Business as Usual (Off The Subject)

by Swank, Denise Grover

  Fear stabs my chest. “Reed, stop talking like that.”

  He turns to look at me. “I’ve set it up so that my trust fund will continue to pay for your education and the apartment until yours kicks in at twenty-one. In case Mom and Dad decide to pull rank and make you come back home.”

  I swallow a sob.

  “I’m sure Caroline will come to stay with you. If not…” His voice fades.

  I drop to my knees in front of him and grab his hand. “Reed, whatever you’re doing. Stop. I need you, do you hear me? I need you.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s too late.”

  One of the tutors I don’t know stands in the door. “Reed, I need to ask you about that tablet you ordered.”

  Reed stands and pulls me to my feet. “Go to class and then head home. I don’t think I’m going to be back tonight.” Then he walks out of his office, leaving me in a state of shock.

  Since Reed is one of the most level-headed guys I know, I had hoped he would come to his senses, but I should have known better. He won’t stop until he’s sure I’m safe. I have to do something.

  If Reed won’t listen to me, maybe he’ll listen to Uncle Robert. Reed has always been close to our uncle, but the two grew even closer when my brother disappointed my parents by announcing he intended to teach college math instead of joining the family business. Uncle Robert could relate all too well; he had forsaken his birthright, handing the CEO position of Monroe Industries to our father so he could pursue his dream of becoming a wildlife photographer. If anyone can talk sense into my brother, it’s Uncle Robert. The only problem is getting ahold of him. He’s often out of the country for his job.

  As I walk out of the building, I pull out my cell phone and pull up his number. I nearly cry with relief when he answers.

  “Hey, Lexi,” he says, sounding cheerful. “How’s my favorite niece?”

  In most cases, this would be an oxymoron, but my father and Uncle Robert have a sister with two daughters. “You know you’re not supposed to say things like that, Uncle Robert,” I tease.

  “Why not? The truth will set you free, Alexa. Now what’s got you so down?”

  I can’t help but smile. “How’d you know?”

  “I know you, girl, you and that rapscallion brother of yours.”

  “He’s what’s got me down, actually. I’m hoping you can help.”

  He pauses and sounds more serious. “What’s going on?”

  I tell him everything… I know Reed will be furious, but at this point I really have nothing to lose. “I’m hoping maybe you can talk to him,” I say through my tears. “I can’t let him ruin his life this way.”

  He releases a heavy exhale. “I’ll call him, Lexi, but you and I both know that once your brother makes up his mind about something, there’s little chance of changing it.”

  “But you have to try. Please, Uncle Robert,” I beg.

  “I’ll do better than call him. I’ll come see him.”

  My tears fall down my cheeks. “I don’t think he’ll be here. He said he didn’t think he was coming home tonight.”

  “Where’s he going?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll try to get to the bottom of this. I’ll let you know as soon as I find anything out.”

  “Thank you,” I say before I hang up. Though I’m still worried—desperately so—I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. At least someone else knows, at least someone else is trying to fix this mess.

  The rest of the day is a blur. So many people are suffering because of me and I don’t know how to fix any of it.

  The apartment is lonely and I make sure the alarm is set. Reed’s paranoia has seeped into my psyche since he told me Todd Millhouse is trying to locate me. What will I do if he finds me? How will I defend myself?

  When I finally go to bed, I still haven’t heard from Uncle Robert. I’m tempted to call him, but I know he’ll be in touch as soon as he can. I need to be patient, difficult though it is. I feel like I need to do something else—anything—but I’m at a loss.

  I try to get some sleep, but I toss and turn for hours. With everything weighing on my mind, one person rises to the top.

  Ben.

  I want to see him. Does he think I changed my mind? Did he change his? My world is crashing down around me, but he’s all I can think about.

  I think about our kiss on the dance floor and the way he brought me home. I want to kiss him again. I want to tell him who I really am and, amazingly enough, I’m tempted to seek out his help. Maybe it’s because he went out of his way to help me last weekend, or maybe it’s because I know he’s interested in me, but I’m sure he’ll help even though we haven’t known each other for long. But if I ask him for help, I’ll have to share everything. There’s no way I can do that, is there?

  I glance at the clock on the bedside table. One-thirty. Ben’s probably just about to get off work at the bar.

  I want to go see him.

  It’s crazy, and I know it. It’s one-thirty on a Wednesday morning, and Reed told me to stay at the apartment. I cannot do this. Yet I’m climbing out of bed anyway.

  I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. My blonde hair is a mess from rolling my head around on my pillow and my face is free of makeup. I can’t go to him looking like this.

  I can’t go to him at all. The last thing I should do is involve anyone else in this mess that my life has become.

  Grabbing the counter, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe what I felt with him was in my imagination. What better way to find out than to go see him?

  It’s not safe, I remind myself. Disappointment settles in my chest, stealing my breath, but some rebellious part of me rises up. Yeah, a crazy asshole might be in Hillsdale, but he’s probably not. And a million other awful things might happen that I have absolutely zero ability to control. I might get hit by lightning. Or a car. Or drop dead of a heart attack.

  I’m tired of hiding, of letting my life be defined by this apartment.

  I take a breath as excitement ignites in my stomach. I’m doing this. I’m really going to sneak out in the middle of the night to see Ben. But I need to be as safe about it as possible. I’ll wear my wig, which will give me some protection and keep Ben from going into instant shock.

  It takes me twenty-five minutes to get ready and five of those minutes are spent trying to figure out what to wear. I settle on a pair of jeans and an ivory sweater since it’s cold outside. I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like me, but not. More exotic and less girl next door. What if Ben doesn’t like the real me? What if he prefers Alexa and the wig?

  There’s only one way to find out.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ben

  I’m exhausted as I walk out the back door of the bar. Uncle Tony still hasn’t replaced the second weeknight bartender. He’s been staying past his day shift into the evening to help, but after seven, it’s just me and the dishwasher and the part-time cook. Thankfully, there weren’t many late-night customers tonight, so I started to close the place early. But now it’s ten minutes after two and all I can think about is my bed. The cold air jars me awake as I briskly walk the block home. My gaze is on the ground as I start up the steps to my apartment, but something draws my eyes up. I stop mid-step.

  Alexa is standing at the top of the stairs.

  She doesn’t say anything as I climb toward her, and I take slow steps in case she’s a mirage and will disappear as soon as I reach her. Her hands are stuffed in her coat pockets and she twists them as she watches me climb. She’s nervous.

  When I reach her, I’m not sure what to do. I know what I want to do. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I can’t ignore the fact that I haven’t seen her since Saturday morning. I need to wait and find out why she’s here. It’s two o’clock in the fucking morning. Not a normal time to show up on someone’s doorstep.

  She looks up and fear and longing alternate in her eyes. Fear. Why is sh
e scared?

  “Alexa? What’s wrong?”

  She shakes her head and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling my body against hers. She looks into my eyes before her eyelids sink closed and she presses her mouth to mine. She’s tentative, as though she wonders if I want this too.

  My exhaustion vanishes and I’m caught by surprise, but it doesn’t take my body more than half a second to catch up. I pull her close as I take over the kiss, telling myself to slow down before I scare her. But telling myself to slow down is like using a garden hose to put out a raging inferno.

  I want her like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life.

  The thought is both exhilarating and frightening. But I still can’t ignore that it’s two o’clock in the morning. How did she escape from her brother? Maybe the more important question is why.

  I make myself drag my mouth from hers and look down into her face. Her eyes are still closed and her breath escapes in rapid short bursts of white vapor. “Alexa.”

  She releases a heavy breath, and then her eyes flutter open and she looks up at me through thick dark lashes.

  “Why are you here?”

  Her cheeks flush and fear flickers in her eyes again before she looks away.

  I grab her face and lift her chin. My gaze pins hers. “Are you in trouble? Why do you look scared?”

  Her eyes turn glassy. “I worried you wouldn’t want me anymore. I didn’t come to get my purse and I—”

  I pull her against my chest as my mouth claims hers again. The saying action speaks better than words seems appropriate here.

  Her hands thread through my short hair and hold me pressed against her, as though I would ever dream of pulling away.

  My own hands roam her back, one of them capturing the back of her head. I can’t get enough of her. I’m like a man who’s been starved for days and then given a feast.

  She lets go of my hair and lowers her hand to my waist, slipping it under my shirt. I jump from the cold and try not to tense as her fingertips slide up and dig into my back.

  I pull away and disappointment covers her face, but I drop my hold on her and snag her hand in mine. “Let’s go inside.”

  She doesn’t say a word, just follows me through the front door. I stand in the thankfully vacant living room, unsure how far she wants to take this. If we sit on the sofa and things get carried away, Austin or Noah might come out and find us, but if I take her to my room she might think I only want her for sex. While the dominant thought in my head is to strip her naked, a rational part of my brain tries to rein me in. I don’t want this thing between us to just be about sex. I want something more with her. Talk about a one-hundred-and-eighty degree change from Sabrina.

  She senses my hesitation and takes the lead, tugging me down the hall to my room.

  I flip on the light switch just inside the door and my bedside lamp turns on. Alexa pushes past me and shuts the door behind her. As she looks at me, her fingers rise to her coat, unfastening the buttons, top to bottom. I watch in fascination as she tosses the jacket behind her. It lands on the floor, but she doesn’t pay attention as she pulls her thick sweater over her head, leaving her in jeans and a black lacy bra.

  My breath catches in my throat as my blood rushes south. My erection strains against my tight jeans and I ache to unfasten my zipper, but I’m too hypnotized by the strip-tease in front of me.

  She kicks off her shoes and then unfastens her jeans. Hooking her thumbs in the loops, she pulls them down and lets them drop to her feet.

  Then she looks at me with a question in her eyes, as though I would find her lacking. As though she might not be beautiful enough for me.

  I want to tell her she has nothing to worry about. She’s gorgeous. Her wig frames her face and falls lightly over her shoulders. The black of her lingerie is a sharp contrast to her pale skin. Her face has less makeup on it than the other times I’ve seen her with the wig, but she doesn’t need it. I want to tell her she doesn’t need the wig either. I know who she is and I don’t care. I don’t care that Reed is her brother and that I’m risking my job by getting involved with her. I don’t care about anything but making her mine.

  But my tongue lies at the bottom of my mouth, thick and useless as a slug. I can only take in her beauty and thank God she came to me. That I have this shot with her.

  She must see the longing in my eyes because she lunges for me, pulling my face down for a kiss.

  I kiss her back, my arms reaching around her back and pinning her to my chest. She frees her arms and grabs the bottom of my shirt, tugging it up and over my head before her mouth claims mine again and her hands start to play with the waistband of my pants.

  I reach to help her, but she bats my hands away and pushes me back against the door with a thud. I barely have time to hope my roommates don’t wake up before she grabs my hands and presses my palms forcefully against the door.

  I’m about to come in my pants.

  She takes a step back, her eyes on my face. I keep my hands in place, watching and waiting to see what she’ll do next.

  She reaches for my jeans, taking her time as she unfastens the button on top and slowly unzips them, her thumb rubbing along my erection.

  I try to hold back a groan, but she hears and looks up at me with a hesitant smile that turns seductive. She tugs my pants to the floor and I’m left standing pressed against my bedroom door in my briefs.

  She looks at my bulge and smiles before reaching down and taking me in her hand. After several strokes, she releases me and pulls my briefs to my thighs. When she bends down, I expect her to pull them off and one hand does, but her mouth finds the tip of my dick. Her tongue circles it as the rest of her mouth closes around me.

  This time I don’t try to stop the groan that explodes from my chest. I reach for the back of her head out of instinct, but she grabs my wrist and pins it to the door as her mouth continues to drive me insane.

  This is like every fantasy I’ve ever had rolled into one. I have no idea how long I’ll last, but now that she’s here and more than eager, I want to bury myself in her. But if she keeps teasing me this way, I won’t last another minute.

  “Alexa.” I reach for her shoulders and pull her back up. “I want to be inside you.” But as soon as I say the words, I wonder if that’s not what she wants. Maybe she was hoping we would get off this way.

  But when she stands, she kisses me and then leads me over to the bed. I sit down and she pushes me onto my back.

  I have to be dreaming, There’s no way she’s in my room, taking total charge. But she slips off her bra and panties and straddles me, rubbing herself over my erection.

  Oh fuck.

  I try to roll her onto her side so I can rub her, but she digs her knees into the mattress.

  Okay, she really wants to be on top.

  I’m sure as hell not complaining. Instead, I sit up and move my legs over the edge of the bed. Grabbing her hips, I lift her up and reach between her legs to rub her. “God, you’re so wet already.” Grabbing her shoulders, I pull her breast to my mouth, my tongue finding her nipple.

  She moans and her body tenses as she starts to lower herself on top of me.

  “I need to get a condom.” I grab her ass with both hands and stand, setting her on top of my dresser while I pull out the top drawer on the side and grab one. Thank God I still have some. I didn’t use them for the last several months I was with Sabrina.

  Alexa takes it from my hand and opens it, pulling me close so she can roll it over me. Then she wraps her legs around my waist. I’d take her right here, but the height is wrong. Instead, I pick her up again and sit on the edge of the bed with her on my lap.

  She puts her knees on either side of my spread-apart thighs and cups my face with her hand, looking into my eyes with a longing that is nearly my undoing. Then her mouth lowers to mine and her tongue teases my lips as she sits on the tip of my erection and slowly begins to lower herself.

  The feeling is both tortuous and elative. I gra
b her hips as she begins to move, taking more and more of me inside her with each movement. Soon I’m buried inside her as our tongues become tangled and it’s not enough, not nearly enough. I’m not sure I’ll ever be deep enough inside of her to feel complete.

  I slide my hand up her back, my fingers digging into her shoulders and pushing her down. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last, but I think she’s close from the sounds she’s making and the intensity of her movements. I feel her tense and her nails dig into my arms as she releases a sound that tells me she’s coming.

  And that’s my cue to let loose. I want to turn her over and get even deeper, but she seems adamant about her position. Instead, she pushes me on my back and partially lies on top of me, her knees still straddling me. I grab her hips and help guide her, pushing deeper and deeper until I come with a loud groan.

  Alexa continues to move and I hold her still. Finding her mouth, I kiss her with a passion I don’t usually have after sex. It’s as though I can’t get enough of her.

  She’s still on top of me so I ease her off and onto her side. She looks up at me with a mixture of lust and uncertainty. How can she be uncertain of anything after that?

  “I’ll be right back,” I say, pushing into a sitting position. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  She doesn’t say anything as I climb out of bed, a difficult task given the fact that I’m sated and my exhaustion has returned with a vengeance. I want to lay down and fall asleep with her in my arms.

  I clean up in a hurry and head back to my room. Alexa’s still on her side, but she’s put her bra and panties back on and she’s propped up on her elbow, her head in her hand. She watches me with those intense eyes as I lie down next to her, my fingers trailing down her arm.

  “I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t see you again,” I finally say, lying back on the pillow and closing my eyes. Sleep has already grabbed hold of my brain and is sucking me under. I wrap an arm around her back and pull her head to my chest. “Not like this.”