Charm School After Dark: Lesson 1

by Lynn Carmer

  Dare tried to adjust, slipped, and went sideways into the supplies. A mop got knocked over. He paused, convinced they would hear him, but thankfully no one skipped a beat. He readjusted and finally caught the tail end of Brynn’s comment.

  “…lie seemed easiest.”

  “Come on, Betty. You’re turn,” he muttered.

  “Enough with your secrets, Caelen. You don’t want to tell us about your job, fine. I have no leverage. But if you don’t want Ms. Hattie to know about your relationship status then you better spill the beans.” Athena had never been one to shy away from blackmail.

  “All right. I was dating somebody. We broke up recently. I didn’t make a big deal about it because it wasn’t all that serious. At least on his part.” Caelen said the last sentence so softly he almost didn’t catch it.

  Dare heard I’m sorry and You okay? Caelen wasn’t doing much more talking, and then he heard a sniffle. His heart dropped. Was she crying? Anger, pure and clean, raced through him. Someone was going to pay. All he had to do was wait for one of the sisters to coax a name from Caelen and it was all but done. Done.

  “It sounds like it might have been serious on your part,” Brynn said.

  “No. Yeah, totally… I don’t know. It’s a mess. The most confusing relationship of my life.”

  “Who was this douchebag?” Score one for Athena, who obviously was a girl after his own heart.

  Caelen snort-laughed through her tears. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over, really over, and I don’t want to spend another minute talking about him.”

  Dare felt his shoulder muscles unbunch slowly. His clenched fists started to loosen. He had worked himself up into a fine rage and hadn’t even known it. The red started to recede. Now that Caelen was laughing again, he could calm down.

  “But why didn’t you tell us about him in the first place?” Athena asked.

  “I just—He asked me—Look, he’s kind of a high profile guy, and we both didn’t want any publicity. I’m not going to have him take all the blame. I guess we both wanted to keep it private.”

  Athena still seemed upset about her lack of knowledge. “I still don’t know why you couldn’t tell us.”

  Dare almost felt bad for her. Athena really had taken on the role of big sister, and it sounded like she was hurt by Caelen keeping her out of the loop.

  There was a long silence with no reply. Finally Brynn, the most level-headed of the bunch, declared, “Let’s take a break from Caelen’s love life. We need to figure out what we’re going to do. We just inherited a charm school!”

  Dare heard his name being called from the front of the house. Shit! One of The Ladies that Lunch must need a hand. Damn. He was going to miss the best part. If that woman kept bellowing his name, one of the quads was bound to start looking, so he unfolded himself from the small space and crawled back into the hallway, careful to tread lightly.

  So much to process. Had Ms. Hattie really been talking about giving head? And if Caelen really wasn’t seeing anyone, then that must mean she needed a Guinea pig.

  A slow, devious, and decidedly excited grin started to spread across his face. Guinea Pig, a role he had been born to play. Now to convince Caelen that he was the rodent of her dreams.

  Chapter 8

  ‡

  “TELL ME AGAIN why I’m here?” Caelen said in an exasperated huff.

  Like she hadn’t been exposed to enough alcohol the night before? Yet here she was, decked out in cut-off jean shorts, a plaid shirt and high-heeled booties that looked just enough like cowboy boots without being the real thing. When invited to a country bar, one must always look the part. She’d even parted her hair down the middle with two braids. That was country, wasn’t it?

  “We all needed to get out. What better place to meet than a bar?” Dacey laughed as she planted herself on the bar stool next to Brynn.

  Caelen glanced around at the dimly lit dive and frowned. Not a cowboy hat in sight. “Wait a minute! Didn’t you say this was a country bar?” Caelen asked.

  “No, dummy. I said they played way too much country at the local bar, but if we work fast and monopolize the jukebox, we might have a chance to blast some serious Britney.” Dacey was obsessed, still, with Britney Spears.

  “That is not what you said. And why the hell do they have karaoke night set up? And why am I the only one dressed in my country finest?”

  “’Cuz it’s not a country bar! You really need to work on those listening skills.” Her sister winked as she looked around the small bar. “But karaoke? That part I might have gotten mixed up,” Dacey said on a laugh, all the while dodging the peanuts Caelen started beaning at her head.

  “You know I like to have the correct ensemble for every occasion. I’m sticking out like a prostitute in church.”

  All four sisters cracked up because it was one of the only crude things they’d ever heard Ms. Belle say. So, of course, they’d used the expression at every opportunity since the eighth grade.

  Brynn intervened by taking the bowl out of Caelen’s hands. “You look gorgeous, no matter what you wear.”

  “So true, so true. I suppose, it’s my inner beauty that shines through no matter the occasion.” She almost pulled off the haughty air until she snorted and covered her mouth with her hand. Damn snort!

  “What are we drinking?” Athena asked, and Caelen cast her a surprised glance.

  “Since when did you start drinking?” Caelen asked.

  “About a month ago,” Athena said as she raised her hand toward the bartender. The place was starting to fill up, quick.

  “What happened a month ago?”

  “We’ll talk about that as soon as you spill about what happened with your job,” her sister answered as she popped a peanut in her mouth.

  Touché. “All righty, then. I will have a white wine, please.” Guess she wasn’t the only one with secrets. Caelen glanced at her sisters with a worried frown. Come to think of it, Athena hadn’t said a word about her husband, Jake, since she’d seen her. But that was crazy. Athena and Jake had been joined at the hip since high school. Hopefully, she wasn’t projecting her own issues onto her sister.

  Brynn and Dacey started looking at all the fruity specials while the bartender waited impatiently.

  “You guys are taking too long. Four beers. Whatever’s on tap,” Athena stated with a wave of her hand.

  All three sisters groaned. Athena was a notorious cheapskate, and she had absolutely no patience.

  “I, literally, just asked for a glass of wine.”

  “Athena,” Dacey complained.

  Athena shrugged, unconcerned. Caelen plopped down onto the closest barstools. “I’m surprised she even asked what we wanted. You know how she is.” She gave the stool an experimental twirl. “I can’t remember the last time I chugged a brewsky.”

  The bartender passed around four giant mugs of beer while Caelen said, “All right. Time to talk turkey. Are we really going through with this?”

  Brynn looked hesitant, Athena acted annoyed, and Dacey remained distracted. Par for the course with this group.

  “Maybe we should sell. It’s not as if any of us are in serious relationships right now. How are we going to pull this off?” Dacey asked.

  “Well, none of us except Athena. Maybe she should teach first, and that would buy us some time before we decided if we wanted to keep the school or not,” Brynn said. She took a sip of her drink.

  Athena choked on the latest handful of peanuts, and all three sisters waited as she chugged down some beer, clearing her throat. “I am not going first. I’m ready to sell. Ms. Belle couldn’t have really expected us to pull this off.”

  “You’re ready to welsh on Ms. Belle’s dying request? You, Baby A, have some big balls if you want to mess with karma like that,” Dacey said as she pushed the mass of blond-brown curls out of her face. “Biga, spicey meat-a ball-sized baaalls,” Dacey said in her best – which was the worst – Italian accent.

  Dacey had Athena by the spicy m
eatballs on that one. One thing they all knew how to do with each other was push buttons. They were all aware of how spiritual Athena was. She believed in karma big time.

  “All right, all right. We don’t sell. But can we at least have someone else run the classes? I mean, some of those categories…”

  “I have them right here.” Dacey rooted around in her purse and pulled out the old-fashioned, tin box, perfect for holding index cards—or in Ms. Belle’s case, sexually explicit and graphic index cards.

  “Want me to read them off? By the way, how funny was it when Ms. Hattie opened that trunk? She was as cool as a cucumber, but Brynn…”

  “She looked like her face was on fire.” Caelen jumped in, wanting to avert attention from herself. She’d been mortified.

  “I wasn’t any redder than the rest of you!”

  “Fellatio, cunnilingus, spanking, toys, ‘sensation play’—What’s that?” Dacey’s voice rose in excitement.

  Brynn slammed the box closed, her glasses almost falling off in the process. She was, by far, the most reserved of her sisters. Her straight blond hair, swept up in her signature ponytail, swung back and forth as she glanced around the bar, hoping no one’d heard. “Keep your voice down.”

  Dacey, in complete contrast, had no shame. “Oops! Sorry. Not. Everyone around me is at least twenty-one. No one cares, Brynn. Give me back the box; I want to keep going.”

  “We heard the list earlier. Enough, please.” Athena took another giant swig from her mug and now Caelen was worried. The last time she’d seen Athena drink was at her wedding. Maybe not even then. “You guys realize that the first, uh, what did Ms. Belle call them? The ‘Intimate Instruction’ classes start this Friday. That only gives one of us four days to get ready.”

  “Ugh. First item on the agenda, change that name. ‘Intimate Instructions’ sounds like a douche commercial,” Dacey said.

  Brynn giggled helplessly, obviously overcome by the ridiculousness of the situation. It took all of about two seconds, and all four sisters were doubled over on their barstools. Brynn had always had the most contagious laughter.

  After they all scrambled for napkins to dab at the mascara running down their cheeks, Caelen cut in. It was time to tell her sisters what she’d been thinking. And somehow, someway, she had to convince them that she could do this. “I want to run the school.”

  “What?”

  “Since when?”

  “Figures.”

  “I’ve thought about this a lot. I even wrote up a sketchy business plan, if you want to see it.” Caelen bent to retrieve her graffiti print Moschino backpack and grabbed the crumpled pile of notes that were shoved in the side pocket.

  “You did?” Brynn asked softly. “You’re really serious about this?”

  “Look. You know my situation. I’m between jobs, right now. And…” She cleared her throat, but refused to cry. All three sisters closed rank nonetheless, cocooning her in a circle, protecting her from prying eyes, “You know how I told you about breaking up with my boyfriend?”

  All three sisters nodded their heads, leaning in to better hear Caelen’s softly-spoken confession.

  “Well, that wasn’t the worst of what happened to me lately. When I lost my job—No. I really have to cut it out with the euphemisms. What I should say is, when I got fired by my…” married, selfish ex who said he was legally separated and referred to his wife as the Dragon Lady, “boss, it was really messy.”

  “Why?”

  “What happened?”

  “Again I ask, why all the secrets?” Athena’s question was the last and dropped with the force of an atomic bomb.

  Because I’m a weak-ass bitch, who believed the totally transparent lies of a married man. Now was the time to come clean, the time to look her married sister in the eye and explain everything, the time to say her boss and boyfriend were one and the same, and in telling one story, she’d have to tell the other.

  Where to start? Should she bother explaining he’d said he was legally separated? That he’d said he’d marry her one day? That he swore he hadn’t slept with the Dragon Lady in years? Why bother? In her heart of hearts, she knew she’d been wrong. Their mother and Ms. Belle had raised her better. “All I’ll say is it was really public and really humiliating.”

  Athena deadpanned. “Well, that’s convenient. Just when you start to open up again, bam! The wall is back up.”

  It must be so nice to live in your ivory tower, Athena. The words were on the tip of her tongue until she remembered that her sister had every right to judge her. And when she found out her boss/boyfriend had been married, she may never speak to her again. With a sigh, she responded. “It will come out soon enough. I promise. But right now I want to focus on the school.”

  Her sisters started grumbling, but Athena was deadly quiet, not a usual course of action for her. Ever.

  “You guys know I’ve worked as a personal assistant for some pretty high-end clients. I know how to run things smoothly. If you would just trust me…”

  “It has nothing to do with trust,” Brynn said as she pushed her glasses up the ridge of her pert nose.

  “We know you have mad skills.”

  Athena chimed in. “You’re a hard worker, I’ll give you that. Your problem is you throw yourself into something, but then get bored five minutes later. How do we know you won’t just quit?”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Who was this person and what had she done with her sister? Caelen was on an emotional roller coaster, and it didn’t take much for her feelings to careen from one extreme to another. In the last few days, Athena had been riding her hard, and she was sick of it. So, at that particular moment, she held onto her anger. By. A. Thread.

  “Come on, Baby C.” Athena signaled for another round. “How many jobs have you had? Remember when you wanted to be an actress?”

  “In high school?” Caelen asked.

  “Ballerina, veterinarian, fashionista—” Athena ticked each word off on her fingers.

  “Ballerina? I was in kindergarten. Are you really holding that against me? In that case, where is your crown, princess?” Caelen was seeing red, and she forgot all about her promise to be nice. “Remind me. How old were you when ‘housewife’ became your dream job?”

  Athena had gone to school for years to be a lawyer and had shocked the shit out of everyone by quitting the minute she’d gotten married. Not that anyone had ever brought it up before today.

  Athena froze mid-drink and turned to glance at her sister. She slammed her beer glass on the table and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “You’re right. I’m a housewife. And?”

  Oh shit. Too many levels of wrongness were happening simultaneously. Now was not the time to debate post-feminist values. “No. Wait. That didn’t come out right. I just meant none of us end up doing exactly what we planned, but I’ve never thrown it in anyone’s face.”

  “Until now.”

  “Enough.” Brynn’s quiet voice finally broke through Athena’s frozen pose.

  “That’s all you see me as. That’s all anyone sees me as.” Now Athena was talking to herself and Caelen got the impression the issue went far deeper than she guessed.

  “What happened to you? When did you get so mean?” Caelen blurted out.

  Athena gasped and slowly raised a hand to her throat, practically wincing in pain.

  Caelen knew she had gone too far, but she didn’t understand why. “Athena?”

  In a soft voice, Athena replied, “You’re not the first one to ask me that question.” Then she reached in her purse, took out a twenty and tossed it on the bar. “I’m out. If you want to keep that money pit of a school open, it’s on you. I give you my support, but I will not give you a dime to keep it open, and I certainly won’t participate in any of those sex techniques. Good luck.” Athena stormed off, but stopped only a few feet away. She spun around quickly and added, “Guess there’s no need to draw straws. You want the school, you’re up first, Headmistress.”
/>
  Dacey hopped off the stool and followed after her sister, “Athena, wait! You’re my ride.” She cast a look over her shoulder at Caelen and said, “I totally support you, but she’s kind of right. Four days left. You’d better get to work.”

  Caelen blinked slowly and looked over at Brynn. “What just happened?”

  Brynn cleared her throat and patted Caelen on the shoulder. “I think she’s going through something, but she won’t open up. Sound familiar?”

  Caelen almost spit out her beer. “Hey. At least I’m not going off on everybody.”

  “No. You’re just guzzling your problems away.”

  Caelen decided she resembled that remark and took another swig. “I feel like I just got punched in the stomach. What did she mean?”

  “I think it has to do with her and Jake. You were right, though. There is one thing that we know Athena always wanted to be, ever since we were kids.”

  Horror dawned, slowly and painfully. “A mom.”

  “Yup. And she and Jake have been married now, for what, five years? She doesn’t even talk about it anymore.”

  “I’m such an idiot.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “God, Brynn. I messed up so bad. She’s never going to forgive me.” Not that Brynn had any idea about the real secret Caelen was keeping. Athena would never forgive her for having an affair. And she didn’t blame her, not one bit.

  “Hey, come on now. It wasn’t that serious. Just a small fight. Just another night for the Calvo Quads.”

  “That’s what you think,” Caelen muttered.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “One burning question.”

  “What?”

  “If you really go through with this, who’s going to be your Guinea pig?” Brynn said with a twinkle in her moss green eyes.