maybe early Spring? What do you think?”
It comes out like what do you think of a spring wedding, but what I mean is what do you think of the fact that I’m engaged. Why haven’t they said anything?
“Spring?” Mom frowns. “Don’t you think you guys are rushing into this a bit? The two of you hardly know each other, and you’re both so young.”
A lump forms in my throat. She’s not even pretending to be happy for me. She thinks I’m making a mistake, as usual.
I thought they’d both changed their minds about Knox a long time ago. How could she say we barely know each other? Knox and I have been together for almost two years now.
“You and Dad were twenty-one,” I say.
“That’s different,” she says. “Times were different back then.”
I can’t believe they are acting like this. We’ve only been here for half an hour and already the night is completely ruined.
“Not that different,” I mumble, letting my head fall. I push my food around on my plate. I can’t even make an attempt at hiding my disappointment. Should I have announced it differently? Made less of a fuss about it?
“Oh, Leigh Anne, don’t pout, honey,” she says. “You just caught us both by surprise. This is a huge decision. Are you sure you guys have really thought this through?”
Knox doesn’t say a word, but I can feel his body tense at my side. He pushes his leg closer to mine and presses against me, letting me know he’s with me, no matter what.
“What’s there to think through?” I ask. “We’re in love. We’re adults. We want to spend the rest of our lives together. It’s not complicated.”
“Marriage is a huge commitment,” Mom says, speaking to me as if I’m a child who doesn’t understand what I’ve gotten myself into. “But if you think you’re ready for this step, and you’ve both really decided this is what you want, then of course we are happy for you.”
She plasters a fake smile on her face and sets her fork on her plate. She stands and opens her arms as she walks around the table toward me.
I push my chair back and stand to meet her, but there is no joy in the moment. I wish she had just opened her arms to us from the beginning, but instead, her body is tense.
She hugs me lightly and when she pulls away, she takes my hand and gives the ring a closer look.
“This really is a very nice ring.” She sounds surprised and glances at Knox. “Did you get this at Richardson’s?”
“No, I didn’t get it locally,” he says. He stands as my mother holds her hands out to him. They hug, but there’s not a great deal of affection in the motion. “I had it custom made by a jeweler in Chicago. A friend of mine’s mother is a designer. It’s a one-of-a-kind.”
My eyes widen, and I look at the ring again. The intricate detailing on the side is beautiful, but I had no idea it was an original design. How long has he been planning this?
“I didn’t think I’d ever seen anything like it,” Mom says. “It’s stunning.”
I’m glad she likes the ring, but she doesn’t seem to understand that the ring is the absolute least important part of this moment.
My dad comes around the table and wraps me in a hug. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you,” he says.
“Thanks, Daddy,” I say.
He offers his hand to Knox and the two men shake. No one seems anywhere near as excited as I’d hoped. I take a deep breath. Maybe my expectations were too high. I’m sure that once we start planning the wedding, they will get a lot more excited about it. Won’t they?
Everyone sits back down, and to my surprise, rather than discuss the wedding, Mom completely changes the subject.
“Oh, Leigh Anne, did I tell you what Pastor Folsom said about the plans for the new social hall?”
I take a bite of roast and shake my head.
“He said if we can raise enough money by next summer, we might be able to put in a really nice kitchen,” she says. “How many times have I said that I think we should redo the kitchen that’s in the main dining room? I’ve been saying it for years, haven’t I?”
“Years,” Dad agrees.
“Exactly. It’s good to know someone was finally listening to what I had to say. A brand-new kitchen in the social hall would be so wonderful for the church,” she says.
I zone out as she goes on and on about plans for the extension the church is planning to build. It’s not that I don’t care about the church, but I’m not a part of that community the way she is. Not anymore.
And besides, I’d hoped news of my engagement would at least warrant a full fifteen minutes of excited conversation. Instead, it felt like more of a blip. Nothing of importance to either of them.
We finish our dinner, and I help Mom carry all the dishes into the kitchen. Dad asks Knox to join him in the living room, and Knox gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.
“Hang in there,” he whispers. “We can celebrate on our own when we get home.”
“Okay,” I say. He’s the only one who has seemed to notice my disappointment.
“Can you grab all the glasses from the table and put them in the dishwasher for me?” Mom asks.
I obediently clear the table and help her in the kitchen. She sets the wine glasses to the side and turns on the hot water so she can hand wash them.
“Are you even excited for me at all?” I ask, desperately wanting her to tell me that she’s happy for us.
“Oh, sweetheart, of course I am,” she says, but there’s no joy in her tone. “But are you absolutely sure this is what you want?”
“Of course I’m sure. You know how I feel about Knox.”
“I know how you feel about Knox right now,” she says, and I brace myself for whatever it is she’s going to say. “It’s just that you’ve been through a lot the past couple of years. Are you sure you aren’t just clinging to him because he helped you through a tough time?”
I feel tired. Tired of having to justify this relationship to her after all this time. Tired of wanting her to be happy for me.
Tired of always being disappointed and feeling that nothing I do is ever going to be good enough for my mother.
“I love him, Mom.”
“Don’t give me that pouty lip,” she says, wiping her hands off on the towel next to the sink. Even though she’s just cleaned the wine glasses, she grabs a fresh one from the cabinet and pours another glass of wine for herself. “I just want what’s best for you, you know that. You can’t blame me for wanting to make sure that you’re thinking this through. You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you, and you haven’t even figured out what you really want to do with it. I just think you might need to take some time with this. Figure out what you’re really passionate about. You’ve had a rough few years. You need to be kind to yourself right now.”
I shake my head. How my mother can equate me getting engaged—one of the happiest events of my life—to somehow not being kind to myself right now, is completely ridiculous and confusing.
She’s basically just telling me that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and she wants me to wait until I’ve come to the same conclusion.
“I thought you guys really liked Knox,” I say.
She puts a hand to her chest. “Of course we like Knox. What makes you even say that?”
I take a deep breath so that I don’t say anything I’ll regret.
“Nothing, Mom. I just wanted you to be happy for me.”
She takes my hand and kisses my forehead. “I am happy for you, Leigh Anne. If this is what you think you want, then I’m happy for you.”
But despite her words, there isn’t the s
lightest sign of happiness in her eyes.
Chapter Twelve
After an awkward night cap with Leigh Anne’s father in the study, I go looking for her. I thought I’d find her in the kitchen with her mom, but she’s not there.
“I think she went up to her old room to look for something,” her mother says. “But just a warning, she’s being her usual overdramatic self. You might want to grab another drink and give her some space.”
“Thanks,” I say, holding back what I’d really like to say to her mom. Her parents didn’t exactly seem excited or supportive about our engagement, but rather than take any kind of responsibility for that, her mom is blaming Leigh Anne, calling her dramatic.
I just don't get what that woman’s problem is, and it hurts my heart to think that she’s upset my girl on a night like this where she should have been focused on her daughter’s happiness.
I take the stairs two at a time and find Leigh Anne sitting on her old bed with her back to the door.
“Hey, I was looking for you,” I say, coming over to sit next to her. She has a photo album in her hands, and I nod toward it. “What’s that?”
She shakes her head, wiping away a stray tear that’s fallen on her cheek. “It’s just something silly,” she says.
“What?”
“An old scrapbook I made when I was younger,” she says. “It just has a bunch of pictures I cut out of magazines and things.”
“Let me see,” I say, reaching for it.
She pulls it away and laughs. “It’s really ridiculous,” she says. “You don’t want to see it.”
“Oh yes, I do,” I say. “The more ridiculous, the better.”
I grab the scrapbook from her and open it up. I realize instantly it’s a scrapbook of wedding ideas. There are a dozen different styles of dresses glued to the first few pages with notes like, “This looks like a dress Cinderella would wear!” and “I love the train on this one!”.
The next pages are filled with pictures of flowers, wedding venues, and in the back, houses and cars and even pictures of nurseries.
When I look up, Leigh Anne is blushing. “I guess my secret is out, then,” she says. “I used to daydream about getting married and having a family a lot.”