Chapter 3
Jessie pulled the sheet up over Ellie’s shoulder, smiling as her sleeping daughter burrowed down in the middle of the soft mattress. Brad was already settled in the front bedroom. Though he had muttered something about not being able to sleep on something so soft, he’d been snoring lightly before she closed his door.
Turning down the coal-oil lamp on the nightstand, she left enough light to find her way around the room when she came to bed. She paused at the doorway, listening to Ellie’s slow, even breathing, her heart catching at the sweetness of the sound.
She went into the front room, hoping to speak with her new employer, but the room was empty, the lamps blown out for the night. She assumed Cade had gone to bed until she noticed a lamp turned low in the kitchen, casting its soft light through the window onto the back porch.
Jessie spotted him standing by the porch railing, eating a cookie. Her brother had mentioned that he was a powerful man, not only in status but also in size. Still, she had not expected him to hover around six foot two, plus another inch or so with his boots on. He had broad shoulders and a large frame to match.
In a rugged way, he was one of the most handsome men she had ever met. When he had arrived home and stepped into the kitchen, it hadn’t mattered that a light layer of sweat and dust covered his face and clothes. Or that his hat had smashed his short, dark brown hair, leaving it with an unsightly crease. Her breath had caught at the sight of him.
After he ate, Cade took a pitcher of hot water into his room, emerging a few minutes later wearing a crisply ironed white shirt, his damp hair neatly combed. For a heartbeat, he had looked into Jessie’s eyes, as if seeking her approval.
She shook her head ruefully. After the misery Neil put her through, how could be attracted to another man? She didn’t want to be. Yet her heart quickened at the memory of the heat in Cade’s green eyes when he first looked at her. The desire that sprang to life beneath his intense gaze surprised and amazed her. Obviously, she wasn’t as cold and useless as her husband had thought.
But you’d do well to pretend you are. And to remember that he is your boss.
Intent on asking him about Quintin, she went out to the porch, quietly closing the door. The chilly breeze surprised her, until she noticed lightning in the distance.
Cade turned with a smile. “The kids asleep already?”
She nodded. “They’re both worn out.”
He leaned back against the railing, resting his hands on the wood. His gaze moved over her before settling on her face. “You look a mite weary yourself.”
“It was a hard trip.” She stood beside him, watching the approaching storm, careful to keep a wide space between them.
“You’re lucky you made it.”
“Yes, we were. God was gracious.” She thought of a few times when nothing else could have saved them from disaster. God had long been her fortress, but never as much as on this trip. “Do you know where Quintin is?”
“No. I wish I did. He should know you’re here.” He sighed heavily. “I miss him. He’s a good worker and a good friend.”
“Then why did you fire him?” she asked, unable to hide her irritation.
“He didn’t give me any choice. He was upset because an old friend of his, Jack Shepherd, was nearly killed by rustlers. Jack has a small ranch north of town. He’s an old-timer Quint rode with when he first went to cowboyin’. Your brother had been snarling all week, almost locked horns several times with some of the other men. I knew better than to send him out with anybody. Someone would come back bloody. So I told him to go clear brush down by the river. Figured chopping wood might work off some of his anger.”
Cade turned around, looking up at the stars. “But he didn’t agree. He demanded that I send him out to move cattle instead.” A sad smile flickered across his face. “I told him he was too riled up, that he’d ride all the fat off them. I figured he’d realize I was joshin’ him, but he blew up. Punched me in the jaw.”
“I don’t understand it. Quintin doesn’t usually act that way.”
“No, he doesn’t. If we’d been by ourselves, I would’ve taken him down and sat on him, and that’d been the end of it.”
“But he challenged you in front of the men.”
Cade searched her face in the faint light. “They all know we’re good friends, but I’m still the boss. On something like this, I have to treat him just like I would anybody else.”
“I expect he knows that. At least now that he’s cooled off.”
“I hope so. I sure hated knocking him out.”
Jessie caught her breath. “You hit him?”
“Just a tap.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his expression sheepish. “Well, a little harder than that. Otherwise, he would’ve kept pounding on me. I don’t like being punched anymore than the next guy.”
Her husband’s angry face flashed through her mind. Shouted curses. A hard shove. Raised fists. Mind-numbing fear. Agonizing pain...
A wave of nausea rolled through her. She gripped the railing, fighting down the bile that rose in her throat. Cade was much stronger; his hands much larger. She pictured her brother’s face covered with blood and bruises, so swollen that it looked inhuman. It took a moment before she could whisper, “Did you break anything?”
Cade frowned. “I didn’t hit him that hard.”
But you could have, she thought, understanding what he left unsaid.
He studied her face. “Why didn’t you let Quintin know you wanted to move out here? I would have given him as much time off as he needed to travel with you.”
She looked into his discerning eyes, then quickly glanced away. She doubted he missed much. “Ellie thinks her daddy was killed when a tree fell on him, but he wasn’t. He was shot.”
“Card game?”
She shook her head and swallowed hard. “No.”
“An angry husband?”
She barely contained a gasp. Had Neil been right? Was it her fault that he needed other women? Was she so lacking that even a stranger could see it?
“Yes,” she whispered, choked by pain and embarrassment.
“I understand how difficult it must have been.”
No, he didn’t. He couldn’t.
“But you should have gone somewhere else and sent for Quint. Taking off across Texas in a dilapidated wagon, pulled by a half-dead horse is bad enough.” His irritation surprised her. “Coming by yourselves, without protection or adequate provisions was just plain stupid. You don’t seem like a woman who would put her children in danger, but you did. And yourself, too.”
How dare he judge her? Hurt and shame gave way to indignation.
Glaring, Jessie turned toward him, crossing her arms. “I didn’t have any choice. The mayor caught him in bed with his wife and shot him on the spot. The whole town was in an uproar. Ellie is too young to understand the gossip, but Brad isn’t. It was tearing him apart.”
And her, too.
Cade straightened and faced her, moving closer. Silhouetted against the lantern light, he loomed over her. “You should have sent for your brother.” A thread of anger vibrated in his low voice.
She couldn’t see his face clearly, but easily imagined his scowl. Fear shot through her. Heart pounding, Jessie stepped back, only to be stopped at the end of the porch by another railing. When he lifted his hand, she reacted automatically. Bringing her hands up to protect her face, she turned her head, scrunched up her shoulders, and braced for the first blow.
“Good Lord,” he whispered.
She barely heard his ragged words above the roar in her ears. He touched her arm, and she flinched, jerking backward, slamming against the railing.
“Jessie, I’m not going to hurt you.” He spoke quietly, his tone deep and soothing. “You don’t ever have to be afraid of me. I’ve never hit a woman in my life.”
After a few seconds his words sank in, but overcoming the fear took a little longer. Relief, clouded by embarrassment, washed through her. Lowering her tre
mbling hands, she hid them in the folds of her skirt and straightened, looking out into the darkness. Anywhere but at him. She hadn’t been able to hide what Neil had done to her. Most people had viewed her with pity or scorn. She couldn’t bear to see either in Cade’s eyes.
“You looked cold.” His voice dropped even lower. “I only moved closer to block the wind.”
A simple, thoughtful act by a kind and considerate man.
“And swatted at a mosquito.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I know my size bothers people sometimes.”
Tears of humiliation stung her eyes. How could she have been such an idiot? “I’m the one who should apologize. You haven’t given me any reason to believe you would hurt me. I’m just tired and not thinking straight.”
“Who did this to you?”
She shook her head, not wanting to admit that the man who once professed to love her had grown to despise her. If she’d somehow done better, maybe Neil would have, too.
“Who hurt you, Jessie?”
She was so angry with herself she wanted to scream. Why couldn’t she have acted normally and hidden the sordidness of her life from him? She’d dreamed of starting over here and leaving the past behind them. But if she kept behaving like this, she would destroy any chance of that.
He waited patiently.
Finally, she worked past the tightness in her throat. “My husband.”
“Why did you stay with him? You know Quintin would have helped you.”
She forced herself to look at him. Confusion mingled with tenderness in his face. His fingers twitched, as if he wanted to touch her but was afraid to. To her surprise, she realized she wanted him to wrap his arms around her and cradle her against his wide, solid chest. She yearned to lose herself in his strength, to lean on him for just a moment. I barely know him. That didn’t stop the longing.
She turned toward the yard, averting her face lest he read her thoughts. “I couldn’t tell Quint. If he knew Neil hit me, he would have killed him. The sheriff was my husband’s cousin. When Neil was killed, he wouldn’t go against the mayor and jeopardize his own career. But if Quintin had done it, he would have seen to it that he hanged, with or without a trial.”
Cade lightly gripped her shoulders and carefully turned her to face him. Fury glittered in his eyes, but she sensed it was not directed at her. “According to the law, a woman doesn’t have to stay with a cruel or indecent man. Quintin suspected your husband was running around on you. That was reason enough for you to leave and for him to help you.”
Mortified, Jessie could barely speak. “He knew about the women?”
Cade nodded.
“But I never told him.”
He brushed his thumb back and forth across her collarbone. “Quintin heard rumors when he visited you, but he didn’t want to mention it to you unless he knew it was true. He didn’t want to hurt you with only suspicions, and he couldn’t prove it. Evidently, your husband temporarily mended his ways when he was around. Quint had a hard talk with him, but it obviously didn’t do any good.”
Jessie closed her eyes against the pain. How long had her brother known? How long had her foolish pride and guilt kept her and her children in torment when they didn’t have to be?
“Neil liked to gamble and drink. Gradually, he spent more and more evenings away from home, then all night.” She shrugged, staring blankly at a button on Cade’s shirt.
“At first he stayed at the saloons. Later there were a couple of widows and a string of married women.” She hadn’t needed to wait for the gossip to learn about them. He liked to brag about how much better he was in bed than their husbands. And how much better at everything the other women were than her. “He always had a hot temper, but he didn’t hit me until six months ago.”
Cade tightened his fingers on her shoulders, but there was only strength in his touch, not pain. “How bad did he hurt you?”
“Split my lip and blooded my nose.” She hung her head. “Gave me two black eyes. I thought for a few days that he had broken my jaw. But it healed up pretty quick. He didn’t hit me anymore after that. Just threatening me was enough.”
He eased his arms around her and drew her close. “No woman should have to put up with that kind of mistreatment.” He held her against him with one hand, lightly running his other hand up and down her back.
Jessie didn’t resist, though she knew she should. Turning her head, she rested her cheek against his chest and listened to the strong, steady beat of his heart. His warmth surrounded her, chasing away the chill of the evening, whispering against the cold, empty shadows of her soul. How could such a big man’s touch be so gentle?
She’d tried to be strong, protecting her children from Neil, working hard to pay their bills, and holding on to her dignity when it was all she had. But in the end, he had destroyed that, too.
Was it wrong to take Cade’s comfort, to cherish the healing balm of tenderness? Would he read too much in her acceptance of his embrace and think she was offering him more? Or was she so jaded by men that she expected all of them to yield to their baser natures? Over the last few years, she’d lost count of the men who had been all too willing to console her by sharing her bed. Offers she had never accepted.
Even as she worried about what he might think, an unexpected thread of desire slowly coiled through her, filling her with a sweet longing she had never known. The movement of his hand stilled, and his muscles tensed slightly. Beneath her ear, his heartbeat quickened. She thought she heard him whisper her name, but perhaps it was only a trick of the wind.
Her lonely heart told her to stay within the warm circle of his arms. But common sense ordered her to move away. She straightened, and when she pushed lightly against his chest, he released her, although she sensed his reluctance.
“I tried to leave him after I healed.”
Cade stepped back, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. “Why did you go back to him?”
“He sent the sheriff after me for stealing the horse and wagon.”
“That’s illegal. This is a community property state.”
“The wagon and horse were his before we were married, so I had no legal claim to them.” She drew a shaky breath. “The sheriff hauled me back and threw me in jail. I was there for two weeks before the judge came to town. Neil brought the children to see me every day. Not out of kindness, but because he knew it would make Ellie cry when I couldn’t hold her or go home with them.” Her voice cracked, and she turned toward the yard, gazing at the lightning as it moved closer. “I could only touch her sweet face through the bars. Brad never cried. He never begged me to come home. He just looked at me with a sadness no child should ever know.
“At my trial, the judge said if I didn’t go back to my husband, he’d send me to prison for five years for theft and kidnapping. He wanted to make an example of me, so other wives wouldn’t think they could take their children and walk out on their husbands.”
“That judge ought to be horsewhipped. And the sheriff, too.” Cade jerked his hands free, curling them into fists. “It’s a shame that sorry excuse for a husband got himself killed. Right this minute, I think I could put a plug in him myself.”
“Neil wasn’t always bad. Our first few years together were reasonably happy. But he changed after I had Brad. Started going to the saloon more often. He became worse after Ellie was born. I think he resented them.”
“You couldn’t cater to his every whim,” he said in disgust, though he relaxed his fingers. “Children take time and energy. They need plenty of love and attention.”
Jessie sighed. “So does a husband.” The same thoughts and doubts had churned through her mind for years. “If I’d tried harder to show him more love and attention, maybe he wouldn’t have been so unhappy.”
“With a growing family, a man has to change, too. How could you possibly do things like you did before you had children? Were you working for someone else, too?”
“Yes. Neil’s job wasn’t steady, so I cleaned ho
uses two or three days a week. A neighbor watched the kids for me. When Ellie was a year old, I got a fulltime housekeeping job.” She looked up at him. “For the mayor and his wife.”
Shock flashed across his face. “You were still working for them when he shot your husband?”
“Yes. For once, Neil hadn’t told me about his latest conquest. I guess trying to keep me from finding out made it that much more exciting for both him and Mrs. Drake.” She shook her head. “It was two days before payday, but I couldn’t bring myself to go ask for my wages.”
He reached toward her, then pulled his hand back, resting it on the rail instead. “So you were broke.”
“Almost. I didn’t have enough to stay anywhere else. Since we had to live out of the wagon, I figured it might as well be moving. I just wanted to get as far away from there as I could.” She sighed softly, sadness filling her heart. “I should have stayed for Neil’s funeral. Someday, Brad will regret that he wasn’t there.”
“I doubt it. Like you said, he’s old enough to understand what was going on. You were right not to put him through any more misery. When he’s older, he’ll find his way back there if he needs to. Judging from the way he tries to protect you, he doesn’t hold much love for his father.”
“Neil never gave him any reason to.”
They stood quietly for a few minutes, watching the lightning dance across the sky. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder. “You should get some sleep. That storm is headed our way, so we’ll be awake again in an hour or so.”
“Ellie is terrified of thunderstorms.” Jessie closed her eyes for a heartbeat, focusing on his touch. “She’s always been afraid of them, but it’s worse now. An awful storm hit one night while we were camped out in the middle of nowhere. We all hid under the wagon, praying that the lightning wouldn’t hit us or Valentine.”
“She should feel safer inside the house.”
“Maybe.”
He slanted her a glance. “You don’t think that will help?”
“I hope so. When she’s really upset, she doesn’t just cry. She screams.” Sometimes the child kept it up for hours, but Jessie didn’t think it prudent to mention it. They might wind up in the little house without a bed after all.
McKinnon's Bride (Willow Grove, Texas Series Book 1) Page 3