“How can I explain this to you?” He said, reaching over and covering her small hands with one of his. “I don’t feel anything right now except for you. I feel pain at your loss. I feel anger – no, fury – at what has been taken from you. At the injustice of this, when you deserve only good things. I will never forgive myself for having not been there for you. I want to always be here for you now, Ava. I want to meet any challenge in your life by your side. By Milly’s side. We are a family, sim?”
But he still didn’t know everything. The past was slamming back into Ava, making her tremble with its strength. Would he want to be a family when he knew how awful things had been for her? Or would he see her as somehow broken and weak? “I was a mess. At first, I thought it was normal. That I was just in shock at having had the …procedure, and such a tiny, prem baby. But Sophie and Olivia suspected otherwise. I was diagnosed with post natal depression.” She dared a glance at him. “I’m fine now. I was lucky to have two sisters who were so supportive. They gave me time to seek proper treatment. It could have been worse.”
“Good God,” he said, pushing to his feet and stalking to the other side of the room. He stared out of the window at the star lit vista beyond. “All this you suffered through, and without me.” His back was moving as he tried to draw breath. “You honestly worry about what you can give me? When I have given you so little? For the rest of my life, I will never be able to make up for this failing.”
“It’s not your failing,” she snapped. “It’s me. It’s mine. My stupid body.”
“Ava,” he groaned, and moved quickly back to her side. “You’re never to say this again. You are perfect.” He kissed her forehead. “None of this is your fault.” He stroked her hair and she was ridiculously comforted by both his words and the gesture.
“Three years ago, I wanted to marry you. I wanted to throw myself at your feet and beg you to promise that you would never leave me. I knew then that a life without you would be meaningless. And it has been. For three years, I have existed and I have survived, but I have not lived. I have not enjoyed a single moment that I have been parted from you, particularly because I believed us to be parted forever. I have cursed my own stupidity and believe me, I have cursed your stubbornness and misguided loyalty to a man who could never please you. And I have hoped with the kind of hope that only a fool would feel that somehow we would find our way back to each other. And we have. Do you truly think I could value more children over a life with you? I will not make the same mistake twice. You pushed me away and I went. I will not go again, Ava. I won’t do it.”
His words danced around her mind. They were music and meaning. But still she tried to be sensible. “You need to think about it.”
“To think about it? About what? About how much I love you? About how I cannot possibly imagine another day without knowing, for certain, that you love me too?”
“What if you change your mind? What if you desperately want more children in a year’s time?”
“What kind of idiot do you take me for? Do you truly believe I would ever leave you and Milly? You alone would always have been enough, Ava. Just you. Milly is, as I said, the perfect silver lining. But you are the meaning to my life, and you have been for years.”
“I just can’t believe it,” she said determinedly. “Is this because you feel sorry for me?”
His groan was mingled with laughter. “I feel sorry for myself, not you. How many times and in how many ways do I need to say that I love you before you believe it?” He felt his heart swell with the truth of his statement. He lowered his voice, hoping his tone would help her see his certainty. “No part of my loving you is a sacrifice. Do you get it?”
He leaned up a little higher. “I want to marry you, more than I’ve ever wanted another thing in my life. I want to marry you as quickly as we can arrange it, and I want to skywrite it all across the world. You are heaven-sent. Please stop worrying that I feel anything for you but desperate, all-consuming adoration.”
She shook her head, but she was smiling. Was it possible to feel such joy after so much heartache? One look at his face convinced her that she was right to trust him. “I must admit, you’re starting to convince even me.”
“I should hope so.” He pressed his lips lightly to hers. “You are the only person I want to convince. Well, maybe Milly. We are a family, but Milly didn’t make us one. We did. We were a family three years ago and we were idiots to run from that. Never again. I’m not letting you go again.”
“No,” she let out a huge sigh of relief. “You’re not.”
He stared at her long and hard. “Does that mean you’ll marry me?”
She laughed. “It means I love you. Marriage is … maybe one day. But for now, let’s just enjoy being together. There’s so much for us both to get used to.”
His eyes sparkled. “That sounds an awful lot like a challenge, Miss Henderson.”
“You better believe it.” She cupped his face. “In all seriousness, Cris, you need to be certain. We can’t rush into this, no matter how we feel. Milly is …”
“Going to be an adorable flower girl,” he said with a smile. “When you’re ready. Until then, I shall spend every day showing you just what an excellent husband I’ll be.”
“Mmm,” she grinned. “I like the sound of that.”
* * *
The next morning, still fogged in happiness, Ava’s phone rang. She heard it but couldn’t reach for it. The moment she slipped her foot out of the bed and inched it to the floor, it sent a jolt of pain up her leg.
“I’ll get it,” Cristiano murmured, and his husky voice so early in the morning sent arrows of pleasure through her body. She watched him stride confidently to the door, wonderment in her heart. Had they really spent the night together?
She closed her eyes on the tidal wave of happiness. Had they really talked of their future with such easy certainty? She collapsed back against the pillows, her face creased into a bright smile.
Ava was aware of him before she saw him. She rather felt his presence hovering over her, and when she blinked her clear gaze in his direction, she saw that he was in a less thrilled state than she. “What is it?” She pushed up onto her elbows.
He held the phone to her. “It is your … ex-husband.”
“Oh.” She took the phone with an apologetic smile at Cristiano. “Hello?”
“Hey, Aves. Marie texted to say you’ve hurt your ankle. I was going to see if you need anything? But it sounds like you’re well taken care of already.”
She looked at Cristiano, and his expression was one of such jealousy that she had to bite down on her bottom lip to stop from laughing.
“I’m okay, Angus, thanks for calling. Listen, it’s not a good time right now, but why don’t you come over later today?” She heard his objections through the silence and so she was insistent. “It’s no trouble. I’d like you to come.”
“Well, okay. I’ll see what I can do.”
She disconnected the call and placed her phone beside her. “We really need to talk about Angus.”
Cristiano’s nostrils flared. “Do we?”
Now she did laugh and she reached for his hands. “I love that you think you need to be threatened by him …”
“By the man you chose to marry instead of me?”
“Yes,” she pulled him gently, and if he had wanted to stay firm, she would never have been able to move him. But he was in no state to say no to her, and so he sat carefully beside her. “Angus is my best friend. You are going to have to get to know him. And, hopefully, to like him.”
“Ava,” he looked at her as though she’d suggested he walk naked through the streets of London in the middle of winter. “You’re asking too much of me.”
“No, please, let me explain.” Her eyebrows crinkled as she sought the words. “Angus and I have known one another forever.”
“I know this,” he interrupted belligerently. Ava lifted a finger to his lips.
“We were never romantic.
He was always the most popular guy in school. Everyone wanted a piece of him.”
“But he only had eyes for you,” he guessed. “At least he has excellent taste to recommend him, if nothing else.”
She bit down on her lower lip and tried not to laugh. “When we lost my mum, he was the best support I could have asked for. He visited every day, and he helped not just me, but Sophie and Liv too. We all loved him. We came to count on him. When he suggested that he and I get married, it wasn’t because we couldn’t live without each other. It was because he knew I needed something. Some stability. Some promise of a future permanence. And he wanted to give it to me.” She sighed with guilt. “I should never have agreed.” She traced an invisible spiral over the back of his hand. “But by the time I started to have regrets, we were so far down the wedding planning route. His whole family had adopted me. I still didn’t love him romantically, but I did love him, Cris. I do love him. But like a brother. And a dear friend.”
Cristiano flipped his hand over so he could trap her fingers in his. “You never mentioned him to me.”
“No,” she agreed. “At first, I thought I was being stupid to even hope that you might feel the same way about me as I did you. By the time I realised I loved you, it was hard to find the right way to bring my fiancé into conversation.”
“Yes, I can imagine how difficult that would have been,” he said with mock severity. Though it had pained him beyond words to discover that she had pledged herself to another man before fate brought them together. He lifted a hand to the strap of her singlet and slipped his finger inside, so that he could touch her bare skin. Goosebumps appeared in its wake; he smiled at the sight of them. “You had not slept with him.”
“No,” she nodded, and licked her lower lip anxiously. “He … wanted to, but I suggested we wait until we were married.”
Desperate envy spiked inside of him. What had he expected? They had been man and wife. They had lived together.
“I knew as soon as you left that I’d stuffed everything up.” She shook her head wistfully. “But you had left. I told him everything. He gave me the option.” She looked away from him, shame making her face crumple. “So he’s not in the wrong here. He asked me what I wanted, and I told him that I wanted to go through with our wedding. You had gone. And Angus was very, very right about one thing. I craved stability and permanence. He offered that.”
“And I never did,” Cristiano cursed angrily, and he couldn’t fight it any longer. Injury or not, he needed to touch her. He leaned forward and kissed her with all the passion that fired his soul. “It was my fault.”
“No. Don’t be absurd. Are you serious? I married a guy I didn’t love just because I wanted a guarantee of permanence. What kind of idiotic, ridiculous, stupid, selfish thing was that?”
“Only your choice of groom was stupid,” he assured her. “Needing stability after the mystery of your parentage and the loss of your mother; that is perfectly understandable.”
“Maybe,” she said with a small shake of her head. “With every day that passed, I felt dread and misery. I missed you so much I was sick.” Her lips twisted in amusement. “At least, that’s what I thought.”
“When did you learn about the baby?”
“The morning after our wedding.” She lifted her eyes to his face. “Sophie had noticed me retching. She bought a pregnancy test.” Ava closed her eyes, awash with those memories.
“You must have been devastated,” he surmised.
“Devastated? I was so incredibly over-the-moon!” She cupped his face with her hands, and held him steady. “I had a piece of you! I had thought I would never know you again but here it was; hope. Chance! True, it was messy as hell. I mean, for God’s sake, I had just married Angus. But in that moment, Angus was irrelevant to me. Nothing I had felt before then, the obligation and compassion for his pride, none of that mattered. Milly was my world. And you, too.”
“The rest I know. You told him. He did the right thing – more than I would have done if our positions were reversed and I risked losing you, believe me.”
“But he isn’t you, and what he and I shared is nothing compared to what we are.”
“I believe you. Nothing compares to this.”
She smiled kindly. “The rest you know.”
“Not quite,” he said seriously. “You were married to him for months.”
“Well, yes,” she agreed. “It took me months to build up the courage to come and see you. I was so worried that you would be angry. That you would see Milly and me as anchors you didn’t want. But Angus was insistent. He said that every man should have the opportunity to know their own child.”
“I hate this guy,” Cristiano said, only half-joking. “Can he do no wrong?”
“I told you: he’s a class act.” She dropped a hand to Cristiano’s chest and held it over his hand. “We were never … truly married.”
His eyes flared wide as he deciphered her sweet admission. “By this, may I take it to mean that you did not sleep with him?”
“Yes,” she nodded, her eyes dropping from his face. “So you see, you have no need to be jealous.”
The pleasure he felt was intense. “Then he also has the patience of a saint.”
She rolled her eyes. “I love that you think I’m so irresistible, but don’t forget, I was pregnant with your baby. That’s pretty hard to ignore.”
“And he helped you in this pregnancy.”
“Yes, he was excellent. Foot rubs, craving indulging, bath running, appointment chauffeuring. He was a fantastic friend.”
Cristiano kissed her lips gently. “Then I have every need to be jealous. He was able to support you when I could not. But I cannot remain angry with him, especially not for that. If anything, I owe him my thanks.”
“Yes,” she exhaled with a smile so huge it flipped his heart. “I knew you’d see it that way.”
“So he comes today.”
“Yes.” She bit down on her lip. “And you’ll be nice?”
His laugh warmed her soul. “So nice you’ll agree to marry me afterwards.”
She punched his arm playfully. “We’ll see.”
CHAPTER NINE
On Christmas morning, Ava woke with a knot of presentiment that wouldn’t quit. Despite having spent the most perfect month with the man she loved most in the world, and their beautiful little daughter, she had a ball of tension she couldn’t ignore.
“It’s my sisters,” she said finally, when Cristiano cornered her on her own. Jackson and Marie were making a pudding in the kitchen, and Milly was happily watching.
“What is?” He pushed, thinking of the women who had always stood shoulder to shoulder with Ava.
“I haven’t heard from Olivia in ages. No one has. It’s not like her.”
He frowned. “You said she’s doing a top-secret job at the moment for a particularly high-profile client?”
She nodded. “But it’s more than that. I know she wouldn’t just go quiet on me. Especially not on Christmas. Even Sophie’s been strange lately.”
“Sophie sent beautiful presents for Milly. And she is a newlywed,” he pointed out with a small smile, hoping to assuage Ava’s fears.
“I know, which is why I’ve sort of ignored the fact she’d dropped off the face of the earth. She’s happy. Or at least, she claims to be. And Alex has been in touch to get decorations and recipes.” She shrugged. “But Liv is too trusting. She’s always got a new boyfriend, or a crazy travel plan. What if she’s met someone really bad? What if something’s happened to her?”
“It is more likely that she has been swallowed up by the pleasures of Vegas,” he promised. “It is a city that is like no other. It is a living, breathing organism. All delightful distractions and fun.”
“Perfect for Liv, then. But you don’t understand. She and Sophie are more than just aunties to Milly. They’re like other-mummies. For neither of them to have called this morning …”
“There is the time difference too,” he p
ointed out.
“Yes, but …”
“But nothing,” he promised. “Now, come and see the present I have for you.”
She nodded, but her mind was still half on her sisters.
When he crouched beneath the tree and lifted a round tube from its base, Ava’s first reaction was one of disappointment. Such a shape was unlikely to contain a wedding ring; was it?
It caught her completely off guard. Until that moment, she hadn’t realised that she’d been hoping he would propose again.
“Here,” he murmured. “Open it.”
She took it from him curiously and slid the lid off. Papers were inside. She pulled them out and stared at them for a moment, before lifting her eyes to his. “I don’t understand.”
His grin was like the cat that had caught the cream. “They are deeds.”
“Deeds?” She prompted.
“Documents of title.”
“To what?” She asked, turning her attention back to the paper.
“To the surrounding vineyard.”
“To … what? Why?” She flicked the first page and looked at the map. Sure enough, it looked like Cristiano had purchased the ‘L’ shaped package of land that surrounded Casa Celli.
“Because, Ava, together we are going to make beautiful wines. And lots of them. We need more grapes for that.”
“We need more … we’re going to make … But Cristiano, I thought you were working with the Berries?”
“How could I when you have far superior grapes here?” He kissed her forehead. “We’re a team, you and I. And we are about to put this little winery on the world map.”
“In a big way,” she agreed, for Cristiano Cesar Barata brought not just experience and talent, but the kind of publicity that guaranteed success. Her heart was swollen with love, and all thoughts of her sisters evaporated completely.
At least, for a time.
But later that day, when Cristiano was showing Jackson the new vines, and Milly and Marie were napping, Ava opened her emails. And one in particular caught her attention. The sender was Olivia, and the subject proclaimed excitedly: GUESS WHAT …
The Brazilian's Forgotten Lover: Years have passed, but old habits die hard... (The Henderson Sisters Book 3) Page 12