Valley of the Moon

by Bronwyn Archer

  It was a sprig of wildflowers. Did it come from one of the bouquets left on the other graves? The wind must have blown it into your hand while you were asleep.

  There was a sharp crack in the trees above. The night air shimmered in the moonlight. I shivered and ran to my car.

  There had been no wind that day. None at all.

  ***

  I pushed past my bewildered dad and ran to my room, dragging my suitcase with me, and locked the door. I shoved my luggage into the closet without bothering to unpack. All those new clothes. What a waste.

  I sat on my bed and closed my eyes.

  The doorknob rattled. “Lana! What the hell happened? Do I need to call the police?”

  “I’m fine, Dad. I had a fight with Caleb and I changed my mind about the trip. I’m sorry I didn’t call you.”

  “Honey, are you okay? Can you let me in please?”

  “Don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to sleep.” There was silence outside my door. When I heard his footsteps leaving, I let out a deep breath and collapsed back on my bed. I climbed down into the dark places, deep inside, and let myself feel her. Her warm hands on my face. The way she’d comb my hair out with her fingers after I took a bath. Showing me how to prune her prize rose bushes, guiding my arms so the thorns didn’t snag my skin. The deep throaty laugh when my dad told a good joke. Teaching me my basic ballet positions so I would impress my teacher before my first class.

  I opened my eyes and looked up. There was the moon in my window, luminous against the fathomless sky. White squares of moonlight printed themselves across my bedroom floor. Once my dad pointed out the dark blotch on the right side of the moon. “That’s the Sea of Tranquility, Lana. Where the astronauts landed.” Did they see her there? Dancing on the shores of the sea?

  “And if you look hard, you can still see their footprints. Look, baby! Do you see them?” I never could, but I knew they were there, eternally stamped in the dust.

  Just like my mother. Eternally stamped into the cold, merciless dirt.

  I cried until there were no tears left.

  ***

  I maintained radio silence with my friends for the rest of spring break. On the first day back, I walked to our usual spot for lunch. Bernadette saw me first and waved.

  Piper glared.

  I braced for her onslaught. And prepared my own.

  “Okay, where the HELL have you been? I have been texting you for days! How was Hawaii?”

  I took a deep breath. “I didn’t go.”

  Bernadette choked on her Diet Coke. Piper’s jaw dropped. “WHAT?!”

  I shrugged and unpacked my sandwich. “I changed my mind. But I did learn something interesting. Did you guys know Caleb and Cressida used to date?”

  Piper glanced at Bernadette. Bernadette slid her sunglasses down off her head and onto her nose.

  “Piper?” I asked. “You knew, right?” She grimaced and looked around. There was no one else near our little lunch spot under the tree. Piper put her face in her hands.

  “How’d you find out?”

  “Caleb admitted it after Cressida confronted us when he came to pick me up that day. He tried to lie about it, but I busted him. You both knew?”

  Bernadette shook her head. “I only knew because Piper told me.”

  Piper groaned. “Gee, thanks, Bernie. I’m so sorry, Lana. I didn’t know how to tell you! She was like in love with him, you know. She never shut up about him that year. It was way before I was friends with you. And it was all so perfect, Caleb and you, Wyatt and me, Evan and Maya—I didn’t want to ruin it.”

  “Well, it’s ruined. But thanks anyway.” She could have saved me a lot of humiliation. She could have warned me. As hurt as I was, I didn’t have the luxury of losing a friend.

  Her brows knit angrily. “Lana, come on, don’t be mad at me! So they dated. So what? Wyatt has ex-girlfriends. Am I supposed to let it ruin our relationship?”

  “At least he didn’t lie to you.”

  “Good point,” Bernadette said.

  I gritted my teeth. Piper had details. I wanted to know it all, no matter how much it hurt. “Caleb said he met her at ski camp.”

  Piper nodded. “Yeah. At Whistler. After that she was always calling him, texting him. She even drove down to San Jose in the middle of the night and tried to break into his house. Didn’t stop her from hanging around with Brett and Trevor, though.” At the sound of Trevor’s name, my skin felt like it was crawling with bugs.

  “Does she still hang out with those creeps?”

  Piper looked around and then leaned towards me. “I heard they were her dealers,” she whispered.

  Now it was my turn to be shocked. “Was she into drugs when you were her friend, Piper?”

  She shrugged. “She hid it from me. She knew I couldn’t mess around. That’s what she had Ginger and Valentina for.”

  Bernadette shrugged. “Kids with bad parents do bad things. Sex, drugs. It’s a cry for help. I think Cressida wants attention. Poor thing.”

  Piper pondered this. “True. I almost feel sorry for her.”

  “Poor little Cressida?” I said. “You guys don’t know her like I do.”

  “I said, almost, Lana.” I stewed silently. I was so tired of thinking, talking, reacting to all things Cressida. I picked up my sandwich but had no appetite. “So, what about prom?” Piper asked slowly. “You can come with Wyatt and me, you know.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sure, sounds fun.”

  Bernadette put both her hands up. “If you losers can stop talking about your loser boyfriends for five seconds, I have news, too.” She unbuttoned her uniform blouse and pulled it open. Underneath, she was wearing a t-shirt with the word DARTMOUTH emblazoned across it. “Read it and weep, ladies!”

  “That’s awesome! Congrats,” I said. “Piper, what about you?”

  Bernadette rolled her eyes. “Get ready to puke.”

  Piper punched Bernadette on the shoulder. “Shut up, Bernie. This is crazy I know, but Wyatt and I both got into UCLA! We’re both going!”

  Bernadette stuck her finger down her throat. Piper kept on grinning like a maniac. “I’m not just going because of him. The tennis team is rated like number three in the country. But it will suck to be away from you guys.”

  She’d be in the same city as Caleb. I’d be across the country. If you’re lucky.

  “Maya accepted an offer from Berkeley, so she’ll be sort of nearby.” Piper rubbed her hands together.

  “What about you, Lana? Did you get what you wanted?”

  For once, I sort of had. “Columbia, plus a couple others.” Bernadette reached over for a fist-bump. I returned it.

  “Ivy League, baby!” she cried. I’d gotten into all eight schools I applied to. Personal essays about your mother’s suicide work like a charm in college admission offices.

  There was one catch. I wasn’t a star athlete or student body president or a STEM prodigy. I had excellent grades and decent test scores (thanks for nothing, calculus), but mediocre extracurriculars. Secret valet-parking jobs apparently don’t count. No school offered me more than a partial scholarship. I was grateful, but that left a lot of tuition for my dad to cover.

  My Dad…and Victor Savitch, probably. What would my dad have to do to get my tuition money?

  What had he already done?

  ***

  When my phone rang late that night, I was half asleep and I forgot to look at the caller ID.

  “Hello?”

  “Finally!”

  “I don’t want to talk to you.” I had been avoiding Caleb’s calls for three days.

  “Don’t hang up! That was THE worst trip of my life. Sharing a room with my thirteen-year-old brother was so not awesome.” My face got hot with rage. All the hurt of that day at the airport came flooding back.

  “Aw, poor you.”

  He was silent for a moment. “The whole Cressida thing is a part of my past I want to forget.” I knew how he felt. I clutched the phone to my
ear, unable to hang up. “Especially since there’s only one thing I’m interested in now.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked.

  “You,” he whispered. My stomach fluttered and I caught my breath. But before I gave him a chance, I had to know something.

  “If you were so interested in me, why didn’t you want me to be your girlfriend?”

  “Huh?”

  “You never asked me.”

  He laughed. “Are you kidding? You think I’d invite a random chick to Hawaii?”

  “You took Cressida.”

  “Nope. I was there with my parents on that trip. She showed up at the same hotel. Now can we please stop talking about her already? You’re my girlfriend. I thought you knew that.”

  The phone burned hot against my ear. “Okay, fine.” And just like that, I had a boyfriend. Is this what being someone’s girlfriend is supposed to feel like?

  “Here’s the real reason I’m calling. According to Wyatt, the infamous Briar formal is in two weeks and he scored an invite. Are you going?”

  “Nope.”

  “Wrong.” He laughed. “I’m a great prom date, I swear.” How many other proms had he been to? I pushed the thought away and tried to think of the meanest way to say no. A million cruel ways to hurt him. I failed.

  “Caleb, is that how you ask your girlfriend to the prom?”

  “Well, you should be asking me, but I won’t hold it against you.” He was so cocky, but I loved it. I couldn’t help it. Cressida will be at the formal. You, Caleb, and Cressida. What a nice reunion that will be.

  The thing I wanted so badly was finally happening.

  I ignored my nagging sense of dread.

  10

  Mare Spumans ~ Foaming Sea

  To the OLDER girls at Briar, spring means one thing: the formal dance. It was notorious; I’d heard the jokes. Virgins go in but they don’t come out! Was that going to be me? Piper already had it all planned out for her and Wyatt—hotel suite, new nightie from Victoria’s Secret, and a bunch of beauty appointments at the hotel spa.

  I had a date and that was about it. At least it was a date I liked. Too much, maybe. It was the after part of the night I was worried about. Was I going to be another spring formal cliché?

  Everybody was on edge the week before the big event. Seniors were melting down all over the place—bursting into tears at the lockers, frantically whispering into phones in the parking lot, and in class, everyone was texting with everyone else.

  Piper was the eye of the storm—totally unfazed. Maybe because she had planned out the whole night like a wedding. Her parents reserved a suite at the same hotel as the formal, since they didn’t want her driving around. They only gave her two conditions: I had to sleep over with her and no boys were allowed in our room.

  We planned to break that rule immediately.

  ***

  Cressida cornered me in the parking lot two days before prom. I was in my car on the phone with Caleb. I told him I’d call him back and rolled the window down.

  “Hi. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t.” At least no more than she normally did. “What’s up?” I figured she’d heard who I was taking. She must be working on a new scheme to ruin your night.

  “How was Hawaii?” The trip she helped kill. She didn’t need to know that, though.

  “Oh, it was great. Amazing, actually.”

  She shifted on her feet. “Can I sit in your car for a minute?” So she can stab you in private.

  I unlocked the doors without saying a word and she slid in next to me.

  I left them unlocked, just in case.

  She rubbed her temples. “This is awkward. But I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, really?” She took off her sunglasses and looked at me. Her eyes looked bloodshot and her skin was blotchy. There was a faint blue smudge under one eye. “For what?”

  “All of it.” The air in the car was suffocating. My bare thighs stuck to the leather seat but I couldn’t move. “Ramona and I have been fighting, so she made me start going to this stupid therapist. But Dr. Greene turned out to be pretty smart, and she thinks part of my problem is that I’m…unfair. To a lot of people. Especially you.” I stared straight ahead. She sounded sincere, but then again, it was Cressida. “She said I’d be happier if I, quote, make amends to those I’ve hurt, unquote,” she said, making air quotes with her fingers.

  “You’ve hated me since the day we met, and now just because some random therapist—”

  Cressida rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate you, Lana. I never hated you. I was just jealous, obviously. You have a great dad, I have an asshole dad. My sister liked you more. God, so many reasons.” Her voice cracked and died. The afternoon sun broke through the clouds and filtered through my windows. All the times she hurt you, humiliated you. That night at Trevor’s house. Messing with you and Caleb. She reached over and put one of her hands on mine. Her long fingers were light and cold.

  “So you tried to ruin my life.”

  “Okay—I admit I was kind of a bully.”

  “Was?”

  She smirked. “Well, I’m trying to fix that. Starting with you.”

  I pursed my lips. “You know I’m taking Caleb to the formal. That doesn’t bother you?”

  She shrugged. “Please. I mean, we did go through a ton together, but that was years ago. It was never meant to be.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “You know he’s my boyfriend now.” I watched her carefully when I said boyfriend. She blinked and smiled.

  “Good. You deserve to be happy, Lana. After what you’ve been through.” She cast her eyes down. “I mean, with your mom and everything.” My mouth dropped open. She had never mentioned my mother before—not once. I didn’t think she knew if she was dead or alive. “Well? Can be friends already?” The late afternoon light caught her curls and turned them into a glowing halo around her head. Her face shone with what seemed like genuine hope.

  Part of me wanted to believe her. Part of me also wanted to shove her out of my car and go home. But there was only one way to find out if she was being real. A new, nicer Cressida would be a huge improvement—even if she was faking it.

  “Okay, Cressida.” Her mouth stretched into one of her long, narrow smiles. Then, just like that, it was like lead weights disappeared from my shoulders and I felt like I could float right through the window and out over the valley. Was it really all over? Just like that? I smiled back at her.

  She threw her head back and laughed. “Dr. Greene was right! I feel better already.” She rubbed her hands together and unleashed a huge grin. “And now—you can come to my party!”

  “What party?” My brain was stuck in mud, still reeling from our surreal change in status. We were friends now?

  “Duh, the prom after-party! Everyone’s coming. It is going to be sick. Ramona’s staying at a hotel with her friend”—she made air quotes again—“and I’m turning Chez Crawford into Club Cressida. You have to bring Caleb, of course.”

  She wrapped me up in a big, bony hug. I could feel her new breasts press into me.

  It was all-new Cressida, inside and out.

  ***

  In bed that night, I ran through a greatest-hits reel of all the times had Cressida tormented me. I placed each painful moment on a giant imaginary scale. On the other side of the scale, I put her apology. There was no way one “I’m sorry” could lift the weight of her past sins. I still hated her. But I wanted to give her a chance. I couldn’t forget how much I’d wanted her to like me—ever since we were eleven. Wanted her to be my real sister. I was so tired of carrying the burden of hate. I wanted to be free.

  What did I have to lose?

  ***

  Shiny white tiles covered every surface—floor, ceiling, walls. Water hissed and billows of boiling steam surrounded us. I could barely see my friends through the fog.

  “The ladies at this spa do some creative things with their pubic hair. Or lack thereof,” I re
ported. The walk from the changing room to the steam room had been like a tour through the Land of the Middle-Aged Nether Regions.

  Piper cackled. “It’s called a Brazilian, Lana.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I got one this morning!”

  “What!”

  “Well, not a full Brazilian. Something called a ‘landing strip.’”

  Bernadette leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “Did you know they’ll even wax your behind at this spa?”

  “But—women don’t have hair on their butts!” I said. Did they?

  She wagged her finger at me. “Not on. In.” She added a helpful hand gesture, like she was parting heavy curtains. I cringed at the visuals.

  “Okay, I so did not need to know that.”

  “Come on, Lana,” Piper said, “if you had a hairy butt, wouldn’t you want to get rid of it?”

  “But that must kill.”

  “Can confirm. It kills,” Bernadette said. Piper and I looked at her with our mouths hanging open. “Yep, I’m like a newborn baby down there. You guys want to see?” She started to pull up the towel wrapped around body.

  “No!” Piper and I yelled at the same time. We all cracked up.

  The steam cleared a little and I realized with a start that we were not alone.

  It took me a second to recognize her. Glossy black hair pulled tight into a bun. Tan shoulders. I made eye contact with her. The steam room was suddenly chilly.

  “Hello, girls,” Ramona purred.

  Piper reacted first. “Mrs. Crawford! Um, we were just leaving.” Piper and Bernadette hopped up and scrambled to the door clutching towels around their bodies.

  “Have a wonderful time tonight, girls. Lana, will you stay for a moment?”

  My friends looked back at me. I nodded to them. “I’ll be there in a minute.” The door swung shut behind them. Hot steam hissed and sticky mist swirled, swallowing Ramona. I couldn’t see her anymore, but I could hear her.