Deacon drew in a deep breath and started driving.
Raeann kept an eye on him as his agitation grew. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, flexing them repeatedly. He was seriously stressed.
When he pulled into the driveway of an older ranch home in a nice neighborhood, he turned to her.
“Whatever it is, I can handle it. I spent my entire childhood taking care of a mentally ill mother, Deacon. I’m strong.”
“I know you are.” He opened his door and jumped down.
She did the same on her side, not waiting for him to come around. When they reached the front door, Deacon unlocked it and stepped inside. “Mom, I’m here,” he called out as he reached for Raeann’s hand.
Seconds later, Raeann instinctively lowered her gaze as she heard the pitter-patter of small feet just before a pink ball of fire ran straight toward them, blond curls flying all around. The little girl’s smile was huge as she shouted, “Unca Dea.” She threw herself at him as he swooped down to pick her up.
“What are you doing up this late, munchkin?”
“I helpin’ Gigi.” She hugged Deacon’s neck tight, her face landing on his shoulder as she met Raeann’s gaze. “Who are you?”
Deacon twisted around so they were both facing Raeann. “This is my friend Raeann.”
“Rain?”
Raeann laughed. “Close enough.” She reached out to tuck a lock of unruly curls behind the little girl’s ear. This was indeed unexpected. Deacon had a niece?
“Is your brother in bed, munchkin?”
“Yep. He’s in his crib. He can’t get out. But he’s crying.” She stuck out her lower lip.
Raeann tipped her head to the side and indeed heard the sound of whimpers coming from somewhere in the house.
“Okay. Let’s find Gigi first and then I’ll see about your brother.”
Deacon carried the little girl into the living room and through to the kitchen.
Raeann stayed on his heels, coming to his side when they entered the brightly lit kitchen.
“Oh, goodness. You got here fast,” the older woman who had to be his mother said. She jerked her gaze to look at Raeann. “Oh,” she repeated. “I’m so sorry. You were on a date.” She glanced back and forth between them, her hand coming to her chest.
An older man was sitting at the kitchen table. He was holding a bag of ice to his forehead, and there was blood on his shirt.
Deacon’s mother wiped her hands on a towel and extended one to Raeann. “I’m so sorry, dear. I’m Marcy. This is my husband, Ted. We had a little accident.”
“Nice to meet you both.”
“Goodness, I interrupted your date.” She glanced back and forth again.
“Mom, it’s okay,” Deacon insisted. He shifted his niece’s weight to his hip and leaned in to lift the ice pack from his father’s forehead. “You really bonked yourself, Dad.” He turned to his mom. “You take Dad to the hospital and get that stitched up. I’ll stay here.”
His mother pursed her lips and wiped tears from her eyes before she rushed from the room.
Deacon turned his gaze toward the little girl. “I think I hear your brother. You want to stay with Papa while I go check on him?”
“I’ll go,” Raeann stated without thinking. “He won’t be hard to find.” She turned around and headed toward the hallway in the direction Marcy had gone. It only took seconds to follow the sound. When she pushed open the door, she found the little cherub standing in his crib, tears running down his face. He had on blue-footed pajamas like the pink ones his sister was wearing.
Raeann had no experience with kids. None. Zero. Zip. She’d never even changed a diaper. But she had empathy and common sense. “You’ve got this,” she muttered to herself as she closed the distance.
The little boy didn’t even care that she was a stranger. He lifted his arms in the air and let her pick him up, immediately snuggling into her chest, his chubby little arms wrapped around her neck.
There was a rocking chair in the corner, and Raeann shuffled toward it and sat, cuddling the warm bundle against her chest. “Shh. It’s okay.” She rubbed his back as she rocked.
He sniffled several times and settled down, going mostly limp in her arms. He smelled like baby lotion, so she didn’t think he needed a diaper change. Was he hungry?
The room was dimly lit by a nightlight, and Raeann shifted her attention to the doorway when a shadow fell into the room. It was Marcy. She was pulling on a sweater. “Thank you so much, dear. I’m so sorry I interrupted your date.”
“Don’t worry about it. Family comes first.” Raeann smiled.
“Well, make yourself at home here. I’m sure Deacon can get them settled quickly. It’s past their bedtimes.”
“What’s this little guy’s name?” Raeann asked.
“Oh, that’s Teddy.” She slapped her hand over her forehead. “And he didn’t have his bottle yet. That’s why he’s crying. I was about to feed him when Ted hit his head, so I put him in his crib to keep him safe while I took care of Ted. I meant to come back with his bottle.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. You go take care of your husband.” Raeann didn’t have the foggiest notion of how she would figure it out, but hopefully, Deacon knew.
Raeann continued to rock Teddy for a while, mostly because he’d stopped crying, but also because it felt good holding him. She’d rarely held a baby. Hadn’t wanted to even. She’d told herself babies didn’t interest her since she knew she’d never have one.
Several minutes later, Deacon came into the room, shaking a bottle. The little girl was on her feet now, but holding on to his leg. Deacon froze just inside the room. “He stopped crying.”
“Yeah. He just wanted someone to pick him up.” Raeann finally lifted him away from her shoulder. She wasn’t entirely sure if he was still awake. He was though. His big eyes met hers. He was sucking his thumb.
“Mom said he hadn’t eaten. I can take him.” Deacon continued forward.
Raeann reached out a hand. “I can do it. I mean I assume I can.” She chuckled. “Are there any tricks or rules?”
The little girl giggled.
Raeann looked at her. “What’s your name? You didn’t tell me.”
“Katia,” she said proudly. “That’s my brudder, Teddy.”
“I heard. I think your brother is hungry.”
“He’s still a baby. He needs a bottle. I’m big.” She stood tall, her wild curls everywhere.
Raeann smiled. “I can see that. How old are you?”
She held up her hand. It took her a minute, but she finally managed to hold her pinky down with her thumb. “Three.”
“Oh, you are old.” Raeann took the bottle from Deacon, meeting his gaze when he didn’t quickly release it.
“You sure?” His brow was furrowed.
She frowned at him. “You don’t think I can feed a baby?”
He grinned. “That’s not what I meant.”
She lifted a brow as she snagged the bottle, situated Teddy in the crook of her arm, and angled the bottle to his lips. Teddy immediately dropped his thumb and drew the nipple into his mouth.
“She did it, Unca Dea,” Katia exclaimed as if this were a miracle.
Deacon chuckled as he narrowed his gaze at Raeann. “For the record, I never doubted your ability, imp. I just didn’t want you to feel obligated.”
“Well, there’s two of us and two of them. Better tag team.”
He grinned and turned to squat down and sweep Katia off the floor. “Tell Teddy and Raeann goodnight, munchkin.”
“Night.” She waved her little toddler hand as Deacon carried her from the room.
Raeann could hear their soft voices in the room across the hallway for several minutes. If she wasn’t mistaken, he was reading her a story.
Teddy sucked the bottle down in no time, his eyes growing heavier by the second. When he was done, she gently carried him to the crib and lowered him onto his back. Easy peasy. Out like a light. Wha
t was all the complaining she’d heard about how difficult it was to take care of a baby?
Chapter 15
Deacon found Raeann wandering in the living room after Katia fell asleep. She stood in front of a wall of pictures and stared at them. “My mom took a lot of pictures when we were growing up.”
Raeann jerked her gaze to him.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” She pointed at a family shot from when he was about ten. “Is this your brother?”
“Yes. Aaron. He was four years younger than me. Thirty-six.”
“Is he the one who was killed in the car accident?”
Deacon nodded. “He and his wife, Cici, were killed instantly.”
“Oh, God. That’s so sad. He was your only brother?”
“Yes.” Deacon strolled over to the couch and dropped down, leaning his head on the back and staring at the ceiling. Guilt consumed him.
Raeann came to his side, sat next to him, and took his hand. “Your parents are raising his kids.”
Deacon swallowed. “Because I’m an asshole.”
Raeann flinched but she didn’t respond. She rubbed the back of his hand gently for a while. “You’re not an asshole,” she finally murmured.
He turned his head toward her. “Really? How else would you describe me? My dad has dementia. My mom has her hands full. She can barely take care of my father, let alone two kids. My parents need to move to a facility with partial care so she’ll have help with my father.”
Raeann didn’t release his hand as she leaned into his side and set her head on his shoulder. He didn’t deserve her kindness. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He closed his eyes, inhaling her scent. God, he loved her scent. “Told you. I’m an asshole.”
She swatted at his chest. “Stop it.”
He wiggled his arm out from between them and wrapped it around her. “I’ve been in denial. I just couldn’t face it yet. I’ve known for a while that things can’t go on like this, but I’ve been selfish.”
She tipped her head back and looked at him. “Understandable.”
“My mom… She is so torn. I know it. She wants to be able to raise them. She joked for years that neither of her sons was going to give her grandkids, and then Aaron met and married a woman younger than him. Mom was overjoyed when they had Katia followed by Teddy. And then…” He swallowed back emotion.
Raeann rubbed his chest.
Deacon continued, the words tumbling out now that he finally opened the vault. “I never thought much about having kids. I figured if it happened it happened. But I’m forty. By now, I’d assumed it would not. And now…”
“It’s a tremendous commitment, Deacon. No one would blame you if you couldn’t do it.”
He dropped his head back again. “Yeah. I would. And I love those little munchkins. I need to stop dragging my feet and step up to the plate. They need me. Sometimes life throws you challenges and you just have to catch them. I need to find a care facility close to me, get a larger house, and figure out daycare and shit.”
Raeann leaned her head against his shoulder. “That’s a lot, Deacon. Now I understand why you’ve been so overwhelmed. Plus, you let me think my stupid problems were huge while you’ve had much bigger things on your mind.”
He jerked his head to her. “Your problems are not stupid. Don’t even go there.”
“Come on. So what if some crazy old women are stalking me with their weird stars and shit. That’s nothing compared to losing a brother and dealing with aging parents and two small kids.”
“Let’s not compare whose problems are bigger. It’s a waste of time. The point is that I should have told you, and I didn’t.”
“You did. Tonight.” She grinned.
He rolled his eyes. “I should have told you the first night we met.”
She leaned back to see him better. “And say what? Hey, my name is Deacon. I’m into you, but you should know I’m going to need to raise my brother’s kids.”
He chuckled. “Maybe not quite like that.”
“I certainly wouldn’t use it as a pickup line in the future.” She winced.
He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his free hand. “You should be furious with me.”
“Why?”
“Because I selfishly led you on and drew you into my life without telling you I’m not available.”
“That’s not true. You told me right up front that you weren’t available. So did I. We had an agreement. We both knew our relationship was finite.”
How could she be so damn calm about this? “It’s not the same.”
She sat up straighter and pulled away from him a few inches. “How is it not the same?”
“You’re running from your problems, obstinately not letting anyone get close to you out of fear for something that might not even happen. I have a seriously tangible problem here. I have to become a father. Raise two kids. I can’t expect or even ask someone to join me on this journey. Not now. Not while I’m about to be in over my head. I won’t have time to even consider a serious relationship with a woman.”
He was surprised when she bolted to standing and glared at him, hands fisted at her sides. “That’s bull hockey, Deacon. And you know, I’ve changed my mind. I believe my problems are bigger than yours. You know why? Because you’re a martyr. You just gonna die alone because you don’t want to strap someone down to your life? Maybe you could meet a woman who would be happy to help you raise those two kids, you fool. But you won’t with that attitude.”
He started to defend himself, but she shook a finger at him. “I have freaking witch hunters following me everywhere I go. Crazy old bitches who want to drive me and everyone around me insane so that I kill myself or get committed. They aren’t going to stop. It would be unfair of me to drag someone else into that kind of life. And that’s without considering that I’m likely to add serious mental illness to the list.”
“Rae…” He hated this. Hated everything about it.
She shook her head. “No. Don’t you even try to one-up me on this. You won’t win. Yes, you’re right. You have to step up and raise your brother’s kids. Not out of guilt or some sense of obligation but because you’re a good guy and you love them. It’s huge. Life-altering. It’s not going to be easy, but you’re going to do a great job. You can martyr yourself for the next twenty years and shut yourself off from relationships, or you can open your eyes and see that you’re a great guy any woman would be happy to be with, kids and all.”
He cringed as he listened to her. There was merit to her words, but he would never hoist his insta-family on anyone. It wouldn’t be fair to them. They would eventually resent him.
He leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees, and stared at the floor. He’d always known this would eventually blow up in his face. He just wished it hadn’t been tonight. His life had been a ticking time bomb and every moment he spent with Raeann had probably made things worse, so it was all for the best, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Unca Dea?” The small voice came from the entrance to the hallway, and Deacon jumped up to go to his niece.
“Hey, munchkin. What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t sweep.”
He was shaking from his interaction with Raeann as he picked Katia up and carried her back to her room. Maybe the interruption was for the best. He settled her in her bed and lay down next to her, patting her back. The poor little thing had no idea how crazy life was. She was so innocent and sweet.
He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart while he soothed hers. It was time to make some changes. Big ones. He couldn’t put it off any longer. What happened with his dad tonight proved it. His mother had too much on her plate. She needed to be able to focus on her husband.
It took Katia a while to settle and fall back asleep, and when Deacon stepped back into the living room, Raeann was gone.
He sighed heavily, knowing there was no sense looking ar
ound for her. She wasn’t just gone from the living room. She was gone from his life.
His car was in the driveway, so she must have called an Uber.
He had to let her go. It was for the best.
But it hurt like hell.
Chapter 16
“I can’t believe you’re moving.” Heather leaned in the doorway of Raeann’s room, staring at the boxes that were multiplying every day.
“I can’t believe I own this much stuff. It didn’t seem like this much when I started packing.” Raeann stood to reach back and adjust her ponytail, redoing it now that long locks had escaped the confines.
“Have you talked to him?” Heather asked softly.
Raeann shook her head and lifted a box to stack it against the wall out of the way.
“It’s been a week. Don’t you think you should? I hate to see you leave town and not even tell him how you feel.”
“Does it matter how I feel?”
“Yes.” Heather tucked a curl behind her ear, though it fell right back against her cheek. “I know you try to put on a smile, but you’re hurting. You really care about him.”
Raeann shrugged. “It was never going anywhere. We both knew that. We agreed. It’s better this way.”
“Why? I hate to be pushy, but I also hate for you to miss out on an opportunity because you’re both being stubborn.”
Raeann dropped onto the edge of the bed and sighed. “It’s too messy. Too complicated. Besides the fact that I would never ask anyone to get invested in me and risk them watching me slowly decline, or deal with the batshit crazy witch hunters, he’s as stubborn as a mule.”
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”
Raeann chuckled. “I know, but at least I’m not martyring myself for the good of the world.” She winced as she said those words. Ever since she’d told Deacon he was being a martyr, she’d been thinking that she was no better than him.
Raeann intended to stubbornly hold all men at arm’s length to spare them the hassle of dealing with witch hunters and mental illness, while Deacon planned to keep women at arm’s length to spare them the hassle of helping raise his niece and nephew. Was it really any different? Probably not, but Raeann was feeling stubborn.
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