by Claire Adams
"I never would have thought to make the kind of designs you've thought of here, but I think there could be a great market for them, if not in commercial motorcycles, then in rehabilitation facilities or hospital programs. You have a gift, Tommy: a talented mind and the ability to see things no one else does. You'll do great things some day; just never quit trying."
"Yeah, now you sound like Mom and Dad." Tommy rolled his eyes as my mother kissed the top of his head, but my Dad gave Ethan a firm pat on the back.
"I knew I liked this guy. Ethan, you're all right," my father said, and it was the closest thing to a compliment anyone could hope for. A glowing endorsement by a man who gave out very few, and I felt my heart flip in my chest.
I knew Ethan would win my parents’ approval, and they seemed to have earned his as well, telling me one night as we secretly met to make love, "Your family is really great. I can see why they mean so much to you, and why you'd want to settle down and have one of your own."
My parents hosted a big party in the backyard the last night of our stay and invited all their friends. It seemed like half the town came. It was a terrific chance for me to make good to all the people who had laughed behind my back when I ran away to L.A., saying I'd never make it as a model.
Many of those people brought a copy of Speed Magazine with me on the cover, and asked me to sign it. When they found out Ethan was the owner, some of them asked for his autograph on the magazine, too. It was fun, and made us feel like a power couple. We were careful, though, not to take the limelight away from Dad, and Ethan made a very beautiful toast in his honor before the cake was cut, turning the full attention of all the guests back to the birthday boy.
The next morning, we had a last family breakfast before Ethan and I had to leave. Then, we mounted the bikes and took the long ride back home to his mansion in Beverly Hills.
It wasn't like the ride out, filled with excitement and happy chatter. It was a long, silent journey filled with a lot of introspection. I wanted to give Ethan the space he needed to process all that he had seen and heard that weekend so he could come to his own conclusion about if he wanted to be in a committed relationship with me.
I didn't need to think about it on my end; I already knew I loved him and I was already committed to him, heart and soul. Seeing him with my family that weekend, the way he interacted with Tommy, and how my parents loved him and he fit in with my siblings like a glove, just reaffirmed what I had already known. Ethan and I were meant to be together. Now I just needed him to realize it.
We pulled into his driveway and parked the bikes in his massive garage between his Ferrari and his black limousine. I took off my helmet and handed it to him, unsure where else to put it.
"You've been awfully quiet all day. Is something on your mind?" he asked me as he placed the helmets, along with our gloves, onto a nearby shelf.
"So have you," I pointed out. "I figured you must be thinking about what we talked about before and I wanted to give you space to figure it out. So, what did you decide?"
He just stared at me with a blank look, like he didn't know what I was talking about, and my heart dropped. Feeling exasperated, I said, "You know, about being in a committed relationship. You said you needed to meet my family first. Well, now you have, so what did you decide?"
"Oh, that. Wouldn't you like to know?" He grinned at me playfully, but I wasn't in a teasing mood. He winked at me and said "Let's go upstairs and I'll tell you in the morning."
I was about to object, but he placed his lips on mine, kissing me passionately, and my words were forgotten. He carried me up the stairs to his bedroom, knocking over a lamp in his wake, but he was so impassioned he didn't care.
He threw me on the bed and leapt onto the mattress beside me, kissing and caressing me all the while in just the ways he knew I liked best.
"Take off your clothes," he instructed in a husky voice, and his need for me was clearly straining inside his jeans.
"Wait," I held him back at arm's length. "I need to know the answer."
"Okay, I'll take them off." He reached for my blouse, but I held fast, pressing my hand firmly against his chest and making it clear that I meant business.
"No, Ethan. Stop. I can't do this. I can't keep making love to you if I don't know what's going on between us. I'm not some sex object you can use and toss aside when the next issue of Speed Magazine comes along and newest model catches your eye. Are you willing to commit to me or not?"
He lay back on the mattress and groaned, pressing his hands against his eyes like I was giving him a headache.
"Don't ask me to decide this right now. We just got back from a long trip. I need time to think."
"That's fine. Take all the time you need." I gave him a kiss goodbye and walked out the door.
"Kayla, wait! Where are you going?" He chased after me with a look of shock and terror on his handsome face.
"Home," I stated simply. "Let me know when you decide what you want."
Chapter Thirty-Two: Ethan
I hadn't seen Kayla in three days, and it was killing me. I missed her far more than I would have expected. She was just another pretty model I was fucking—wasn't she?
Only she wasn't. She had become far more than that. She was my best friend, someone I could talk to you about anything, and the one person I looked forward to seeing every morning when I woke up and every night when I fell asleep. She was the one person I wanted to spend all my time with.
The long weekend at her parents' house had been fun, and a lot more enjoyable than I'd expected. Just being surrounded by them, you could feel the love and caring that they had for each other. Tommy was absolutely great. At first, I felt awkward around him, but I worked hard not to let it show, and the more I got to know him, the more I came to really like the kid.
He reminded me of myself when I had been young. I didn't have to battle anything like his disability, but my life had had its own challenges, and through it all, I maintained a love for learning, especially science. The fact that this kid was a natural-born mechanical engineer endeared him to me a special way, and I wished to hell he hadn't been stricken by that damn disease, or I'd have offered him an internship at my company.
The rest of her family was just as great and made me long for something I never even knew I'd been missing and wanting.
Her mother cooking in the kitchen while Kayla and her sisters helped gave me joy as they talked and laughed and filled the house with delicious smells. Bonding with her brother and her sister's husband Mark made me feel like one of the guys, only they both had something I didn't: a family of their own. It made me a little jealous that I couldn't call Kayla my wife. I saw her interacting with her young niece and nephew and it stirred different feelings in me, too—ones I never would have known existed since I never spend any time with children. What surprised me most, however, wasn't that Kayla was a natural aunt, but what the kids stirred up inside myself.
The toddler, Joe III, had been sitting in his highchair, getting food everywhere, while the baby, Madison, contentedly drank a bottle while being held in her father's arms. Mark was a good guy and everybody liked him. So was Junior's wife, Shelby. The spouses were as much a part of the family as the five Brandt children were, and I was surprised by how quickly I felt the level of inclusion. The Brandt's were a loving and welcoming people, and it was easy to see where Kayla got her natural kindness and sense of ease.
When Mark's cell phone went off in his back pocket and he handed six-month-old Madison to me so he could answer it, I was startled. Shit. I didn't know what the hell to do with a baby, but the napping child didn't even stir. She just snuggled against my chest and continued to make little sucking noises with her bow-shaped lips. It melted my heart instantly and made me wonder if maybe someday I could be a father.
The realization startled me. Later that weekend, when everyone started making comments about what a great couple Kayla and I made at the party, and cracking jokes about having our wedding in the Brandt
backyard, it scared the shit out me. I wasn't ready for this and I had to find a way out of it.
It had been three days since we'd returned from her parents’ house, and she'd spent every one of those three nights at her apartment instead of spending a few at my place like she used to do. I missed her now that she was gone, but it wasn't something I could admit.
I was an independent bachelor, a cool and aloof playboy that women flocked to. I didn't miss having a woman by my side, and I certainly didn't chase after the love and affection of any one particular woman. They all knew how the game was played. I picked the girl I was attracted to, we had fun for while with no strings attached, and when I was done, I moved on to the next one.
The problem had occurred when Kayla started thinking about family and the future and having babies. Now that we were back in L.A., in the land of the beautiful, rich, and famous, she would get back to normal. She just needed to be reminded of the fun. I had a brilliant idea, and decided to give her a call.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked her. It was the first time I had called her, and she'd answered on the first ring, letting me know she'd been anxiously waiting for my call.
"That depends on you," she stated cautiously. "Do you have an answer for me?"
"I have something better. A date. Go out with me tomorrow."
"Ethan. I can't keep doing this," Kayla sighed, but I cut her off.
"I know you can't. I've been thinking about it these past few days and I have your answer, but I don't want to just blurt it out over the phone. Go out with me tomorrow, and by the end of the date, you'll know.
"Okay," she agreed. I felt my heart turning flips in my chest. It was so loud, I wondered if she could hear it, too.
Beaming with excitement, I said to her, "Use my account to buy yourself a new dress. I'm taking you to the hottest club in L.A. Dinner, drinks, and we'll go dancing all night long. The paparazzi will go crazy, and you'll feel like the shining star that you are."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed, and all my excitement deflated out of me like a punctured balloon.
"That's not what you wanted? Okay, I'll tell you what. You pick the date. Where do you want to go tomorrow? Anyplace in the city. The sky is the limit."
"Any place in the city? Really? You mean it?" I grabbed onto the hopeful note in her voice.
"Of course. Just tell me where."
"Well, the place I want to go is best if we arrive early during the day, and then we won't want to leave until after midnight."
"That's fine."
"And, you are going to want to wear comfortable shoes and probably shorts and a tee-shirt."
"Okay." Now I was intrigued. "Where is this place?"
"The happiest place on earth!" she cried out with girlish glee.
"Disneyland?" I couldn't believe it. Of all the amazing places in this city, she picked a child's amusement park, but I had agreed, so I couldn't back out now. "You got it. Grab your mouse ears, and I'll pick you up in the morning.”
When I pulled up in front of her apartment the next day in the Ferrari, she looked adorable with her blonde hair parted in the middle and tied back into two pigtails. She was wearing denim cut off shorts, walking shoes, and a tightly fitted red tee-shirt that made her breasts look like two, gigantic, luscious cherries. I felt like a fool in brand new khaki shorts and a polo shirt. It was the most casual outfit I had, and I'd never even worn it before.
"Ready to go?" I asked as she climbed into the car.
"Yes! I'm so excited. I haven't been since just before Tommy's heart surgery to treat his myotonic M.D. The whole family took a trip together just in case the he didn't survive, so we would have a special memory of him to share."
"Man, that's tough." I didn't know what else to say.
"It's okay. It turned out we didn't need it; obviously he survived fine, but we still got the awesome memories anyway. So, how long has it been since you've been to the Magic Kingdom?"
"Actually, I've never been," I confessed, and she looked shocked and horrified.
"How can you spend your entire life living in Los Angeles and not have been to Disneyland? It's the happiest place on earth."
"Well, my childhood wasn't very happy. My mother abandoned me when I was a kid, and then I was taking care of my father. By the time she came back, I was working and going to school full time. In college, my idea of the happiest place on earth was getting high on speed, and after that, it was burying myself in work. As I aged, it became building my company, and now it's having sex with you."
"Well then, it's about time you discovered a whole new kind of joy. No wonder you fear commitment and the family life; you've never had the chance to be a real kid and do real family things. Get ready for the experience of a lifetime." She beamed at me as she took me by the hand and led me up the front gate.
I felt like a fool. What was a forty-two-year-old man going to do at a kids’ amusement park all day? But Kayla was right. There was a magical quality to the place that allowed me to put aside such notions and throw myself into the fun. The trip on Space Mountain was my first ride on a roller coaster, and for the first time, I understood what the excitement was all about.
I loved watching Kayla's eyes glisten with joy as she sang along with the mechanical parrots in the Tikki Room, and as our boat drifted through the dark caves of It's a Small World, we kissed tenderly and I longed to make love to her so that we could make a child of our own to bring back there someday. It was the first time I had ever had those feelings, and I knew it was from feeling all the joy that filled this magical place of play and wonder.
Making it out of the crowded parking lot was hell, but we finally did it, and I had to admit it had been the perfect way to spend the day.
When we finally got home, I scooped Kayla into my arms and carried her up the stairs to our bedroom and tossed her playfully onto the bed. I threw the blanket up over us to simulate the way we had been in the park, and whispered to her with a grin, "Now where was I? Oh, yeah, right here."
I lifted her top and took her nipple into my mouth, suckling it sensuously while she arched her back and moaned with pleasure beneath me. She unzipped my slacks, found my dick, and began to massage me there as we both delighted in each other's bodies.
Stripping off my clothes, Kayla straddled my waist and playfully began to kiss her way down my chest, working her way towards my groin.
"So, was I right? Isn't Disneyland the happiest place on earth?" she asked me with a naughty giggle.
"Oh, it was pretty happy, but I think I know a place that is even better: right here, in this bed, with you. Nothing makes me happier than when I'm with you, Kayla Brandt."
Her eyes lit up as she beamed at me with pure joy. "I knew taking you there today would finally get you to commit to me. I'm happiest when I'm with you, too. I only want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"Wait a minute. That's not what I said," I objected, bringing her trail of tender kisses down my chest to an abrupt halt. She sat up straight and stared at me with a look of true heartbreak.
"What are you saying? You still don't want to commit to me?"
"That's what I've always said. Nothing has changed between us; let's just keep things the way they are. "
"Why? So you can fuck other women if you want to? Are you seeing someone else?"
"No, of course not, but why fix something that isn't broken? What we have together works perfectly. Let's just keep it that way."
"It may work perfectly for you, but it doesn't for me. I love you, and I want to know that you love me, too, and only me. I want to know that I can count on you to be faithful to me and that you'll always be there for me, through good times and bad, the way that I promise to always be there for you. I want to know that this relationship has a future, and that someday we'll get married and maybe even have children of our own."
It was the first time she had said aloud that she loved me, and I was dumbfounded. I loved her, too, and I wish we had spoken the words in
a moment of tenderness and not in the heat of anger. Even so, just hearing her say it out loud made my heart soar.
She had gotten out of bed and was putting her clothes back on.
"What are you doing?" I cried out in sudden alarm.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going back to my apartment."
"Don't go. Stay the night. I'll have my driver take you home in the morning," I coaxed, but she was inconsolable. She grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and started shoving her things inside it angrily.
"Don't you get it? I'm not staying the night now or ever again," she raged at me, and the look in her eyes was one of pure hatred. It hit me like a punch to the gut, and I suddenly felt nauseous.
"What are you saying? You're breaking up with me?"
"How can I break up with someone who was never committed to me in the first place? I'm just not willing to be your casual fuck buddy any more. What we have may be good enough for you, but it's not for me and I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve. I did that already with Mick, but this time around, I'm not going to take so long to stand up for myself and what I want."
"You just told me you love me and now you're going to walk out and never come back?" I was incredulous. This couldn't be happening.
"I do love you, but I'm not sure you love me. It's ironic..." She laughed without humor.
"You're the one who taught me to have the confidence in myself not to settle for guys like you, and now you're the one trying to charm me into wasting years of my life with a man who just wants to use me for sex.
“For the briefest moment, when we were at my parents’ house this weekend, I thought you might have evolved from this spoiled playboy bachelor into a real man who would commit to me, but now I see that was just a ruse. Well, I can't let myself stay with you just because I love you if you're never going to commit to me. Goodbye, Ethan Colson. It's been incredible, and I'll never forget you."